So today i decided i was going to buy a football kit. Not really sure why, but i thought it would be fun to have one? It’s not really that fun though, is it?? I’m quite disappointed in myself! Anyway, yeah, bad idea. I ended up strolling into some discount sports shop, (i didn’t really wanna spend too much on a kit, that’s really not needed,) and well, all i can say is, you 100% know that girls NEVER venture into their ‘Streetwise sports’ shop…like…EVER!! The testosterone levels in that store, when i walked in, was almost nearly, might aswell hang yourself suffocating!! It even smelt like sporty boys who wanted sex!! They were like nut scratching, over sexed gorillas. I kinda pretended that i didn’t notice the change in atmosphere, and studied, looked at, and played with a few balls. Big ones!! My only other option was sitting in a dark corner of a sports shop crying for sanity. It’s a good job, i’m a lethal combination of ‘Hussy’ and ‘Show-off,’ otherwise i’d never survive. Plus, i feel way more comfortable in a group of drunk, pervy, or drunk (haha) boys, than i would being somewhere normal, like a grocery store. Weird right?? There’s just something about standing inbetween cold cuts of meat and yoghurt, that totally creeps me out. The Pervs i can handle.
Anyway, it’s really hard guessing which balls are footballs?? So i saw a white one, that said ‘Soccer’ on it, (lucky guess,) grabbed it, then stood infront of a full length mirror, to see what it looked like on me. I did a couple glamour poses, then walked through a turbulent sea of stares, whilstles, gormless looks, cheers and Himbos (and these were the employees!!) I tried to dismiss them, but my ego got the better of me, and since i knew, i was now on ‘show’ it was ‘performance’ time!! (Yes Daddy.) One day i’ll learn, but for right now, i’ll just wallow in the attention, like a happy puppy!! I finally found some footie socks, got asked if i had enough help or a boyfriend 27 times, enjoyed a few winks, had my picture taken with a few gorillas, and well although i was ‘fresh streetwise sports store meat’ it was definitely worth my while!!! I didn’t get much of a kit though?? Socks and a couple of balls!! All i need really. One guy asked me, if i actually ‘played football???’ Erm…?? I just said, ‘Close..i’m good with balls, but i really just stand around in polka dot panties holding them for no reason and play with my boobs.’ Once you’ve said that line, you are automatically given the ‘power of love.’ He melted, asked for my number…i simply ‘tut, tutted’ at him, (Girls are great at ‘tut tutting,) turned around, adjusted my heels, and strutted out of that joint, with my giant balls!! I think there was vixen strut music, playing in my head! I rock! I’m never going in there again!! Fyi/ It was National NUDE day today…if you missed it YOU SUCK!