Friday, Cheeseboards, Old Friends &Tequila

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So, I’d promised Ben that i’d meet him this Friday for drinks with him and ‘da boys,’ after work, to celebrate his ‘last day of drinking’ before he starts his ‘stripping down diet,’ or whatever? It was Friday, ‘Da Boys’ are always cool. Ben is always cool. Drinking is always cool. So I agreed, finished work at five o clock and ran my pretty arse home (if was running was ‘dove my Mercedes’ ;) ) and after picking Ruby up from her first day at ‘Big School.’ (It’s the Kindergarten, where in which she has to go to one full day of proper school until she starts in September. I actually went to the same school when I was a child, so it was kinda weird to be walking my little loin fruit through the grounds of the posh little local private school that churned out ‘Greats’ like…ME. :) I mean, I didn’t waste my parents money at all. :) )

Anyway, got home, got changed. Chose a dark pink, celeb boutique boobie dress and simply because for 2 weeks straight now, I’d committed myself to ‘Casual Friday’ in order to stop myself from going to ‘Biggies.’ This time, I KNEW i’d end up in there, so it was heels, boobs out, pink dress alert! I’d only been home a minute and ‘been out since 2pm’ Ben has already started texted and Fb’king me telling me to ‘HURRY UP WUNNA.’

In the meantime, Rich and Katty (who were also meeting us out) were on route after tea…and told me to not ‘Hurry up Wunna’ because it would be hilarious, as Ben was hanging out with ‘Drunk Charlie’ and he didn’t like it. (‘Drunk Charlie, says he has a Thai wife and he had to leave her because she ate his dog.’) Plus, at the same time as being happy that Katty was FINALLY coming out, I was sad that I couldn’t do my supercolour shoe date with Rich, because I had decided to dress slutty. *Waaaa.*

Anyway, got into the taxi, cabbie talks to my boobs the whole way, step out in my dress, at the ‘Tap & Barrel’ which is now the poshest bar in Pontefract (Lol,) I mean we all moan that it costs us so much, yet we all ALWAYS GO THERE and literally EVERY WEEK.

First thing I do, after getting greeted by a chick who’s smoking outside the doorway, was try to find Ben. I knew where he’d be anyway, but I still did the ‘room scan.’ (I found a table of cute gay guys, who immediately knew I was somehow ‘off the tell’ but thought it was either ‘Paris Hiltons BBF’ OR ‘Ladette to Lady!’ I’M NOT A LADETTE! I DEPSISE LADETTES! But i love fans, so they became my instant faves. *Wiggle, wink.*

Went straight out to smokers (I can never open the door to the smokers ‘garden’ as I call it) and peeped my head around the corner..and there he was…ALL ON HIS OWN Lol…sat drinking some silly strong drink, smiling because he said I looked ‘nice’ and then telling me off for not doing things in the correct order then HE would’ve liked me to do them in.

Ben: ‘Why have you found me first, instead of getting a drink first?’

Me; ‘Erm..quit being controlling. I found you first because that’s what i wanted to do, THEN i’ll get a drink. Jeeze!’ Lol

Got inside, did ‘Hi’s as randoms who I adored, sat in the cosy corner and we were immediately joined by the folk that he had been out with earlier. Anna, Vicki and some boys. One who does witches potions in their free time, yet forgets that that has happened and the other who was the brother my one of my exes best friends?

Now…drinking happened. Lots of drinking.

The drinking moved outside…and all sorts was spoken about, like nipple dipping lattes, the sets you were put in in school, (I won’t tell you what they were being referred to as,) new dresses, shitty exercise, new dogs, the fact that i would lend my weave and slanty eyes out and then Vicki (who dates my old friend ‘Spinky’ shimmied.

I actually got on with Vicki really well as we have the same stupid sense of fun and humour. Yet I didn’t know that the ‘shimmie’ meant that she was going to start a ‘Tequila Train,’ without anyone’s consent.

The next thing you know as we’re all sat outside around the table, in the ‘it’s still light even though it’s 7pm’ Ben walks in  after going to the bar and behind him comes the most GLEEFUL, tip toe stepping, shimmie, ‘ha ha’ strut…via Vicki, who has a giant silver tray in her hand that is filled with shots of silver (white) tequila and lime. (Apparently they didn’t have salt.) It was the most excitable jiggy with a Tequila tray ever! HAHAHA. It was the best walk I have seen in a long time. I want her to carry my coffin through the streets with that walk… when i’m dead…naked…with Tequila.

Anyway…

We did these shots, which started the Tequila train and once we were all pissed in walk Rich and Katty! Perfect timing. They joined in the fun. More drinking occurred…even though Katty was hanging because he drank five bottles of wine the night before.

Now, I don’t know how we ended up inside on a big old comfy table…but we did. Can’t remember what we were talking about because Tequila had fucked me up. Rich was singing ‘Foxy Baby’ at me (which is a song I recorded with a friend as a child Lol,) I had stated that I wanted Rich and Katty to get married simply so that EVERY TABLE at the wedding would be the ‘Retard Table.’ (At Wazza and Hannah’s wedding Katty and I were sat at the ‘retard table’ the table that can’t be around normal nice people, due to inappropriate language and behaviour.

THEN…WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT CHEESE?

I have no clue what had happened and now loads of people were at our table, including a guy named Callum. We had all got talking about how posh the Tap and Barrel had become and how we couldn’t believe that the old Greyhound did a cheeseboard.

I have no idea WHY we had gotten so excited about the thought of a cheeseboard, so excited that it turned into a joke??? Ben and Vicki were missing…and I found out later that the number of people had accumulated so they wanted to do a secret shot at the bar, so that they didn’t have to pay the whole round. HAHAHAHA. ‘Ponty Massive!

I was pissed and when i’m pissed or sober for that fact, I get really generous. Katty and I went up to the bar and I did my round with was a double vodka and coke, 9 Tequila shots and after a *pause* a look at each other with excitement, the request of a ‘cheeseboard.’ HAHA. I don’t know why we found it so funny.

But we went back and didn’t tell anyone, because we found it funny, the round cost me £40 and well the sheer panick on the staff faces said it all. We were having the first EVER CHEESEBOARD they had ever made. I didn’t know what to expect so I didn’t want anyone to be too excited. I mean, at the end of the day it’s still Ponty, it might have been a Dairylea triangle, a couple of cheese string and a note that read ‘fuck you.’

BUT HOLY SHIT NO…

(Remember we’re pissed.)

THE SINGLE MOST AWESOME CHEESEBOARD IN THE WORLD EVER ROLLS OUT, ON A SPINNING FRICKING SLATE PLATE AND EVERYTHING, with apples, and celery and disc shaped crackers, that are surrounded by the yummiest, homemade chutneys. (No really…it is the most impressive cheeseboard ever and because in Ponty you don’t expect it to be so well made in a pub.)

We were all super excited about the thought of cheese, so during that moment, no one seemed to speak of anything but cheese and everyone just chowed down. (In Ponty…we eat.) It got so sexual that Rich and Ben decided to’ Lady & The Tramp’ a posh cheese rind, out of the single love of cheese. The Ben, being the apparent ‘dream boat’ that he is got obsessed with a tub of…butter. Don’t ask. He smeared it on apples thinking it was something luxurious and chutnified. Fucking butter. (That is who everyone is selling me to date. The butter guy.)

