Life is good. The cat’s tried to eat me. Finding a pure white bra in Wunna land, has been like trying to find dancing elves, guarding a pot of gold, at the end of a flipping rainbow and my first born has forced me to hire her a disco party bus.
My single gay best friend Liam, has consulted me on his potential, future love matches. A blued eyed gent, by a horse, seems to be winning. Liam wants to entertain him via the fine art of oral sex.
Me: ‘His eyes are cute. Why is he stroking a horse?’
Liam: ‘I want to be on my knees, looking up at those eyes!’
Chicks would never say that would we? Haha. But I love my gays and my guy friends for it. It makes me laugh. Yet only because my insta inbox hears it all the time…every minute. It’s made me immune to being shocked my a tinker of the naughty.
Plus, I think sex is healthy. It’s good for the soul. So lets hope Liam finds true love.
I also chatted to my other friend early this morning. The poor sod, has been going through awkward…well just really BAD press. Haha. He’s been hit with ‘kiss & tells’ like a fame hungry hurricane.
I can’t even believe it’s still going on…But i’m glad that he said his piece…He has my support 100 percent. When you can laugh about things, you know it’s cool.
Me: ‘I love that all your private messages are all over the news. I’m pissing myself.’
‘It’s just crazy. They have no class.’
We sort of have this bizarre friendship, where we’re like siblings…who banter, vent and slag people off if we need to, in private. Yet the most important thing is that we have each others back…I value our friendship over any petty bullshit. I want to look back, laugh and send him a text when I’m 74 reading…
‘Remember that time in 2017, when you were a complete tosser.’
It’s ace. I love it. It’s a fun rapport. To me…they are nothing short of a great human…and if i’m being honest, i’m kinda finding the fun in the drama. It’s making me giggle.
I’m doing my Q & A’s on insta again and i’m flooded with questions galore. I really appreciate the love that i’m getting and I ‘m grateful that you even bother to tune in.
It makes me happy. I don’t have much to be sad about, yet for some reason, having a cyber audience, comforts me? It makes me extra happy?
Back in the day, you could say I had issues. (And I don’t. So shush. Haha.) However, in the age that we’re currently living in, loving a bit of social media *applause* is pretty normal.
Everyone currently keeps asking me about my love life? I seem to not be saying much, for being so open and honest. I get that. But over the years, i’ve just kinda learnt that there are some things that I don’t need to tell everyone about, if I wasn’t read to.
I’m happy…and that’s all you need right? ‘m in the ‘early days’ happy…and I’ll tell you that I utterly respect this person, because they’ve approached the whole thing respectfully and with love…..
They’re a really great human and great humans are want i’m into. Thoughtfulness, kindness, swag, sexiness and…(I can’t think of anything to go on the list.) But i feel lucky. He’s a beautiful person.
It’s just right….
It really is…just right.
I just know..
We all know, that i’m shit when it comes to my love life and I never know why because by nature, I am THE MOST loving human?
But I think the key to happiness in these situations, when it comes to love and relationships,is to keep shit simple. People over complicate everything. I don’t worry about the small stuff. I just enjoy the right now.
2019 is all about going for it…Just going for stuff, without worry. Doing YOU and living it…Y’know seeing what happens and enjoying the adventure.
So, that’s what i’m doing…whilst minding my own business. 😉
Hope you have the most wonderful day!
Just a wonderful day, filled with wonderful feelings, dipped in wonderful moments, sprinkled with wonderful times.
Today someone made me smile and the simple art of making someone grin, is nothing short of magical, right?
This is a different grin to normal…as it’s a stable beam of peacefulness. It doesn’t feel erratic or wrong. It feels very ‘together. Really well rounded. It feels very right.
It was certainly unexpected, y’know…kinda out the blue? Yet connections and path crossings are always bets this way and always worth something, when your heart is still open and your mind is fresh.
Today was a good day.
I’m excited. I’m happy. I’m lucky.
I entered 2019 with an ’embrace life’ kinda attitude. A real ‘you only life once’ kinda vibe. A true meaning and purpose. An attitude filled with love, where I would never judge another, yet go forth with a spirit of adventure.
