Titty Bradshaw and a big prickly dildo

It’s 33 minutes until midnight, so i better hurry up and write this before my carriage turns into a pumpkin or whatever, and i leave glass shoes at random horny Prince’s balls. I love a good happy ending. (She sniggers) Me no likey, love you longtime! (Ugg-ugg, all done!) I’m currently watching ‘Celebrity Juice. Hilarious!! I’ve so far learnt that Madonna apparently looks like a dog chew. There’s no better job in the world, than having one where you can be inappropriately hilarious, and for no other reason than entertainment! I think i’m getting the flu?

Anyway, i’ve just got off the phone to someone in LA that i haven’t spoken to in almost a year. He’s a very stylish, black, gay, flamboyant Queen, who chases after straight mans penis. He would always turn up to the appartment with a massive bottle of bacardi, a smile and an attitude problem. It’s a good way to make friends. He always tries to out PIMP me, to the point where one time we were in a bar doing splits on a pool table trying to ‘out slut each other’ to impress boys., I love him! (Well Sometimes. I mean i didn’t really help him when my boyfriend had whipped him with his own belt, slam dunked him, slung him around the room a few times, and made him cry after a chinese burn.) Anyhow, i’ve been gone for ages, and i can’t wait to get back there. I miss it sooo much. Why? Well because he said this:

‘Hey it’s Mariah, (he calls himself different Diva names..haha) I miss you Titty Bradshaw, with ya too tight, too short dress. I just saw your new pictures, movie star. Heard about your nip/tuck, can’t wait to see the premiere of it, doll face!!’ (Followed by cheering, and hip hop music.)

I miss LA!  It sent a tingle of excitement up my spine. Only there can you get called ‘Titty Bradshaw,’ and be proudly applauded and missed for it! But anyway my life is so good right now. My career is booming, my love life is divine ( not as in the hooker who blew Hugh,) and i couldn’t really ask for anything more. I’ll be back in LA soon, so there’s no need to worry. I just have a few more fishies to fry out here in the Motherland. Maybe a few more ego’s to tackle, a few more hearts to break, a few more winks and wiggles??

 Oh my God, i’m watching Kelly Osbourne, turning Japanese, in a place called the ‘Love Hotel,’ where one can buy a Pot Noodle and a Dildo on the exact same menu. There are japanese people ordering giant transparent prickly dildos, with a beer and a bowl of fucking noodles, (hahaha) whilst having sex in what looks like a George Jetson space shuttle bed. Fairy lights and everything!! I need to go there! But saying that it would be a bit odd, me spinning around on a space shuttle bed, (it moves) with a coke, pot noodle, my hair in pigtails and a face of sheer fear, whilst i waited to be buggered by a random paying Japanese mister…..with a fucking prickly didlo, that lights up and plays ‘ku fu f(ucking) fighting’!!! What every happened to just bringing a bundle of carnations!! (hahahahaha) Too funny!

Night!

4 thoughts on “Titty Bradshaw and a big prickly dildo

  1. Jus’ got home before the diva got too drunk… he actually left to some comedy show… We all miss you babes!!! I Love You!!!

    oxoxox
    Poopsr

  2. your sounds like a wrong un and all babe no one likes that kind of iron trying to get your tilb he is the kind of iron who always leaves a bar here in hospital

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