Her Fussy Pussy

As i watched the rain beat down onto the pavement, out of the mercedes window, i ‘ho-hummed’ with a sad sigh of regret. Yes, it really felt like the light at the end of the tunnel, had temporarily been switched off. Then a jolly pudgey man, in the biggest blue truck i have ever seen in my life, still with gravy running down his chops, honked his horn, flashed his lights and cheered at the joy of my CHEST! (wa-hey!) I did my traditional, fake smile, and wave, then snapped back to reality, and realised how GREATNESS my life really is! (I really miss LA more than anything, but for right now…this’ll do!)

I’m desparately wanting to conquer the world, but my feet hurt from trying. It’s a bloody hard job, yet i least i never sat on my arse waiting. Give a girlie the right pair of shoes, and she can conquer anything!! It’s also been one of those, i really need a drink, or a ciggie days. However, i enjoyed neither. I love a good tipple, with conversation, hot boy, lonely bar, or for breakfast, but i refrained. I can’t drink in the rain, it makes my malibu pineapple taste different. Drinking was made for the night time, or sunshine…or just to get over last nights drinking session. And smoking, we’ll that’s just no good for ya!!! I gave up, not due to my health (as it takes a lot more than a ton of bricks and a minor smoking habit to kill me,) but simply because i kept ashing everywhere, in the most inappropriate places…and people started to get really annoyed. So i guess, i gave up ‘ashing.’ I’ve flipping ashed, all over every given city, a Zen garden (where i got thrown out by a monk), 172 domestic pets, (got yelled at by a man with a bulldog), on persian rugs and on various boys laps at posh dinner tables..(they didn’t mind, as they wanted to bonk me.) It had to stop! I stopped it, and filed it under ‘Good times.’ But my advice to any girl that ‘puffs a pack.’ Do know that it makes your vagina smell like mouldy ‘past it’s sell by date’ trout. (All smiles)

Some chick i was with today, mid shoot…( won’t mention any names,) was crammed into a toilet with me, as we frantically changed changes, for our next set of shots. As we rummaged our undies off, lipglossed our lips, pulled at our hair, and fought for the mirror…the most skankiest smell that has ever been dealt, was paraded around this tight toilet stall…(and i mean like ‘gip up’ proper, she must have rubbed ultra sloppy fishy vagina, into a beer drinking homless grannies open mouth’ bad smell.) So ofcourse you have to be polite and say, ‘Oh My GOD, what the fuck is that smell??’ And to make it even worse, the young Lady actually owns up to it, and says, ‘…i don’t know what’s up with it?? (pointing at vagina) It’s been like that since i was 15.’ WHAT!!!! At least have the decency to deny it, at all costs! I mean blame it on…ANYTHING. Don’t shrug it off, and then say,’..oh i read your blog everyday, can i borrow your lipgloss? No, not that one…i like the pink!’ Hilarious!! I mean her fussy pussy, smells so bad that it needs to get sliced off, boxed up and sent off to sea!!! God knows, how that happened?? I felt like calling the Police to have her arrested!! Oh the joys of glamour modelling!!

2 thoughts on “Her Fussy Pussy

  1. oh no one likes a fishy fany. i hope your shoot went well chrissie. i hope u have a good beer drinknig is always nice. well done for giving up smoking salmons chrissie it is hard aint it. i hope u get ot go la soon babe as u do seem to love it. i dont know wether it would be for me i would love the girls but i think there would be to many fake fridges out there and they dont have footie over there on all the time and no pints of stella.

  2. hehehe I love Chrissie Wunna’s Tales From The Labia – there’s a book there… or possible a stage show. Like the vagina monalogues but dirty and shameful.

    who was the model? ;-P xxxx

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