Golden Showers

I must be one of the only girls to have taken on a mighty ‘Golden Shower’ by accident. I’m not quite sure where I score on the tally board of accidental sexual conquests. Yet, i’m positive it’s major points and a personal handshake from God. (‘Well Done Wunna!) This is a really bizarre way to begin a blog and the sad part is…it only gets worse.

I can’t quite recall which boy it was, yet i have a mild-ish idea. ..so i’ll call him ‘Goldilocks!’ (Already Bad!) It’s like having a mystery ‘Baby Daddy,’ yet there’s no baby and ‘Daddy’ is streaming his golden liquids all over you’re fake baked stomach. (Shit, i totally remember now! Ha-ha!) Funny how it all comes flooding back.

So both parties we’re naked and i believe the ‘Sexy part’ had come to a triumphant end. Both ‘Goldilocks’ and I are joyously rolling around my sheets, giggling, tickling each other and doing all that other quite wonderful ‘post- sex’ stuff. Then whilst i’m laying on my back, probably telling him i love him or something daft like that. He kneels above me and 2 droplets of wee come out of his penis…falling onto my stomach. (In slow motion)

THERE’S AN ENORMOUSLY WEIGHTY SILENCE! I don’t know whether it was pure shock or a pre-fury funk. Yet, I do remember thinking…’Shall  i pretend like i’m into all this, to make me look cool and adventurous?’ Saddo!! You’d think a little laughter or maybe a sincere apology would follow…right?

Wrong! He then lets an outburst of urine bombard it’s way all over me, in my eye, on my stomach, in my face and  because he apparently ‘couldn’t hold it in.’ To make it worse my bedroom was an ‘Arabian nights boudoir’ and there’s me, ‘Princess Wunna’ getting pissed on! (Hope my Mum never reads this!) So i’m screaming and yelling ‘I’m not fucking into this!’ And he’s laughing, which is making him pee more. So I begin to laugh. His ‘chuckles’ stop. He realizes what he’s just done and can’t speak out of sheer embarassment.

Yet it’s all too late, as my roomate has already opened the door, seen the ‘circus’ taken 4 cell phone pictures and forwarded it to half of Hollywood.

Chrissie Wunna

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