Woke up this morning starving and to window pane sunlight! I’m feeling sexy, GREATNESS, and basically brimming over with that good old ‘Va Voomage.’ (Ooh la la, Monsieur!) Really happy, good day so far, so i’m spreading the joy, the love and ofcourse my cheekies, the laughs! (Chest out for the lads!)
I’ve already trollied off to a lovely department store, to get in a quick personal shopping session in. I know it’s early, (11.05am) but i’m trying to concentrate of purchasing pussy cats, for the rest of the day. God help me! Someone’s already tried to sell me a donkey. A real life donkey! They told me they had kittens, it turns out they had no kittens, a boner, the face of a toothy croned bat and a jolly old donkey. I’m not Mother flipping Mary!! I literally ran away in my heels, and he ran after me. (hahaha) Hilarious!!! He kept screaming ‘Ugg! Ugg!’ And i kept screaming, ‘Bastard!’ The mud in his garden was like quick sand.
Luckily at the department store i bought and breathed in some O2, at the originally named ‘Oxygen bar.’ Made me feel like i wanted to pass out. It always does. Funny how i can have a couple martini’s and feel fine, yet a shot of the cleanest oxygen, in all of the land makes me feel iller than Amy Winehouse. I only do it, because at the time i think it’ll do me some good. (Which is clearly code for: ‘I only do it because it makes me look cool.’) Loser’s of the world UNITE!!! I’m glad i did now though…fucking toothy croned bat, with a boner and a donkey. A f****** DONKEY!!!
Now i have a blond Jehovah’s Witness next to me, rambling on about rhubarb. What is HAPPENING!!!! This is the oddest holiday season ever!! It brings out the ‘Crazies!!’ Plus, the fact that ‘Crazies’ gain comfort by being near me says it all really. Oh and i’ve already been told by a random guy who tried to sell me a red panties that i remind him of…Oh no, not Jessica Rabbit….not Pocahontas…not a sexy Manga character, but the bloody singing ‘Fruit & Nut Bar’ from the famous 80’s (or was it 90’s) commercial.
This gonna be a good one….