I’m Back & I’m Single, Boo….

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Hiya! It’s me. What a week! I’ve been an entire juicy mixture of utter happiness, shattered, thrilled, rushed, angry, filled with a bit of anxiety and calm…all at the same time. But i’ve felt confident. I’ve felt like i’ve been bursting with ‘ooh laa.’

How you feel is everything, isn’t it?

Once you find your ‘ooh laa,’ you feel as though you can conquer any fear, like you can bash down any wall…like you can actually be the hero of your own glitzy story.

Don’t let others get you down… Let them get on with their own version of life….

This is THE FIRST TIME, in that week, where I’ve actually been able to just sit at my laptop and ‘diary’ out my story. I’ve missed being able to ‘diary.’ But i’ve been really busy and i’ve also had to let dust settle a little, until I could get to back to normal.

My blog is my therapy, without writing a diary, i’m lost. 

I cannot even believe how manic my last week, has been. I’ve had so much support and love. I’ve enjoyed hugging you all in shopping centres and clinking cocktails with you in bars.

I wanted to thank Yorkshire. You have been HUGE over the last week for me. Thank you so much for all the support I received. All your messages, all your tweets have made me BEAM.

Any bit of ‘hate’ that cyber land flew my way, was cut short by a ‘cyber flat cap,’ who jumped down their throat and told them to hush a little. Well it was more like ‘shut the fuck up.’ Hahaha.

Yorkshire is ace!

My work load and schedule seems to have filled 40 more Santa’s sacks… 😉 Any company that has anything to do with dating have seen to have knocked on Wunna Lands door. Every cocktail bar/hotel has sent me a ‘come to see us’ wink.  All the dudes are like toy soldiers and now asking me on dates…

Yippppppppppeeeeee!

Jonny who? lol

I’ve had accidental beef with @bodybagnell aka ‘Unilad’ who i’m shortly going to play ‘Giant Kenya’ with, after mistaking him for ‘Prince William’ when he’s really a gangsta. Hahah. (He cracks me up. He is such banter!!)

BB: ‘As if you’ve just started public beef with me…My nephew and I are gonna  **** you & your daughter up! Haha.’ 

Me: ‘As if! We would’ve stolen your wallets before you even started to banter. Haha.’ 

I forgot that the general public weren’t actually part of our conversation and just posted ‘beef’ like they were!! Hahaha.’

What? An Insta Story post is all I know!!! 

I also can’t wait to meet JJ…who helped a sista out when in need. He’s just been a Godsend…and when people do stuff like, you appreciate their existence so so dearly.

Anyway….

(Back to what you all want to hear about…)

I had the most wonderful time at the First Dates restaurant and I honestly feel so grateful to have been given the opportunity to have a shot at love, under the watchful eye of sexy Fred Siriex.

It was the most magical and somewhat surreal experience ever…and I thank my lucky stars to have made such an unbelievable memory. That was the first blind date, that I had ever been on in my life and Jonny couldn’t have been a better date . Being a lover of life and adventure, I’m so glad that I got to do it in the First Dates restaurant.

There are no words that could ever describe my experience….and as you know…I am NEVER LOST FOR WORDS.

Fair enough, it played as a match…as their matching team actually smashed it. It was a good combo of banter and life. They delivered exactly what I asked for personality wise. He was ace on the date.

Now, I look back…under a regular, no pressure, no cocktaily circumstance, I don’t reckon, I would’ve fancied Jonny. I need more than salesman ‘taking care of you’ for show. He would’ve just been a best buddy. Yet his personality ON THE DATE and on our drinks afterward was great! He’s fun! He is someone that would probably really look after me….yet he’s not reliable enough for me when it comes to love.

Bit on the up, anytime, you end up on Shoreditch, with a bundle of Asian chicks taking selfies with to you.. in a cue, and you skid on the floor, after falling on your back on the dance floor, to ‘Gold Digger’ by Kanye…. you know you had a good time.

That’s where our taxi took us…upon request. 

But it’s so easy to get lost in the magic of the restaurant. It’s so nerve wrecking. Your heart beats through your chest. Your palms get a little sweaty and you kinda lose ya head for a second. It’s a mixture of both giddy excitement and the fear of the unknown.

But that’s what life is about! I adore moments like that!

I had the best time. I feel so lucky.

And even though I had all this initial cyber ‘hate,’ (well my voice did,)  the amount of LOVE I received over weighed that by far! The enjoyment I had on the date overweighed THAT, for sure.  Then the fact that I’d made SO MANY PEOPLE FEEL…made me smile! It’s almost like I accidentally inspired and that’s all I want to do.

Everyone wants to know what’s going on with me now…

I’m single.

Obviously, it didn’t work out with Jonny. We have a similar sense of humour and dodgy past stories. (Lol.) BUT we’re really different people. If you didn’t see the OK Mag thing, (which I actually loved, because no one should ever feel afraid to stand up for themselves and tell their truth. Especially in a moment of disregard.)

WAIT!! GO TO THIS…

Don’t let other people who live by a different moral standing to you, try to control your happy. I’m a hopeless romantic. A LOYAL love bunny. I’m dashed in fun and cheeky northern banter…and i’m proud of that. I don’t live a lie. I am ME…and it’s wonderful. I like to keep things simple and keeps things ‘love.’

From what I know….Jonny’s more complicated than that….and it’s unfortunate for no one other than HIMSELF. 

He’s one of the first people that i’m glad i’m not…and I don’t actually mean that angrily, I mean that honestly…because in my mind, he has so much more developing to get through, when it comes to love….and whilst he hates me right now, he’ll look back upon this time and be thankful, that he bumped into me….Until he apologises fur screaming at me, i’ll not peak to him again.

I may be giddy, northern and silly…but i’m swag and i’m grown. I’m not wishy washy. I know what I want. I know what is right for me. I know where I am and i’m proud of who I am and what I stand for as a woman…and as a human being! 

I’m not a push over. I’m not someone who backs away from my truth. I’m not someone who suffers fools well, either. AND…I’m not someone you shout at….

EVER.

I’m not a toddler. I’m not waddling through life in my diaper, banging into walls. I’m ‘swag.’ I got life down. We’re bessies. I did learning. I came out the other end ‘canon ball’ style, in a confetti shower, with flying colours.

Preach over. Haha. ‘kin’ ell.

So yes, I’m proud of who am I…even when i’m in nipple tassles. I’m someone who stands up for every single person, who daren’t speak their mind or their truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I have a good picture of the big picture of life. None of the little bits that most people ‘sweat’ matter at all.

JUST LIVE AND LOVE IT.

