I’ve done my back in! It’s like twisted or something! So NOT HOT, when ur trying to look ‘too sexy for your shirt.’ I’m half strutting around like a Pussycat Doll…half lumbering around like a disabled lama. It’s tragic. But whatever…I ROCK IT, like the professional, I am! If you’re gonna do ya back in…do it in red stiletto heels, tiny skirt and a fierceness so dangerous it could send a whole country up in flames! Shit, it hurts! I’m a donkey! Where are my eyelashes?
So i just got back from seeing my hot Optician, in my full push up bra and bedroom eye glory. He’s scared of Me and sweats a little when he prods his tool, in my eye. I flirted up trouble and left him gagging for it. (Poor thing.) It was all going ‘champion of champions’ well (apart from the fact that he kept showing me pictures of his child) until i had to do that little thing where you actually have to sit down, take your contacts out…and SEE!
There’s nothing more humbling than having thick wacky, nutty professor glasses slide infront of your useless ‘can’t see’ eyes and having to read a board that’s all the way across the otherside of the room…with the tiniest letters on it…that don’t even make sense?? I was so blind. My eyes failed me!! I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I mean I tried my best to look as sexy as possible…but i couldn’t fucking see a single letter….not even the ENORMOUS ones! I kept reading out loud and slow like a ….(well you can put an abusive term in there.)
In the end i thought i’d just make them up and kept spelling out, ‘P. E. N. I….and is that a S??’ Thank God i’m charming. He laughed and asked me out on a date. (I said ‘No.’ He has ‘child with EX’- drama) He then scorned me for making fun of his ‘process,’ as sight is important and all that jazz. (Roll the eyes!) He reads my blog..(which i think is hot) but then scorned me AGAIN, for supposedly making fun of people with ‘lazy eyes,’ when I apparently had a lazy eye, when i was a child? I think he actually said, ‘Oh so you think you’re funny, do you??’ Yes i bloody well do!!
Firstly, he was never my optician when i was a child. And secondly…my eye is not ‘LAZY,’ it’s just a little ‘tired’ from being spat at by a revovling door of 8 inch Sturdies. (‘I’m Blinded!’) Plus, he wore glasses which means…he couldn’t even see and he’s my flipping OPTICIAN!! Nevermind making fun of ME! (All smiles!)