Sugar and spice and all things GIN!

Lovers welcome!  I’ve just dyed my hair a whole shade blacker just because a commercial told me to be a ‘shade braver.’ I feel hot, it looks hot, yet my father says my look is soooo, in your face ‘Look at me.’ Okay so i get that girls are beautiful no matter how they come blah blah, wake me up when i’m done… yet the good thing about about my ‘ look at me’ look, is that when i go out and grace the streets, people actually ‘Look AT ME.’ (it’s the whole point) And yes, they may snigger due to the in your face, boobs out, hair done, lippy galore, bold tan thing, yet it works for me bitches…it works!!! (well most of the time anyhow…) I try to ‘tantalise with tinsel,’ so to speak. (oh shut up, it works.)

Talking about tans…i booked a shoot for a US mag, even though i’m supposed to be on my ‘prepping break’ and they want me to look as natural as possible. So i had to send them along some photos of me, naked yet natural looking…(i hate the natural ones, as they’re never any fun.) Anyway, they loved my pics and i’m doing the shoot in a couple days, yet said ‘a lot less of that fake tan shit.’ Okay, i am known as the Goddess of fake tan, and i am not ashamed to say that i use it a great great deal!!  It loves me, i love IT, we make whoppee. Yet, in the pictures they saw of me, in my ‘natural glory’…i actually was fake tan less. I think they’ve forgotten that i’m actually ETHNIC, with means i can go in the shower, quite often and my ‘brown’ won’t wash away. OOH NO!!! SHOCK HORROR!!! So just to piss them off, i’m smearing on as much fan tan as possible. I could say the devil made me do it, yet i don’t think they’ll really argue with me, once i’ve got my clothes off?? It’s the ‘tinsel.’

I’m actually feeling pretty sick today. i don’t know whether its a fluey, ‘not very well,’ or a hungover, ‘not very well??’ I had a bunch of gin last night to celebrate happiness. It was fun, yet waking up hungover, to the  screaching ‘buddhist chanting tape,’ and my brother singing every single chart song known to man, with every phone in the house ringing, and my brain banging angrily through my head, is really not fun at all…like EVER!! Oh shit, the nape of my neck is itching…this always happens after a dye job. I must have left it on for too long?? Plus, i can’t seem to get the ‘blue black’ off my body!! Infact, i don’t even know why i dyed my hair ‘blue black.’ I don’t seem to understand the term?? It’s soooo black its blue??? Who the fuck came up with that??? No-one wants blue hair to start with, and if they’re dying it black, then it shouldn’t ever really be blue?? Right?? Or am i insane?? Thats like saying it’s so pink, it’s grey!! I don’t know, i don’t even care. Pink, grey, blue, black, it’s still gonna make my bloody neck itch! ‘ll just file it under, ‘Tastes like chicken.’

Oh anyway, i’ve got to go drink at least 12 cups of coffee. My mums just arrived, which often on days of sheer hung-overness sucks, as she always begs for soooo much attention. Fuck coffee, i need another gin!! Oh Lord!!

6 thoughts on “Sugar and spice and all things GIN!

  1. “Lovers welcome” – bagsy being the front of that queue.

    “Shade braver” – at first glance I thought that said “shaved beaver”

    “shoot for a US mag” – fucking high fives for you!!!!

    “naked yet natural looking” – dammit I wunna see those pics!!

    “blue black” – isn’t that the colour of superman’s hair? Coooool!

    xxxx

  2. That’d be armageddon then!

    Armageddon it done … armageddon me end away … armageddon pissed
    off with VirginMedia for traffic shaping my internet connection yet again!

    Armageddon me coat!

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