Y’know, the moment you get caught up in the stress of ‘da little things,’ you’ve lost. You can no longer see the big picture. That’s how unhappiness starts.

This is Wunna Land. It’s real life. It’s Wunnaful! 😉 Find YOUR INNER WUNNA.

The experience was invaluable. First Dates delivered. They gave me actually what I asked for.  NOW, I know exactly what I want…

I was gonna tell you all about it. But you’ll just have to search for it, which won’t actually work because I use an alias for everything to prevent that! So you’ll only know, if you know a date of occurrence. Lol. It’s like CSI, but with Pina Coladas, glitter and lazier.

But It’s done now. It’s packaged, parceled and fluttered away to memory lane, by the gin fairies. YIPPPPEEE!

I filmed the date over a year ago. It’s been such a long time. So this lil’ kitten is a moving it along….

Right now,

I’M SINGLE…and i’m looking for love. I’m interested in someone. After First Dates airing, i feel like they wouldn’t be interested in me.

OH THE ANXIETY. Haha. I’m pathetic. Lol.

Right now, I feel like the HAPPIEST and the LUCKIEST kitten in all of the land. When chicks are happy, we beam. It’s beautiful. It’s magical.

I’m still brimming with life. I’m still swirling  with excitement and confidence. It’s Christmas, my favourite time of year!

And It’s my birthday is 8 days!!

EEEK!!!!

 

Life right now though!!! EEek!

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Happy Friday! I hope you’ve jiggled your feeling into place! I obviously have a lot going on right now, but i’m dandy. I might have accumulated a stress rash, (ooh delicious..) but let’s face it, right now, life could be worse.

My inbox is rammed. I had THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING PHONE CALL this morning. You know when you’re just a massive fan of people and they call you. That’s what happened to me, this morning!

It’s Insane!

My life is surreal right now and it almost feels like it hasn’t even started?

I’m about to shimmie into the ‘First Dates’ restaurant, to have a flirt with our Fred. I’m so grateful to be given a shot at love.

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My date with Jonny, is already being called one of ‘First Dates’ most SEXUALLY CHARGED DATES, in FIRST DATES’ HISTORY. 

Haha.

( I enjoy that i’ve managed to tinker onto the most romantic show and ruin it., by being sexually charged. Lol)

Mum: ‘Ugh, you haven’t gone and ruined my favourite show have you! Lol’

I lived the date, but haven’t watched the date, and I certainly enjoyed a tipple or two hundred…Hurrah!

I dread to think what I’ve said or done!

Yet, i’m so happy. I’m so excited. I’m busy as hell. I’ve just signed to new management.

(They represent Idris Elba, the ‘Sexiest Man Alive.’ I know!!!!)

There’s been tons of Wunna Land support and I can’t wait to just kick back and tune in…I’ll be tuning in like the rest f you,…

I have family time tomorrow with Ruby & Junior. Then I shoot off to Manchester on Sunday.

MONDAY MORNING, I’m on CAPITAL YORKSHIRE!!!

I KNOW!!!

AS ‘ACTUAL’ IF!!!

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Smear me in Nandos ‘Peri Peri’ gravy! 

I’m talking all things ‘First Dates’ with Adam & Jo Jo...and it’s CRAZY, because I live for their show!!!! stalk them. I copy them. I want to be them!! Haha

I literally tune in every morning and wee myself a little with Northern delight!

I can’t actually believe that I’m on their show!!!

I hear Monday night’s First Dates, is said to be a ‘tricky one,‘ as a bombshell is dropped…There’s a revelation.

Y’know what…I’m just enjoying my time…

I HAVE A LOT TO TELL YOU…

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED, SINCE!!

However, it’s Friday and I need wine…So follow all my ‘socials’ and stay tuned for the Wunna ‘Magic’ on First DatesMonday, 10pm, Channel 4.

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Next Time On First Dates….

Afternoony, my little trickles of glistening, tinsel torn, kitty wrap. (I don’t know what that means either? Just go with it.)  How are you? I’m great. But knackered. Family airport runs, kicked me in the ‘girl parts.’ I can’t open my eyes. At least if I had ‘goolies,’ it would cushion the blow. Infact, if I had ‘goolies,’ I wouldn’t WANT to open my eyes. I’m too awkward for ‘goolies.’

I love calling balls, ‘goolies…’ like the ‘Juicy’ velour joggers…I want to bring it back! 

I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden, by Baby Jesus and the 3 Wisemen. Hopefully some of their wisdom *rubs* off on me, (it’s usually other things that dudes try to rub off on me.)  But i’m feeling lucky!

I’m not too bothered about Baby Jesus, though? He’s been strapped down, by a beautiful chica named ‘Leoni’ who bakes reindeer buns and he now looks a little ‘bondage.’ If I glued studs onto him, he’d be winning at life.

Why am I trying to ruin Baby Jesus? He’s done nothing wrong? Can I get into trouble for that? I reckon i’ve done pretty well to not have already BURST INTO FLAMES, simply by being near ‘Godly’ looking characters.

UGH! I’m so tired!!

(And I’m already getting trolled by keyboard warriors. It’s only 17 minutes past noon. Gimme a break.) 

Okay. I’m gonna cut the crap.

*Slurps Americano.*

Last night, I stayed up to watch ‘First Dates,’ on Channel 4, because next MONDAY, 10pm, I’m on it and they always do the..

‘Next time on First Dates…’ thing, don’t they!

I actually love, that bit….Of course as well as the show! (It’s a great show because it combines, raw and real, surprise moments, with positive banter, dates and love.)

However, when it’s YOU, on the ‘Next time on First Dates…’ bit, it’s kinda surreal????

I haven’t been on telly, on a big show… in a really long time. In fact, it was almost 10 years. Time has flown!! As if it has been nearly 10 ENTIRE years, since I tried to be Paris Hiltons Bestie?? I must’ve got so old, without realizing.

They say that happens….

BUT, luckily,  i’ve managed to fit  a lot into that time. I’ve wiggled out two babies, had a marriage, a divorce, created a sex toy range, been on numerous dates, had a rubix cube of career changes, started a business and done everything in between.

It may not seem like it, but i’ve done alright. But more importantly, i’ve enjoyed it and also met so many wonderful people along the way.

I’ve  also ‘diaried’ it all out. ‘ALMOST’ every day. 😉 I’ve been hungover, busy, tired, scared or lazy, on the days that I skipped.

At least i’m still cocktailing….

You can’t win’em all…

But yeah, I’m much older. (37.) I’m much wiser. (NOT.) Yet, still just as annoying on the telly!! How can this BE!!!! At 20 something, I didn’t realize how annoying I was!!!??!!!  I thought I was ACE!?! Now, i’m like ‘WT *ACTUAL* F!!’

