Had a great day, and really enjoyed having my breasts. I’m more chipper than moaney, and for someone who’s meant to be a vegetarian…i’ve really been quite fond of my last few chicken casseroles. (I’m a vegetarian who eats chicken and beef.)
I’m a huge fan of Astrology, not a knicker throwing fan, yet i did once upon a merry time study it, by going to a bookstore every morning on ‘3rd and La Cienega’ after my coffee, and 10 cigarettes, to figure out why i was, the way i was, and how i would beable to sexually turn on boys of different starsigns. I’m too lazy to do all that now, and really don’t need to anymore, due to a lethal combination of fake boobs and sluttiness. (It’s a winner fellas!!) But i will read my horoscope for fun, once in a while, and live my life by the inside of a fortune cookie, after i’ve added the words ‘in bed’ at the end of whatever Confuscious decides to say! (Got that off my balcony buddy Cletus’s girlfriend Amy!) ‘You will come across an old lost treasure….in bed!’/’You will discover your true career potential, after crossing the sacred seas of Cum yung foo, on a silvery crocodiles back, armed with your lucky monkey’s heart….in bed!!’
Anyway, i’m completely sidetracking and making this blog uselessly crapper. I love the Daily Mirror, and only because they feature Debbie Frank the Greatest Astrologer, in the World ever. Who i am sure is a drunkard, as everything she predicts if sooo ‘Fuck off, i’m going through menopause. Pass me my vodka’ wrong. It’s hilarious! This is what, i was suppose to achieve today… according to our Debs:
Saggitarius: ‘ DON’T think the lunar eclispe will have nothing to do with you!!!! (What? I caused it??) In my mind, refreshing daily horoscopes should never being with a block capital, confrontational accusation. Hilarious!! Go on Debbie, down another shot!! ‘You have a powerful vision about what you want..’ (penis?) Or in your case Debbie, another bloody booze up, with that hot flush!! Down it chick!! ‘…and support is around the corner.’ (about time too..are you getting a taxi home Debs, cos i think you’ve ‘chucked up’ on my shoe??) ‘You’ll discover things with amazing potential, & then you can push for those hoped for changes!’ Push things? I hate pushing, it’s seldom beneficial. I prefer pulling. The only thing okay to be pushing is horny midgets. I’m sick of them dry humping my leg and me having to be polite about it, just because they’re ‘small.’
Debbie Frank, you are a Genius. I hope one day, i too, will get paid to write such magnificent drunken nonsense on a daily basis, for the nation to live by!! 10 points!! Oh and i know a good doctor….wink, wink!