Big Schlong Merrily on High

Just stepped in kitten poo, barefooted. Cleaned myself up, scrubbed myself down, only to to turn around and step in it AGAIN!!! This is a dodgey start to any morning. My Kitten’s have shatt all over the living room floor. I think they even spelt out the word ‘SLAG’ with it. Weird? They can crap all over my perfect life, yet i still adore them nonetheless. (I have to keep saying that or the RSPCA, will come after me.) Lol..

I’m very excited, as not only am i going to dinner with ‘The Warrenders,'(which means i get to groom all day) but afterwards, i get to go and sample ‘Pontefracts finest,’ in the newly opened Strip club. LOVE IT!! I’m excited as i’m quite quite sure that there’s gonna be a few ‘snaggled tooth crones’ and ‘pie eating wombats’ in there. Yet hopefully, i’ll find a sneaky ‘hot chick’ that i can try and set up with my best bud. But probably not! Yet he’s not too picky. We’re gonna use Me as the bait! Y’know, when ‘normal’ guy, walks in with ‘super hot’ chick..the other chicks, all of a sudden, think he’s hot too, or must be loaded. Hilarious! It works every time. Plus, i’m not shy, i’ll talk to anyone. Unfortuantely, i’m a shit match-maker…so lucky lucky him.

This time ten years ago, my friends and i, in a study of a boarding school, sat around the edge of a work surface and wrote dirty versions of various Christmas Carol Greats! (This is why you should send you’re kids through Private school. We fail exams, start smoking, have big ego’s, write dirty Christmas Carols, and all at the expense of our parents!!) It’s GREAT! I think we came up with ‘Big Schlong, Merrily on High,’/ ‘Jingle bells, My Schlong smells, and some ‘I want to stroke it’ version of the 12 days of Christmas. We actually stood in a choir- like hundle, in our school uniform, and not only sang them out loud, for pleasure and with toast..yet rehearsed them too, so we could recite them if needed. Quite odd really!

Chrissie Wunna x

6 thoughts on “Big Schlong Merrily on High

  1. Last Christmas I gave you my schlong
    The very next day, you wore it away
    This year, to save you from tears
    I’ve taken off all the holly.

    That’s the only one I can remember 🙂

  2. is it we didnt do dirty carols but we sing this song to totenham we are wlaking round totenham with our willies hanging out singing we got forskin how about u saying we got forskin we go forsking how about u fucking jew . i hoe u have a good night out with your pals and u find him a cheeky lil rocket at the rippers i hope they aint all dog rockets coz a lot of heap ones all the birds are butters

  3. ‘Big Schlong Merrily on high. Wazzo birds, got me singing!!
    It grew and poked her in the eye…..and now my eye is Stinging!!’

    ‘Jingle bells, my schlong smells, but it’s a juicy one. I tried to feed it to Wazzo bird, but Jeeze it was too long! Oh!!..’

  4. is that al u lernt at school chrissie ? well u lernt a lot more than me all i lernt was on coulet de poulet wich is french for go fuck a chicken

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