Pity Party Piss Off

Woke up this morning next to someone with a severe case of ‘Bah hum bug.’ I can’t wake up next to a misery guts, in need of sympathy, so i tried to concentrate on my name, made out of giant christmas rosettes, being hoisted into the merry skies, whilst i leap out of a massive Christmas Pudding….which is all code for ‘i zoned out.’ I can’t be arsed with anyone having a ‘pity party.’ If you’re going to indulge in ‘dark place,’ then please do ‘fuck off,’ as i can’t be bothered with it. Sympathy is not my forte. I never ask for it, as i think it the most tragic thing ever, to have people feel BAD for you. Or make people feel BAD for you. Or for you to feel bad for someone else. (You get it…lol..) I mean, i’ll play a sad song, to your very sad life, but it will probably be highly inappropriate like ‘Don’t Stop Me Now.’ I did that once, and burst into a camp dance routine around them, before they had burst into tears, thrown a bear at me and told me to ‘Fuck the hell off.’ Nice! All smiles!

Basically if you’re a sympathy seeking whore, i’m not the person to come too because i’ll find it accidentally funny. I mean i don’t even look like the type of person you would go to, for an ‘ah-dee-dums,’ all fake tan, frilly skirt and eyelashes. You’ve got to be a proper ‘desperado’ to seek pity from ‘Asian Barbie.’ Infact, i will go out of my way to not feel sorry for you. (Evil laugh.) I’ll give someone my empathy, where empathy is due…however i’m too self-obsessed to care about someone else’s ‘Woe is me’ story. Yawn! (You know ‘Where’s Wally’…i’ve just seen him go past me on a bus.)

Anyway, my new thing is… i’m going to make friends with all my Exes. I’ve always disliked them a little, well most of them anyway, but now i’m going to make an effort to make them all my friends again…whether they like it or not. But they’ll like it. More of them love me, than hate me. They do try hard to hate me though. Yet nothing gets past the Wunna charm…the ‘ooooh laaaa.’ I talked to one last night, who talked about another, and it made me think ‘aww..’ for a good 2 seconds. It’s great because  now i can take the piss out of them, for their tragic love lives, without the ‘tragic-ness’ being ME. (hahahaha.) I now have a kitten laid over my laptop keys, and one trying to suckle my breast. Delicious!

Chrissie Wunna x

3 thoughts on “Pity Party Piss Off”

  1. u funny fcker chrissie i know who not to talk ot when i am fuming about the toon but i am more of a silent fumer i just sit there clutching me bottle of scotch getting swilled thasn waffelnig trying to get people down. i reacon u do have a charm wich is hard ot refuse babe


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