‘What’s the Oriental equivalent to Black don’t Crack?’
‘I think YOU need to say it, or it makes us look really racist, but you do look about 18!’
(Mixed in with other girl convos)
‘How do you know he’s rich?’
‘Well…he’s obese, so obviously! That guy eats!’
(GIANT LAUGHTER OCCURS.)
Then loads of flights of killer fucking stairs happened, just so i could have an egg sandwich, talks of a guy with one peck, a sausage roll, people watching, teenage gay youths sex snogging on a market stall drunk, talks of Kim Kardashians bum..
‘I mean, it looks far too heavy to be carrying around?’
‘Webbo, do you like bum implants? No, I mean like when you’re getting jiggy?’
‘No, I’m not arsed?’ Excuse the pun! 😂
And then after lots of hard work, a busy mind, a good time, the end of the day and a 24 coffees, ‘The Mighty’ frisbeed over an A4 printed document with a..
‘Hey you have nothing going on in your love life? Why not do it on telly…’ Lol to see if i would audition for ‘Dinner Date.’ Haha.
And i would, but only if i’m the picker. I can’t be bothered with cooking for strange boys. But super arsed with picking one to pretend date. Lol.
Then almost like the beauty Gods needed to cut us some slack, absolute HOARDS of teenagers in teeny tiny glammy dresses distracted us, as they poured in from the skies and alleys of Pontefract. It was like Jurrassic park in heels and diamantees. We watched them be underaged and drunk…with intense contour faces and with hair that would make you believe that they were all up for every ‘Miss World’ award. (Apart for the weird goth one who went out in just a black bra with no tan. Eww! lol)
Two teenage boys were heavily making out on the market stall, feeling each other up and everything! However now i think back, one was just pissed and the other one was Gay, so the gay one did some *flying leap* onto the straight one, who couldn’t see, was laying on the market stall drunk and well I’m sure he started aggressively snogging him. Romance is alive! These boys were around 17. I know!!!!
We ofcourse did the polite thing and GLARED AT THEM like they were nutters the entire time and then filmed them for YouTube without them knowing . 🙂 Hahah. That’s not funny. I shouldn’t find it funny. But fuck it! I find it funny!
Okay, away from that, I have lots of opportunities flying in now. Everything’s stable, but everything’s exciting. By the end of the year something smashing will have happened i’m sure. But i have no clue what? I just have this feeling…or a rash? Can’t tell? Both good omens. Lol. Good news gives me feelings. Stress gives me a rash.
I’m about to get organized and start my ‘A Wine with Wunna’ celeb interviews that i’m gonna film for your jolly entertainment. (Basically, i do a wine and have banter with well known faces off your telly. It’s like a interview, but obviously, you know me…so we’ll CHAT and they’ll let all loose, as i’m charming. 😉 It’s not formal, it’s casual and so much actual fun.)
I kinda only have ten minutes to write this in so i’m in a bit of a rush. I’m waiting for a taxi outside my house typing this on my phone in my spikey red nails!!!
But i had no babies last night, as the were all at their Daddies and it’s weird as when they’re around you you adore them, yet they don’t half nark you off. Lol. Yet when they’re gone and there’s just you and a ginny cocktail, you MISS THE ABSOLUTE HELL OUT OF THEM.
I literally didn’t even know what to do with myself, so i ate carbs and selfied and pretended to shout at children who weren’t around me, after dancing to Fleur East tracks, downing more cocktails, emailing a talent agent and smashing a box of takeout noodles. I obviously need therapy, cuddles or a slap. You decide. It’s like my own version of ‘Snog, Marry or Avoid!’
I rushed upstairs to blog at around 9.30pm and must have passed out with exhaustion. Lol. It’s tiring being a glamour puss. 🙂 However at that point it felt blissy. You know when you can finally surrender to finishing your day, ripping off all your clothing, pants and everything, fling off the old bra and just lay starfish, naked on your bed for those couple of minutes of nothing but peace.
Did that, must have fallen asleep, as i’ve just woken up 7am and missed my alarm. Lol. OOps!
Other than that, i’m at work all day, i’m trying to plan drinks with friends, and wang in a drink with Mark, who i sort of met at the Leeds Lifestyle awards. He’s confused me because no matter what i say to him, he always asks me ‘why?’ Lol. I’m never used to explaining myself? I guess even though i’m easy going, i must be used to shouting out demands or commands. Lol.
I need to sort myself out so i’m off. BUT, soooo happy that Russell Brand is going to be a dad! Just read it on my Facebook newsfeed. i heart that guy!
Godda go. Busy busy!
Tonight’s blog will be better…