Well…what a time. Yesterday was the most stressful time so far. When I say ‘so far’ I mean in 2019. I had to fight for someone I love, on his behalf. In fact, no i’m gonna tell you, that I had to fight for love and protection of my son. It’s easy to fight for something or someone that you love so deeply. Someone that you rightly prioritize over yourself. I find that so easy. I’m loyal. I have the heart of a lion. I’m passionate. I hate injustice or drama.
However, it’s difficult when the outcome is in the hands of a third party, isn’t it? Where you can only tell YOUR truth and hope that they feel your soul.
I’ve played happy, because that’s my job. Yet, if i’m gonna be honest, i’ve been so worried, so stressed out and cried almost every day for the last couple weeks…I guess, out of fear, that I wouldn’t be able to protect someone I love.
Yet, I did it…and to have someone filled with compassion and understanding, look at you, when you’re sat there, trying not to cry, but crying anyway, like a fool. To have someone understand & just stop and say, that everything was going to be okay from now on…To have someone listen and give an outcome that finally protected a being that you love…was just utterly overwhelming.
After everything i’ve been going through…even with the little bits, with the Twitter hack, the haters and just the injustice of everything (…which means nothing in comparison,) it was good to just have someone connect with me, look me in the eye…and feel where I was coming from..
It was good to have someone listen, care and to have someone understand me. It meant the world to me, because it meant the world to Ruby & Junior.
Everything is now on it’s way to being put right.. Don’t get me wrong, Ruby, Junior and I are so blessed to have such a wonderful life. So blessed…we couldn’t even tell you, how lucky we are. Yet sometimes, due to others, there are blips…
Blips in life make you stronger, because if you overcome them…you appreciate the good things that you have going on in your life, so much more greatly.
But enough of that..
The career is a soaring. I feel like i’m doing really well…and in a way work has kinda taken my mind away from any drama. I’ve definitely noticed that when you do well, a great deal of unnecessary problems occur, because everyone wants a piece or tries to destroy your world (lol.)
Yet luckily, as long as you stay focused and carry on marching…you’re all good. It’s hard to not be distracted by the drama. Yet it’s essential to try not to be. It’s the moment you give in to the foolishness, that fucks you up. Some people don’t like to see other people do well? They can’t even find it in themselves to be inspired. If you can’t see the good, through the mist, you’ll never go far in life.
This is a very ‘changing’ time for me. That’s why it’s all awkward and weird. There’s lots of bad, mixed in with lots of good. Really good. I don’t even know what’s going on?
I’m just noticing a change, a new chapter, a new everything in my life. I mean, i’ve even fallen in love. That alone took me by surprise. I daren’t even be open about it, in case it’s ruined and taken away from me. In case it’s not real. In case they don’t actually decide to feel the same in the end.
I’m private with things like that anyway. Yet, i’m extra private this time. I mean, I cant even have a flipping social media account, without someone ruining it and whisking it away from me. Lol. It’s like ever single force field or guard has gone up..Unless I know, love and trust you. Then i’m weirdly THE MOST expressive human?
It’s so bizarre.
On the whole, I’ve had the most wonderful day because today, i’ve managed to make everything right.
I’ve been shown so much love and so much support. ( I mean thank you absolutely everyone who has taken the time to like or comment, or taken the time to report the Twitter hacking. Thank you to everyone who’s been so patient with me, during a hard time. I’m truly grateful.)
There have been moments where I was almost letting people down because I couldn’t tell them anything, that was going on.
Today, was a day…during the ‘changing’ time that everything made sense again.
Y’know over the last couple days, even though shit has been hard, i’ve noticed really lovely moments.
A guy at my local petrol station, had his card declined and the lady behind him in the queue (who was hard up herself) paid it for him, to save him anymore embarrassment.
I saw a middle aged busker, in the cold, singing away for coins..because he loved to sing and needed the money. I was on my way to something really important…But i stopped and went to talk to him, for the free 20 mins i had, because no one was noticing him and I wanted hit o feel special.
He was singing ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon. He sang it so well, everything around me became a blur, but his voice. I just think it takes a lot to stand there and sing, with all your heart, in the cold, for tips, without any acknowledgement.
Busker: ‘You’ve literally made my day.’
Me: ‘No. You’ve actually made my day, Sir.’
Busker: ‘You look lovely. Where you headed? Anywhere nice?’
Me: ‘I’m just doing life. Haha. Believe me, nowhere nice. In fact, the actual opposite.’
And like he knew, but he didn’t know…He then said…
‘Well, no matter what it is. Good luck.’
Me: ‘Thank you. I hope you have a good day.’
Bad times, or should i say NEW TIMES are temporary. Strong people and good souls are FOREVER.
I’m so glad it’s Friday…are you?