Voice like Chlamydia

Hi my sexy little pieces of Shag! This looking for a Mr. Right is going bloody brilliantly. It seems all i have to do, is post ‘need love’ on a blog, and within milli-seconds my inbox is full of  ‘penis pictures!’ As much as i love you showing me ya oddly shaped fleshy knomes (winks)…it kind of would help if you put your face in the picture some where…somehow, and tell me a little more about yourself than a size… in inches!! (As i’ll just think that’s how tall you are? And i hate midgets due to sheer fear…just as much as i do farmyard animals!) Beastiality Rocks though. (No judgements! ) If u can take a donkeys ‘doo-darr’ then 2 thumbs up, balls n all. Trophies all around. Three cheers!

I really am going to eventually find my Mr.Right in Britain, and i’ve scheduled my first date for this evening. The fact that i had to actually schedule it…already makes it pretty shit. I’m all for Boys taking charge and being romantic…which is code for organizing everything and going out of their way to impress me.  For ‘Hunters & gatherers’…you british boys are slacking!! I had to actually call up an okay-ish boy myself and say ‘You wanna go on a date?’ I already don’t like him. It’s the boys job to do the deal!  He does however say he’s read a lot about me online. So i’m pretty much fucked now aren’t I!! Great! I might aswell ruin it for kicks! I’m really good at fucking up dates deliberately, if i don’t like the boy. I’ve had my friends in stitches at some of the stunts i’ve pulled. I once did a puppet show with my fork , starting swearing a lot and talking shit about his Mother… who i’d never met and then slapped him. He still fancied me though? He even asked to marry me. (Twisted fuck! That goes both ways!)

What he’s read online is that i apparently ‘still sleep with my teddy bear, that i call Spastic and dry hump to Barry Manilow.’ I’m ’embarassed to hang out with myself.’ I’m a ‘fucking whore.‘ I ‘avoid dates by lying‘ and my voice ‘is like chlamydia!’ So my voice is like a discoloured dischargey vagina??? Well at least the top half of Me matches the bottom half now!! (HAHAHA..yes i am that sad that i laugh at my own jokes! I need to be a bit more trollied!)

OOh i love this looking for love thing….. Come to Mama! Purrr…. (This boy that was 2 years below me at school, IM-ed me last night, saying he had just broken up with his girlfriend, like an hour ago…and whilst he was on the phone to his MOTHER types…’i want to lick ur vagina!!’) This is not how to get me to love you…the words ‘lick/Vagina’ and ‘Mother’ should never be in the same sentence. Well unless the word ‘Fucker’ is in there somewhere…then it’s actually quite hot! HAHA! (Time in hell.)

Chrissie Wunna

Looking for Some loving

Woke up to the soothing sounds of the Pussycat dolls, so i’m feeling naughty, sexy and full of winks. I’m naturally a sexual being and naturally the kinda girl that has no problem, working, owning and flaunting her sexuality, without really giving two merry hoots about what the judging society (oooh i love them) might think? In my mind its how women should be. We are the Ulitmate Power (well, I am anyway) and i never want any chick to think that she doesn’t ‘have it’ over a fella. Don’t get me wrong, i lurve the boys (we all know that and i can’t live without them. I understand them and think they are wonderfully misunderstood creatures.) Yet once you girls realize that we are their ultimate WEAKNESS (no matter how hard they try to fight it, even though they really don’t fight it too much…lol) you can really start owning your VA VOOM…which is steamy hot to any guy! Men can’t live without us, they need us, they want us and spend their whole lives trying to get their grubby little hands on us. And even though they might half think its a ‘Mans World,’ to get into this world to begin with they’ve have to come THROUGH OUR VAGINAS!!! And that my darlings is what i call fucking POWER!! (I get sickly turned on by Power and Status, even the words themselves send a tingle down my spine…along with ‘sturdy 8 inches’ and ‘girth’. Therefore knowing that i have so much, (Power that is, and not a girthy penis) brings out the ‘Sexy’ in me…making me look like a bit of a whore really! lol…But i OWN it!!)

I’ve decided to look for a British Boyfriend, because i’m usually a bit bored without a man by my side.  Even though i’m all for the empowerment of women. I do prefer boys. Hahahahah! I do! Girls sucks! (Obviously…because i want all the attention, being around of a bundle of boys, works better for me.)  I don’t even know why God bothers to litter my life with women at times. I mean they’re a pointless addition to my path. I’m a girly girl, but have masculine views on things! My own being was designed for men. My body, my humour, my image, my outlook , my whole fucking entire LIFE goddamit !!!  LOL. I understand Men more than i understand women. We’re insane. But it still works for us!

