Just woke up from a tiny nap, ( i bathed, it always makes me sleepy) i have a bowl of special K with blue coloured berries (love it) delicately placed by my side, i’m watching Paul o grady, who has ‘Pauline Fowler’ in bed with him and i’ve just learnt that honey makes you less alert!! A brown haired doctor on tv has just stated this. I don’t quite get it, as aren’t we supposed to have honey with tea when we’re sick? It’s meant to make us better, not less alert. God, i’m hungry now! I must be getting my period soon, i’m starting to always feel hungry and my boobs are swelling. Although the swelling boobs are a delight to you boys, just remember that in a weeks time, i might have ‘ready to go,’ boobs on top, yet underneath i’m making little red puddles in my knickers!! haha! Eww! I totally do NOT want my Special K with berries anymore. Champion!
So i don’t know why, but about 7.4 minutes ago i was thinking about some of the dodgey things people have given me, (and i’m not going to insert a herpes joke here, so you can calm yourself down please.) However really, people usually never know what to get me, even though i’m easily pleased, and i’ve had some wonder gifts, presents (the wonderful ones are usually from my mother) yet one time, my ‘latin lover’ is clearing out his dusty cupboards, as he, well ‘we’, we’re moving to not so greener pastures… at the time. And from out of this dodgey dusty cupboard trails out a horrid oversized, pleather black jacket. He hands it to me with a loving smile, and tells me to try it on, as its now mine. Ooh lucky me. You should have seen my face. I know clothes, i love clothes, i’ve shopped since being 4, and this was definiteIy one for the bonfire. Anyway, being the angel that i am, i plonk it on, it’s 20 sizes too big, it’s has bat wings on it, is fake leather, smells like its been in a dusty cupboard, has a giant red cross in the label, which means it was from a thrift shop sale, (and i hate thrift shops) and get this it had massive shoulder pads. Oh Lord.
Shoulder pads should NEVER be worn by anyone under the age of 63. The only way they can be worn if they must be worn, is if the shoulder pads, are removed from the shoulder pad area, and sewn into your bra, for an extra boobie lift or if your a boy, shoved down your boxer briefs for a little ‘sturdy 9 inch package’ deciet. Anyway the fairytale ended quite well as he noted the fact that i HATED it, and gave it to our driver. Our driver, whos a meth head, unfortunately hated it also, and gave it to a prostitute, who was real life half man half woman, and his new girlfriend. I think the prostitute kind of shunned it too, as she instead asked me to grab her some books that we’re left under a tree.
Thank God my life is way better now.