I’m going to take a ‘troll festival’ of online battering….

I usually never ever watch myself back, because like most people, I find myself SO CRINGE. I look different. I sound different But only to me and no one else?? Haha.

However, I can tell you this time, I couldn’t be more giddy, to watch life in the First Dates restaurant, as I strut in and try my hand at love, next Monday.

There’s just something about that place, that fills your heart with ‘ooh laa.’

There’s a magic in the air and it’s filled with goodness, life excitement and hope.

UGH! I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU, BUT I CAN’T!!!

Here’s the clip I saw, last night…

Me: ‘Why have you not told me that I have an annoying voice!?!’

Firmonnell (Chick Bestie) : ‘It’s not annoying. I love it. No one will be surprised by your voice, but YOU! Haha.’

Brett: ‘Your laugh definitely needs a bit of work..Lol…BUT your voice is just YOU!’

Sal: ‘She doesn’t have t tell you….Everyone else will have their cyber go at telling you…Lol’ 

Me: ‘No wonder men thing i’m weird!!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s not your voice…’

Me: ‘Can we blame my voice please…K’thanx..’

You need bits of banter to survive it…

(Your friends will have ya back, always! They’ll give you a good roasting, yet won’t let anyone else talk shit about you! Hahaha. The masses who might give ‘trolling’ a go, didn’t go through the what I did, what I have…Some of them, won’t ever have the opportunity to treasure such a moment…and a moment only has to last a second. That’s why it’s important to celebrate all that you are and all that you do…regardless!)

Anyway…

…even though i’m dashed with the ‘oh my goodness…’ reliving the moment will be nothing short of an absolute joy.

I mean that with all of my heart…

I’m the luckiest girl. ..and I love moments like this because you also get to actually SEE part of my life journey, in real life…instead of just in written word.

I mean, I talk about love, dating and all sorts, on a daily. You ask me questions about love, dating and all sorts on a daily, on my Insta Story.

That’s why it’s great to let you BE THERE AND SEE for yourselves, this time. Y’know, hear (Lord help you) and feel with me….It’s almost like letting a ‘book’ come alive! Letting words dance off a page…

If you follow this blog, you’ll get it. You will know how much LOVE means to me. It makes my heart flutter, my eyes glisten and my world go around in a ‘swirl.’

I’m never scared of hearing my heart break, because it’s broken and crunched so many times before, that it’s a trooper…It didn’t matter if I was here in the UK or in West Hollywood, my heart filled with glee and ‘ouchied,’ just as many times. 

But i’m still here smiling! I’ve always given love a go, whenever my heart tells me to, because I know how important it is. 

‘A life without love, is like a song without melody…’

What I’ve learnt about love, over the years is to take chances and that no matter what, your heart will always heal. Even if it takes years! It will always glue it’s pretty self back together and help you feel magic once more, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT. ONLY if you also LEARN from the bad times and stick at it. 

When i’m in love, I’m alive.  We all are….Even when we pretend we’re not! Even when we pretend we don’t need it. Sometimes, we fool ourselves….

(Wait! I just need to check to see how Baby Jesus is doing?)

I wish I had more sleep?

I wish I could tell you everything, now! But no can do! I have weeks of blog stories!!!

Why do I look like I rolled around in a pig sty of bronzer, whenever i’m on the telly… ? I look like an Asian Miss.Piggy! But I weirdly love it! It’s me. I’m me. I mean, fuck it, i’ve done it now, haven’t I!

Anyway,

My Inbox is now FULL of guys, asking me out on Dates?  It’s mental. It’s like a spaghetti junction of lost penis.

One guy’s sent me this…

‘Let me take you on a date next week…Lunch and then a random activity.x’

Random Activity?? Hahaha. I’m terrified!  Isn’t that just the same as ‘Netflix and Chill?’ 😉

Code for:

‘Hey Baby, let me give you snacks, then bone you…’

I will tell you that my friends are filled with utter glee, by the simple fact that i’ve actually gone this far to find love….Hahaha..

‘I can’t believe you’re actually on it!!!’

‘I cannot believe you’re doing a First Dates!!’

‘I feel so sorry for your date!! Haha.’

‘I am so excited, because there is no actual way, that you don’t make a dick of yourself! Haha!!’

‘As if, you went on a blind fucking date on the telly! Lol!!’

‘I love this!!!’

‘Can’t wait for this! So low key of you! Haha’

‘Your annoying voice, has just filled my living room.’

‘There’s no way, he’s asked for a girl like you.. Haha.’

So yeah….

Monday, 10 pm, Channel 4….You get to watch me, strut into the ‘First Dates’ restaurant in hope to find true love…..

Wish me luck…

Chrissie, x

ps/ A guy has just sent me this message…

‘So, what ya saying babe…3 pics of ya tits, 2 of ya ass and i’ll transfer £400 to you…’

THEN sent me a screenshot of a bank transfer to a girl who had said ‘yes’ and agreed..

Where have all the good men gone?? 

 

Tiki Bars, Exes, Massage Chairs & Anal Thumping…

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I keep having this recurring dream, where i’m in a Tiki bar (lol..ofcourse,) with the same faces, that I don’t know in REAL life, but know like best friends in ‘dream land.’ (Hahah. Don’t ask!) In this Tiki Bar, there are really exotically, lavish looking cocktails. The one I always see in my dream, is the one that comes in a ceramic,sort of zombie, hula dancer’talldrinky cup…and it ‘moonwalks‘ backwards, around the rim of peoples wooden Tiki tables, as they *wink* at strangers and I watch on.

That’s all normal.

(In my world.)

But last night, I dreamt that Mike, my first husband was there (in this Tiki Bar..He’d hate that) and we were falling back in love, but sexily. (I don’t love him, don’t worry. My dream just wanted me to.) We kept feeling it each other up lovingly and cuddling all the time? It was almost as if he was the ‘key’ to all my life happiness.

Then we went back to a dark hotel and had ‘dream land’ sex. But it felt like we were in New York, high in the sky. I remember looking out of a window that looked over the city. 

I got zapped out of that! I *blinked* and everything had disappeared. 

Then…

…all of a sudden ‘Boyband Jonny,’ who I used to date years ago, straight after the Hilton Show, *popped* up in my dream. He’s Gay now. In fact, he was Gay, all along. He just didn’t realize it, at the time, when he dated me. He mixed up fancying me, for simply finding me fabulous. I’m probably the only girl, he’s ever had ‘half sex’ with. He said, I broke his heart. I didn’t though. I was simply ‘key’ to him discovering himself.