Infact, Katty said and interesting thing and that was the fact that if i have the opportunity to date the really ace, successful guy, i’ll always just go for the hot waiter…and well…she doesn’t like that. LOL. Neither do i? But whatever, i’m always a Bride and never a Bridesmaid. I’ll get it right the next time. I mean, I never know what i’m looking for, as I truly believe it’ll just find me. (My psychic had told me weeks back, that i’d meet him..as in my soulmate, my next big relationship NOW, as in the end of April and he’d had ‘David’ in his name and be part Italian?????? I remember looking at her blankly with a ‘I don’t know anyone like that in my circle of friends?’ Then she moved on to business.

We did Cheese. The manager at the pub loved us getting the cheeseboard so much that he told us to picture it and Facebook it. I filmed it. Then Rich tool the piss and said that he thought it would have Dairylea on it…so the manager threw him a Dairylea triangle…which he dipped in shit and ate merrily.

More drinking.

More shots.

I was a hero now.

We somehow ended up outside again…and we’re all laughing out loud, chatting, chick friends are trying to make Ben snog them. H’s running around the ‘smokers’…Vicki and I are calling each other a ‘bitch please’ then laughing…other stuff is happening and we end up all going to Alley ca zam’s for White Russian and Black Russian cocktails.

They were awesome. But i was really drunky.

Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, old Friend ‘Spinky’ (who dates Vicki) popped out of nowhere and did drinking with us! Yay!

DRINKING OCCURED.

Then somehow we all zoomed to The Blacky Moor, which is now ‘The Ponty Tavern.’

More drinking, the shots were nastier there. Ewww! And then all of a sudden we’re outside again, all chatting nonsense, enjoying life under the stars, bringing up the past and people who others can’t stand and we got onto the subject of dating.

Now, I’ve been hanging out with Ben  lot…but only within out group of friends. But I knew that he fancied me a little bit, because the first time we hung out, he did the ‘try to kiss me thing’ before I went to London. Remember! Nothing had happened since, just hanging out as a group, but i did notice that on this Friday night everyone kept trying to ‘sell’ Ben to me and tell me how much of a great guy he was.

‘Spinky’ who’s known me forever, got all defensive and didn’t want me to date ‘just anyone’ Lol..so began his doorman stance and his ‘are you good enough’ glares. (That’s why i always like chilling with boys, you always feel looked after. Lol) Vicki was selling Ben to me like he was the best thing this world ever created…Ben…was quiet, drunk and smiley.

So, I did what I’d normally do and just ask him if he fancied me.

He sort of got embarrassed, panicked on the spot and ran off somewhere.

When he returned, and agreed to ‘fancying’ me (I enjoy how ‘High School Musical’ this was…but on a budget. Well ‘playground’ as he described it. Yet that’s what happens when you enter Wunna land…then i saw ‘Spinky’ in his ear, who was apparently telling him to ‘step up his game’ and make a move. Ben’s shy…he never makes moves on Me. All I actually heard was ‘Spinky’ in his ear shouting ‘it’s a WIN, WIN, WIN!!’ Hahaha. Vicki was telling me how much a twat some other guy was and how I should always pick Ben?

Long story short…

We ended up outside ‘The Ponty Tavern’ doing that infamous ‘Are we going to Biggies’ conversation. ‘Spinky’ was having none of it as he was a grown up now and ‘Biggies’ is shit. He said he’d come next time we do a cheeseboard and be adults. Lol. Vicki was on the tequila train so she would’ve ended up in ‘Biggies’…but did the right thing and followed her other half home, to merrily beat each other at computer games.

I disagreed to a night of computer games, so Ben and I did ‘Big Fellas.’ OFcourse! AND WE MET MATTY in there…who had come home from Leeds because it was shit.

Dancing, drinking, Ben obsessing over his ex girlfriend because she was in the club. Well he stated that he wasn’t obsessing more feeling uncomfy.

More dancing, more drinking and then the LIGHTS CAME UP and we left the club.

Nothing happened.

Not a single thing.

A random guy bummed a cig off Ben and afterwards politely said, ‘HOPE YO TWO SHAG THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER TONIGHT.’

What did we do…

We got cheesy chips outside the taxi rank, I went home and he walked to his. Lol.

The next morning, he actually sent me a text, whilst i was vomming up everywhere…(I’m never drinking again) saying

‘Wunna. Did we have a little kiss last night?’

I replied with a ‘Noooo, we really didn’t.’

His response..

‘Oh…I thought we did. HAHAHA.’

So he honestly drunkenly dreamt it. HAHAHAHAHAHA

We didn’t even kiss!!!!!!!

Anyway…he’s sort of stepped him game up, by suggesting a ‘proper date,’ one where in which we’re normal. not ridiculously drunk and just us?

I agreed.

Roll on Tuesday.

I worked all day today..yes on a SUNDAY. So i’m pooped. I’m not off now until Friday…so wish me luck.

Lord knows how i’ll get through it, but i will and with a smile. :)

 

 

 

 

 

Wunna Land, Bananas, Spiders & Boys

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So, I definitely had a conversation about a banana today. I mean, Adam could have struck up a conversation about anything in the entire world, whilst he had a ‘Wunna’ in front of him, but no…he went with a discussion about bananas…and to make it even more awesome….the discussion was about bananas in tarts. *Wiggle, Wink, Naughty, Naughty.*

‘Adam, why are you talking to me about bananas?’

Aside from that I stayed pretty knackered throughout the day, it’s kinda the joys of working really hard and having two poorly children who want to projectile vomit at you, during the early hours of the morning, repeatedly and one after the other. Oh yeah. It’s a blast.

Luckily, life wasn’t too bad. I watched a spider named ‘Russell’ almost get poked, but not stomped on, because Jenna’s ‘not nasty.’ Then i partook in some scheme to get others in trouble for kicks.

Then, like life couldn’t get any better…through a set of automatic doors, like it was a budget episode of ‘Star in their Eyes’ in walks ‘building a greenhouse’ aka (to you) ‘off the telly, Take Me Out’ Nick. It was like God had plonked all the ace people of Ponty in one space just for a moment to make us remember how much better we are than everyone else. :) (Naaaaat!)

Anyway, Nick’s building some greenhouse and needed nails, long ones, shorts ones, I dunno, i wasn’t listening. But it was good to bump into him and then watch him knock a whole tray of cacti (or if you’re not proper ‘cactusus’ off a stand…mini ones too….to only have to pick the prickly bastards up, one by one, like some form of mini ‘in a Western’ torture.

Nick: ‘Ugh, I couldn’t have knocked over anything MORE prickly.’

Me: ‘ Does that mean you’re a knob?’

Nick: ‘Yes…’

Just before all that a being had tried to sell me ‘everything…in a tin’ be it a farm, a football, a train, an Egyptian painting and a tea set. BEADS! EVEN BEADS! Now, I do actually love all the ‘things’ in a tin, yet it’s all a bit too faffy for me isn’t it, like I said, I’m a chick who just likes the ‘faff’ to be done for her, so that she can reap and celebrate the reward, without the hard boring details…just the cheering. My daughters like that also, which is how I know i’ve raised her well. :)

I’m actually far too tired to write this now as i’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sleepy from work, babies and life. But i’m happy. I’m really happy. I keep nodding off whilst typing this, but i’m happy…really happy.

