Step into Xmas Bitches

Influenced by quite rubbish morning television, i’ve decided to make a ‘Credit Crunch, Christmas Wreath,’ in a pink n white polka dot nighty, with Xmas bows in my hair, armed with kittens, champagne and my telly turned on to some ‘make your house look better, for cheap’ show. So yeah, here’s ‘Chrissie’s Credit Crunch Christmas Wreath’ thing…for under a £10. I mean, it’s about time everyone got into the bloody spirit a bit more. You all look miserable!! Shit, i forgot to put my diamantes on…(yeeeeeeeah, bitch!)

Anyway, firstly buy a lavish amount of Christmasy CRAP. Grab ya baubles, your cones, your nuts, ya golden beads, your fake robins and those stupid Xmas bows you can buy…oh and with wire attached. Good quality Christmas junk is essential. (Mine actually came to £57.06, which is not under a tenner..but f*** the Credit Crunch..where’s my champagne???) Follow the the purchasing, with a glass of booze. Bubbly booze! Then turn on the soothing sounds of ‘Britney Spears’ (preferably ‘Gimme Gimme More,’ as it makes you feel sexy and sends out the message that Christmas is for TAKING & very rarely for …can i even say it…’Giving!’) Sing a long…! Attach all the stuff you wasted your money on, onto your plastic Christmas wreath, (which i actually forgot to tell you to buy…hahaha!) Swig a little bit more Champagne. Adjust your boobs. Wiggly around to Britney, chuck a whole bunch glitter on it and HANG  your MASTERPIECE up. (‘Da, Daaaaaaaaaaaaa!’) As you hang it, drink more bubbly booze, switch the music to VICTORY Xmas tunes…and have a jolly old time. Yay!! The kittens ‘shatt’ on mine. Ugh!

History of Fairy lights: Way back when, some Dude saw starlight through ferns. He travelled back and put baby candles on his own dear ferns, hence fairy lights! Random!!

5 thoughts on “Step into Xmas Bitches

  1. make me one chrissie i ain t that fucked about xmas this year as i am going thailand on boxing day wich smashes xmas to pieces. i am looking forward to me goose drinking me old mans booze having a lil kip getting the old women to drive me home at 9.30 then haveing a few nelsons at mine with me pals then getting up at 5 to get a sherbert to heathrow then the land of thai , have a great xmas tada scratch xxx

  2. Nothing smashes Christmas to pieces as well as ‘going to Thailand to mistakenly shag Ladyboys’ does!! lol…

    Don’t get the ‘cougars’ to drive you home, you’ll catch ‘wrinkles,’ and privates that smell of fishy moth balls.

  3. i dont so lafy boys chrissie u cheeky mare i have been there 3 rimes no ladyboys i do fear them thoufgh but u can clock em if in doubt have a grab lol. have a great time though chrissie

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