I like Jonny, he’s cool. He was actually a great boyfriend. He wrote me a love letter, when I left in a taxi. I am extremely happy, that HE is happy now, he’s found himself and utter true love. 

I don’t mind an unfortunate bit of ‘heart break,’ if it’s helpful. 

HOWEVER…

I do hate it when my exes hijack my dreams!!! Especially,when i’m at a Tiki Bar, (do they not have dream land’ manners.) A Tiki bar, by the way, is my favourite kind of bar in the whole wide world. (If i could own one, I would. Yet, not for profit, just for kicks.)

I want to be able to have my heart broken, storm into my Tiki, BE pissed off, put on my hula skirt, and sip rum out of a flaming fired coconut, with a cocktail umbrella in my hair, as I  pull faces and cry.

I’d have to own it, simply because I wouldn’t want to get my ‘sorry, hula, ass’ up and pay my tab , whilst crying. I’d need Tiki minions for that.

It’d make ‘hearkbreak’ much easier.

I just can’t get away from being haunted by my exes. Why??

STUPID CUPID, you’re A REAL MEAN, guy.

I’m even getting tattoos shortly, to both celebrate and at the same time REMIND ME of things that happened to me this year…

AGAIN, I’ve had a big year of change and I need to remember it. I want to remember it. So I’m going to Tattoo it.

Ofcourse…Lol

(I haven’t had a tattoo in a million years.)

I was telling Ruby, in bed, last night…and even SHE *paused,* laughed and said..

‘Oh my GOD! Don’t get THAT ONE!!!’

She’s SEVEN! Hahaha. She looked at me like I was ‘whacked.’

Hurrah! Flaming Coconut Drinks for everyone!

Yesterday, I was doing bits of Christmas shopping, at The Frenchgate Centre, in Doncaster, and I decided to go on the ‘Put £1 in it’ massage chairs.

I love a massage.

I love a moment, where you can just hit *pause* and relax for a second, during the bustle. That’s why I used to love Prosecco Pit Stop. (Which no longer exists.)

Woe is me….

BUT, OH MY GOODNESS!

I haven’t actually been on a massage chair in YEARS. Let me tell you. They HAVE IMPROVED!!

I’m sat there, slightly awkward, slightly in public, slightly okay with it though. I’m used to winging an awkward situation and making it look glam. (Hilton taught me well.)

The money goes in the slot and HOLY SHIT, that CHAIR, MADE LOVE TO ME.

It caressed and moaned and rubbed and loved. It oozed. It cared. It romanced and it danced.

THEN…OUT OF NOWHERE…

THE massage chair STARTS ******* BATTERING ME. It starts PUNCHING MY BACK with glee. Then BASHING MY HEAD, FROM SIDE TO SIDE. (Haha.) It starts SQUEEZING THE LIFE, out of my little Asian ribs …and WORST OF ALLEMBEDDED IN THE CHAIR, MUST HAVE BEEN AN ANAL THUMPER…

HAHAHA…

SOMETHING KEPT RISING UP, IN THE CHAIR AND THUMPING ME UP THE BUM, BUM….

..REPEATEDLY!!!!!

HAHAHA.

I couldn’t make it stop and I kept having to pretend, everything was lovely, because I was in public and my daughter was stood next to me. LOL

Do I just have this affect on everything!?! Nothing can just LOVE ME FOREVER, without aggressively Anal thumping me? It started so ‘steadily.’ It loved me. IT DID!!! Then just went MAD and started being hateful or horny????

THEN, when the abused had finished, the chair went on to *SQUEEZE* by legs to death (and my legs are pathetic like Bambi…But luckily, it all suddenly *stopped.*

BUT my legs had got TRAPPED!!! (Hahaha)

WHAT THE ******* IS MY LIFE!!!

I thought the deal was that I only had to ‘suffer’ through the LOVE part of my existence…NOT the ACTUAL other bits of actual LIFE TOO!

ANAL THUMPING!

I put FIFTY SHADES TO SHAME.

Who needs, a RED ROOM? In fact, who needs a fucking husband!?!

I want another go!!!

Ruby was there trying to free my legs, but laughing so hard, she was in tears. MY MUM KNEW, bad stuff was going to happen to me, so instead of protecting me, she decided to FILM the horror.

I’m sure she’s secretly like, ‘I paid shit loads of money to put you through school, you WILL become a STAR, even if I have to FORCE IT, film it and get the insta likes FOR YOU!!’

Then I get home, needing 72 wines, a bit of calm and a spot of telly and all that’s on is a ‘Come Dine With Me’ episode with a Farmer, who has made everyone horny with BEETROOT, by fireworks and an ex body building Geordie, in a purple towel, who’s baked a pie?

I LOVE ‘COME DINE WITH ME.’ (I once got asked to go on the show, but didn’t go on it, because I didn’t want to cook for everyone…which obviously is the whole point. Haha.)

I don’t even cook for my own children, let alone strangers. (Ruby at 7, could probably be a fine dining, food critic, she’s eaten out THAT much.)

Bottom line, I was passing time before ‘X Factor,’ followed by a dose of ‘I’m a Celeb.’

After the massage chair, I wasn’t in the mood for watching pies being made…I either needed a documentary on GOD, TO heal my broken soul, like a prayer. OR just go the other way and find something on the lines of ‘Debbie Does Dallas.’

This time next week, I’m on FIRST DATES!!! 

I’M ON FIRST DATES, NEXT MONDAY!!!

I actually can’t wait to watch tonight’s episode. It’s almost like a starter, for my ‘next week’ main! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fights, Sulking & True Love…

I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.

Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)

Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!

THEN…

…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.

After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.

That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!

All. Lights.Out.

The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.

I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.

Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.

We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.

Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.

I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered.  But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.

Anyway…

(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)

So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.

‘You’re so beautiful. X’

I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.

That’s not cool.

However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.

I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…

I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)

I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.

Why am I so grumpy today???

I’m missing ‘The Swirl.’

 

 

A Little Bit Of Inspiration & Dudes

‘Did *what’s his face* message you?’

‘He doesn’t as much now. He DM’d me the other day, but it was mucky, so I ignored it.’

‘What about the Naughty Swede? Hahaha.’

‘Yeah. He sent me voice notes at the weekend and on Tuesday, saying he has time of work. Hopes to see me sometime. Hopes i’m well..’

‘What did you say?’

‘I just wished him well. What can I say??’

The Swede is always lovely when he voice notes. Yet, it’s strange how other guys can only seem brave enough to talk ‘sexy’ to me. I don’t know whether it’s because they just see me as ‘sex.’ (Which I don’t like. I’m a lot more than a pulsing vagina, whether they like it or not.)