Y’know, I haven’t spoken to ‘London boy’ in a while now. Isn’t it funny how you can clash paths with a being for some reason or another, never figure out why the reason was and then just like that, with smiles of course, it all just dissolves or meanders into the ‘past’ box. (*Flashback* Dodge asked me what a ‘meander’ was, when he was drunk at the Tap and Barrel, because I told him i was thick at Geography. Then he laughed out loud at a boz eyed person, who was apparently on the ‘Judge Rinder’ or ‘Grinder’ show? :) )

I have drinks tomorrow and an early work finish. Ben is currently texting me and forwarding me pictures of scratches on his shoulder that Dodge reckons are ‘Wunna sex scratches.’ Lol Don’t worry folks, i haven’t had sex, before you all excited for nothing, with me being a virgin and everything. But am I ‘scratchy’ ever? Noooo. I’m far too ‘Dolly, dolly, ooh face’ to be S&M..and lazy. This ain’t Fifty Shades. It’s Wunna land. ( Saying that, i got ‘Betenoire’ to customise me a necklace reading ‘Wunna Land’ in pink glitter hearts.)

Ruby starts ‘big school’ tomorrow  and Junior can now sing ‘Let it go.’

Life is pretty amazing. I’ve started my diet and i’m finally one successful day in!

Knackered now.

Off to bed.

Wunna x

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Midnight banter

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Today has been one of those days where in which you accidentally achieve a lot, without you actually realizing. I mean, doing well by accident…is always great. Doing well on purpose is just as good…however, it doesn’t have the same *punch* or *gusto* to it, does it? I’m not really one to believe that people are just kinda lucky, as I truly do think that people work hard and then succeed on purpose. (Apart from that guy that won the lottery TWICE. FFS) However, most of the time, I am what they call ‘lucky,’ and to be honest, i’m pretty goddamn grateful for it. (Good looks, a working brain and luck. ;) What more can a girl ask for? I mean, I don’t get why I don’t have tons of guys lining up? Well…I kinda sort of do, except to me nothing is a ‘numbers game’ as it’s all about quality. Meaning that there that might be a lot to pick from, the the quality of the crowd is pretty damn grim… :) Aside from the odd one or two of you. :) )

Enough of that!

I’ve had a great day!

The babies are obviously in bed. I’m blogging with a gin at midnight because I can’t sleep. Junior’s been a star all night. Ruby has some crazy fever, flu thing, so keeps waking up every two seconds, hallucinating ans shouting ‘SPIDERS! SPIDERS!’ (Yes. Odd.) I’ve thought it was Thursday all day and have no clue why? I mean, the little voice in my head kept having to remind me that it wasn’t Thursday ALL DAY. It must’ve felt like a Thursday because I was happy.  (Technically, it’s past midnight now, so it’s definitely and finally Thursday. Plus, I’m only happy on Thursday because I know it’s almost Friday. :) It’s how i roll….. and on a unicorn?)

Literally LOADS of ‘everything that i bought’ has shown up today. It’s a nightmare! I feel really bad for my retired neighbours, as i’m at work all day every day, so the mail man keeps delivering all my goods to their homes, in order for them to pass on to me later. Today, one of them knocked and just said (with a smile) ‘Two pairs of shoes,’ then walked off. :) I got some more kicks, but this time in white. I needed them at the time, but now i’m not bothered? I gave my mum a pair, simply because they looked like they’d fit her better. (These were some other trainers that I bought from sketchers. Not the Adidas ones that I got today.)

*Sips gin.*

I’m working hard, I’m doing well, the lash line is going fab, i’m almost going to be in the forest and on June 12th i’m going to be on the River Thames, frolicking and jiggling with my Forbidden night ‘male burlesque’ boys at or do you say ‘on’ a VIP boat party. (Very London. Very fun. I can’t wait. I mean, i’ve been dying to go watch them again, yet work and babies has just been so full on, that i’ve had no time to shoot down to London. FYI, I have a Plus 1 for this, But one of my guy friends, from school wants to go?)

I’m out this Friday and i’m really looking forward to it. I truly hope it’s still sunny and well after my massage (yes I had it….it killed, but i needed it to be that way, ) I actually feel much better, so i’m wanting to have a good old time with the boys. Ben’s actually invited me out again…as I guess the whole point to us all going out is because after (and this is gym boy talk) ‘bulking up’ he’s going to be ‘stripping’ down, to lean out which means no drinking for a while? Who knows? Whocares? Let’s get drunk for nothing! I mean, it’s all for a good cause, plus i’m really loving my time with Ben, Dodge, Rich and the boys. I actually can’t decide if Ben sort of fancies me or not? But if he does, he’s done it a clever way by accident, because he started himself off in ‘friend zone’ which is the best way to pull a ‘Wunna.’ I mean, now that i’m old, i’ll always go for the boy that I feel most comfortable around, provided that i’m attracted to them…as love to be is friendship and companionship. That’s what lasts a lifetime…not a tan and a six pack. (See! I’m learning…finally.)

I need to go to bed as it’s nearly 1am here in England. I’m sat on my landing in leopard print pj’s, blogging on my pink notebook. I’m in the mood for something amazing to happen and i KNOW that something is brewing as i can feel it in my bones. It’s that secret internal *buzz* of excitement that you get when you can’t stop smiling because you just know that life is going to whop you out some amazingly good magic. (No, i’m not on pills.)

I’m a chick who just buzzes off life, living and love and there’s something in the air right now, be it work, love or life….that i can just FEEL is about to pop out of nowhere! (I’m excited.) It feels ‘WUNNAFUL.’

By the time you read this (British folk…) it’ll be Thursday and you’ll all be up and running to work. If you’re in any other country…enjoy!

Love you.

Wunna x

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Totally Aced Monday

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I ‘aced’ Monday. It was fun. It was actually fun and not shitty, In a way, it was odd as I felt as though I was filled to the brim with happiness…but I sort of watched in on the lives of others…one who cried over a boy, another who laughed out loud, another who seemed angry and another who felt jealous. All people that I ‘half’ know and when I say ‘half’ know, i mean, I sort of know but don’t know fully..as in through and through.

I felt great though EXCEPT today I decided to start my diet and on DAY 1 (and fair enough I only decided to start it when i saw someone eating a tuna salad) I ate a Manchester tart and i’m now at home having a gin and tonic with cucumber. UGH! If i can’t get through ‘DAY 1′ then i’m fucked. I’m feel fat now. This is why going out at times is shit. It makes you have chilli cheese fries at 1am, when you KNOW you don’t need to be eating chilli cheese fries EVER. But whatever, i’ll get my bikini body back….sometime in May. I’m optimistic.

My kicks came! They’re here! I am now the proud owner of a pair of yellow Adidas Supercolours! They are brightest, most embarrassingly cool trainers I have ever seem in my life. They are BRIGHT! Soooooooooooo bright. But I can’t wait to wear them somewhere? I don’t know where as all my outfits are glamour pussy meaning nothing really goes. But I haven’t yet worn them like slippers, like my Supercolour buddy Rich has. So, maybe that’ll be a first.

