Strap On Unicorn Whore face

It’s 2 days until my birthday and i’ve been inundated with ‘YOU’RE FUCKING OLD’  instant messages…from all my tragically delicious friends. (You skanky F******* trolls!) I’ve decided to not have anymore friends who are younger than Me. It’s simply out of spite, but fuck it…i’d rather drown my sorrows to Barry Manilow and be done with it. I’m too lazy to find ‘old people’ friends. The good thing is i’m still a slag, which is making turning 28 completely fine. Slags are ‘young, play with your heart, sleep with boys’ tramps..and i’m focussing on the ‘young’ in that sentence. Yay! I’m OLD! F*** you! The ‘slag’ part trumps ‘old.’ (So much swearing. How UnGodly of Me.)

Anyway, i am currently being a Unicorn via the art of a DIY strap on. I’ve made one, (how very Blue Peter) and placed it on my head…in order to look like a Unicorn. I don’t look anything like a Unicorn…i just look like a twat..but it’s fun. Honest!! I think i’m getting a little ahead of myself, with my choice of head gear. There’s no reason for me to be a Unicorn, so i don’t know why i’m doing this….other than the fact that it’s nearly my birthday, so i want to act Junvenile. And i want to act Junvenile, to fool myself into believing i’m still young. UGH!!! I have Pussycat dolls ‘Dont Cha’ on…i’m on Facebook, and i have a DIY strap on…on my head.

You know when you’re sooo caught up in a hilarious moment, then the moment stops and you suddenly see yourself in the mirror, with a fake dildo on your head, because you wanted to be a Unicorn and want to cry. Yay! That’s me right now. Am i having a nervous breakdown??

On the ‘up’ note. I love a good birthday, and i’ll only get to turn 28 once. So on Friday, i’m gonna go drown my birthday sorrows, and shimmie shimmie, happy dance anyway. My birthday falls on the busiest night this month. Only God could bless me with such timing. I can’t waste it. 2 days and counting!!

5 thoughts on “Strap On Unicorn Whore face

  1. you aint ol chrissie 28 is a blinding age i cant wait till september to get there 27 is pony lol i hope u have a great day on friday babe have a fair few shampoos and drinky poos for me babe i will be thinking of u chrissie.. and if u are a slag u are a lovable slag bot the aghh look at that old charlie brass slag

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