Diddly Bum Bum

Sitting in my boudoir, stroking a pussy, contemplating taking over the world, (wink wink) and reading an email from a boy i had sex with a couple years ago which states: ‘You’re a fiendish, cunning, oriental SWINE! Why am i so turned on?’ I just clicked delete, (ho-hum) as i’m so over him trying to get into my pants. Just because i had a little ‘bedroom shuffty’ with him one time, because he was the only straight person in a gay bar, doesn’t mean i will ever want to talk to him again. Plus, i’m more ‘Greedy Queen of Greatness,’ than ‘oriental swine’ now. The times have moved on. Oooh i love the word ‘Greedy.’ Gets my juices flowing. in all the right ways.

All i remember is that he was poor, fancied me, taken back to my appartment, and because i refused to ‘put out’ without protection, he leaped out of bed, onto my balcony, down a pipe and ran (at the speed of light) up Beverly to the nearest gas station at 2.30am, to purchase a merry band of condoms. He ran back, my roomate came in, oddly with a jug of water and a Disneyland cup, left…letting ‘boy’ in with ‘protection’ and i ‘put out.’ He was actually good at sex. But really that was all. None of the other boxes we’re ticked. Yet still, i class it as a great talent, so i’m sure some rich lonely lady somewhere will want him. He was a major ‘gold digging, money-grabbing whore,’ which makes me sick, especially in boys! I always want to ruin their lives. I don’t like to be taken advantage of…EVER. (Ninja, ninja, therapy please…)

I saw him at ‘Coffee bean’ a year afterward, (well i think it was a year, could’ve been a week) in a silver BMW that belonged to his 42 year old girlfriend. She was at work, (go figure) so he asked if i wanted to ‘Christen the back seat.’ I think he thought he was ‘The Fonz.’ So I politely pointed out his ‘wankerisms,’ and with an elegant flick of my hair, finished off my small coffee, and left him feeling like he got his ‘woo’s woo’s’ mixed up with his ‘diddly-bums.’ I never talked to him again..oh apart from this one time in a bar, when i needed to steal cigarettes from him, for my boyfriend. I even introduced him as ‘One night stand.’

Some perv on facebook called ‘juan’ has just asked me if i like anal sex. Welcome to my life!

Chrissie Wunna x

8 thoughts on “Diddly Bum Bum

  1. what the fuck is a woo woo and a diddly dum? the geezer sounds like a proper cheesey sceptic fragel and what the fuck is he doing in a gay bar no proper fridge is gonna ever go there on purpose sure he dont swing booth ways and likes battys and all

  2. i know u saifd u realy like geezers who go to gay bars why there is nothing good about a gay babe i went to a club in milan ands went itn when it was gay night not noming it was the worst experiance of me life it was shit full of crossdressers and weirdos a few fit birds but the amount of orons out wayed that goodness and one of em put it on me pal so we had it on our toes

  3. no it aint surely thay are gonna think u are an iron or if not very quim for wanting to be in there me pals bird wanted to take him to heaven she ha d two hopes bob and no lol

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