That attitude has served me well.
So, i know this a really short spurt of a blog..and I know that it’s someone cryptic.
But it’s enough for you to understand, that today was a really good day. 😉
Things are great. I’m back from my mini travels. I’m really busy. I’m on shoot after shoot and it feels great. I’m working hard. I’m trying to get my game back on and strong. I feel really lucky and I truly appreciate the support i’m getting.
The reason why it feels so good, is because i’m just minding my own business and getting on with my version of life, with a joy in my heart. I don’t tangle in other peoples drama. I don’t tinker where I’m not meant to tinker. I don’t measure myself up against others. Nor do I shoot others down…unless they cross a certain line of respect.
I’m keeping myself to myself. I’m doing what I love. I’m sharing my life story and i’m hopefully inspiring others.
Always do what you love. Always cherish the people who, NO MATTER WHAT, have your back.
Don’t waste time on things that hurt you, bore you…y’know the things that don’t make you feel whole or happy.
Good things happen to good people…Always, ALWAYS remember that!
I didn’t think that I’d be doing all these shoots at 38. I’m nearly 40 and still reaching for my stockings or bikini. I’m happy I am, because now I feel as though i’m truly representing something. I’m fighting a worthy fight. When I feel like I have a purpose, I feel mighty. It makes me work harder.
It kinda took that girl ‘hating on me’ on Jan 1st, to motivate me. Never let anyone tell you, you’re too old…or that you CAN’T do something. You’re always gonna be rusty at first. You’re always gonna mess up. But when you work hard. When you do all that you can, but with a sincere peace in your heart, you’ll smash it and you’ll feel proud.
That pride will radiate lovingly from you and that kinda love is contagious. It’s inspiring. I love to feel inspired by others. I love to see that glow. I love to fall down a couple ‘strength rungs,’ yet be able to look up with hope…
I’ll tell you the truth. I do feel old. Yet, i’m not trying to be young. I’m trying to be me. So is it a ‘comeback?’ Yeah, I’d say so…and I guess a lot of people are doing the same. I think it’s because when you grow older, and you’ve kind of career, that has involved a bit of ‘glitz.’ You want to be able to prove TO YOURSELF that you can do it AGAIN. It’s twisted, but fun, all at the same time. Lol.
I wanna blow my OWN mind, without putting my back out. Haha.
So, yeah i’m really excited for my next shoot… I’m having fun. I’m enjoying it.
Chick friend: ‘You’re like this weird never ageing woman?’
Me: ‘Must be all the cocktails. It kept my soul hydrated. Haha.’
‘No. But honestly. You look better now, than you did before. You look better in person, than you did on tv.’
‘Thanks. That’s sweet. My body feels old though. Anyone can throw money at themselves and LOOK a certain way. I’m trying my best.’
Anyway, i’ve got to wrap this up because I have an 11.30am meet up with ‘Big A’ from House of Solo Magazine.
I cried last night and Ruby cuddled me. I’m going through such a wonderful time in my career and with the kids. My love life isn’t even rubbish. I’m talking to someone and I like them.
Keiran, who is my ex husband…My son’s Father…. is causing all kinds of problems in Wunna Land, to the point where everyone’s had enough. (It’s only because i’m doing really well and he can’t control any of us.) Anyway, he’s got his religious ‘judgemental’ knickers in a twist and trying to be all threatening. (Which really isn’t very Godly of him? It’s more ‘gangsta’ but less juicy.) It’s kinda got to the point where the children have had enough. When that happens….I sort it.
But y’know when you just have a moment, where you just need a big shout or a big cry, when no ones looking. I opted for a secret cry. Haha. Now, I actually feel fine. I feel all Girl Power! 😉
Ruby (Last night)…as she cuddled me: ‘Don’t cry mum…You look like a frog.’
Don’t give energy to people or things that litter your world with their own negativity….They do not deserve a reaction…
Good things happen, to good people….
