Hello My darlings! I’m BACK!!!!
Okay, so i pulled a Houdini for jolly old month. A month is always a decent amount of time to pull a disappearing act, as it’s short enough for people not to forget you, yet long enough for people to really WANT you!!! I think i told you i was winking at strangers in LA. Well that…is what i like to call…..LIES!!!! Sometimes lies need to be told…it always makes you seem more interesting!! Just so you know, i’m in England. I never left …and i can’t really tell you what i was doing, yet i probably can confirm that i am officially GREATNESS!! (Check your ego’s at the door, as there’s simply no room.)
If i could describe my adventure, i guess it was like being completely naked on a giant pink feathery treadmill…sprinting as fast as i possibly could, in golden heels..yet getting nowhere fast, with my body running on nothing but champagne, adrenelin and good times, for one solid ‘felt like 5 years’ month. I think i sprinted so fast, that i left my body, and watched it run, from above. There was glitter, sweat and tears, and suddenly the brakes were put on. The brakes were soooooooo put on!!! In 1.2 seconds flat, everything stopped. I hit slow motion, and bounded right back into my body, and quite ungracefully..(but fuck it, that’s normal..haha.)
Not sure what you did?? But i know, it isn’t even nearly as Greatness as what i did!!! (hahaha….i WILL get over myself one day.)
However, your ultimate glamour puss is BACK, cold, and BOY crazy. Not quite sure what’s happenning, but i’m a major ball of horn, right now. I’m seriously perverted and it feels great!! I’ve recieved all your messages, from all over this merry world, and even though i only half read them (haha, it’s called laziness and being very hungover) i get it, you love me…i’m BACK!!! So sit back, relax, and watch me make my mistakes!! It really will make you feel better about yourself.
On a more serious note, i do really appreciate you all reading about my pretty shite adventures, and putting up with my ginormous ego. It fools me into believing my life has some meaning! I will die a happy chappy, or miserable….same difference really??
I have a myspace message reading ‘ RE: help Wunna-you are my (next to) only hope,’ it’s from LA. All i can say is, if I’M your next to only hope, then you need to be very very worried. Not sure when i became an advice columnist, but really it’s not wise to ask me for any sort of advice. Have you not read about my life??? It’s rubbish due to BAD choices!!! It’s how i made my name! You’d probably get saner answers from Miss.Winehouse. (Hugs not drugs.)
Oh and to my blog reader in Egypt, who wants to come pay me a visit. Standard procedure in England, is to send your host diamonds…beautiful ones, before she says ‘sorry i’m too busy.’ Honest!
Kisses! hahahaha! I LOVE MY LIFE yet funnily enough, and as always…it LOVES YOU!!!