I’ve also gone on some random ‘being spendy’ spree. Online shopping for me is the devil and for some reason i’m all about cute slogan tshirts and jumpers. It’s crazy. I’m am purchasing them like a demon. Everything from ‘I Poop Glitter’ to ‘Save Water, Drink Champagne.’ Infact, I JUST bought a ‘Head Girl..just kidding’ jumper. I can’t stop. I just need them in my life and forever. Slogans, slogans everywhere. Only cute ones though…like ‘Bitch Please, I ride a unicorn.’ Shit, why haven’t I bought that yet!!!!???!!!

‘Slave boy’ wanted me to make an Amazon wishlist, or to send him links of the things that I wanted from Asos. But I found it faffy and couldn’t be bothered. I already have a wishlist, and i’ve been going through it MYSELF and buying the stuff I want MYSELF. I don’t enjoy anything that’s faffy like copying links and all sorts of other crap. Lol. I’m far too busy distracting myself with more productive things like gin and fun.

I kinda just wanted to spend my time with the babies (who were adorable this evening) so I couldn’t be arsed with all that. It’s not a priority. Its fun. But needs to be made easie. Aren’t potential boys who request to be your ‘slave’ supposed to make life easier and do things for you? Lol. I hate anything faffy. I even hate the faffiness of opening a champagne bottle and that’s luxurious. I just like it poured and given to me. Makes life easier :)

Anyway, I got texts from ‘London boy’ today. I sort of miss chatting to him, even via text and i have no clue why? Some chick on Twitter sent me a message today and a link to tell me all about him in an attempt to make him look stupid. But what I can say about people, is that no matter what, us folk…us humans well we do things for lots of different reasons….and we’re all only a phone call, a car crash, a pill, a smile, a hug, a diagnosis, a newfound love, or a broken heart away from being a completely different person. What she told me…i knew already and I knew right from the beginning…but I didn’t care and I didn’t care because I’m just a being who understands people and i focus on what matters rather than the ‘little shit’ that doesn’t. I get why people do things.

I actually spent a long time talking to this guy and for an entire month all day everyday we chatted..so in my mind, regardless as to what others think…as a human, he’s pretty decent. He’s funny, he’s smart, he works hard and has a whole other real life away from ‘a cover.’ It’s sort f everything no one else sees. Everything is about reading between the lines. I have an odd…but good friendship with ‘London boy.’ It’s actually a shame that I have’t spoken to him in a bit for a catch up.

This Summer I want to have fun. I’m expecting exciting things to happen and waiting for news.

I  only have one more month of work and a week to shimmie through, before i’m off on holiday to the forest with my children. They truly can’t wait, which makes me so excited. I think it’s the more the fact that they get to spend 24/7 with me, in a new place, which is like an adventure to them. They never get that much full on time with me due to work…so when they do and when I DO, as a family, we treasure it.

God, i’ve bought so much online that i need to stop. I have all this random shit coming that I have no clue what i’ve even bought! Lol.

I have a long work week, but I finish early tomorrow AND STOP PRESS… TOMORROW I FINALLY HAVE MY HOUR LONE MASSAGE!

PRAISE THE LORD!

 

 

 

 

Easy like Sunday Morning…

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HAPPY SUNDAY!!

As you’ve probably gathered, this morning I decided that I was going to quit being lazy and drinking myself into hangovers and instead take the reins to Wunna land once more and (because I’ve been slacking due to work) and have a peek at what’s going on with my ‘insta.’

I’d left mine to rest for a wee bit, due to busy times and often when you’re busy it’s hard to keep up a blog, a Twitter account, a Facebook promo page, a snapchat and an Instagram stream. But today and out of nowhere, I decided to go ‘insta.. cray..cray’ and before you know it, I was catching everyone up on my life via pictures and doing it like a mad women. Mission Accomplished. Give me my wine!

Ruby’s out on ‘Daddy Day.’ Junior’s asleep. I’ve painted the fireplace ‘slate’ and i’ve cleaned, cooked and got things back to business. You see, i’m super determined and quite the ambitious darling of doll, yet i easily get distracted by life and fun, meaning that I lose focus on what i’m meant to be doing here. (Yet, I get that’s the ‘awesome’ of it all.) I’ve decided that I’ll never learn because i haven’t learnt by now, which just means, it’s part of my soul. :) (Any excuse.) I was born for ‘good times.’ You can’t break away from something that is simply part of you. Shake it, flick it, wiggle it at a friend and it will always boomerang back at you. Embrace what you’re actually good at and do it with panache.

The rest of the day was spent finding ace tshirts to purchase, as I bought the children hundreds and shoes, dressed and shirts yesterday. This was after I bought myself more trainers and cute doll shoes. It seems that I now want ‘tees.’ So, I made really great use of my life and purchased the ‘I POOP GLITTER’ t shirt, by David & Goliath (it has a unicorn on it and a rainbow.) I also wanted the Wildfox ‘Dirty Blond’ tshirt, but it was $87 so i thought fuck it. Like my friend Jenna had said the other day, she’ll wear anything but she just LOVES GREAT SHOES. I’m the same. I’ll rock Primani and all sorts…but i love a great pair of kicks or flashy heels…/handbag. But still…i ‘heart’ my ‘Poop Glitter’ tshirt. I’m such a great mum. :) (Saying that, Ruby asked me what ‘fugly’ meant today. I have no clue where shes heard it, but I couldn’t just stand there and say ‘Fucking Ugly.’ So I made stuff UP, with a gentle, love voice and a smile and…she didn’t fall for it. She just looked at me like I was a lemon and said, ‘Does it just mean someone’s ugly?’ YES!!! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT! She only wanted to know because she saw a tshirt that she wanted that read ‘You’re so Fugly.’ HAHAHA. Of course i denied her wishes and instead she stated that she wanted the one that says ‘You’re so Pugly,’ which has a dog..well a pug on it? I still denied her wishes as it still means the same… but with dogs…and it’s too old for her…tooo fashionista for her. I’ll look great walking her into nursery with a ‘fugly, pugly’ top on. HAHAH. Maybe we’ll try it.)

Anyway, then I sat down and went back to knitting the beige cardigan that I had started on Friday night…NAAAAAAAAT! :) PAHAHA! (Not that knitting is boring, as it only is to me because I don’t know how to do it. I don’t have the patience or time for it. But i love it when folk knit me things.)

So yeah i’ve done lots and lots of social media today and YES…on Tuesday I finally have my massage that i have been waiting over a week for! Yippppppppeeeeeeeeeee! Of course Keiran then decided that he couldn’t have Junior on Tuesday anymore due to work, but because I have an excellent Mum, who knows that i’ve booked, been needing and eagerly waiting this rub down for what seems like years…everything is alrighty!