Today, I learnt not to EXPECT anything. . I kinda actually learnt it last year. I had to learn it over and over again. This year, i’ve nailed it. I’m another tick away from being an official grown up. (Slurps wine.) One that is tune with her soul, herself and sanity. (I guess that comes with life experience? I guess that comes with age?)
I learnt to just appreciate what was going on, in a moment, without slapping on labels, padlocks or territory marks. Sometimes we tend to run away with things. Our emotions become wonderfully ‘juiced’ with a spirit that makes us uncontrollably giddy.
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and you could read me a mile off. It like i shone ‘beacon’ strong. Now, at 38, i’m less of a giddy kitten and more of a fully graduated feline of woman. I’m loving it. I’m purring, like a Queen.
I’m not dull, I still have giddy moments, where I gush with this innocent happy spring of puppy. Kinda like a ‘jumping bean’ on Tequila shots, when ya favourite song comes on the radio.
BUT, I tend to get excited privately now. I don’t want it to always be that way. Yet, for now, it works for me.
I don’t do it privately because I play my cards close to my. (I have a massive. You’d be able to read my cards.)
Yet, because i’ve kinda just woken up at 38, and realized that i’ve done and been through so much in life. I’ve literally done so much. I’ve experienced SO MUCH. I’ve learnt everything the hard way. I’ve thrived in my career with confidence, over the years. LA built that in me. It forced me to grow up fast. It was the first time i realized I had sex appeal. It’s the city that served me well. I’ve always found keeping love, hard. We know that. (But it’s been fun.) And it won’t be a struggle forever. Lol.
I’ve looked back at everything. I reflected over the good, the bad, and the ugly. I read about people. I hung out with new strangers, last year. I learnt so much…
Infact SO MUCH, that by now…in life…I should be cool…and I am. It finally feels great! Haha.
I love being an oldie now. No, that’s wrong. I love being wiser now. and I didn’t think I would because I fucking panicked when I had my 38th birthday, in December.
Chick friend: ‘What are you doing for your birthday?’
Me: ‘Nothing. Haha. Leave me alone.’
I felt uncomfortable, to say the least. I felt like I had to drink ALL of the wine, in ALL of the land, out of ALL of the bottles… like a pirate on a stormy ship. OR date a flipping Toy Boy, for a blink of a second… JUST to make myself feel better, for a single moment of pleasure! Haha.)
I didn’t do any of that…Well, I might have drank?
When you expect nothing and you surrender to the art of such, with a positive glow, you are never ever disappointed. And you’re never disappointed because if you expected nothing, in the first place, but you appreciated EVERYTHING, you’ll always be content.
Right, or wrong?
I mean, I’ve nailed the above so far this year. I’m smashed it. It’s so sensible, it’s boring me.
I’m laid back and chilled by nature. Don’t get it twisted. I’m not hectic, but i do like it when people think i’m all ‘diva.’ I don’t even know why? Haha. It must be a persona, I enjoy, kinda like a ‘drag act.’
Yet, I do reckon, that i’m not one of those ‘just content, through life’ kinda girls, because it’s something I have to actually TEACH MYSELF to do.
I enjoy rushes of excitement and swirls of magical glee. I like to laugh out loud, with a dripping cocktail in my hand. Y’know…just madly, until my eyes weep and my sides hurt. I love to get lost in happiness. I love to celebrate and enjoy those moments, because when they come along in life, you’ve just got to hold onto them, before they fade.
Plus, I like to make a ‘doo daa’ out of good memories because I want to be 80 years old and *flash back* to such moments with pride. By that time rum will have turned my brain a simple clump of breathing meat…So I have to stick bells on shit, to simply help me remember. Haha.
Getting lost in whirlwinds is always fun…
But, without that sturdy bit of sense, or that grounded bit of balance, all you have is MADNESS. Madness, is rarely attractive, it’s lonely and it really doesn’t get you anywhere, in the end.
I still feel annoyed at that chick for using my friend, for a bit of pressy ‘look at me.’ Especially when I found out that she had been talking to two of my other friends at the same time. People are douches. I have so much respect for him and he doesn’t deserve to have to go through something so small publicly, by someone so ‘hungry.’
Me: ‘I’ve got ya back on this…’
TBone: ‘It’s not even a story!’