I don’t know whether it’s because THEY THINK, that’s how I’d like a guy to be, after seeing a couple of big boobied pics? I don’t whether it’s because they feel more comfortable emotionally with that approach? I just don’t get it? I just don’t know?

But right now, it’s not a priority. So I don’t seem to care. I don’t have time to aimlessly amuse a guy and ‘tickle his fancy’ on lonely nights. I have better things to do.

In this phase of my life, I would only have time for a guy, who made an actual effort.

Everyone else gets chucked in ‘fuck it’ bucket. Cya!

Sacha Not Fierce: ‘You’re such a DIVA!! Haha.’

I had my opening conversation via Whatsapp on my phone, during a foggy school run, this morning. I was strutting through a playground, in glitter heels, my specs and with a bag of shin pads in my hand. Oh! And I also had a little half Asian Baby attached to my leg…Luckily it was mine, which kinda saved any awkward situations.

(I was once in Camden and someone else’s child had got lost and accidentally attached itself to my leopard print faux fur. I hadn’t even had Ruby yet, so I remember looking down in terror. Then I realized it was a small child. So I smiled and said, ‘Life isn’t going to be better with me, Lovely! Let’s find your Mum.’)

 Big Kisses! Big Kisses! See you at 3.30pm!!! At 3.30, it’s the weekend, Babies!!!

Junior: ‘I love you MUM.’

Ruby: ‘When i’m older, i’m gonna be rich, just so I can have assistants.’

I’ve got so much going on right now, that i’m kinda just focusing on ME!! It may seem like I do that quite a lot. However, I actually really don’t. I get distracted by things easily. I put other things first. I sometimes give ‘distractions’ unnecessary priority.

But, at the end of the day, I’m a boobied Glamour Puss, not a Sergeant Major. That’ll happen. Yet, it shouldn’t happen ALL the time. I was INCREDIBLY motivated when I was a 20 something. You could see a ‘fire’ in my little Asian eyes. Now you see a ‘giggle.’ But the ‘fire’ is coming back.

It needs to come back, pronto. I think i’ve left under a bed sheet somewhere?

Sasha Not Fierce: ‘I don’t think you get distracted. I think you get bored and when you’re bored, you *hobby* boys, things, drama….anything, just to occupy your brain.’

‘Well, i’m not bored right now, i’m busy….’

Sasha:  ‘EXACTLY!’ And that’s why your focus is on YOU, Sassy Pants.’

Me: ‘I think I need botox?’

Old School Friend & School Mum (As i’m running back to my car):

‘CHRISSIE WUNNA!! I was having my cuppa tea this morning and WHO popped onto my screen!?! I nearly I died! I choked on it! Haha. I couldn’t even believe it. I was like OH MY GOD!! It’s…’

Me: ‘Haha. I know. It’s shocked everyone. But yeah, it’s on Dec 3rd…’

‘Well, I’ll DEFINITELY be watching!!! Good luck! Haha.’

Monday, December 3rd, 10pm, Channel 4. ‘First Dates.’ Set ya tellies!

‘I’ve been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ aka ‘T Bone’ a lot. He’s in my head. But he’s in my head because I miss him and i’m inspired by him. I need inspiration right now. He’s someone that’s really GOOD at focusing on what matters to him and balancing it all appropriately.

He sees the big picture and gives everything his all.  Now, I look back. I get it…because i’ve kinda found myself in the exact same position as he was in. I hope I see him in the near future….But I kinda probably won’t.

I’m also inspired by Toby, we know I am. He’s a life soldier. He’s a fighter. He’ll smash the upcoming Winter Olympics and again he’s someone who seems to stay very focused, without letting the art of ‘tango’ or ‘distraction’ get the better of him.

I’m glad that I briefly crossed paths with him, because he reminded me to take life and opportunity into my own hands. Like I used to!

It must be one of the keys to success. Both guys are sportsmen though. Maybe they’re taught that mentality, every day…

You’re a product of your environment right?

Saying that, Mike wasn’t at all a sportsmen? My first husband. (My Little Mikey Ray.) I’d already  had a few  dreams come true, so I knew that anything could happen. MY parents taught me that anything could happen if I tried, because they made THEIR OWN dreams come true. Mum came over here with only £17 in her pocket and built an entire EMPIRE by herself…

As did my Father, who trundled to the UK with his fingers crossed. He ended up being a bone surgeon and building his surgeries, across the lands.

Mum: ‘Yeah, then we had you. We thought we had it all sorted and you turned around and said you wanted to be a MODEL!! Hahaha! I was like, GOD!! RAY! What are we gonna do?? We know nothing about entertainment!!!??!!!’

(But i’m sure that can’t be true because my dad ABSOLUTELY bought The Sun Newspapers ‘Page 3’ Calendar every year and put it up in the living room. Haha. It didn’t even bother my Mum because she’s cool. Maybe HE inspired me! Lol. )

Whilst he did that, my mum took me around to every single dance class, agent, performing arts school, competition, audition, acting class, ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

You name it…I was there, from being about 7 years old onwards…and this was at the same time as doing school. I went to a Private Boarding School. I had a wonderful time at school. But you kinda had to smash it academically and perform. It wasn’t like you could toss it off and play ‘absent.’ It was competitive. But I liked that, because there was still a warmth!

Plus, all the kids there WANTED to do well. There wasn’t a single pupil there would ever turn around and say, ‘I can’t be arsed to be here.’

We LOVED being at school. It was like a resort, a well protected bubble.

There was no ‘hanging out by the bike sheds, sipping cider.’ It was all. ‘Have you signed up to golf, or pony trekking? I’m bored, do you want a quick round of tennis before tea? ’ Lol.

I remember getting pulled out of class, during my G.C.S.E years, to go shoot a campaign, or audition for a pop band..(lol) Everywhere I went as a child, to compete during this time…Sheridan Smith (who is huge now) was there, with her mum. Doing the exact same thing.

Everything must have been so hectic for my Mum. Yet to me it seemed busy, but it was just so fun and easy. However, I’m now only GOOD at working under pressure. I can only be productive when I have A LOT GOING ON. Otherwise, I get bored…and when i’m bored, you’ll know about it.

Meghan: ‘You’re never home! You’re always out and about.’

I still came out the other ‘G.C.S.E’ end, with 9 A’s, a couple A *’s and a B (for Maths!) I am RUBBISH AT SUMS. I can’t be bothered to add.

Miss. Liddle: ‘Did you see my SEESAW post!!! I’ve found what Junior’s good at! I tested him on his timetables. I put them in front of him, didn’t help him at all…and he got them all right! I was like YES!!!! Look in his bag!’

