Okay so i’m not too keen on Public Conveniences to begin with (unless they’re all marble, granite or gold,) let alone getting trapped in one, at a grocery store and having to have a large woman (Thank God for her manly arms) pull me through the gap at the bottom of the stall, whilst her son tells me to ‘becareful’ because his ‘mum has scabby hands!’ I’m not sure why he was in the ladies loo, but he’s smart. It’s a decent place for any young boy to be. So yeah, i had to start my day of shopping with a ‘toilet floor’ stain on my shirt, after being dragged across it like a glamourous sack of spuds! This is not how ‘I’…The Queen of Fucking Greatness’ should ever be seen. Yet, i guess that’s what makes me Great. (Licky, Licky!)
So I shopped with my Mother just because it was the ‘sales.’ And yes, we all know i don’t appreciate a good sale because i always get elbowed out the way by twits. But today was AMAZING because it was one of those ‘everybody stare at me’ days, (I felt like a Superstar) so whilst in ‘New Look’ i decided to perform ‘Womanizer’ by Britney Spears through all the sales rack. Hardly as glamourous, but fuck it…it worked! She gets to do it at the VMA’s and i get to do it infront of ‘Anything on this rack £10’ signs. Tragic! I think i mimed it better than Miss.Spears though. (Evil laugh!) It was mainly to embarass my Mother. Then secondly to give everyone something to stare at! I think i’m a bit of a local celebrity now. Wherever i go, i leave a trail of eyes that follow me. I LOVE IT!!
So shopping was a bit pointless. I mean my Mother and I just found ourselves in department stores, with little baskets throwing anything that just so happened to be infront of us in them, whilst we nattered. I think I armed sweeped a whole ‘Benefit’ makeup stand into my basket, a few dresses, a purse and a little black book, whilst talking about my future, boys and shoes, without even realizing. When i got to the cashier…I didn’t even know if it was my basket?? But you can never have enough ‘Talk to the tan’ face bronzer….(Whatever that is???)
You’d think i’d come back with glow in the dark dildos and 100 pairs of frilly knickers, but i came back with bags of pointless nonsense, an even bigger ego, and the works of ‘Roald Dahl.’ BOOKS! I know…what is wrong with me?? I must be losing my touch. I love Roald Dahl. I think he’s a genius!
Chrissie Wunna x