I feel like a fat bitch!

Fuck i feel fat, and it’s the most horrid feeling ever. I’m bloated, pudgey, my thighs should be rotating around a spit roast, and my belly should be made fun of by hot blond skinny girls. Ugh!! I weep. It’s almost nearly my time of the month, and the waiting for ‘it’ to arrive is a bitch. Now, i know God is a man, or infact a queeny gay man, who wants all girls to suffer, so before they actually get their monthly bloodied out pour, he makes us FAT for one whole week, so we look like shit too. I mean it would be okay, if my job was doughnut eating truck driver, or susie-anne who works behind a giant desk. But my flipping job is ‘take all your clothes off, hold ya boobs and smile,’ so putting on that extra bit of end of month’ ooh laa,’ is tragic!! UGH!! UGH!! UGH!!! It’s so hard to stay skinny in Yorkshire, where there’s and array of starchy delights, and grubby hungry asian girls, ready to feast upon it’s fruits!! FUCK!! Before i go back to LA, i have seriously got to get my fat ass on a ‘skinny bitch’ diet!! I’m wearing these baggy pants that i never could fit into before, yet now they’re all filled out and full!! UGH!!! This sucks!! I need to get my period and be done!!

Ghetto bubbles,boobies & homework diaries

Just soaked in a fanciful tub of warm bubbles, as i thought over my actions of the day, whilst easing away my troubles. Unfortunately, my warm fanciful tub, ended up, being of the ‘ghetto fabulous’ sort, as i intended to have champagne, as i bathed (fuck you, i’m a princess), yet instead, all i seemed to beable to find was a somewhat less fabulous vodka, and fanta. I also demanded classical music, yet happened to be blessed with Flo Rida’s ‘Low’ song. Then, usually during my soak of thoughts, i have an eager eye for fresh sushi…i am aware that one may find it gross to eat, during a delicious bubbly bath bathe, yet it just helps me feel like a Princess. We seemed to be completely out of sushi, (ofcourse) therefore instead, i was given an alternative option of smokey bacon crisps!! WHAT!!!! OFF WITH YOUR HEADS…SEND IN THE GIANT ELEPHANT!!! I obviously declined, with a face like the most horrific thunder, yet now i kind of , sort of, wished i had them. There you go…how to have a ghetto fabulous bath, by Christina Wunna. I do feel better though.

So, i’ve been working hard, resting hard, and not really having as much fun as i’m use too. I was meant to go collect my ‘Bling’ that i purchased (remember) a few days ago from the jewellers, yet i happened to forget, so  now i shall have to wait even longer for my impulsive, quick fix, diamond, i bought to make me feel like a better person! Bollocks!!  Retail therapy is never worth it. What am i talking about, i’ve gone insane, it’s ALWAYS worth it!!

Okay today, I had a couple of young gentlemen, pretend they know me, then suddenly grab their imaginary boobies, and squidge them at me repeatedly, whilst licking their lips like dehydrated hookers!! They then told me to ‘Get my Tits out, ( to the theme une of ‘leeds untied are short sighted.)’ I walked up to them, they turned the most terrifying colour of blush, i asked them whether they really wanted me too? They got scared, went deadly silent, then asked whether they could have their pictures taken with me. I did, i signed their ‘homework diaries’ (hahaha.) I walked off, put my sunglasses on, and shouted ‘Thankyou,’ as my mother complained that they had made her late for posting a letter!! lol…

And all of this outside Morrisons,( grocery store) in Pontefract!! YES!!

Flowery gardens and the Karma Sutra!

How is it that the weather here in Badsworth, is just as good as a gorgeous spring Los Angeles morning? I’m loving it!! It’s really sunny out here, the birds are a chirping, the skies are baby baby blue, and i feel like a milion dollars!! I’m not quite sure why i’m so happy, yet i do think that due to the fact that i’m solar powered, when the sun is shining, i am a shining. (note: if this blog ends up being shite, it’s because i have someone endlessly nattereing about burmese noodles, whilst i’m trying to work. They just won’t stop and it’s hilarious.)

