So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin? How long has it been? About 2 weeks? I’m absolutely shattered. Haha. But I’m happy. I was in acting class and then work last night….after train journeys and a morning filled with shock!
TBone: ‘No way! Are u ok?’
Me: ‘Yeah. God. I’m fine, it was just a…’
(Phone rings… ‘TBone.’)
Me: ‘Haha…Why does everything always have to be insane!!!??!!!’
TBone: ‘Fuck that! How are YOU!!?!! God! I thought something had happened to YOU!!!! Are you okay???? I thought something had happened to you!!!!’
Me: ‘Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just nuts.’
TBone: ‘I need a run on the beach to clear my head. Haha..’
Anyway, I don’t even know where I last left off? I’ve been dying to blog, yet my schedule has just been so manic, there’s been no time.
But i’m here now, at the coffee shop in Waterstones, in Doncaster. I love blogging here, because no one bothers me. I’m easily distracted, so if i get ‘bothered’ i’m actually usually delighted. Haha.
(Pervs are sending me suggestive DM’s, my Mum’s texting me her about piano lessons? I’m learning lines off a script whilst typing and I’ve just had satsuma. There you have it. Life at 10.28am.)
Over the last couple weeks i’ve travelled to what feels like a gzillion different cities for work, play and adventure. I love adventure. I usually come out of it all , a wee bit emotionally ‘bruised.’ However, i’ve learnt that it’s kinda essential to have those little life tumbles. It’s essential for the way my life rolls, anyhow? I’m always someone who believes that everything you go through, you go through for a reason. Your destiny is set. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
Each morning, I’ve woken up, over the past couple weeks, it’s been a new train ride, a new friend, a new sight, a new world, a new vibe, a new feeling, a new life, another step forward, a new chapter and another memory made… It’s been nuts, but so satisfying. I’ve been strutting away gleefully…. pausing…..looking back over my shoulder, as I leave a moment, a city or a person…and smiling.
It’s that smile that makes me happy. I always stop to feel the air…’smell the roses.’ Even if it’s just for a minute. I’m not ‘living my best life’ for an Insta pic, with a cocktail in my hand, hoping that everyone ‘double taps’ a like button. I’m TRULY living my best life, because i’m feeling, i’m adventuring, i’m loving, i’m alive.
I never know what’s going to happen to me? I JUST know that it’ll be something wonderful.
I have an adventurous soul and even though i’m much, much older. (I’ve been writing this blog for over 10 years.) I’ll tell you that I have never been as happy, as I am now.
I’m really lucky. I never forget that.
But let me skim some of the things that i’ve happened, as I flash back….The blogs of each time and city, will be going up over the next few days.
So much gone down. All happy. All fun. Some scary. But on the whole, i’m still dandy and winning. So we’re good! Haha. (Fingers Crossed.)
I’ve been a Mum, a friend, a lover, a fighter, a girl, a woman, a daughter, a worker…just everything over the last two weeks and my actual morals have been tested.
I’ve been to the Circus, fed goats, travelled to five star hotels in London, selfied with Wunna followers..
‘I loved you on First Dates! Can I have a picture?’
I’ve caught up with one of my oldest best friend. He’s like a brother to me.
Ronnie: ‘I’ve missed you SO MUCH!!! I love that you’re HERE!!!’
I’ve bowled in five star hotels, (in the worst shoes ever.) Now, I ADORE the Ham Yard Hotel. It’s bouji, creative and phenomenal. I also love that they have their own quirky bowling alley. BUT THE BOWLING SHOES that they give you, are totally against my show game. I don’t think it’s unsafe to five star bowl in heels. EVEN if you’re allowed cocktails brought to your VIP lane. 😉
(I’m going to tell you all about my time there in a later blog, because I did so much with my favourite Gayasian Ronnie. He’s a celebrity chef. Cooks for casual people like Gwyneth Paltrow , Dita Von Teese, Tyra Banks etc… WE ARE BEST FRIENDS…and seen each other through everything.
Ronnie: Remember when we used to go to The Abbey in LA, drink Malibu Pineapples and then cry in the car afterwards, because we didn’t have lovely boyfriends. Hahaha.’
(He’s now married to the most lovely lovely man, who is the most lovely, lovely husband. I want a husband like him. I’m….well still crying in cars, after Malibu Pineapples, in comparison. Haha.’)
I’ve talked ‘Aladdin’ over Vietnamese Pho bowls, smelt boba souffles at ‘Cha Cha Roll.’ Walked through Soho. Then witnessed actual human body parts, of people who are no longer with us.
Ronnie: ‘Why is he looking at us?’
Me: ‘Why are his balls moving?’
Ronnie: ‘You do know that these are real dead bodies, right?’
Me: No. I didn’t. I do NOW though. Thanks for telling me now that I’M FUCKING TRAPPED HERE!!!’
