Ballet pumps slippers and a few dodgey booty calls

Ballet pump type shoes are weird. I am currently wearing a pair to try and relax my feet, as my constant high heel usage will apparently make me crippled when i’m older and duff my knees up big time. The sheer shock of potentially being crippled has made me run, in heels (lol) to buy me a new pair of flat, leather, pinky gold, ballet pump like shoes. I grew up doing ballet, so this should not be a problem. Yet, I feel very low to the ground, and not really being blessed with height, is not too great when in ballet pump type shoes, even thought they look divine. I actually feel weird, and a bit like an umpa lumpa, instead of gazelle like strutting, i seem to be waddling from side to side, like that big girl from ‘ladette to lady’ who kept puking everytime she saw seafood. I’m definitely going to ditch them, or just use them as slippers, as it’s one thing wearing ballet type shoes, whilst doing ballet, yet wearing them daily, when you are no longer in any sort of ballet class, is pretty pointless (unless you are a umpa lumpa.) Maybe i’ll just get use to them. I’ve only given them 10 minutes to prove themselves…haha, i must run a tight ship. No wonder all my ex-boyfriends hate me. Just joking, they adore me, however only at 2 am, when there’s no-one left at the bar who wants to give’em the old bonky. I get lots of those after social hours drunken booty calls, mainly from the boys in LA, who haven’t quite realised that i’m actually in a whole different country right now??? One boy was so drunk that he thought he actually saw me at the bar, so called me up whilst completely unsober, to ask me where i was,  when did i leave, and do i want to meet up with him??? Erm…yeah, i left that Hollywood bar approximately 5 months ago. No repsectable girl responds to those calls. My ex-hubby is the champion of them, you get the whole serenade and everything and sometimes bizarro ‘jack-off’ sounds. Lucky lucky me! I’m a glamour puss, glamour pusses SLEEP, as we have to get up at 6am to get our boobies out for the nation daily. We’re too busy looking after our glamourous- selves to be calling our unobtainable (haha)  booty to work at 3.01am and if it is going ‘to work’, we already have our victim laid directly underneath us by then! Get with it boys!!

1 thought on “Ballet pumps slippers and a few dodgey booty calls

  1. Ballet slippers ain’t so bad… it’s this fucking tutu that makes me look like a twat… it just don’t go with the gimp mask…

    …what?

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