Anyway, today, i am deciding to plant some flowers. Random i know, but i’m a girly girl it’s what we do. Therefore, i will be strutting off to the garden centre, dressed in peach, to purchase the finest future flowery delights, and plant them with love, and in the HOTTEST slutty gardenning outfit, in a special piece of soil that i will call my own!! It’s fun, almost a game. As  I can totally pretend like i’m a flower planting housewife, for a good 10 minutes, then i’ll be completely bored. Fyi/ Our actual real life gardener, (can’t remember his name,) hates it’s when i tamper with the soil. He claims to ‘hate, crap Chrissie Wunna princess games.’ haha. Ah well, sucks to be him!!

So i watched ‘Karma Sutra last night, and i have decided that i am NEVER going to have sex again, unless the guy is doing exactly what the dreamy hot guy, in the movie was doing. He knows how to please a girl like me, in my chambers!! Unfortunately, he came to his death, by being visciously STOMPED on by an elephant, because he shagged the ‘addicted to heroine’ Kings lady. I swear, it was like the hottest porn, in the world ever, without intending to be porn. ( hahaha) I’m definitely a sensual person, I love sex, i’m good at it, yet i love the sensuality more than anything and i’ve wasted so much time, with ‘wham bam, thankyou mams.’ Never again!!

Shit, i’m turning into the hardest pull ever!! I love it!!

Erm…ride it cowgirl??

Just had a piece of skin-up fried fish, and although it was undoubtely delicious, it has unfortunately decided to make my stomach go into aerobic mode! I’m never fond of anything, that makes any part of my body decide to participate in anything remotely aerobatic, therefore this is not making me feel too precious.

After a day of spending quality time with my mother, a movie and too many cups of coffee, for my clear head to handle, i am sat wondering how the hell my ‘Latin lover,’ is doing?? Anyway, i’m sure it’s fine. It really is quite awful having a lover that’s so far away, as quite obviously you are unable to ‘love’ on them. Hopefully things will change, yet i’ve learnt not to get my hopes too high.

Aww…crap, my tummy kills!! Bugger!! Other than that, i am working hard, and making serious life plans. I have been neglecting things that are highly important just recently, so i’m about to get on that busy bucking horse, and ride it ‘cowgirl.’ Yee-haaa! But first, Princess Wunna needs beer!! Where are my midget beer slaves, when i need them?? ( you can never trust fucking midgets!!)

It’s a lovely day today!

So we made it to church going Sunday and hopefully we all made it safely. Well i did, and since this is my site, i guess thats all that matters?? haha. Anyway, last night i was in ‘sad mood barbie mode’ as i had said something really mean to someone, about someone very dear to them, (just because i was in a pissy mood) and the following morning… after i was quite thoughtlessly mean, and not ‘funny’ mean, the subject of which i was mean about…sorry if this isn’t making sense, well…lets he say ‘shuffled off this mortal coil,’ to more peaceful pastures. Can you believe it??

Therefore, i watched ‘High School Musical 1 &2,’ (to cleanse the soul, then i remembered it wasn’t cleansing at all, as ‘wears more make-up than me, whilst gallopping through fields’ Zac Efron and little innocent ‘publicised naked pictures,’ Vannesa Hudgens, actually have dirty rotten porno sex in real life.) I felt mucky afterward..hahaha. It was HOT, but i cried. So i sent the person i had been mean about , my sincerest blessings, had a vodka and lime in a dirty glass, listenned to songs that reminded me of ‘good times’ and decided to from now on be a better person, to work hard to make my dreams come true, love as hard as i possibly can, not pass judgement and to not take anything for granted!!

Oooh it’s a lovely day!

So to all my dearest subjects who are reading this blog, and enjoying my pictures, ( and i thankyou for that!!) Please do at least to be nice to as many people as possible today, love those that you’re supposed to love, BE HAPPY and work hard to set a decent foundation for the rest of your lifey! Oh, and life like a champion too…you might aswell, be boring otherwise. I’m certainly gonna try! Do what you love to do, and it will love you back!

I’ve never been a hoarder.

After a  night of tears, watching my daddy paint, and screaming at a mouse (yes…again), i intially woke up feeling somewhat’ Question mark.’ Then i read a few fan emails, looked at my surroundings and realised i’m the luckiest girl in the world!! And i’m gonna work that title like a champ today!!