FINALLY!!!! BLISS! I COULD’VE CRIED! (But really! I could’ve cried!)

So, I have one child that’s a glamour puss and loves poetry, reading, success and beauty. Then another who loves maths, building, codes and logic.

Wait! I’ve got distracted again!

SHIT! I was meant to be talking about how I watched Mike’s dreams come true!!! Haha!

So yes…Forget all that. It must be all lies, because I seem to be good at making everything about ME, most of the time! 😉

BACK TO DREAMS COME TRUE…

Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough…SOME dreams come true, but I reckon,  they come true because people work HARD, and succeed on purpose. They put everything in place, so that one day, when an opportunity for ‘dreams come true’ comes their way…THEY’RE READY!!

That’s all you have to do, right? Put yourself in a good place and the right place. The rest you leave to life magic and keep your fingers crossed. There’s always an element, a force beyond your control.

I WATCHED Mike’s dreams come true, with my very eyes. I watched him go, from wondering how he was going to  afford a Burger King, to doing a scene with Tom Cruise, in a movie, as I sat in a cinema.

I watched us never go out, because we had auditions the next day. I watched us once having to run out of The Saddle Ranch without paying our tab, to then a year later being sat at a five star restaurant, at dinner, on Valentine’s Day, next to Tom Hanks and his wife.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! AT ANY POINT.

That’s why I hate it when people give up, because they stop believing. They run out of ‘fight.’

I mean, there are always moments where I sit with my head in my hands, thinking ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ABSOLUTE GOD!!’

But every time, I just take a deep breath, swig a wine and get on with it.

Don’t run out of hope. Don’t run out of ‘fight.’ Keep karma on your side, always, because HOLY SHIT, it can be a BITCH.

Love. Live.

Try not to doubt yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come. It’ll impress you.  It’ll stretch you that little bit further over the line, to get you where you want to be.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s depressing. Be inspired by them. But don’t compare your life chapter, to theirs. You don’t know what they’re going through behind an Instagram Pic.

Don’t let other people get you down. It’s your version of life, not theirs. Celebrate YOUR story. I’ve never had anyone ‘hate’ on me, who’s actually doing better than me. 😉 Use any ‘hate’ to motivate you.

I call it ‘Operation: Watch Me Now, Boo.’

Make the right choices FOR YOU. After years of sometimes making really bad choices and failing miserably, over and over again, I will actually tell you that it made me smarter. It made me stronger. Made me wiser.

HOWEVER, some of those opportunities were opportunities that really only come around ONCE in a LIFETIME. Lol.  I properly fucked them up because I was distracted. I had to find another tunnel and dig my way to the light. Save yourself some time. Haha.

Stay focused.

I would’ve preferred to have made the right decision in the first place.

I hear a lot of wise people advising others to ‘fail as much as possible.’ And I get that. It’s true. It makes you mighty in the end. You shouldn’t be scared to’ get back up when you fail,’ I guess is the message. Yet, DO KNOW that whenever i’ve made a GOOD DECISION (yes, that HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BEFORE) and done something right the FIRST TIME ROUND…. It hasn’t felt bad AT ALL. It’s actually felt WONDERFUL!! Haha.

I feel like Dr.Phil. Wait! No I don’t because i’m about to shoot topless on a space hopper, with a martini glass in my hand, for my birthday Insta pics.

We all have different lives. Do yours well!

I wonder what ‘Fairytale, ‘Hustle Barbie, Mel, Firmonnell and Double B are all doing? I haven’t caught up with them in ages.

I’m getting a Flash back of a time when Double B, Fairytale and I were all sat ON THE PAVEMENT, outside some building in Leeds, after a night out, waiting for Prince Jonny, at around 2am, some morning. Double B had her shoes off and some drunk Ginger guy thought we were homeless and threw change at us!

Hahah….

Turtle Necks, First Dates & The Cat Ate My Nipples…

Happy Thursday! I’m just having the best time because i’m giddy with the giggles and ‘clown dancing’ my way through life, glamourously. It feels great! I feel great! And yeah, there’s *ups and downs* going on around me, but i’m safe, I’m in a turtle neck… and it’s lilac. Anytime you wear a lilac turtle neck, people don’t fuck with you. I’m only joking…people can tinker with your ‘merries’ at any point in life. Be prepared. Turtle necks, let you down.

‘Loulabell,’ my chick friend, told me to always carry a dildo in my handbag, so I can *whop* it out at any point, like it’s a crazy feminist weapon, pull scary faces, whilst screaming madly and no one in the world, would dare hurt me.

However, I don’t think that’s true because anytime i’ve whopped out a dildo and screamed madly…the other party has immediately tried to pull my pants. Our lands are different. In her land…Dildos scare people off. In Wunna Land, it simply acts as a ‘come hither’ beacon. It’s almost a catalyst.

I’m not aggressive enough, when it comes to being angry, because i’m never angry. I’ve haven’t practiced it enough. Everything just ends in a*wink,* with me. So, with a dildo in my hand….that probably wouldn’t work to my advantage.

Anyway…

The Wunna Land cat ‘Rocco’ has already tried to eat me this morning. I don’t know what’s up with him? In my mind, he lives the most lavish life. Yet, he gives me the impression that he yearns to be The Beckhams cat or something? He’s loving and ungrateful all at the same time. Kinda like Ruby. (My Daughter.)

To punish me, anytime I’m laid still and with a bit of ‘casual boob’ out..’ He tip toes over and gently LEAPS ONTO ME, LIKE A MAD BANCHEE WOMAN, THE WEEK BEFORE HER PERIOD, WHO HASN’T ‘TAKEN HER PROZAC THIS MORNING’ and starts aggressively chewing on my nipple and if not my nipple…MY PRIVATES.

(You don’t go near my privates without permission. It’s not a snack. It’s a bitch. Don’t get it twisted. Lol)

Anyhow,  when I  try to chuck him off, whilst shrieking with panic…He then swaggers off, with ‘the monk on’ and starts humping my sheets. Like I said in my Insta story today…It’s like he thinks i’m Oriental, Viagra Jerky or something?

It’s kinda like all my ex marriages.

Right, First Dates…

I’ve posted it everywhere. I’ve told everyone about it. The advert for the show is running on Channel 4 right now CONSTANTLY and i’m really happy, to have taken a trip to the First Dates restaurant and happy to be on the actual advert. I mean, AS IF! Every time it comes on the telly…it takes me straight back to my time at the restaurant. (I’ll be telling you about it afterwards.)