I have a very busy work week about to blast up on me. I’m not rested enough for it yet, as Junior was up all night puking. But i’ll get there…who cares, it’s nearly payday and it’s nearly HOLIDAY IN THE FOREST time. I told Keiran we were away on Junior’s birthday and he ‘awwed’ like it wasn’t fair. (But only because he loves going to the forest and loves..well his son.) Yet at the end of the day, he chose this life and he chose to leave… and so therefore has to deal with what happens after all that…which means he steps out of the Wunna Land bubble, that we are all (and very happily) part of and we carry on being a family without him. I’m in a really good place right now and everything just ended up going really well…so no matter what..he’s funny because he’ll secretly be kicking himself in the knackers constantly over it. :) In your face. LOL *Whops out the **I am awesome tshirt.**

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(He’s actually dating right now but daren’t tell me for some reason, even though I already know? In fact, he even lied about it to me. Why still do that? Lol. I mean, it doesn’t matter now? If you think of all the people i’ve ‘hearted’ since or smooched, loved, or chatted to…you’d think he’d be more comfortable. I mean, what is he going to do when I actually settle down again and there’s eventually (not yet boys) a decent male role model living in the house, with the babies. He’ll explode..whereas I’m chilled. I’m always chilled about it. I just don’t get his ‘secrets?’ And why would i?)

Anyway, enough of that.

I need to go on a diet. My jeans are too tight that I had to put pj’s on. I’m excited about the future. The lash line is going soo well and i’m wanting to get back on the telly. (For a bit.)

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I’ve been called ‘Big headed’ so many times, in so many different ways this last week that i’m going to see if i can beat my own score this week.

I saw Pete today and Pete’s really hot now. Why are all my exes getting hot now? Even accidentally saw one of ‘Boyband Jonny’s’ pics on Instagram…and well he was only 19 when we were dating, but years and years on…he’s now sooooooooo hot. But probably gay. Stop it. All of you stop it.

I need a rub down. I need a rub down now. I want a fruity cockatil to sip at home which has a cocktail umbrella in it and a flamigo fanned out paper straw!:(

Love you. Leave you.

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We on a World Tour

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SO. Last night, I had made the executive decision to only go out for a couple drinks, as i wanted to paint my fireplace ‘Slate’ and decorate and write these blogs that are now getting down today. I can’t rest on Fridays and it’s not because such a massive ‘party girl’ and i need to get trashed, it’s actually because Keiran has the children on Friday’s and when they’re not with me my home is just a shell, a glamourous empty shell of nothing, without noise or reason. I go mental because i miss their bustle and the love that they fill our tiny little home with…So, I  resort to making the time go quickly and that’s by having a good time with good friends. I’m a ‘good time’ girl by nature. I love a drink, friends and a social environment. Ben had text me telling me they were all out…so off i strutted…in a shitty pinstripe shirt, droopy ponytail, red boots and cleavage. (I looked stupid and felt fat.)

Anyway, luckily EVERYONE had decided to go out for a couple drinks..and JUST A COUPLE as nobody actually ended up in ‘Biggies.’ I kNOW! How proud am I of myself!! ‘Biggies’ is shit on Friday’s anyhow.

I got a cab to the now posh ‘Tap and Barrel.’ Ben was already there with Dodge. Rich was walking up and I was slamming the door to my ‘take the long way around’ taxi, as I waved ‘goodbye’ to it and tottered into the bar.

I am currently LOVING the comfort of the ‘Tap and Barrel’ and it upgrades Ponty a little. It’s now like a cosy wine/ale/liquor bar, that is pricey, but the best place to start the night in.

Got there, the boys were all there and already drinking. Probably already a bit pissed as I walked in on their game, on being on a ‘World TOUR…’ stating that I was tired from working all day, fat and feeling frumpy…

Now, the ‘World Tour’ was an accidental game that seemed to accidentally happen when they got pissed, where each and every time the boys went to the bar for a drink it had to be from a different country of the world. (It didn’t really HAVE TO BE, but fuck it they were pissed and coming up with shit…so i joined in.)

So, they had ales from America. Some chocolate drink that Dodge loved and Ben hated, but drank anyway. Note that when you chose your drinks, the drink’s actual country of origin is where you currently are on your ‘world tour?’ Are you getting this? LOl. I@m not either.

So…Rich was doing Belgium I think and i had a vodka, which mean I was in Russia. God, knows what the boys were drinking, but it was a different country every time for a while and you could tell as they were getting really pissed and ding weird laughs to attract the attention of others for kicks.

I got a wine, which took me to France, as i bantered and walked down memory lane with Rich…who was on the same drink all the time because he’s actually sensible. But he must’ve been a bit pissed as he walkde up a random guy who had mistaken for our old friend Dale and randomly started greeting him with fond affection. HAHAHA. He even said, ‘Chrissie did you see Dale in there..because you didn’t say hello to him? ‘ HAHAHA. It wasn’t him AT ALL…but kinda looked like a chubbier version of him. But yeah, we pretty much chatted shit and slagged others off…but that’s what we do. It’s fun and allowed. :)  I actually miss being a retard with his ‘wifey’ Katty…I need to drink with her. She makes me smile and gives me rum..which must be something they do as Rich also gave me rum…like a really strong neat rum shot, because I bought a shitty Captain Morgan and Coke.

Me: ‘OOhhhh, I have a RUM.’

Rich: ‘Which Rum?’

Me: ‘Captain Morgan…I’M IN JAMAICA!!!’

Rich: ‘You knobhead, out of all the rums you could’ve picked, you chose a shit one…You’re not in Jamaica, you’re in fucking Sheffield.’

Ben: ‘I fucking told you to pick a better one.’

Me: ‘I thought i was in Jamaica :(

Rich can’t take it anymore and runs off to get proper rum…neat…with lime.

I drank it, it blew my head off…i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in Jamaica and for the rest of the night i was pissed.

I actually hung out with Ben alot that night as we’re buddies now and he secretly fancies me. :) He’ s actually a great guy, like he’s lovely to me and most people. He let me wear his hoodie and we bought each other rounds…even though he got all angry bit evening…because he felt like all his ‘secrets’ had been let out…HAHAHA. But he got over it when we moved to The Blacky Moor (another pub in Ponty)…and we only moved because the ‘Tap and Barrel’ decided to do a ‘Lock in’ but no one wanted to get locked in because when you’re pissed it gets boring (hence why i say it’s a good start off place) and well in Ben’s words ‘it’s too fucking expensive to get locked in here.’ HAHAHA I LOVE EXPENSIVE, but couldn’t be arsed with the thought of being ‘LOCKED IN.’ It suffocates me and makes me nervous, be it in pubs, life, friendships, buildings or relationships. HAHA.

Rich went home, Ben, Dodge (who was now fucked, but had the best laugh ever) and I moved to the next place. We took Matty and Webbo with us, as Matty was  actually getting by this chick friend that he had, that he spoons and gets boners with, I one point i had to tell them off to being fighty, like they were might children…as he was getting  punched in the goolies..repeatedly. :) Love is…(Matt’s actually a good guy. I noticed that last night.)

Okay…we’re now at ‘The Blacky’  (new pub) after doing all these ‘World Tour’ drinks. I’m drunk, tired from work and lagging really? I definitely wasn’t as fun as usual. Everyone was lagging, apart from the people who usually lag. Odd? It was a switch around.

All sat, all chatting, all slowly drinking but not feeling it as much as we should. Ben got into a ‘bromance’ with some old friend of his…God knows? He doesn’t have a job but a girlfriend who pays and lots of tattoes? HAHA.