But back to me… Lol
Everything around me is changing…and it’s wonderful. I feel it in the air.
(Oh wait… My phones pinging. I’m at Ego, blogging with a wine.)
You know when you get though messages that just make you smile…. 😉
Hey, my delicious licks of life! How’s ‘Hump Day’ treating ya? How’s your version of ‘story’ a going? Regardless, I hope you’re well and I thank you greatly, for finding you beautiful way, here..into Wunna Land.
As always, i’m feeling great. I’m feeling wonderful. No. Wunnaful. Everything’s kinda picking up for me ‘work wise’ and when that happens, my mind gets busy and my heart feels full. I’m glamourously paddling in my element and grateful for every prosecco sip, every wiggle to my walk and ever moment of memory I make.
Life’s a funny thing isn’t it? We’re all trying to make our way, aren’t we, instead of enjoying the right now. We’re all doing well. We’re all doing badly. We’re all either trying to achieve or plod along nicely.
(Plodding bores me. I’m a girl who gets bored very easily.)
Yesterday evening, randomly, whilst I was on Twitter, my newsfeed decided to be filled with ‘news’ about someone I knew….
Now, I don’t pay too much attention to what people say, sell or ‘sally’ when it comes to the press, because you only get to read a ‘2 dimensional’ version, without emotion… to any tale. Right?
I’ve been on both the good end of that and the bad end of that. Yet, i’ve always just got on with it, because at the end of the day, i believe everything happens for a reason. Plus, if you haven’t lived it, you don’t really know.
But when you know someone personally, you zone in, don’t you…
So I did. I read…
…and yeah, it shocked me.
Weirdly, I could’ve felt bad whilst reading it? But I didn’t? Half of me felt empowered and strong. I felt all mighty and better! The other half, felt badly for the person, I knew…
It didn’t really make them look that great and that happens to me all the time. I’m not judgey. After everything I’ve charmed my way out of in life…I’m not in a position to judge. Haha!
Yet, I understood that, the tale (which was fair, the person I knew, brought it on themselves….and the person who told the tale was obviously fame hungry…) That’s something that should’ve been spotted right away. I mean the only online footprint the story teller had is THAT tale…& because they weren’t genuine & used someone.
However, Regardless, I knew that the drama would make the person I knew, feel moderately shitty.
I’m a good human and all that…so I sent them a message of encouragement. (During those times, they need support…and mainly a rant. So..I let them rant.)
Me: ‘Stop trying to justify yourself. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone! You can do what you want! When you want. It’s your life!!’
In life..as far as I’m concerned, people are entitled to make their own choices, without apology. You make people happy along the way. You hurt people by accident….or intentionally. That happens. That’s life. But you should never try and use someone. I hate it when that happens to me…
So yeah… ofcourse…
…there’s obviously repercussions to everything…
However, in any career where you’re made to be a ‘talking point’…you’re made for the repercussions. You’ve heard it so much…you can handle it, with strength.. as the ‘think they knows’ chatter.
Or so the story goes…
All people, no matter what ‘life walk’ they’re strutting…are human.
I learnt something about this person yesterday, after I let them have a rant. Y’know, a ‘get it off their chest’ moment.
I learnt that they felt more, than I thought….I learnt that we had this random friendship…and so I advised them appropriately.
The reason WHY I did that, was because they needed people to support them, as they took ‘life moments’ on the chin. I always do when it happens to me. No-one wants grief at this time. They just need support by the dear folk who get it. Right?
The real reason why I did that was because I respected the person…I actually learnt from them without them knowing. Respect is huge with me…as is learning…so I was on their team all along.
Regardless of this & that..I always go on my own experience & whenever I had a moan or a moment of ‘not okayness,’ they’d always encourage me positively. (Do know, after reading what I read…I could’ve been personally wound up. I just wasn’t. I don’t even know why I wasn’t? Well no…it just helped me understand, I’d say.)
Long story short….
Sometimes life will pull the rug from under ya! The trick is to handle it..and carry on strutting. ( Have good soldiers who get it.)
