My life is a stringed together, tight-rope of awkward moments, that are made ‘not as awkward’ by me pointing out the awkwardness, in the moment. This morning, hasn’t been too awkward, as of yet, but you know those nifty, convertible Mini Coopers you can get…about 40 minutes ago, I smashed one. And i guess, it’s kind of okay, if you smash a Mini Cooper, in an actual three car ‘smack up,’ as you can do that thing where you blame the other two cars. (I’m good at blaming others for my faults.) However, i was driving along an empty country road, to get a ‘Daily Star,’ got so excited when i saw another car, park up next to me at the lights, that i turned the car stereo up to ‘ridiculously loud,’ looked at the man in the car next to me, (who quite weirdly was not amused) and started dancing around (half standing up) to that ‘Hips don’t Lie,’ song. I was winking, singing and basically being a prize TWAT (I don’t know what’s wrong with me…i just like people around me to feel uncomfortable, for kicks.) All is well, and i’ve completely got away with simple stupidity, then i smash into a chinese restuarant. A fucking CHINESE RESTUARANT!!!
The cars not damaged or anything, which is GREATNESS! (Booyah, In your FACE!!) Yet, the minor problem to this glorious tale is that the car is NOT MINE!! It belongs to my delightful neighbour, who lent me her car, to grab her a ‘Daily Star,’ and finished her last conversation with me, with the words ‘I trust you.’ (And she really did!!) I’m in massive piles of shit! The car looks completely fine, (just a bit battered) so i think i’ll keep it a secret, until she’s really drunk, and i’m back in LA. That would be fine, right??? If i hadn’t already TOLD HER EVERYTHING!!! What is wrong with me???
I kept using the whole, ‘at least i’m safe,’ line. The one that everyone uses just to make themselves feel better about their smashed up car, or to get out of masses of trouble. Quite bizarrely she’s 100% fine about the whole entire incident. (But that’s because she has dosh coming out her earholes.) She even made me a cuppa tea! (But that’s because i told her i was in a ‘not my fault, three car, smack up.’) EVIL!!