Woke up this morning, too early for my liking (but F*** it, it’s my birthday..) by my Mother (& my baby brother,) who flaunted in with a giant arm full, of perfectly wrapped up gifts (apart from one that was in a Morrisons bag) for her lovely little first born, the fruit of her loins, the ever so wonderful…ME!! I think she was gonna cry a little bit! I’m 28 today and i finally feel bloody good about it. I think it’s cos i’m celebrating tonight, which reminds me, i need to get a facial..(not that kind you dirty tramps) as my skins falling off. LOVE IT!! Hags rock! Shit, i need to go offer things to buddha too…or my Mum’ll slap me.
I’m feeling sexy, i’m feeling surprisingly playful (for it being 9.25am) and i’ve been given the best gifts in all of the land. I’ve been hugged and squidged by every member of my family and every time I see them…there’s more arm fulls of gifts!!! YAY!!! My life is perfect! I can’t believe it!! I’m so thankful to be alive!! I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!! I laid in bed last night with my mum, in the dark (don’t make ur own jokes up please..) and we gossiped about how random it is that i’m 28 now. She pushed me out of her ‘funny bit’ 28 years ago, because i used to live in her belly and was making her fat…It’s odd having a conversation with someone who used to live inside you.
I’ve had a MARVELLOUS year. Probably the most productive in ages, as i haven’t slagged it off…i’ve actually worked hard and done well! What??? I know…weird right? England had been my rehab, my reality check and has got me all back together…put me back in working order. I’ve achieved so much this year, and all down to a cheeky wink, and a whole lot of ‘bluff.’ I’ve been in magazines, i’ve been offered a recording contract, i’m having people write screen plays on my life, i’ve had my father try to die on me, i’ve had a flipping BOOB JOB, i’ve spent much needed quality time with my family, i’ve met soooo many new people who i love, it’s been the birth of chrissiewunna.com and i’ve filmed a whole tv show…with Paris Hilton!! What??? I can’t believe it!! All of this in 10 months! My ‘wink wink purr…’ must be good. Or i’ve mastered the art of the ‘blowjob.’ Casting couch rocks! GET IT IN!!
I’ve been assured that it’s NOT how old you are! Or even how old you FEEL…it’s all about how old you fucking LOOK!! And i look pretty darn ‘va voom’ for an ageing sex symbol. lol…I AM GREATNESS and i’m gonna party like a whore on heat tonight! I’m slutting it up..so bang those bongos! I’m dancing around my house after each sentence I type. I’m having Mimosas for breakfast. I’m stroking pussies! I’m swinging from chandeliers! I need to start grooming…