Ass Is On Fire

I’m feeling quite wonderful this morning!! AGAIN! 2009 is proving to be too good to be true! Yet that’s a lie, as i usually feel wonderful…i’m so into myself, that it’s almost impossible to BE Chrissie Wunna and NOT feel like a million feathery bucks! Sprinkle me with sugar baby! I’m armed with a muggly mug of the strongest coffee ever…I’m wishing it was a mimosa, I have a ‘dreamy’ stallion sat next to me…and have already managed to burn someone, on the arse with a hot fiery poker. It’s really not my fault that their arse is so fat, and my aim is so poor…that it gets in the way of my jiggery pokery. I didn’t make it any better by laughing my head off, that it almost brought me to tears, forgetting to apologise and then singing my version of the song ‘Sex is on Fire,’ replacing the word ‘Sex’ with ‘Your ASS.’ I’m a tosser. Yet it’s GREAT!!! You just can’t get enough!! Lick me! Lick Me! OOh my juices are a flowing!

Just got a Myspace message from one of my LA best friends. Daniel Perez! I LOVE this man! I remember us leaping out of his ever so dirty blue car and bursting into dance moves, whilst shouting Beyonces ‘Uh Oh, Uh Oh, Uh Oh-Oh no no’ in a parking lot below Crunch. (Flashback!) Anyway,we’ve worked together, partied together and hold so many secrets together, it’s almost smouldering hot. We’re smart. We’re sexy. And we know how to deliver a good time, the way only an Angeleno can know how. Luckily we’re also armed with a juicy canon load of  ‘good looks,’ so we can live off the kindness of strangers, who are quite willing to have us around. You Foolish twits!!

We’re also both Sluts. However, he’s more of a closet slut than I. (He’s a great deal smoother. I’m a messy slut.) Not only did he ring in the New Year in a Miami Penthouse on South beach, owned by a tubby, insecure, rich person who also owns the local affiliate of a MAJOR american television network and wanted him around. Yet he also managed to realize that he had previously slept with the majority of the party goers… who were gleefully ringing in the new year with him. He counted 5 as he walked in. ( hahah! I love it! )  Between us, we could’ve probably had the whole entire nation. (Conquering the world a penis at a time.)

Yet, the reason why it’s hot for us to be Slags, (here we go….) is because we’re HOT. We’re not chavvy, have 17 babies to 12 different daddies, pick are noses and drink leftover beers with cigarette stubs floating in them. He’s a Gentleman of leisure. I’m a Lady of leisure…we’re loaded, we’re happy, we flirt with the finer things in life, flaunt ourselves into trouble and can throw a bottle of champagne in the trash…just because it didn’t have our name on it! (Hahaha! Stupid.) We’re complete idiotic tossers. People you want to spit at and poke in the eye with breadsticks or maybe even aspire to become???? Yet no matter what, everyone always wants us around?

Anyway, he finished off by coming to the executive conclusion that, the good thing about ‘tubby, insecure, rich people’ is that they ALWAYS want to be surrounded by attractive people. 10 points!  (Evil Laugh!)

Chrissie Wunna

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