Misread the signs

I’ve just got home after following a ‘Super Whip’ ice-cream van, in the raucous rain. Yes, it’s pissing it down, yet i couldn’t help finding it hilarious, to be racing at granny speed, behind a bright pink & white ice-cream van, on it’s last legs, in grey gloomy Badsworth to the ‘Lambada’!! I kept singing and dancing, then would have to wee myself laughing, at the bewildered ‘Super Whip’ ice-cream van, (all panicky ‘cos it’s raining,)infront of me. I would wind my window down, stick my middle finger up and shout, ‘WANKER,’ for no reason, other than utter amusement…then carry on doing ‘Lambada’ arms and smiling at him!! If this is the rocky road to stardom, then i’m in big trouble. Like i don’t have enough obstacles hindering my starlit path, without ‘Him, up above’ plonking a slow moving, ice-cream van infront of me. JESUS!! Then he’s like, ‘Oh she’s a fighter, we’ll make it rain on her too, and maybe next week we’ll give her a few…no you’re not what we’re looking for’s?’

So today, i managed to misread a sign that clearly read : ‘BLUE CLOTHES ONLY, IN THIS AREA!!!’ Lets just say, i looked like a right ‘eat my own boggies’ pillock, as after 4.2 hours i realised it actually clearly read: ‘BLUE CLOTHS ONLY…..’ (a round of applause please!) This is why i should never be placed into a dirty kitchen, and be expected to do anything worthwhile. I’m there bloody colour co-ordinating, instead of wiping down sides!! It was one of my GREATEST moments!! I guess the only sides i should be wiping, are those that belong to my vagina, and on your bed sheets. My body was built for pleasure, not hard labour. I do keep saying this, yet nobody seems to listen.

5 thoughts on “Misread the signs

  1. you make me crack up chriise it would of been priceless to see the fridges face u doingthis i bet u are blinding ot og out for a beer with down the boozer i think i need ot get on the swill with u one day chrissie. bkue ckiths only areas what is this counry coming to soon it will be a whole town saying punjabi speaking only well there are already signs in punjabi in canning town

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