Sometimes you look back and see that everything happens for a reason. (At times it’s dodgy, but later you understand.)
Sometimes people use you. Sometimes they don’t. It’s a chance you always take. (Personally I think People should focus on their own talents, instead of using the name of someone else. It’s a shortcut to 5 mins of nothing. Make something wonderful from your own gifts!)
However, away from the ‘sometimes, sometimes,’ always, when you’re there for someone, in a moment of personal ‘doo dah,’ you 100% feel wonderful. (Remember that.)
Oh and also… Karma’s a bitch 🤣
I’m having so much fun! I’m loving January. I’m loving all your excitement and kind words on my ‘socials.’ (Thank you everyone making the effort to be a part of my world.) I’m filled to the brim with just plain old LIFE love and it’s life alone that makes me BEAM.
Never forget that it’s the ‘adventure’ that makes everything worthwhile. We all end up in the same place, at the ‘finish line..’ and it’s a place that none of us, will LITERALLY never see. Which practically means it actually doesn’t exist.
Live! Love! Take Chances! Be Happy! (Do it in a bikni if you like, it makes for good Insta likes.’ Haha.)
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. That must mean i’m happy. Happiness & Security is sexy on a girl. The same way thoughtfulness is sexy on a guy right?
I’m in a good place, because i’m doing everything the way I’ve always wanted…BOLDLY…AND without a single worry.
But anyway, what I wanted to talk about was the fact that on Jan 3rd, at i tinkered to the Candiland Studios, for shoot with the loveliest & most equipped photographer, i’ve ever met, @SteveCandi. (He has everything, from neon lit sofas, 8 million hats, gallons of wine, 4000 pairs of sunglasses, outifts galore, a heater, a wind machine and pink pole dancer wall paper…to a heart of utter solid gold.)
Such a delight to work with. Such a beautiful soul. Really glad I got to ‘Daily Sport’ it with him…and well, hopefully i’ll get to shoot with him again shortly.
I got picked up at around five o clock, by ‘Pitstop Rentals,’ (take a peek at his Insta..) for my evening shoot.
I simply LOVE ‘Pitstop Rentals’ with all of my heart, because if you ever need a reliable and bouji chauffeuring service, let me tell you…there is NO BETTER SERVICE…than ‘Pitstop,’ in the whole of UK.
It’s First Rate. Five Star! (If i needed food, he’d take me. If I needed help, he’d carry my bags through a busy airport. I use the service all the time and nothing makes me feel more comfortable, yet regal, all at the same time.
We like to FEEL good when we travel right? Well, I do! Especially, when i’m headed to work.
Pitstop: ‘You see so calm this time? You’re usually so nervous for a shoot.’
(I was calm, because I wasn’t scared of my life choices anymore. I was confident, that i’d smash it.) Good or bad. I was happy.
The great thing about ‘Pitstop’ is that unlike everyone else, he gets to see the ‘BEHIND THE SCENES’ of my life. I ask his advice. He gives me surprisingly great answers. We plot Wunna Land world domination (Haha) and well, he’s such a polite soul. I’m really happy when we ‘journey.’
I do drive! (People always think I don’t. Haha.)
However, on evening shoots, or quick dashes, I like to feel relaxed. I like the drama taken away from me. I like a wine. I like to feel safe, without worry. Therefore I called ‘Pitstop Rentals.’ to drive me to Manchester.
He drove me to Candiland Studios, in the most beautiful cream Rolls Royce. It was beautiful. It was so gangsta and classic, all at the same time.
Steve: ‘Chrissie, is literally the only model ever to arrive in a Rolls Royce. Haha. I want to take selfies in it. D’ya think he’ll let me?’
Then as I got ready to shoot…The boys ordered KEBAB BURGERS. Hahaha, (Oh the Glamour.)
Me: ‘I’m not having a kebab. I just want a wine!!’
It was simply hilarious. We’re all so bouji, but Northern. Steve was so much fun and you need that on a shoot.
There was a magical buzz in the air!!
I mean, I’m getting changed behind a curtain, trying to squeeze boobs into a ‘Daily Sport’ top, as they’re taking about kebab sauce. Lol.
