Kiss n tell it bitch

Woke up this morning to the soothing sounds of the ‘Daily Sport.’ I guess it’s another adventure i’d like to take. You know you’re a classy bird, when you’ve appeared of the smutty pages of the ‘Sport’. I’m a huge fan, of ‘smut’ and the ‘Sport,’ and honestly i just thought it would be hilarious to beable to say…(by the time i’m 82…if i last that long) that i once had the male part, of the British nation, smear their ‘goodness’ on my Page 3 contribution to such a ‘legendary’ tabloid. (BOOYAH!)  And it also seems out here, if you’ve a ever had sex with someone who the Gods have classified as ‘famous,’ then you are newspaper ‘fodder.’ I like food, and i like being ‘eaten’ (ahem,) so this really to me, is a giant treat!! In LA no-one cares if you’ve had a bedroom shuffle with a movie star…as most people have. I think they’d be more shocked if you HAVEN’T stomped on ‘Val Kilmer’s’ balls in stilettos. (You didn’t hear that from me.) We’re all (as in the girls of LA) hungry for fame, so i guess we think, if we bonk someone famous, we too feel like a ‘Star,’ just for those short, sweet, drunken shoves. When really all that happens is a gentle mush of mess, all over your stomach, as they shoot out their bit of fame, do another shot, before ordering your taxi back, to lowly ‘not famousness.’ I’ve got smart and realised, to completely ‘score’ you have to actually be semi-famous yourself, trick them into marrying you, ‘accidently on purpose’ fall pregnant, say he’s a ‘dead beat father’ and slept with a prostitute and then start calling you’re agent!! It’s a long process, yet it’s fool proof. (Am i in hell yet?)

I feel like i’m always the ‘bad girl.’  I kind of prefer the term, ‘adventurous,’ yet no matter how ‘good’ i try to be, i keep tripping up, over my ego, and start being the ‘Dennis the Menace’ of any industry my mind wishes to partake in. My job before this was ‘socialite,’ which is much more rewarding. You can totally mess up, and they expect it. Infact you get ‘applauded’ for this ‘messing of upness.’ You really can get away with most things…adjust your bra, stick a feather in your hair, and end it with a ‘FUCK U,’ whilst slurpping that final cocktail, that you really don’t need to have. They take pictures! It’s glorious! (Note: i’m really not as bad as this, i’m just making it up for attention.)

3 thoughts on “Kiss n tell it bitch

  1. bloody hell is it realy that easy to prod famous people in la do the famous birds go over that easy chrissie coz if they do jessica alba here i come get the stella and limes ready scratchys coming lol. it sounds like u have a lot of fun chrissie wich is good as u are still young and life is for living so if u are happy crack right on babe and fuck em all. i love the sport and all it is a quality paper but the best paper is the current bun. have a great wekend chrissie i would love to see some of your drunken antics one day i reacon it would be a right fanny arbuckle rake care treacle tada scratch

  2. Yeah the famous LA girls aren’t as easy as the boys!! I think it’s just a ‘guy’ thing. Thats why its always way better being a girl!! lol…But with you being ‘british’ ..they would completely adore you. All you have to do then, is make up a few massive lies, and then BINGO, Alba is yours! Hope you’re well Scratch. x

  3. that is me fucked then chrissie i like to tell things as they are i dont like blagging im shit at it. and my problem would be when i am pissed i do tend to speak a bit quick and i do have a thick accent. have a great wekeekdn treacle tada scratch

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