Thursday Morning: I woke in a pool of my own vomit, in someone eles bed, unable to move my legs, with one tinseled eyelash on, and one tinseled eyelash off , a pad lock around my neck attached to a neon pink shoelace and feeling like i was quite possibly going to die. I puked at 17 times that day and had to get nursed back to normality. It took 6 hours. I couldn’t even move. I am soo disgusted with myself. Really i am. As i lifted my vomit mangled hair and face out of my own freshly made puke. I just stopped, saw how much Becky (the sweetest person i have ever met) was taking care of me, as i hobbled to a scented bubblly bath tub, that had been prepared for me 5 minutes earlier and i laid there staring at the ceiling, in my perfect world, needing to vomit every 4 seconds and felt sooo embarassed. I’m an idiot.
The night before i was in Sheffield. I was doing dinner with my agent and his lovely wife at Strada and well it was absolutely divine. We moved on to cocktails and added friends who work at a local radio station and then to the club…where i made a little and highly drunken appearance! All i remember was vodka, vodka, vodka, people grabbing me and screaming at me for pictures. there were boys and this one girl dressed as Minnie Mouse, who were trying to shove keys in my lock and basically it was what i like to call Happy Madness. I’m getting recognized everywhere i go now…to the point of delicious mobbing. However, I had a great team of wonderful people around me who managed to pull me away at the perfect of times. (I always run off and talk to every person who beckons…sooo bad.) Anyway, an hour later i find myself hiding behind a stage, with the cutest of ‘looking after me’ blonds and with an announcement being made that ‘Chrissie from Paris Hiltons British best friend,’ here right now! I get called onto the stage surrounded by crazy dancing girls, who were saying something to me, but i can’t quite remember…their lips were moving in slow motion and there was some press guy behind me snapping my every single move. I strutt onto the stage waving and smiling and OMG!
Okay, so i don’t get stage fright EVER! But i suddenly got terrifed. I looked out and all i could see was this dark sea of thousands of heads, all screaming out my name and flashing cameras at me, and cheering. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but i just needed to breathe…i had no idea that that was gonna happen. I was either gonna collapse or cry. lol. I was just overwhelmed and felt hot under the lights. Then I did a little interview, and i remember saying the words, ‘silly’ and ‘bitch’ which is never a good thing and just like that i waved off the stage, was given a lollipop, did some press shots and fell into the arms of my assisting blond. (haha)
The night was brilliant, but it turned into MADNESS. I went into the ‘sea of heads’ and now ‘going out’ turned into ‘work.’ Lots of piccies, lots of questions, lots of people guarding me becuase i was drunky, lots of boys now hitting on me because i’m on the telly, and lots of me dancing on anything before getting pulled away! (Haha) There was no place to hide. And thank god i had great people around me!! They were drunk people but still great. I would’ve just got lost in the madness otherwise. It’s gonna take some getting use too.
I finally got to sheffiled train station after my vomit, can’t move morning…with everyone staring at me, because my show was on in 2 hours and i had to get back. In the same public train station toilet that the evening before- i was having my makeup touched up and fixing my face..in a hot little red dress , diamonds and furry coat. Whilst i was in the mirror, re-glueing my eyelashes… a lady was standing right next to me with her cmaera phone taking picture after picture, after picture. I was now in that toilet, in jeans and a scabby Mickey Mouse t-shirt, bent over a toilet bowl, heaving up and being sick at least 10 times more, before being able to even get on a moving train. It took me exacting 1hour and a half to make it to my ‘safe zone,’ with a very worried family awaiting my 7 hour late arrival. Then as soon as i walked in the door…all my sickness went away. I felt right as rain. i could eat, i could talk. I was smiling and it was almost as if i was never sick??? The doctor said i was just stressed and overwhelmed which brought on sickness. As soon as i got around my family….i felt at ease, therefore i was cured. Random right! My life has completey changed. I can’t really go anywhere now, with out young people (like gangs of girls) screaming and running up to me, and hugging me, asking me about the show and psoing for pictures….i love it. I oddly feel like. i’m inspring them. I was on the phone to Kat at the train station and a gaggle of lovely excited girls , ran up to me for pictures, and grabbed my arm trying to hear what kat was saying. Its crazy!
Yesterday i was a mess, and doing a dis-service to myself. This is a time where i should be ‘brilliant’ and not destroying everything i do, with too many boozed filled nights. I mean, i was snail trailing through Doncaster train station looking like a worthless piece of hungover tripe, dragging this massive leopard print bag, i walk into a store to buy a Lucozade (it’s heals all hangovers) and i look infront of me only to see that i’m on the Front cover of 2 local newspapers. I look inside and they’ve written the most wonderful stuff about me, and i’m there throwing it all away by abusing my 5 ft 2 body! I’m cleaning up my act…and this time i mean it! I’m meant ot be setting an example and maybe it took that to make me realize. Why do i never learn. This trial and error bullshit, is taking it’s toll on me. I still feel rough,and i have a phone interview with America in an hour.