Phone calls have been made. People are messaging me left, right and centre. All my exes are ‘whatsapping’ me galore. I’m being ‘missed’ with every inch of everyones heart. I’m getting hugs in the supermarket. My friends are pissing themselves. People are rooting for me, like soldiers! The teachers at Ruby & Junior’s school are filled with excitement. It’s just been wonderful.

I’m feeling a lot of love.

When you feel adored, you feel like you can conquer the world, don’t you? Right now, I could hit *pause* and swirl around in sloooow motion, confetti shower.

Dramatic much… 😉

Ruby: ‘My favourite class at school is Drama. It’s the big write, or drama.’

Teacher: ‘Ah! You’re creative, like you’re mum.’

Me: ‘Well..yeah…*creative* is one way of describing me. Haha.’

But obviously I can’t tell you anything about it, just yet. (I actually wrote the blog, the afternoon after I left the restaurant, because I wanted the emotion of the blog to be raw and real.)

I have a lot to tell you.

 A lot to tell you about all of the above AND my actual love life.

However, right now, no can doey. (This is when it’s being a blogger, or a life diary writer is difficult. I like to write freely. I like to write honestly. So the actual mental organization that it takes to ‘tread carefully’ until you’re allowed to ‘holla’ is somewhat tedious. 😉 It sometimes makes me miss my LA days, when I was really really young, typing away on my Myspace blog, saying anything I wanted, whenever I wanted….But you can’t wish to ‘grow,’ yet be unable or willing to handle it, when you do.)

So again, i’ll say it’s ‘ worth it.’ I mean, it’s not very often that someone gives you the chance to find love at the First Dates restaurant and for that, ‘tick off, the old bucket list’ alone..I’m truly grateful.

 I’m truly grateful.

Sammy T: ‘Well, whether it’s good or bad, you’ll recover well because you manage to get away with EVERYTHING. Lol. I DO NOT KNOW, another human, who can recover from literally ANYTHING...better than you. Haha.’

Licky Lisa: ‘OMG! Like that time you got served divorce papers and you accidentally answered the door, in just big white pants and Easter bunny ears, with your hands over your bare boobs. Hahaha.’

Me: ‘Well, I didn’t want to miss him and I didn’t have time to run up and get changed, I was in the middle of a shoot…So technically I didn’t have a choice. Haha. You were there!’

Sammy T: ‘But you acted so happy and normal, like HE WAS WEIRD for being IN CLOTHES.’

Me: ‘Hi! How are you? Yeah, i’m fine thanks. Where do you need me to sign? Oh, I don’t need to sign anything? Oh, they’re divorce papers. Lol’

He just sort of looked up, professionally grinned and when I warmed him up with my tragic banter, he said…

‘I don’t know who the hell is divorcing YOU. He’s nuts! Haha.’

(It was Keiran…The now Jehovah’s Witness. He’s like the only Jehovah’s Witness, who’s proud that he was once married to me. Haha. I’m not sure, that’s the rules?)

Tickets to Hell. Buy one get one free!

(I’m getting a Flashback of being in one of Juniors Parents Evenings with poor Mr.Barker, who had to watch us bicker and the have an argument about drag queens and why the Bible should/shouldn’t read ‘Adam & Steve,’ Instead of ‘Adam & Eve.’ Hahaha.)

If nothing else, I have SO MANY ace memories. They’re just great. I can’t believe how many utterly accidental, yet deliciously amazing things have happened to me through life? Like just popping up in Hollywood, with a suitcase and forcing someone agent to represent me. Haha. Like skipping to ITV in Manchester, with a mate to some auditions and 2 weeks later moving into some telly mansion, to win Paris Hilton’s heart.

Fi: ‘She walked in all relaxed and determined. Didn’t care one bit that everyone was watching her and gave it some welly. As soon as she opened her mouth, I knew she’d get it.’

(I was actually terrified, but when you’re on the spot and having to commit to anything BIG, all you have is that moment and there’s no way out…I always figure that you might as well GO FOR IT…That way it’s done and you can have a sit down.)

Producer Call: ‘Hi! Chrissie! Just wanted to tell you, that we’ve seen a lot of great people and…well…we’d  love you to be on the show!’

Me: ‘What? OMG! SCRRRRREEEEEAMS…..’

BBF Samuel: ‘We were filming at The Dorchester one day, with Jackie Collins. Jackie ‘Flipping’ Collins and whist we were stood in a corridor, waiting to go back in, to see if we’ve won a challenge. We’re all nervous. We’re all tense. Paris is in there. We have no cameras around us at this point. Chrissie…out of nowhere starts screaming at the top of her voice, like a teenager and running down the hallway because she’s just seen MEL B! Hahah.’

Me: ‘OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!!! IT’S ******* MEL B!!!!!’

BBF Samuel: ‘Then she walks into the room, all proper and regal, filled with cameras, like she hasn’t just been a total maniac and WINS the fucking challenge. Haha. I love her. I don’t know how she does it??’

Other BBF: ‘It’s because she tries to bamboozle you with banter and boobies, like she doesn’t know what she’s doing…When she absolutely does! ALL OF THE TIME. I mean she won every single challenge, but two and she only didn’t win those two, because she was put on a team. Lol. She hates being on a team.’

(This is why my marriages don’t work out.)

Ruby: ‘At school, I refuse to work with a partner, when the ask me too, because I prefer to work on my own. I learn things better, when I work on my own.’

Anyway, away from all that…

I’m loving ‘I’m a Celebrity’ right now! Are you? It’s been cast really well this year, right?  They’re all fun and well humoured. I’m enjoying it. The characters are great. There’s someone for everyone.

I certainly want to BE John Barrowman. (I mean he smashed that last trial.) AndI definitely want to date Fleur East. (She’s so swag.)  I’m loving Anne because she makes my heart smile. Her quirkiness is almost adorable. But all of them…Emily, Rita, Harry and the rest…are just great and there’s usually always someone who rubs me up the wrong way. Lol.

Yet, so far….no. I’m loving it. I’m even loving Holly & Dec. Everything. The whole shabam. It’s great!

 I’m hooked…

Having something to watch it fun!

 

 

 

Mums Night, Pink Gin & Trainer’s named ‘Oral?’

You have my greatest apologies for the lateness of this blog. Life is deliciously manic right now. It’s mad. Yet the word i’m gonna focus on is ‘delicious.‘ Anytime I have, where Wunna Land turns ‘lickety lips, Mmmm yeah,’ we’re still okay right? I’m still okay, right?

I’m excited.

(My eyes are sore as hell today, though. I fell asleep on the sofa by the Christmas tree and shocked myself up by a Tiger Beer, with only one eyelash on. Don’t you dare try and tell me i’m not a superstar! Haha.) 