Underneath a whole lot of Vixen , i really am the most loving soul and i’m always looking for my ideal partner. ‘The One’ and i know he’s out there. I just never find anyone right enough. But it’s because i give out the wrong impression. (Not sure why i do that!) And a lot of you boys waste time, thinking and playing the game, then you do the ‘simply loving,’ part.  In LA its a lot easier and i know a lot of pretty marvellous men out there, who i can, will, or won’t be with. But that’s because i’ve created a whole merry world for me out there, but in England it’s different. The boys in LA are extremely confident in themselves. I’ll simply walk down the street and they are NOT SCARED to mob me, shout out for me, pull me, push me,  jump out of their cars, race up to me and seriously ask me out, because they’re so sure of themselves…and i love confidence in men…it’s what (along with being interesting, or talented makes you sexy. ) They are determined, ambitious, persisitant and KNOW what they want!! And if i shoot them down and i often  do, they simply see it as a ‘curve ball’ and come at you again, but at an alternate angle! Plus, it’s a town of ‘show’ business, therefore they know that even if they aren’t in your league of qualifiers…(lol) they can sure as hell fake it, to get what they want!!! I’ve had zillions of boyfriends, from the use of this method boys! It Often works!

The gentlemen in England are a lot less ‘showy.’ A lot more shy, polite, dont want to make themselves look stupid (which is not good for me, as i’m one to go out of my way to make myself look  quite quite stupid for kicks) and will fox trot around you like they don’t really care. ( I mean heaven forbid, if you actually knew they fancied YOU!! LOL You know u do it!! ) Then after giving you a ‘sort of’ impression… they go home and wistfully think about you, whilst staring at your picture, imagining a ‘happy ever after’ to their favourite sad love songs. LOL. It makes dating here difficult, as i’m highly upfront…i was emotionally raised in Hollywood. I’m impatient, like to know straight up…what the hell is going on and i love to be adored! At first,  i’m a difficult person to date. As my tactics are odd. Before actually being nice, i’m terribly annoying on purpose. I use vicious scare tactics in order to test a mans strength. (How manly are you!!) It’s my way of weeding out the faint hearted. I mean, if they can’t put up with me for one night of ‘annoying-ness’ then they’re certainly not strong enough to take over the world with me right and wave from my podium of GREATNESS.  Especially since that ‘one night’ will turn into a lifetime of ‘annoyingness.’ HAHAHA! The two loves of my life (Michael, and ‘Latin Lover’) are the strongest men alive. They are not remotely terrified of me. They don’t even flinch. They understand me. They watch me jiggery pokery around them, and fool me into believing i’m getting everything done MY WAY!! Yet are both highly romantic and soppy at the same time. I’m highly childish and spoilt, so it’s essential that my other half  has ‘father-like’ qualities! (Thats sounds so dirty! Yeah! yeah! Love me daddy, love me!)

I have this whole week off, so i’ve decided to schedule sexy little dates, with sexy little british boys throughout the week, in order to aid my path to ‘Mr.OH so right!’ I’m gonna try and get my first one done and dusted tonight! Wish me luck! Wunna predicts this ends badly! I WANT A PROPER BRITISH BOYFRIEND!

Back from Nottingham

Well, i’ve just got back from Nottingham, where the boys are fucking hotter than i ever thought they would be! How have i NEVER known that?? I’m a Northerner, born and bred and i’ve missed out on Nottingham!! I was shipped off to Hollywood as a late teen, so i only really managed to scramble on top of every LA boy known to mankind!  (You’ve heard the stories…i had a slaggy 2004/5 & 6!) I was like ‘Jesus…come to Mama Wunna  and have your little breast feed!’ They were young…yes, but they were HOT (ooooh!)!!! Plus they shout my name out like it’s a football chant, so my Ego is taking a bit of a fancy. I’m popular in Nottingham. The rest is a blur, cos i kept drinking wine.  I guess when i’m older, a ‘toy boy’ is in my cards. But only for sex, as i really can’t stand dating boys that are younger than Me. Not sure why?? I think it’s just because i don’t want to have to look after them. I hate having to look after boys. I like to be looked after. I can take care of a man. Yet i just seem to want to have sex with little boys, have them feel me up and then kick them in the knackers for fun!  (Well not too ‘little’…i’m not Michael ‘Come to Never-Neverland’ Jackson!)

