Okay, so i’ve been a bit ‘off’ mode all day. I now think i have hydrogen peroxide poisoning, which is fun…as always, and i have a definite period approaching….the mood is somewhat swingey, (and not in the good way swingey, not that there is a good way really, right?)
Anyway so i decide to call ‘Loverboy’ in LA, i always tend to when my mood is swingey…lucky him! Unfortunately, his mood was pretty shit also, i could tell as soon as he answered the phone, he was mid brushing his teeth and getting ready to pound the pavement, to succeed in life, and set a foundation for the future. During his ‘getting ready’ and a conversation about how are backgrounds are too different for us to get along nicely…he realises that his gay roomate has moved his shoes. He hits panic button, as these are the shoes, in which he had visioned, pounding the pavement with. They were nowhere to be found, he was getting stressed out. He’s slowly, (well fast) getting more and more pissed off, and puts me on speakerphone, as he needs to begin rummaging.
Speakerphone is never a good place to put me, especially when one is stressed. I always know that a whole room can here me during speakerphone moments, therefore like a trained monkey…the performing begins. The performing is usually quite entertaining, however the mixture of my PMS, and his stress is far from anyones ‘happy place.’. Anyway, he’s starting to blame the world for his missing shoes, (when really he should just be blaming his gay roomate) and feels highly underpressure, so i decide it would be funny, whilst on speakerphone, to sing the Benny Hill theme tune, over and over and over and over and over again, during his hunt. (i thought wrong, but whatever its priceless!!) Imagine me, on your speakerphone singing a repetitive theme tune, whilst you are frantically looking for shoes!! Greatness!! people would pay for that!! But not ‘Loverboy.’ There were cries of pain, yells of anger, and yet still i continued to ‘Benny Hill theme tune’ the moment, just to up the excitement. He is now in a full on panic. My tune is getting faster and faster. He is threatening to hangup if i don’t shut up, because my tunage is making him feel under pressure and like he has to move faster!! lol… I am wetting myself and not because i’m a dirty tart, but because it’s hilarious!!! (note this moment was only funny because he was taking the shoe hunt VERY seriously.)
Like most men i date, i managed to drive him to the bottle. He gave in, got so stressed out, marched to the refrigerator and was forced to make himself a bloody mary because he couldn’t handle my shit anymore. I am CHAMPION and it did actually make me feel better. I hope i didn’t ruin his day???
So i finished the call and went to watch ‘Strictly baby fight club,’ on tv… (which is 4 year olds, thai boxing in cages….HORRID!!) I need to get some sleep!! Night!!n I really do have hydrogen peroxide poisoning.