Spiders are only found in the cleanest of homes??? I think not!! I just don’t know who came up with that little bit of rubbish, when there’s a great deal more other rubbishness, that you can merrily invent. If spiders are only found in so ‘fresh n so clean clean,’ homes (i like using that phrase because this boy i once had a bedroom shuffle with in LA called Matty, woke up in my morning sheets and asked me why the room was so ‘fresh n so clean clean???’) …then why, when you go into peoples dusty dirty sheds, are they full of cobwebby spiders??? Sheds, are not CLEAN!! They’re full of disgusting fiflth, things that are broken, dirt, gardenning tools and serial killers. Also why, if spiders are only knocking around clean homes, are they associated with HALLOWEEN, and old musty haunted mansions??? AND, i guess ‘Arachnophobia,’ was just about a lady who had an excessively CLEAN home. I don’t get it?? And i hate it went housewives use it as an excuse, as to why they haven’t cleaned!! They’re the first ones to say, ‘Ooh spiders only hang around the cleanest homes!!’ Erm…more like you’re like the laziest housewife in the world ever, and spent the majority of the day giving it up to the milkman, than dusting the corners, of you’re childrens home. I’m not being a bitter Betty, but yes a spider did just land on me, in a housewife’s home. I was crunching on cornflakes, on a luxury sofa…kind of like a modern day ‘Little Miss. Muffet,’ but sluttier. Anyway, it dropped down on me, from some Godly height and i screeched, ‘oooh a SPIDER,’ she does the whole, ‘…it’s because my house is soooo clean’ speech, but it didn’t frighten ‘Miss. Muffet-Wunna’ away…i just flicked it on the carpet and gave it a good old STOMP. Stiletto to the heart. Not very buddhist of me, but shit happens?
I can’t believe i wasted all that blog space on spiders?? What i wanted to tell you was that i was interested in jumping on a trampoline…for fun. It’s something i’ve always wanted to do, with my top off, in just girlie panties, hair in pigtails and my hands over my nipples. Some want to save the world, others have different dreams…lol. I was all ‘giddy up’ about it, so frantically searched online for an answer to my prayers. The funniest thing, is that if you so wish to go trampolining, the best british site for it, is named ‘SUPER TRAMP.’ It’s somewhat off putting?? I’ve never really been called a ‘TRAMP’ before, so i don’t really want to be labelled a ‘Super TRAMPoliner.’ I’ll leave that to ‘Legs open Leylani.’ (i just made that name up boys, so don’t go searching for her online!! Perverts!)
Anyway, i’m still a bit anxious, as i am awaiting some very important news, i’m a ‘good deed- a- doing.’ i believe if you do good deeds, God loves you, and cuts you some slack. He like makes you richer and famous or something??? (hahaha) I feel very loved, very grateful and yeah, you know you’ve had a GREAT night, when you have a thousand messages on your blackberry, (from your friends) left at 3.32am, all making sure you got home safely. I had one from a ‘Josh??’ I don’t know a ‘Josh’… in England. Woo-hoo!! Why are there workmen on my roof??