So, Russell Brand was Amazing, as per usual. I expected him to be, so i wasn’t too shocked.Yet i did more studying, and looking around the arena, than i did anything else. I always try to learn from people who i think are GREAT! At the beginning he kinda just sauntered on, all rock n roll and the whole entire crowd, went INSANE, at this geezer, who just so happens to beable to make them laugh!! I sat, i scanned, i watched what he was doing and how he was doing it and realized i want to BE HIM! I don’t want to shag him (like the gaggles of starry-eyed sluts that were there, wanting a go on his ‘fame wand.’) I want to beable to create a madness so powerful that it makes a whore packed arena laugh sooooo hard they cry, spill their wine on me and then have a sudden urgh to remove their underwear and want to shag me!! He’s a fucking GENIUS! I’ve actually learnt a lot from him. And i’ve watched his merry formula work before my merry eyes. He’s actually spurred me on to be my naturally abnormal dirty self, as just recently i’ve been highly censored, with my written thoughts…due to a band of thin skinned morons, who aren’t partial to my ‘funny, funny.’ They keep telling me off for being ME!!  ‘ I’m a fucking STAR goddamit. (Yes, it is all going to my head) If there’s ever a time to be myself…it is NOW godammit. My blog use to be sooo gritty in LA, yet since my journey back home to England, (where i come as a bit of a shock…) it’s been a bit tame, as i haven’t wanted to upset people or hurt peoples feelings. Infact i’ve been told not to upset people or hurt their feelings… blah, blah, blah…That’s not who i AM!! (lol) There is no malicious intent! I simply report my life, and my thoughts. So juicy middle fingers all around. I have a new energy a bubbling inside me. It’s sexy, its smutty and its highly inappropriate. ( She winks, she adjusts her boobs and sexily stomps into a new chapter….here we go again! These phases always end badly for me! Don’t know why i bother..)

God, i can’t wait until i’m off my period, so i can start acting like an actual decent human being, instead of a….bleeding cunt! (winks) I feel fat!

Chrissie Wunna

Russell Brand Tonight

This has got ot be quick as i’m in a bit of a rushy! I’m packing a bag, just finished an interview, sorting out a baby sized Personal Appearance and on my way to Nottingham tonight, to go watch Mr.Brands ‘Scandalous’ tour. I’ve never seen him live, and i’m all for waving the flag for his kind of inappropriate humour. I’m really excited, and will probably be a bit trashed! YEAH!!! I unfortunately have a VIP ticket, which although may not sound too ‘sad face’ IS because i like to be in on all the action. Y’know, in with the crowds, wedged in the floor seats, heckling the comedian! But hopefully, i’ll still have a blast!!!

I’m the staying the evening out there in Nottingham, and maybe able to fit in a ‘meet the greet’ at one of the clubs…so if you see me out there, give me a wink and a holla…then carefully, lift me up off the floor, and put me in a taxi back to the hotel! Three Cheers! So excited!!! Spent all of last night flirting with a boy via my phone. I’ll talk about that a little later….Shit, i’m starving!! Godda really go now!

Chrissie Wunna

Episode 4

WOW! Well Kats back and thank god too, as it’s been crazy keeping that a secret for sooo loong. She’s in it to win it and when she walked through that doorway…unlike the rest of them, i was actually HAPPY! I felt like i’d have an ally! Plus, i knew one of the 2 people who had left was gonna walk through the door and it would’ve been either Laura or Kat…so to me, it would be nothing to worry about! I was excited!! FINALLY some energy!!!

Okay the farming challange was exhausting. We were all so delightfully knackered, that i don’t think anyone was really too bothered about who had won it. They just wanted to get showered and not smell like goat anymore. (Chasing chickens rocks!) I LOVED Flic (who is my favourite in the house, cos she’s not an annoying drama queen) for picking me to go to the Spa. I needed to get out of the house for a moment and refuel the ‘Wunna train.’  It was a much needed breather. LOVED IT and i LOVED her!! The funny thing about the whole farm thing was that one of the Contestants was on her yummy period, so she couldn’t go near the piglets. Don’t know why i find that funny, but i do!! Haha! Piglets snouts…bleeding vagina….no go zone…..HILARIOUS!

I voted Carrie the most Fakest in the house…as she did Me. (Even though she told me she never did, in a ‘i kept my promise to you Chrissie’ bonaza!! lol)  I however did tell her afterward, so she knew. But even though she pushed a lot of blame onto ME for her being at the bottom of the board ( i guess i scare her, because she has a lot to hide )…Well let me just say, it didn’t just take one ’10’ from ME to get her there. It took all of the people in the house. So she should of questioned the people closest to her. I’m just an easy target for her. Plus, i didn’t vote her the ‘fakest ‘because i thought she was ‘too sweet’ or ‘too nice’  or too ‘enthusiastic’ (as i don’t believe that to be at all true…she’s not sweet. Nice try honey!) I don’t think anyone else thought she was either (no-ones that stupid, and i felt she underestimated the intelligence levels of some of the stronger people in the house)…I voted her a 10, because (at the time)  i thought she was the FAKEST in the house, cheesey, turned it on and off for the camera, too desperate and a bit of a cry baby. (HAHAHAHAH-she’s gonna be soo pissed off at me! ) Most people did, they just didn’t say it to her face. And even though she said she hadn’t ganged up on anyone, bitched or lied…i distinctly remember her ganging up ON ME?? (episode 2)  And that’s bullying … And she took the piss out of me at the breakfast table!! (Thats bitchy!!)  Evil! HAHAHA! To be honest i actually think she turned into a much more respectable person and was really herself after that ‘REAL/FAKE’ test….as she needed a different game plan…as thats not gonna fly with the ones that can see through her. She got an emotional beat down (which is part of life), realised the competition was going to be harder for her the ‘fluffy’ way, especially with the stronger ones in the house and she just became normal. We did her a favour! Plus, i think she only stayed in because the people who hated her, were keeping her in!! She was much much better after that night! The ‘cheese’ stopped and the fighter in her came out. And Thank JESUS! Layla is not even NEARLY fake. She’s as real as they come!! So it was a bit of a bummer that she was up for elimination. I think Carrie knew she wouldn’t go, because i did. And the good thing is, she now knows what it feels like to be put in the position SHE put me in, during an earlier episode. She gets her shit together and starts playing the game. (Which is what it is!!)

