Woke up this morning to a headline reading ‘How to make good pasta. What the Italians do.’ Well..pasta is something that i never eat, as it doesn’t mesh in with my Hollywood list of food, that i may intake, but i do know that pasta is the piss easiest thing to ever make, and pretty much turns itself into a meal…right?? Not worthy of a headline. All you have to do, is bung brittle shell shaped things into a boiling pot of H20…then i guess ‘make like the Italians’ and enjoy ‘sweet sweet loving’ whilst it comes to the boil…and ‘Voila!!’ That’s how to make bloody great pasta. Everything tastes better after sex.
Alongside my dish of ‘how the italians do it,’ was a side of ‘Brangeliena.’ So dear Brad, and Angie, have just popped out a beautiful set of 3 week old twins and already the movie star, ‘half baby making, half baby buying machine,’ are ready to adopt 2 more darlings, to make their family complete!! How many more kids do the ‘jolie-pitts’ need?? I think it’s great, ( i love kids) but boy are they gonna have some trouble when they all reach their teens…and all at the same time!!! Headline, ‘Shiloh scratches out Maddox’s eyes, who scratches out Pax’s eyes, who scratches out Zaharas eyes, who scratches out ‘La laas’ eyes, who scratches out’ Po’s’ eyes, who scratches out the ‘other ones’ eyes, who ends up in rehab, after eating the twins and proclaiming an undying lust for Brad Pitt.’ Why is my imagination so girl fight, childline violent this morning? It’s not even 9am.
Saying that, some website asked me if i wanted to come naked fight with another girl for them for the world to see. Sounds appealing…(horrifc lie, it sounds worse than poking my own eyes out with pencils.) Heeeelllllooo!! I’m a Lady of Leisure..with my two first born children implanted into my chest. I’m a good mother. We make love not war. Shit, i start my diet today. I have 5 days to lose about 6 pounds…(as she slurps her sugar free cherry diet coke.) My mums doing it with me for moral support. I have a crazy nutritionist, who not only jogs everywhere, and looks like he’s just snorted a magic mound of cocaine. Yet, who seems to need to tell me the history and sexual background of every fucking vegetable i intend to put into my mouth by force. I don’t need to know the bloody history, or spank a fucking baby tomatoe. I just need to not eat as much for 5 days. I’m meant to be on a diet, not a pervy veggie fetish roundabout. (Hope he doesn’t read this….lol) Nutritionists are just control freaks cleverly disguised as ‘health food gurus.’ Imagine choosing to control what everyone puts into their body for a living. It’s hilariously evil!!! His mother didn’t love him or something?