OH MY GOD

HILARIOUS night!! Oh my LORD!! First of all i managed to accidently stumble onto a red carpet, ( only I can do something shit like that,) only to get molested by two young men, dressed as naked policemen, in speedos. SCORE!! Then it all went downhill from there really! I was at work, and during the process of me going to work, being at work… working, and leaving work. I managed to see, a man due to get married in about 4 hours, dressed as a slutty nurse, get whipped on all fours to ‘Smack my bitch up,’ by two topless dancers in a boxing ring, whilst his friends cheered. I got called ‘fat’ twice, hit on by a man in a clown wig, and two 70’s dancers. I hit someone over the head with a church cross, watched a russian girl claw some other russian girls eyes out…once again topless. The guy who called me ‘Fat’ then called me ‘Mother hen,’ and claimed that my friend was actually fatter than me. I lost my purse. I found my purse. I danced. There was a lot of blond. I ran around with a brown hairy afro attached to my vagina. I slagged off a slag. I broke a few hearts. I got manhandled inappropriately by a dirty old man, i passed out on a train at 5.05am..with my mouth open, joined a ‘forward roll’ competition with a bunch of Priests, was bought numerous vodka cranberries… by Priests, had my bag searched, had my makeup used, and had 6 different people tell me that they were now my boyfriend, had 66 people surprised that i was even talking to them, woke up feeling like shit…and all of this in my UNDERWEAR.

I guess, Yorkshire is kind of like LA after all???

4 thoughts on “OH MY GOD

  1. I, on the other hand, watched telly, had a wank and went to bed – now you tell me who had the better night….

    …actually don’t. I may cry.

    xxx

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