It was a GREAT episode. Infact, my favourite so far!!  (Thanx ITV! Love you! lol) I’m really pleased with myself  and the others because our true personalities are completely out now…well i guess some are still to be revealed, as my opinions on people begin to alternate.  Flic and Samuel were my closests buds in the house and that pretty much stays true!!! Iwas happy! I was actually having the best time ever during that time, really having fun…and at the end of the day… it is fun. Its bloody GREAT!! I loved the show. Hope you did too. Kats back bitches!!! Muahahahahahah!

Let the games begin!! Shes not a force to be reckoned with! I Likey Likey! She turns up the heat, the way Miss.Wunna likes it! Give me a fight to fight baby!

Chrissie Wunna

‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend’ Tonight

So we’re half way through! Episode 4! There’s farmyard animals (and i don’t mean the other contestants..well i do mean some of them,) there’s tears (I wonder who by? Sarcasm Rocks! She needs a slap.) And there’s a revealing of how ‘REAL or FAKE’ the WUNNA-be’s (including myself) are! (Ooooooh!!) I’m really hoping you’ll tune in TONIGHT 9pm ITV2… and be part of the ‘would be better if we were wasted’ madness. I’ll be writing a blog after the lovely episode. (I have to watch it first, as even WE don’t know how it rolls out.) But methinks it will be a goody! Winks x

Chrissie Wunna

Life is a Goody

Feeling REALLY good today. I’ve smelt the roses, heard the birds, called my mates in LA and yeah i’m on top of the world. But i always am…i’ve got a lot to be chipper about. I’m a lot more grateful for the smallest of things than you would think i am (due to my daddy almost dying last year..it really puts things into perspective) and i am LOVING writing my blog right now. Thanks for staying tuned and for all the random messages…especially the naked ones. LOL (Gimme, Gimme, Twins, twins!)

Anyway, I’ve just pre- recorded a quick radio interview with Hallam FM (Go Northern Support!! Love you ALL for it. You’re like a canon load of fists, short skirts and cheers.You’ve turned deliciously insane and since i’m a lover of insanity, my darlings… i’m standing right with you!!)  I have an interview with America later on and i’m excited about it, (even though it might get postponed due to a fire…haha)as it’s a good chance to really be HONEST about things. They love me in LA for it. You are rewarded threefold.. However over here, a few odd people are terrified of a bit of ‘speak my mind’ honesty. It’s very telling…makes me laugh. Then later, i have another quick question/answer chat about ‘stuff’ thats going on, with a certain someone. So it’s an easy day of getting your point across. LOVE IT. Ooh i fancy a cup of honey dripped tea and a victory dance!

It’s ‘Show Time’ tonight and i’m excited to write my little blog on it. I feel a bit feisty today, so it’s gonna be a good one. Oh and just before i leave to go munch on some noodles. I just wanted to emphasize the fact that it’s important to concentrate on what YOU’RE doing and not on what someone else is doing. I’m not one who enjoys to get involved with petty drama…petty drama just follows me around. I mean once you start it…it just turns into a hilrious chain of chinese imppy whispers. I’m honest, i’ll say my point…but i then don’t have time for the gossipy part….but mainly because i’m lazy!!  I mean i’ve spent the whole morning in fits of giggles, on the phone to my Hollywood mates about some of the things going on right now, cos i was a bit narked off. (It’s natural) Now it’s funny and i’m happy once more. (Champagne all around. ) So just incase you’re Agent sold pictures of me to a site (images that i get paid for) and then went on to bad mouth me, in order to make HIS client look a little bit better than they do right now… (note: any bad mouthing makes me look good, as no-one bad mouths Chrissie Wunna,  more than I do….and yeah she can be a bit of a tit,) i just wanted to say thanks for my cheque!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IN YOUR FACE!! (lots of very mature egotistical behaviour went on at this time, and maybe a few sexy middle fingers!)