I’m Fucking Famous

Oh Lord have mercy!! The busiest day ever! I’m not use to this odd ‘scuttle of madness’ in the cold. But i have worked my merry tanned ARSE off today! So three fucking cheers and giant perverted winks all around, my Sexy little Shits! I’m exhausted, it’s 8pm and i have only just arrived home.

I am currently writing my blog naked, splodged down in Fake tan, that is refusing to dry, leaving me all orange and sticky….like a horny Bob Monkhouse. I have a kitten wedged between my open, ‘not dried yet’ legs, (appropriate place for a pussy) who responses to the name ‘Bruce Lee.’ (And thats my vagina, not the Kitten) This is my life…i am tragical. Why won’t i fucking dry!?!

I started out in Barnsley waving at the pointing people, then had a quick stop off at the Family Planning Clinic…where there was no electricity. Imagine having your ‘Mary Poppins’ rummaged in, whilst holding a torch, and answering questions about Paris Hilton. Great start to any day really. Lots of attention, lots of love, lots of piccies being taken…and no not of my vagina. (It’s started to look a bit like a hump-backed whale? Is that normal??) Then i scooched onward to the Metrodome for a quick Caffeine fix. Ended up posing for a few snippity snaps there, shaking hands with children in wheel chairs and swearing at toddlers, who think they’re better than Me. What is up with Toddlers!!! This fucking 2 year old that could barely walk, kept kicking me in the shin and calling me names. I smiled, waved, did that fake, ‘aww…its so cute’ thing, then shoved him, into walls. Then i met Betty the 78 year old erotic grandmother, who saw my ‘chest of goodies’ on the show. She loves me. She told me. I signed her ‘god knows what it was..’ i think it was some snotty hanky, with pansies on and then she decided she wanted to sing me a song…a very long, hilarious version of ‘Blue Moon.’ Infact, Betty claims that when she was young, she used to celotape feathers to the ends of her nipples too….which seemed a bit odd really, as she has the kinda yummy boobies that swing like tube socks, then tuck into your jean pockets. They’d look good in feathers…i guess? I would!

This is all boring. Meeted and Greeted at Sheffield University. I’m not too fond of Uni’s, it makes me want to smash things into glass windows. Not sure why? I hate the feeling of having to be cooped up, in a big grey building for years and being forced to learn. I learn via trial and error. I go to the school of LIFE. it works for me. I started learning in Hollywood…thats why i ended up being such a fucking piece of shit. (Love it!) Trained it back to Doncaster. Had a baby shoot. Did a little interview…and then GOT MOBBED!

I adore my home town, (even though i don’t live there…lol) as they will root for you, like their life depended on it. I had teenage girls following me, picking out clothes for me, boys having cheeky pics with me. Women at pet stores, telling me i look ‘just like the Chinese girl, on that Paris show,’ and basically, spent the rest of the day being thrown into pink walls and being called a floozy. There was a moment of Hysteria, by the masses. ( I love all this fuss, over ME. I makes me be naughty for attention. Oh shut up, you all do it.) Yet i heard that back in the day, ‘Hysteria’ was labelled an illness, and ( this is no fucking joke) WOMEN would get MASTURBATED to cure them of such a disease. They’d get Proper rogered, with some wide wiggly pokey thing, over and over again until they calmed the fuck down!! Why does this never happen to me. (HAHAHAH.) What am i talking baout. It always happens. i deliberately run into fleshy pointy objects, in dying hope of a feel up. I should’ve masturbated those little teenage girls. (I shouldn’ t have put that should i?)

Hope you’re day was better. I am Knackered! Oh and for those of you who can’t find me on Twitter. I hate you. I have Twittered like a twat ALL day long and FOR NOTHING! Lol….. I’m at  www.twitter.com/chrissiewunna (no spaces, lower cases.) How u supposed to stalk me, if u can’t even find my twitter!!! I give a moment to moment account of where i am, and what i’m doing. Sexual!

Chrissie Wunna

1 thought on “I’m Fucking Famous

  1. Just passing through…
    Who won Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend??
    By the way your mascerade dance was hot!

    Nathan

Leave a Comment