‘Christina your kitten has pissed all over my Cavali,’ is how my morning has decided to begin. Then i saw a magical bright red ‘Royal Mail’ van steadily chunter up my drive, so with excited anticipation i grabbed my sunglasses and glided down my stairway to the front door. I think i maybe did ‘Vogue’ arms too. (Loser!) I wished by stairs lit up, and swore when i walked down them. (F*** my kitten just clawed me. Bitch!)
I opened the door just as he was about to do his ‘Postmans knock’…just so he’d look a bit silly, and awkward. He didn’t. He looked more ‘wish he was a Internet Superstar, who’s always naked in barns and not a ruddy postman.’ Nothing like ‘service with a smile.’ (Misereable git!) So i ‘rich girl bimboed ‘ it up as much as possible, just to annoy him. He refused eye contact. My eyes we’re DENIED!!
Anyway, he hands me my ‘special delivery’ (ooh- er,) makes me sign a few ‘X’s’ and i get given a beautiful package. (It was just a brown box. Yeah Daddy!) I LOVE getting treats. I’m a serious girly girl when it comes to recieving gifts..i go all ‘high pitch screams and gooey.’ So i ripped it open, there and then, outside in my pyjamas and sunglasses, only to find it was a bottle of my favourite PINK CHAMPAGNE!!! What!! OH MY GOD!!! You would not even believe how happy i was. I got a rush of the ‘giddy,’ and started galloping (literally galloping..it was sight to see) around the fields of Yorkshire (my garden,) holding it up in the air screaming ‘REJOICE!!’ It was Amazing!! I think i just got magically blinded by the baby-pink box, then realized, ‘fuck wait, it’s also booze’ and then got overly overwhelmed, with utter utterness. (Peter Andre’s on my tv screen, with 22 year old Elves, dancing around him.)
I’m so happy. I love my gift! And you know who it was from….MY NUMBER ONE FAN…SCRATCHY!!! How sweet! I love you. He is a devoted CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM reader, and with it being my birthday in 7 days has sent me PINK CHAMPGANE!!! Love it! It’s perfect! Makes me feel soooo good! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!! I’m saving it, and that’s saying something, as champagne never gets saved in my house. Well nothing gets saved…everything gets destroyed.
Shit, i’m getting chronic period pains…maybe i should open it? Anyway, i’ve got to get on with my day, but the moral of this Christmas story….buying my affection…always works. (I’m such a delicious tramp.’) GET IT IN!
Chrissie Wunna x