I watched Dodge get more fucked and have to be at work at 7am.  We reminded him that none of us actually had work the next morning and that is was now 1am. But we kinda did it really loudly, via a chant, and dancing chant arms. (‘Chrissie, you’ve made me paranoid now.’)

Luke showed up an d’really enjoyed’ his fishbowl drink, like he was a little boy who’s granny had just baked him a pie. He was soo smiley about it.

Ben was utterly LOVELY TO ME ALL NIGHT and for the first time ever we didn’t even LOSE EACH OTHER!!! He says that we go somewhere then i’ll fuck off and ditch him and i say he does? Last night…we were there by each other ALL NIGHT to the point where we EVEN MANAGED TO GET CHILLI CHEESE FRIES BEFORE TAXIS HOME! I KNOW!

It’s probably because we didn’t go to ‘Biggies.’

Again, he was actually really lovely to me…as right now we have a good friendship. I don’t actually know what’s going to happen in this space…but he’s a good guy, and i’ve noticed that.

When I got home, i promised that i’d call him…and we chatted.

He was drunk and telling that he wouldn’t say no to finding love if it came along and having someone to be with and that he didn’t judge girls and how much he’d just love to sort of have someone that he could love. (This is making him sound cringe…but it was nice because he was open and I was doing a wee. :) )

I agreed, because i’m the same. I’m never looking, but if something happens naturally i’m completely open to it. I want to find the man of my dreams, who’ll love me ever.

But Lord knows what happened as I was laid in bed, with my box of chilli cheese fries on my bedside table, that i couldn’t eat and I SHOCKED MYSELF UP!! HAHAHA.

I looked to my right and i still had my phone in my hand and heard Ben shouting out ‘WUNNA!!!! WUNNA!!! WUNNA? ARE YOU STILL THERE?’

AHAHAHAH.

Whilst he had been pouring his heart out, i had fallen asleep by chillie cheese fries by accident! HAHAHA

I fell so deep into an accidental sleep that i shocked myself up when he was shouting down the phone.

HAHAHAHAH

I apologized and did that thing were you pretend you haven’t been asleep and was totally listening the whole time. :) I put the phone to my ear and listened and all he said was..

‘Did you fucking fall asleep? Hahaha. Am i that boring?’

HAHAHA. We just laughed…and well we hung up and i fell asleep in my Thorpe Audlin bed (on the right hand side) alone and he fell asleep in his Carleton Glen bed (on the left hand side) alone. :)

It’s like a fun fairytale, but with no happy ending. :)

He’s just sent me a text reading,

‘Wunna, that mental guy is out. Haha. If he stabs me, it’s been  a pleasure knowing you. HAHAHA.’

Life!

Wunna x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ponytail Friday

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Life is great right now. Well…Friday was great!

I’m currently in Starbucks (Doncaster)…which is my favourite Starbucks in all the land, simply because the Barista boys are super ‘pretty boy’ and the customer service is pretty damn good. It’s a great atmosphere. It makes me feel comforted to be around busy, pretty boy and coffee…so after a bit of errand running and before Keiran drops off the babies, I figured I’d come blog amongst the delicious masses.

Friday (and I love Friday) is always a good day for me, as it means i’ve managed to get through my whole entire work week with a *Victory punch* and a smile. I love work and I love the people i work with, so it amkes life that little bit easier and keeps the moola flowing in.

However, over the last couples weeks, I did notice that there was a sincere amount of ‘ponytailing’ going on in my work place and a ‘ponytail’ adventure that I wasn’t part of. Jenna had ponytail, Bev had a ponytail and well I always rock the ‘bitchy up do’ that seems do wrong, as by nature, i’m more of a ‘ponytail’ type girl.

Anyway, they were looking all young, fresh and gleeful. All girly, sprite and almost nimbler. So i decided to jump on the ‘ponytail’ bandwagon and now every Friday at work is my ‘PONYTAIL FRIDAY.’ (Yes, this is how relevant my life is. :) )

Friday I rocked my long, glamourous, fake pony tail like the QUEEN OF ALL PONYTAILS and even jabbed flowers in the edge of it. BOOM! :) (I hate it when people say ‘BOOM’ on the end of things. I say it all the time. :) ) Yes, I got stick for having  a giant, glamourous fake one but incase nobody noticed, nothing on me is that REAL. It’s all pinned, glued, stitched or stuck on…and that’s the way I like it. And you can ‘shush up’ tooo because when everything is unstuck, unpinned and let loose naturally…it still actually looks damn fine! :) I’m a girl and i enjoy being one. If i want a fake pony…i’ll have one. :) I can’t wear one when i’m 80, so i might as well get away with wearing one now.  I get away with everything else, with what Bev calls ‘my charming little smile.’

(‘Chrissie, will the nasiest shit, but she delivers it with such a charming smile that you completely and utterly forgive her for it.’ :) )

Jenna even tried to shout at me on ‘Ponytail’ Friday because she stated that she was ‘in one of them moods.’ HAHAH. I think we had one of our ‘shout across the floor’ conversations that went a bit like this…

Jenna: ‘Right, don’t annoy me today because i’m in one of those moods.’

Me: ‘You can’t shout at me. I’m in a fucking ponytail.’

Jenna: ‘You’re not normal.’

:)

Friday is a day of GREATNESS, but i’m going back to my bitchy up do on Monday. Ponytails get you into trouble…and totally by gingerbread pigs.

Most of you probably had normal conversations, but on Wunna Land our grasp on ‘normality’ is distorted. Only my kids and I get it…and well anyone who truly knows me just understand ‘Wunnarisms’ so go along with it anyway. :)

I FINALLY MANAGED TO BUY A PAIR OF ADIDAS SUPERCOLOURS. FINALLY!!!!

I wanted them in pink…baby and hot. But of course they’re apparently sold out everywhere in the entire universe, unless you have size 12 feet and who the hell has size 12 feet? (Well Paris..as in Hilton is a size 11.) I’m a dainty Size 4.

Couldn’t find them anywhere. Got really pissed off. Gave up on pink, but finally found a pair of yellow Size 4 Supercolours online at Schuh! THANK THE GOOD LORD. I am the happiest human in all the land, as i feel as though i had to fight to even own a pair.

Then as if life couldn’t get better at 7am..as that’s when I bought them, but my old friend Rich, also informed me that we were ‘SUPERCOLOUR BUDDIES’ because he too was a proud owner of the brightest pair of reds. (Yet he’s been using them as slippers because he daren’t yet wear them outside. Lol.)

This is the message that the recieved from me when he had sent me a picture of his new pair of ‘Supers’… ( and this is your insight into Wunna land… and he read this message out at the pub last night and to a bunch of our guy friends, whilst we were outside in the smokers area of the now posh ‘Tap and Barrel’ in Pontefract….

‘OMG!!!! I LOVE IT!!! OUR SHOES ARE LIKE PETS AND ARE TOTALLY DATING!!!’

Hahaha…yes, that is how my mind works. That is what you have to put up with when you dip into Wunna land. But our shoes really are dating now. (Well mine are en route to me..so one they do, we’re going to the pub in them so they can go on their first outing together, This is our shoes i’m on about. :) Yes..i know. However, he did then tell me that ‘his supercolours wouldn’t fancy my supercolours after they had slagged it in ‘Biggies.’ :) ) SEE! I manage to slope everyone down to my level. :)

When i get mine…i’m out in them and i NEVER WEAR TRAINERS. I’m all tits out a peeking, heels are a sneaking!