I’m feeling happy, i’m feeling strong. I’m over-flowing with Va Voomage, and it feels wonderful. I can’t stop smiling. I’m grateful for everything i have. I’m grateful for all i’ve achieved, my rocky road to stardom, just kind of smoothed up and more importantly today i look HOT!! I am SMOKING hot baby hot hot, and not afraid to shout it out…whilst shimmi-ing!!!! Woo-hoo!!!

I’m the Queen of Greatness. I am adored by my subjects and with an air of mischieve, i believe i can say, i’m feeling somewhat, what term should i use?? Um…’Independant.’ YES!! I’ve mentally cut out the crap, and the negative, as i’ve never really been a hoarder anyway. ( and i’m not too fond of hoarders…if you don’t need it anymore CHUCK IT OUT. Old petrol reciept from 1982..CHUCK IT OUT, broken down rickety- arsed chair…CHUCK IT OUT, memories of a past lover…CHUCK IT OUT…dodgey first born child…CHUCK IT …..OUT!!) hahaha

Life is good, and i’m feeling just dandy! I love you all, and really i do. Thankyu so much for all ur support!!  Muaaah!!

No such thing as Mr.Right!!!

My Mr.Right just does not exist. There’s always Mr.Almost right, Mr. Not right at all, but he’ll do for right now, Mr. has potential to be right, yet just seems to be quite wrong, and Mr, Would’ve been right, if he just didn’t Fuck up….right?? I don’t know why i am always disappointed with my ‘other halves’ so to speak. I sometimes, step back, stop, and think, ‘how did i get here??’ I have literally dated ZILLIONS of men, from all cultures, all nations, all whereabouts, all dodgey bars, and still for a girl who’s last name rhymes with ‘Stunna,’ (who’s ya Daddy, whooooooooo’s ya daddy…..oh and got that in there greggy,) you would think that i would be satisfied by now!!!

Current squeeze is ‘Latin lover,’ and well our relationship is long distance, (which is always retarded, pointless, etc…etc…) and due to his ZERO relationship skills, it can basically be described as one long dodgey ‘ chase scene’ from a Tom & Jerry cartoon.  Not fun!! Like i always say, guys usually act how they ‘think’ i would want them to act…and they always always guess wrong!! It’s funny ( she says as she cries into her lonely pillow…lol) This one just pisses me off, ‘frustrates me,’ because he can never seem to make the right decisions. At first the ‘frustrating me’ was cute, now the cuteness has worn away …..completely. I feel like he’s in slow motion or something, which is never fun for anyone really.  Or just not fun for me.

My head is a banging!!

I’ve got a massive headache after noshing my way through, 2 bags of ‘pick n mix..’ Now i hate myself, and have to either have a beer to numb the pain, or have a beer to numb the pain? It’s almost nearly that ‘time of the month,’ so i feel like a fat bitch, and i am currently determined to start eating healthy, get on a diet, be more patience and drink way more water. It’s supposed to be the answer to flipping everything!!

I really did have something important to say, yet my aching head has made me forget?? Infact, i don’t know why i’m writing this right now, as i really don’t have anything to say?? I’m just having a magnificently dumb blank moment, yet even during these tough times, i’ll never be as dumb blank, as this one naff boyfriend i dated, i’ll call him ‘Ugly.’ He asked me, ( after i told him where i was born) whether, ‘Prince Charming was from Yorkshire?’ He meant ‘Prince William,’ and it wasn’t (as i thought) a simple slip of the tongue mistake. He really thought, Prince William (the future King of England), was Prince Charming, from Cinder-flipping-rella!!! And Prince Charming, from Cinderella, was from Doncaster??? I nodded and smiled…then remembered to erase him from my black book of ‘good times’. I can’t date someone who doesn’t know their fairytales!!!

Anyway, i really do have to go, and nurse myself back to good health. Last night, whilst i was talking to my ‘Latin Lover,’ he got a sudden phone call relaying the fact that his father was sick. I guess, he expected me to ‘care’ more than i did. Yet ages ago,when i told him my mother was ill, he prolonged his stay in Vegas for two more days. Oooooooooooooooh!! kisses!

Would be better naked!

Please enjoy the scenery!! With a simple pluck of this strap, it’s off……( or something like that anyway??) ‘Boom boom boom, now let me hear y’say WAY-O….’