Pee out the window

Woke up this morning at the ‘Elizabeth Arden’ counter, of a luxury department store. A large set, yet beautiful woman named Karen was caressing my face with brushes, and powder puffs, whilst staining my pout with the perfect praline pink…(Ugh, god wait….i’m choking…like really!! hahaha…was sucking on a chicken bone, and managed to swallow something odd??) I bought everything she told me too, then grabbed some random ‘8 hour’ cream, because it was the 8th hour, of the 8th of the month, and in 2008. Not sure what it does for 8 hours, but it better end in orgasm. Liz Arden counters get pricey, yet just the touching, tingling and pampering brush strokes is worth every penny alone. I’m addicted. (oh shut ya pie hole, i haven’t had anyone feel me up in months!)

Got a ‘great news’ phone call today, ergarding work, and confirming dates. Always brings a smile to my face, as the phone call always seems to come at the most random time. I was squatting behind an ambulance, yet half doing a ‘happy dance’ with sheer excitement!! My brother decided he needed to pee, mid car journey, about 100 times today. So due to sheer laziness, i slurped the last bit of coffee out the bottom of my cardboard cup, did a quick hand over…(hahah, thats sounds rude!! I meant i politely passed it to him,) and to his dismay forced him to ‘release his tension’ into my coffee cup. Like that wasn’t bad enough. He then decides he needs to pee 101 times, so therefore, without my consent (had to add that note) winds down the window and throws it out of our moving mercedes!!! OMG!! I’m acting like this had never happened before, yet it has, on the border of Mexico, when my LA friend Brian urinated into a cup, whilst eating a banana, and made me politely hold it. I got bored so i wound down the window, and gave the fresh cup of pee, to a mexican man on the street, who was trying to sell everyone kites. Some people smuggle drugs, we smuggled in american man urine!! Woo-hoo!…and drugs.

Not much else happened apart from, ‘less is more’ and a lot of swanning in like a glamour puss, spilling everything and sabotaging the people of the lands word searches. This time with water, and not with piss. I always manage to ‘swan in’ at the exact wrong moment, and ruin everyones hard work. I’m great! Anyway, my fish has steamed, so i’m off to nosh down, and strap in for a ‘big brother’ eviction night. Dale or Stu??? I’ll have both please, with a side of ‘good times.’

2 thoughts on “Pee out the window

  1. my pal done thast in a pint glass as we were driving to blackpool but he over filled and it went on the car abit the mug then threw it at a cyclist it was a good shoot the cyclist mug. im pleased u got good news about workd but can u use proper words what is ergarding when it is at home if u keep on using word like that noone will have a danny adout what your waffeling on about treacle

  2. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA god that blog’s funny! Not one but two quotables:

    “Not sure what it does for 8 hours, but it better end in orgasm”

    “I was squatting behind an ambulance, yet half doing a ‘happy dance’ with sheer excitement!!”

    You rock, Chrissie 😀 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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