What else happened?

Oh yeah, that ‘chairman of the Conservative party’ guy who liked me sent me a message asking how he could ‘tempt’ me or ho he could ‘unlock’ me. I get that all that’s meant to be sexy, but it’s far too faffy to nitter natter with when you’re busy. I love luxury. I love to be tempted by it. Yet, when a guy outright asks you what you want or how he can make you like him..it makes them seem less ‘heroic,’ doesn’t it? As girls just want to be swept off their feet magical, by the man of their dreams who just knows how to woo us regardless, without question. That’s how you can tell if someone is naturally a hopeless romantic, or if they see a girl a game, or trophy, or even prize that they can ‘win.’ VERY DIFFERENT. He also referred to me as a ‘hot piece of ass’ (which I am and i’m flattered LOL..so well noticed ) yet i’m cleverly than that and worth a lot more. Don’t get it twisted. But he seemed nice though. What’s happened to London boy? I haven’t spoke to him in days?

Other than all that….Bev and I tried to make people electrocute themselves as part of a game. Adam got a massive spot on his lip. My friend Ben’ who i was out with last night accidentally made out with a minger the other night and life couldn’t be any better…..unless ii won the lottery.

 

 

 

 

 

Boys

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Almost flooded my kitchen, yet didn’t because in the nick of time, I just so happened to strut into the kitchen, see the sink filled to THE BRIM with water, with the plug somehow wedged in and well…like the superhero that I am…I save the day. (Yipppeee! I’m like a slutty looking superhero, that is too lazy to save the world, yet completely gifted with ‘good timing.’) I’m obviously some kind of domestic goddess. I burnt cookies last week because I got distracted by Adam Levine singing ‘Sugar’ and I couldn’t complete a load of washing today without almost flooding the kitchen. :) I make a great wife. (Married how many times? Whatever!)

Worked all day. Weather was shitty. (And when I say ‘shitty’ i just mean, ‘not as good as yesterday.’) I had a call from the people in casting who are doing a new MTV show and I took that call by compost. The guy that is persistently asking to be ‘my slave’ is now attempting to offer me FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS to speak to him for half an hour. And well, am I still so stupid, that I’m like ‘No, I can’t, as it makes me feel impolite.’ AND IT REALLY DOES. I’m sure it’s absolutely terrible to use a being like that. It’s really bad karma, i’m sure it is? Plus, i’m weirdly too decent a person to find it in me to be nasty to him down the phone for 30 minutes. I can’t do it. Lol. i mean, I have an inner bitch, but only with those who have really pissed me off. He doesn’t and because in his own ‘slavey’ way, he’s tryingto flatter me and get his own kicks from it.

I’ve always been in entertainment because i’ve loved to perform…yes…but mainly because I ENJOY t o make people happy. This is kinda the opposite. But FIVE HUNDRED is looking better! HAHAHA. (Joking.) See! It’s hilarious, there’s ‘Slave boy’ trying to adore me in his own special way and then on my phone is a whatsapp from a guy who is a chairman for the Conservative party, who likes the way…I look? Talk about different ends of the spectrum. I always date my friends. That’s a hint boys. Befriend me, impress me or woo me appropriately. LOL.

You know, I never know what the right thing to do with boys is? They don’t confuse me. It’s just that I know soooooooooo many, from all walks of life, all countries, all ages…all types, that i can’t handle the responsibility of being a ‘glamour puss.’ HAHA. They’re all my friends, but i just remember walking out of The Blacky Moor on Friday night, with 3 groups of different boys, going three directions, all beckoning me to come with them. All i heard was I left the building (Like i’m fucking Elvis) was ‘That’s my girlfriend..that’s my wife…that’s my bitch.’ Lol. All that means, is bitches…I still goddit.

But on the whole. I just like calm. I believe in companionship and friendship and for a guy with exceptional manners (i hate rude people) to treat me correctly. Yet they must have a spirit that plays well with mine, and be forward enough to make the moves. I hate it when i have to be super forward all the time, if i know the other guy is interested, as I see them as cowardly (Lol..awful, I know) and then I i’m bored. I want a hero. Someone who isn’t scared to express. I look for that…a lot.

However, within reason….as I do have to fancy them. I mean, when I had that stalker ‘Brett.’ Well, everyone kept calling him a ‘stalker’ yet I thought he was just being nice because he kept showing up, being attentive, buying me gifts and calling me ‘Princess.’ LOL. Trust me. I’m an idiot. He got a bit much because he lost his mind and went for it MADLY and far too madly. I didn’t dislike him because he was madly passionate,  nor was it because I felt it wasn’t challenging. It was simply because i didn’t fancy him and once i have that in my head…it’s hard for me to twist it back around. He was brave but too forceful. I love expression. But the ‘click ‘ or FRIENDSHIP and that’s the main thing with me, wasn’t there. PLUS…he was a stalker. Lol (But a real one. Oops!)

How i’ve started talking about boys, I don’t know? What I wanted to tell you about was the fact that i’m doing my OWN allergy test. I mean, I work a lot and don’t really have time to go to the Doctors. Plus, when you’re the daughter of two Doctors, you tend to ‘just ask ya mum.’

Anyway, because i’m a plank…and blaming things on not having any time, I’ve decided to see what the trigger is MYSELF..so i can find out why i get this fucking rash. (It’s almost gone now…so i’m monitoring every little thing that I’m drinking and eating to see. Hence why i’m having a red wine tonight. HONEST! It has nothing to do with alcoholism…:) ) BET THIS ENDS REALLY WELL! Why am I ‘tool’ enough to test everything just to see which product gives me a fucking rash? I should run the country. Where’s my Moet?

I’m working tomorrow and i’ve spent the most amazing evening with Ruby and Junior. I feel so blessed to have such a gorgeous little family and be a Mum. I have the greatest, most hilarious children and I just can’t believe that I created them.

:) :) :)

x

 

 

 

 

Handy Man…Randy Man

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A work man’s just been.

My boiler or something or other decided not to work, so British Gas were called and a work man was sent out immediately. (I hate being cold, but i’m quite laid back, so I was simply going to leave it. However, then I realized that it was probably going to be really cold and I’m shit at making good decisions..so they were called in…and HELLOOO….WE HAVE HEAT! ALL FIXED. Nothing is better than the utter feel of warmth. I’m exotic. BUT remember that there are thousands of people on the streets right now, not all druggies and misfits…but some of them who are children or mothers…who won’t get the joy of such a luxury.)

Sorry for being preachy,. but it’s true. I’m pretty grateful for everything…not just diamonds. :)

Anyway, the workmen arrived and usually I hate work men in the house, especially late because it almost feels intrusive, yet he was all blushy, shy and did that weird eye look at me, like he might find me moderately attractive. (This sounds like a budget porn.) He got straight to the job (the boiler that is) and i made intrusive witty remarks all the way through his stay and really just to ease his shyness.