I’ve drank street wine in the warm London air, AFTER being unable to find a respectable, non creepy looking gay bar, as a homeless busker stood by our table and sang ‘My Girl’ to us, whilst playing the accordion. (I thought there was something quite beautiful about it. Ronnie…didn’t. Haha. He did that awkward ‘pretend it’s not actually happening, right in front of you, ‘ face.)
Ronnie: ‘It’s making me feel weird. You’re British. Tell him to move on…’
Me to Busker: ‘You’re gonna have to go now mate. We’re on a date and we need to chat….They like singing. Sing to them.’
Ronnie: ‘I’m gay. But that was good. Haha.’
(Then security came and removed the homeless busker. 🙁 )
I’ve had train rides back onto Northern soil, after banter, new returns and…
Me: ‘Welcome back…’
Reply: ‘What you doing Thursday? Let’s get a drink. What you doing?’
Me: ‘I’m on a train. I’m just getting back from London…’
Reply: ‘Get off at….’
Me: ‘I’m actually ON that train, but i’m getting off at Doncaster…’
I’ve had work days of filming, auditions and class. I’ve spent the most amazing time, with the most amazing people. At the same time, i’ve simply been Mama. Junior’s had a birthdays, he’s now six and we’ve enjoyed play dates, hotel nights, celebrations and of you know my kids….some of the best restaurants that Leeds has to offer. Haha. (We have to eat out almost every night, due to my distinct lack of cooking skills and the fact that i’ve accidentally raise them on fine dining….because of my ill skills.)
I’ve had everyone offering me everything and through it all i’ve managed to stay so grounded and raw. Glamourously Northern and real, is how i like to put it. I do like to keep it bouji, but lets face it, i’ll still rock up to Greggs and grab a sausage roll.
I’ve been excited, I’ve been happy. I met old friends, best friends and a human that I adore. I lost connections, I ignited old ones, that had always been there. I guess, they still are? I chatted to strangers, I listened….I realized a lot of things and in really short space of time. I made choices on the things that I had experienced and witnessed. I made choices on how I truly felt. I made choices that made me happy, after gathering everything together and having a ‘good look through it all.’ I didn’t listen to anyone. I never do. I simply went with my gut.
Everything happens for a reason. I swear by that always. It’s something I notice every single day. I guess situations and people are put in front of you, so you can feel, wake up, love or learn.
It’s not all been wonderful. There’s been tense moments. I’ve been to court. It worked out in my favour. I knew it would. They knew it would. Yet, even though it did, there was just something so silly about the whole thing. It was overly dramatic…over something that could’ve been solved, so simply. (Contrary to popular belief, I do not like a drama. I’m chilled. I like things to be simple and uncomplicated. However…at the same time…CORRECT. Haha.)
Then…. I was at a restaurant and sat at the table next to me, was my friends husband, on a date with his fancy lady. That was pretty awkward. It was weird to hear him openly hitting on a girl, similar to his wife, whilst she was at home looking after the kids.
But that was put infront of me, on purpose. It triggered something in my head and made me notice….
I spoke to someone about it…and the response that I got….wasn’t…well….they kinda told me off, and suggested that such behaviour was perfectly fine & should be swept under the carpet.
HHmmm….? It made me change my view on them….a little. Then something else happened, which made me 100 percent change my view on them.
How people make you feel is all that matters! We as humans are shaped by what people tell us and how people treat us, right?
Then this happened…
On the train to London, from Platform 1 at Doncaster station, I sat next to a girl called Rae. She was quiet at first and then just decided to talk to me. She was one of those girls, who knew about life and had traveled the world. She loved new places, love and life. She was simple in attire, but her soul was filled with decency.
Rae: ‘I’m actually headed to Colorado to meet my boyfriend. He lives there. He’s a geek. But I love Smart guys!! What are you doing?’
Me: ‘Oh….I’m headed to London for Lunch with my friend in Soho. We’re probs gonna talk dating & gay sex. Not so spiritual. Haha…’
Rae: ‘Haha. But still so much fun.’
We got along straight away. We had the same sick sense of humour. She used to be a ballerina.
Then she said this…
‘I had to have brain surgery because of a disease I had. I forgot everything. Lost all of my memories. When I was brought back home, with my therapist, who was helping to trigger my memories, I looked around & saw all these books on Shakespeare & wondered why?’
‘Wait! You lost all of your memories..? Have some come back?’
‘Over the last year and a half, I’ve had to re-learn everything. Not just about my family, myself or my life. But how to read and speak…everything. Don’t do a fella sorry for me face. I laugh about it all, all the time!! I could’ve died, but hey instead, I lost a few bits of my mind! Haha.’
She was the most eloquent girl I had met in a long time. She was at peace. So calm. That was after everything she had just been through…
Rae: ‘I’ll always remember YOU! Lol’
What an amazing person! In a train ride, I learnt so much about myself.
Life’s too short, so live it!