All Party No Substance

‘All party and no substance’ is what i’ve been called today. And yeah…. it’s pretty much true. (Lol… ) My life IS one big high kicking, drunken strunken, shimmie to hip hop music, with feathers and nipple tassles.. ..party and i LOVE it! And you should too. It’s there to be loved!! So don’t fight it….come over to the dark side! There’s pork dumplings and everything! I understand that this whole ‘Socialite’ title is kind of frowned upon, but it really is (in my case..not that i need to justify it, as there’s nothing wrong with a ‘party girl,’) by accident. (Note: I am totally trying to justify it here…so feel bad for me!!)

Look, I could go to a formal conference and end up dancing half naked in heels, with a filofax tucked into my knickers, and a rose in my mouth, making the masses hoola hoop around me to the ‘Spice Girls.’ Or going to church and end up being wasted with a nun behind an organ, trying to make her have a threesome with a choir boy. It just happens!!! I don’t know how? I don’t know why?? But i’m calling it a ‘gift,’ so shut it you tarts! All the substance you need, can be found in my CHEST (which was bought for £4000, from the good people at Transform.)

If the worst i’m doing is ‘creating good times’ then i’m pretty bloody brilliant. I mean, it’s not as if i’m finger banging minors! One day, i’ll do a massive ‘Party Tour,’ for those of you wanting to spot me getting my ‘wiggle’ on and to annoy those of you who…don’t! (Which i love because i’m a flirty ‘attention whore-nocchio.’ ) I get more requests from fans wanting a good night out with me… than ANYTHING else. And I adore it! I adore you! (Sometimes!)  It’s just about  doing exactly what you want and precisely what you like, in heels, a push up bra (even if ur boys) and basically doing it until you’re  a ‘chewed up, spat out, no big dealio.’ Is there anything wrong with that? Me thinks not baby! So yes, one fine day you’ll all get to party with me, in this game called ‘life’..that i’m pretty good at playing. And yeah i’m not promising that you’ll come home STD free…or without a police warning. But I will…and that’s all that matters! (God it must be shit to be my other half. I feel bad for my Exes!) I’m like one of those things you love & hate, yet can’t help gravitate towards! I’m everyones weakness. Give in to temptation….I should re-write The Lords Prayer! (‘Our father, who farts in heaven. ‘Helen’ should be your name…..’)

Chrissie Wunna x

Leave a Comment