Feeling AMAZING, which is odd, as i woke up feeling like a whole 3 out of 10. After 2 cups of coffee, a painkiller and a ‘do’ of my face…i now feel marvellous. Like i can conquer the world. Like i can jump of tall snowy moutains and land on my feet. Like i can…well you get the picture and i can’t really think of anything else. Is it past noon yet?
I had the strangest of dreams last night. I was bonking some world tennis champion (who’s existance I made up in my head. He was HOT!) I was watching old people get fake tanned by being pushed through a fake tanning roller machine. It was all beige. Bizarro? And then it just went back to shagging tennis champion. (I was really into my boobs. It was shameful!) I woke up rolling around my sheets…(which is lame when you’re on you’re own.) Then luckily i realized I had company as, ‘Chrissie ya nipples out and i don’t want to see it,‘ is what followed 3 seconds afterward. So my street cred it still coolio! CHAMPION! Disturbing the Innocents, a day at a time!
Anyway, why is there always someone in my bed? And why are there always people making it, whilst i’m still in it?? Isn’t that rude? I don’t trust anyone who MAKES beds. I only invite those who are willing to un-make them, into my personal space. Seriously! I was strapped in sooo tight, i could hardly breathe and i hadn’t even woken up yet!! It was 6am, and i think i mumbled ‘Please do F**** off’, as i was being sheeted down and into my own bloody bed. Like a slutty prisoner. They’re Useless! And who honestly does that!?! If you are going to ruin my life at approx.6am…then you better come laiden with fucking gifts, right?? Or just TEA!! TEA GODDAMITT! Aren’t I the girl who writes that blog, and gets her boobs out, and magically entertains the world!!! I have AWARDS!!! (For tap dancing.) So a little bit of sucking up, wouldn’t go a miss before noon. I have the shittest staff!! I need to beat them with monkeys and poke them with rusty bread knives. My eyelash just fell off.