Total Enlightenment Rocks

Was up by 5.30 am, due to a sensor light that wouldn’t turn off. It was still dark outside, so the light was blinding. The milkman had arrived, and i heard the tinker-tanker of glass bottles. I usually then hear a ‘start of the engine,’ (no i don’t as i’m usually passed out and dribbling…it’s all lies! haha), but today after the ‘tinker-tanker’ there was silence, and a blinding ‘still on’ sensor light. So i wait like a good 6 minutes. There’s still no engine starting, and the light is still glaring. So i totter up to my window, all grumpy, and well…just grumpy really, and to my ASTONISHMENT the milkman is peeing in our GARDEN! Actually doing a WEE, in our plants!! OMG!! He couldn’t just wait?? Anyhow, the weird thing about it, is that i didn’t actually say anything to him. I just stood there and watched!! (haha) He shook it off, zipped up, and tinker-tankered back to his van. The sensor light went off, i was a happy chappy…then i primped and groomed, as i was having to get up early anyway, to go to Birmingham.

Spent all day at the Burmese Peace Pagoda (in Birmingham) today. I go every few months, to check that i’m ‘pure of heart’ and get blessed. The place is all golden and magical, and full of real life monks from Burma and i figure that if i hang around these ‘do gooders’ even for just an hour, a little bit of there ‘goodness’ will rub off on me. (I’m buddhist by the way, just incase you didn’t know.) All went well, i listened to what they had to say about Karma, love, and that good things happen to good people. I was actually quite impressed (even though i fell asleep twice). This one monk (he was obviously the one in charge) said it didn’t matter what religion you labelled yourself, as that’s all ‘surface level.’ To attract good things into your life, you just have to have a pure heart..that’s all that matters. You can be one of those, ‘i go to church every fucking Sunday’ kind of people, and still not have even NEARLY a pure heart. (After all that, I didn’t even have to go!!) I fell asleep through the rest of it, due to the chanting (i like the chanting part) and i kept getting prodded by a granny. I figured, if one of the monks can doze off mid-chant, then I can right?? He was practically snoring!! At least i disguised mine as ‘meditation.’

Had a great day, yet it was a tad distracting due to the sea of people there ( i hate it when it’s busy, i like all the attention. We usually book the monks for private sessions. haha) Anyway, whilst the big monk in charge was teaching me stuff, this giant sized, as big as a house statue of a Buddha, was sitting behind him, with pink and gold candles, flowers and well just extravagant magnificence. There was even a chandelier!! Anyhow, around the Buddha’s head was an unfortunate display of neon lights. Either ‘Total Enlightenment ‘ is a Vegas slot machine, or Buddha’s on drugs??? These lights, all red and green (they formed a Halo circle around His head) zoomed in and out, around and round, turned into flowers, turned into stars, then basically pulsed and pulsed, until they finally decided to ‘swirl, swirl spin,’ only to stop….then do it all over again. (The fact that i know the sequence, is worrying.) Anyhow, I have absolutely NO idea what my monk said, (except the ‘good heart’ thing and that i was pretty) as the lights were just ruining my trip to ‘Nirvana,’ or ‘Inner peace’ or …i dunno, whatever…??? Then these little 4 year old girls, in rainbow striped tops, starting playing ‘snap’ with ‘Buy one get one free’ coupons, and well that was it for me. I took my PURE bloody heart and drove it back home, in heels and with an attitude problem. ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ saved me. I have now reached Total Enlightenment!! Hurrah! I need wine!

3 thoughts on “Total Enlightenment Rocks

  1. it sounds the bollox there chrissie i love buddist temples from seeing them at thailand although i aint religous buddisam is my favorite of them all. the geezer is right about being poure of heart being most important i hope u are cushtie chrissie have a mustard wekend babe take care vhrissie tada scratch

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