He had tools, but not the right ones, so had to rush off to his mates to get them. When he came back 20 mins later, he had spruced up a little, smelt like Jean Paul Gautier and was chewing gum. PAHAHAH. Unfortunately, for him…in that time, my Mother had popped over, with a giant cottage pie, so any fantasy wooing he had going on in his head, got killed. LOL.

(Note, this may all sound odd to you, but it happens to me ALL THE TIME. I mean, look at Handy Man Mike…he tried to bone me, after saying I looked like Britney Spears?…All i needed was to have a blind fitted, not a ‘leak’…well..’plumbed’…to ‘Baby One More Time.’ Apparently, I was simply naive though, as Handymen do it all the tine, according to my buddy ‘Ruth.’ I mean, as soon as I mentioned the word ‘Handyman,’ she butted in with an immediate ‘RANDYman’ like I was the most foolish bimbo in the planet. I swear, i’m not foolish, I’m just trusting…and unfortunately in men. So yeah, Handymen, like Personal Trainers…are rubbish at  fixing things or training your abs, but ace if you’re looking to get ‘boned.’ I’m too old and frigid for that. :)  But yes, they are today’s words of wisdom for you. )

Work was good today. Legs kill. Eyelashes still fluttered. I’m now stuffing my face with cottage pie, after cleaning my entire home from top to bottom, as ‘Vanderpump Rules’ was on in the background. (FYI. I LOVE LISA VANDERPUMP. I want to BE HER.) I think i need to hire a cleaner, as I don’t have time to do it all. I just end up throwing everything away, as i find that much easier than cleaning it or even worse ORGANIZING IT. (KILL ME!) Then…work, work, babies, babies gets in the way. Followed by, getting  excited by life, my forest holiday in June and drinking. There’s no hope really. I’ve already thrown away three bags of whatever i couldn’t be bothered to organize. I looked at a pan once and because it seemed beyond my patience and far too dirty after cooking a giant spag bol, I lobbed it in the nearest wheely bin. Fuck it. I’ll buy another. What? It works for me. I had a friend moan at me with a ‘GOD, I’D NEVER DREAM OF DOING THAT!!!’ *Wunna shrugs here.*

I mean, why? it’s just a fucking pan. Not golden dipped, diamonds, that come with magical dwarf powers. (Don’t know what that means? Don’t care either. At least I didn’t wake up in covered in mushy peas. A friend of mine did on Sunday.)

Okay, Cottage pie has filled my belly and made me tired. I have work in the morning and we’re only on Wednesday.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Wunna x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roll on Tuesday

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Today has been amazing and it’s been amazing, (my gorgeous little dollops of love) simply because i’m all rested up, i’m no longer stressed, I’m feeling free of all troubles and i’m back to being ME!

A lot of people underestimate the power of being themselves, as it’s kinda the ONLY thing in this entire world, that ONLY YOU are good at! Not another single being in this ENTIRE WORLD, can do ‘being you’ as well as you. So embrace, enjoy everything you represent and deliver it positively, humorously, in good nature or with love passion, or intellect. *Pop on your geek glasses here.*

I feel as though i’m back in a good place and I don’t know how or why i’ve managed to find myself in this place of awesomeness… but I guess it’ s because i’ve watched and listened to the woes of others and it’s sort of made me realize how lucky I am.

Y’know, It’s really easy to swirl down the plug old (and i’m talking to all of you who are feeling sorry for yourself right now and letting the dark side get the better of you)…and as I watch you, or others tend to the downward, plughole swirl…I’m doing the opposite and slipping back into my heels, tossing my hair and with a hip bump, pout and adjust of my bra… strutting upward with a wink and a ‘hell yeah!’

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, ‘pity parties’ are not sexy. Yes, to making people sorry for you, for a minute. BUT NO to dragging it out like a wet lettuce slither, on a slug trail. It’s looong.

But i’ve seen it all over the last couple weeks. Happy people, sad people, sad people who are actually happy on the inside, happy people, who are deeply sad on the inside. The works. The Lot. The wham McBammy.

I’m in a good place and i feel lucky. I’m beaming because I oddly think awesome things are about to happen in life.

But more importantly…I’M OFF TO MY LUXURY FOREST CABIN RETREAT IN SIX WEEKS!!

YES! I’ve finally sorted out a week away from work, to chill, relax and indulge my tiny self in a bit of open air luxury. i’ll be hot tubbing in the open forest air, with my champers, the babies and surrounded by nature, peace and all things undramatic and I CANNOT WAIT. You all know, that it’s my favourite place ever. It’s a place of great sentimental value to my little family and I. We’ve done all our major events there and during every season possible. That’s why I love it, That’s mainly why I love it. As that forest haunts all my dearest family memories, ALL FILLED with laughter, love and happiness. I have never ever once had a bad time at the forest.

The kids can’t wait. I can’t wait. AND well it just so happens that we’re going on Junior’s birthday, which makes it AGAIN, a super special occasion. I mean, I was once even there just before my pregnant belly was about to *pop* out Baby J. So, it’s  lovely to celebrate and remember it all once more. They’ll be champagne EVERYWHERE.

I actually can’t believe how good I feel right now, after such a stressy week before? I was having a giggle with ‘Bev’ today (good friend, work colleague) and because we laugh at the state of my wonderous love life. It’s hideous and hilarious all at the same time, but mainly bizarre, as I seem to have all this ‘interest’ yet i’m not bothered about any of it, too massively, which means i must be happy. I mean, I enjoy the adoration. All girls do. Yet, i’m now savvy enough to get what a ‘real connection’ is all about and that’s what we find amazing. I love being an oldie and love being a romantic. But have i finally got it? Will I finally get what love is…. :)

Plus, when there’s so many boys from all walks of life, be they a regular boy, a friend, a stripper, a member of the Conservative party, a druggie, a school boy, a husband..an anything. I’ll just shrug it off until one of them impresses me so madly, that i notice. I like impressive males. But I still like ME more. :) I hate choices because i’m a girl who will focus on one boy and adore them madly. I have a one track mind. If i love someone…i’ll love them with every inch of my being. I’m never ever one to play because there’s no time for it really and my heart never lets me. HAHA. *Cringe here.* (I actually fucked up the other day, because I thought I was sending this guy called ‘Mike’ a ‘hey’ message because I forgot to message him back ages ago, he’s a good acquaintance, who i think it a decent person. So i wanted to ‘holla’ and be polite. HOWEVER, I messaged the wrong ‘Mike’ and instead sent my text to the pervy handy man Mike who is also a good person…sort of…yet obviously had to stop being my handy man, as well he wanted to get ‘handy’ with me, instead of just fixing up shelves. I’m too tired and too bus for that. HAHA. But of course, Cupid hates me, so he made me HAVE to accidentally cross paths with him again, even if it was via technology. I actually don’t at all dislike that ‘Mike,’ as he’s a really awesome handyman. He’s BRILLIANT. However…the additional ‘sexy’ part, it’s just not something that I need with shelves. LOL. )

I can’t wait to finally get my massage. I still have to wait a week because the lady was sooooooooooooo booked up. Yet, once i get to her and she starts to rub out every inch of tension, i’ll just MELT. I CAN’T WAIT!!

Anyway…I hope your Monday wasn’t too shabby.

I love you all.

Kisses, Chrissie. x

 

m14

 

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