Morning my Pretties! I’ve just begun my merry day by erotically wiggling around, to filthy hip hop songs..hopefully it will set the mood for the morn. I do enjoy a good filthy hip hip track before 9am, yet only because i decide to sing along to them in my most britishly posh accent!! Gives a whole alternate flavour to the term, ‘I’m a real G homie, i got six figures on me.’ Delicious! (Yes, i am a TWAT!)
My arse feels terrible this today, and i’ve just got done explaining my agony to my mother, who with very little sympathy just laughed. I think it hurts due to the ongoing usage of shit sandpapery toilet role. Oh my God, you have no idea how much pain i’m in. It’s hilarious!! My ‘underneath’ seems to feel all sore, soft and burnt. It’s quiet tragic really. It feels horrid, and spritely, (haha) like i’ve accumulated a delightful cocktail of angry butt crack STD’s. (Just for the record, i’m speaking metaphorically, as i would hate for potential ‘handsomes’ to be shyed off my this!!) But anyway, SEE! The world HAS developed! I mean, it seems you don’t even have to have ‘nookie’ with someone now to be blessed with some kind of dirty sexy bummy disease, you just wipe your tender ‘McOochie’ with sand papery toilet roll, (kindly provided by Pinderfields Hospital, in Wakefield…all smiles…hurrah,) and just like magic, you will probably feel like you’ve just been tunnelled by a warted dicked donkey. Now there’s a bit of English for you! Champagne (or whatever) all around!!! This surely isn’t morning talk. I’m definitely going to Hell!