The most amazing time. The most amazing shoot. (I actually feel like I could’ve shot better. Remember this is my ‘Comeback.’ I’m a little rusty. It was like a sexy warm up. If I shot again, I’d nail it!!)
Steve was wonderful. I can’t wait to show you the pics on my insta. I actually can’t show you any pics with a ‘Sport’ top on, just yet…as they’ve got to be looked over by the head honcho and hopefully used with a ‘BOOM.’
I can’t believe it’s January 2019!! As if!! I’ve just woken up (it’s 7.23am) with a half drank Corona by my side, after bringing in the glorious New Year with my family.
The birds are chirping and everything…like it’s Spring? It’s actually sunny, from my bedroom window & people are still setting the odd firework off? Haha. (When I was younger in LA, I was still out clubbing at THIS time!! I wouldn’t even be home yet! I don’t know how I did it!)
I love staying in for New Years now!!! The 38yr old version of me is still ridiculous, yet grown. Old age is gonna suit me well, because it’s going to physically stop me from getting into trouble! Haha. I wouldn’t be able to do anything, that could potentially put my back out!
I’m already pissed off. All The Wunna’s stayed at mine and I’ve ALREADY had to clean up WEE off the toilet FLOOR, because someone missed the loo!! I stood in it! Lol. I was fuming! It was hilariously devastating, like a ‘Welcome to 2019.’
Honestly, who WEE’s on the floor, when there’s a loo approximately a wink away!! Who does that, doesn’t care and leaves if there! Haha!
I hate wee & I’ve had to clean it up because my bladder wanted me to begin the year shit! I’VE FUCKING STEPPED IN IT!!! Haha!
I really do hate wee. If I had to drink urine for my own survival, like they do in a jungle…I’d just opt for dying! Lol. Really! I would!
But anyway….Back to the pleasantries..
I’ve had a really big family Christmas & New Year and it’s been so revitalising, that it’s made me feel comfy! I couldn’t be more grateful.
It’s been beautiful! The kids and I, including the rest of The Wunna’s have adored our time together. We’ve needed it!
I thanked everyone via my socials (I know that sounds impersonal, but it’s the way of the world now,) who had been ANY part of my 2018.
I really hope you read my post, because I can’t go around everyone personally, as it would take me years!! Haha. I’m such a cow!
Some were big parts, some were small. Others popped into my 2018 at the last minute, some have been there all along!
I thank you…(Like it’s ‘The Oscars..’ Lol)
Making memories is so important to me & I swear those memories, even the tiniest ones, i’ll treasure forever! I don’t care if they’re good, bad, naughty or pure! Haha! I’ve loved them! They’ve made my year! I’ve felt alive!
HOWEVER, i will say that i’m a little a too comfy, a little TOO ‘safety net,’ right now due to family time. I’m skipping along, all ‘rosy tinted’ like an utter fool, swept in ‘nothing is bad,’ powder puffed, rainbow glitter.
We all know…Well..I do… that nothing gets done in slippers dipped in chill-fest. Nothing is really achieved without stepping out of that jolly lil’ comfort zone.
Without that classic, uncertain ‘danger streak’ of fire in your soul, nothing gets ‘tick boxed.’
So like the ‘Boobie Army’ lol) I’m training my little mind forward, ready to take on the year…that will probably just get flung at me.
The ‘jamas are flung off & the bikini slip on!
I don’t do news years resolutions, because I think they’re old fashioned. Yet I support anyone who does! Haha! (Day One. Keep going!)
But I have set a bunch of personal goals that I want to try to achieve this year. Personal goals. At the end of the year i’ll show you my list.
I’m more about gaining stuff than quitting things for new year. Haha.
I hope to not be single forever in 2019 also!! I mean SURELY Cupid will throw me a bone, this year!!!
(Not that kinda bone! Haha. I have 4 inboxes full.)
I’m ready to love now…So we’ll what life has in store for me!
But yes, I love you all, I hope you’ve sailed blissfully Into the new year…I hope you’re not feeling shitty….and my 2019, treat you well!!