‘My Plan fricking B, broke up with ME! What is wrong with the World!
‘I don’t do sympathy well, but i can do you a double vodka and orange?’
So, yeah i spent my evening nursing someones shattered pride via the fine art of ‘drowning your sorrows.’ I had no sorrows to drown because i’m fabulous and feeling like i can conquer the world, right now. But it was a great excuse to open a bottle of pink champagne, even if it was kinda using someones discomfort to get my selfish ‘jollies.’ They ended up doing a dance routine to ‘Hey Mickey You’re So Fine’ dressed as a cheerleader, with bows in their hair. My friend is a BOY! He walked home trashed, with his pom-poms in tow and all due to the fact that his ‘Plan B’ McDitched him, because she found out she was well…’Plan B.’ He tried to feel me up, during the third chorus of ‘Mickey’….so i had to ‘Kung Fu Sally’ him out the McDoor. It was HILARIOUS! Both of us dressed as blue and white cheerleaders, with pigtails, pom poms and freckles on our faces, screaming obscenities at one another at 3.02am!!
I think i said, ‘This would be great, if you weren’t a dude dressed like a drunk cheerleader, who is using ME, CHRISSIE WUNNA, QUEEN OF BLOODY GREATNESS as a (put in a swear word) cheerleading PITY SHAG!’ I roundhouse kicked his merry ass OUT. Lol! (Which is simply code for: ‘asked him to politely leave.’)
He text me this morning, whilst i was at the spa getting rubbed down by hot tanned men, with oils. It read: ‘Well that’s one way to get over Plan B! ‘