Put on those heels my dears!

Hello!! Morning!! I’m in the greatest of moods today, so sit back and enjoy the grand splendour ( did i spell that right??) as i bark on about my wonderful life!! And it is, i feel like a Goddess!! Booyah!!

A good way to start the day, is to have an appointment with a bathtub full of bubbles. I actually got to enjoy a quiet moment (yeah daddy) in a proper bathtub, all on my own….without a aggressive photographer telling me to ‘arch my back a little more’ and blow bubbles, whilst he tries to take a good shot! ( oooh-er.) Ahhh! Bliss!!

I have a coffee in my hand, i have a looong string of McJobbies. I feel lucky, i feel happy, and i wish Kerry Katona, was smarter than she is. Really, you could grab that girls head, and smash it against an elephants butt, and still not knock any sense into her.

I’m getting invited to lots of poshy events, yet i’m not able to go to any of them (typical, how am i ever gonna get famous??) because firstly, ‘Hubby Martinez,’ is sunning it, in LA, (UGH) and i can’t go alone as i’ll look like a right ‘billy no mates.’ OH!! I guess, i put, ‘firstly’ which would mean, there should be a ‘secondly??’ Bollocks!! Yeah, secondly, work is full on???

I can’t write this right now, as there’s coffee to be drunk, and shops to be shopped at. My life is really coming together now. I needed this break in England. Theres no evil distractions!! It’s kinda like therapy, yet without the pervy therapist!! ( long story)

I managed to book a small role in a ‘not so small’ movie. Don’t know how?? But it’s great being me!! hahahahahaha!! All my LA friends, will now hate me. YES!!!! I am greatness!! I seem to stumble into good opportunites. This is why you should always wear heels, they aid stumbling.

5 thoughts on “Put on those heels my dears!

  1. “quiet moment” – is that a euphemism for masturbation???

    “McJobbies” – is that a euphemism for bringing yourself to climax with a Happy Meal?

    In fact is “Happy meal” a euphemism for oral sex?

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

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