I’m currently over the moon. I’m feeling lucky. I’m feeling grateful. But before I *shimmie* my way to all that, good stuff….Thursday night was  School Mums night.

A night that I weirdly treasure….

It’s actually taken me ages to write this blog because I couldn’t decide which bits were real, which bits i’ve made up in my head and which bits I actually wanted to tell you about?

I’ve had writers block. No. That’s a lie, i’ve had a muddly head over it all…because I can’t tell you everything, the way I want to to tell you it. 🙂

Oh LORD! Haha.

In the end (which is now,) I just went with… ‘blog it out anyway.’ I’ve got so much going on with First Dates episode airing soon etc…I just need to get back on my Unicorn and frisbee this blog out. Y’know, ‘move the road work signs‘ myself, instead of fucking around, like a noodle. (Do noodles fuck around? Haha)

So here goes….

Thursday night. I had two events that I could’ve gone to, or a film premier if I fancied. I turned them ALL down to go on School Mums night. It was my first choice of action, because I adore the mums and why not hang out with a bunch of people I DO know, instead of walking a red carpet with a bunch of people I don’t really know, right?

Events are work and I get that I have a tv appearance about to air. I understand that, I should be concentrating on the ‘being seen part of life, right now.

Yet at 37, i’m not so arsed about the ‘show’ of it all and utterly happy with the fact that I get to keep it simple and just ‘diary’ life out.

Some call it ‘dumb.’ Some call it ‘smart.’ I call it real. 

However, I AM GOOD, at ‘the show’ of it all… 😉 I just prioritize differently….now that i’m a grown up.

Anyway, School Mums Night.

( School Mums night doesn’t happen often. Yet, these ladies are all ladies who I respect and if i’m being honest, I really enjoy being around them. It’s the real life engagements that matter to me, always. That’s why I adore the 30 year old version of myself, because the 20 year old ‘Hollywood’ version of me….would’ve chose differently.)

I’m rambling…Let’s get to it…

(Why am I fucking rambling??? POUR ME A COCKTAIL!!)

Thursday night, I’m with the Mums at Ego, in Ackworth. We all have kids who go to a nearby Private school and since our children are doing this journey together, we try to be close. We try to make the effort to stay close and be acquainted, via the fine art of Whatsapp groups, kindness and all sorts.

These ladies are GREAT WOMEN. Successful women. Y’know, the powerful kind and you can see each of their stories when you look into their eyes.

I scanned the table and read each one’s life, in a second….I always do that, but I tend to wiggle it off with banter and bimbo-isms. 😉 

Their souls are alive, dominant and strong. They’re busy women, or home makers. Yet there’s a warmth to them, even though they seem like they’re the Queen of their own worlds.

I find it ravishing.

We’re all different from one another. But we’re ALL WONDERFUL. 😉 We each possess our own superpower. I couldn’t have celebrated Thursday night… with a better set of Ladies.

THANKFULLY, it was OVER WINE… 🙂 Haha.

We were actually meant to go to Wakefield, to do tapas at Jose’s. Yet at the last minute we ended up at Ego in Ackworth, simply because it was easier. Some were fine. Others were distracted by traffic, by Christmas tree lighting’s, hard times and Dr. Ranj.

I personally didn’t actually care where we went, (I didn’t want to see Dr.Ranj though. Haha. I’d already seen him gyrating merrily at the Diversity in Media Awards on the dance floor, in a beautiful suit and he was ace. I’ve already ticked that off my bucket list. Just give me a strong cocktail.) 

ANYWAY…

‘Shall we make it Ego?’

(Miss.Murphy is always great because she’ll catch a vibe and solve a problem immediately. She’s sexy. I’ll catch a vibe but do nothing about it. Haha. She’s good at directing. She’s good at Sheep herding. She can cut through the muddle, the mist. She heard dithering and she whopped it’s ‘baby powered’ ass, with ‘ooh laa.’)

Me: ‘Honestly, it could be in Paris and I’d fly there…’

(I’d like a Mums dinner in Paris. I need to tug at their inner adventure… 🙂  Saying that.. Miss.Muprhy & I couldn’t even remember to show up at the right time for school pick up yesterday….Maybe Paris is a bit of a lofty goal…? )

Miss.Murphy: ‘I forgot it was ******* Christmas Bauble Painting. I’m sat in my car waiting..’

Me: ‘ME TOO! I’ve had to go to ******* Ego..’

(You’re allowed to go to the bar, when you do things wrong. Don’t judge me. Plus, I get away with it because I’m the wild one…)

I’m certainly the most annoying School Mum. But I just like a good time. Then I like to dash my ‘good time’ with uncensored banter and with a wine glass in my hand.

I reckon I’m an alcoholic…Not even a functioning one…

Everything got sorted…(Not by me. Lol.) I just went with ‘whatever,’ because at the end of the day..fuck it. I need wine and I don’t like spaces between my wine drinking. 😉

Booyah!

I arrive at Ego first because I had a meeting there previous for a Cosmopolitan feature. Lil’ Miss Childs joined me, but tried to scare me with the old ‘cold hands’ trick.

(My arms do ‘Karate Chops’ if you try and scare me. I don’t know why or how? They just burst into ‘Karate’ mode and I think it’s bevause I’m Asian?)

Lil’ Miss Childs: ‘I tried to scare you…’

Me: ‘You can’t scare me when i’m sat in front of a giant mirror that can SEE YOU, you idiot. I told Miss. Murphy, that i’d punch you if you didn’t get drunk tonight.’

Lil’ Miss.Childs: ‘ Hahah. I’m getting a drink..’

I love Lil’Miss.Childs. She’s fun and puts up with my bullshit.

Everyone starts arriving one by one and getting a drink at the bar. The pleasantries are made. It’s always polite and head noddy at first…Until it kicks in. Then my squinty little eyes saw a new Mum venture to the bar and bring back an entire bottle of red as her first drink…Lol…So, I figured, dinner was either going to go REALLY well, or really badly. 😉

YIPPEEE!!!

We’re all seated at a really long table at Ego…and our dinner out commences…

I could’ve sat at the table and just drank all night. I’m really not an eater, on a night out. I’m awful for it. But I got the linguine and swirled it into my belly for substance.

Drinks, dinner and all sorts were served over banter…and even though some of us are closer than others, we kinda got to know a little bit more about the person sitting next to us…..via the fine art of polite ‘drilling.’ 😉

I’m a shit, so i’ll just talk, without censor. It is literally ‘The Real Housewives of Yorkshire.’

(I’m still not over the fact that School Mum Lori turned ‘Real Housewives of Marbella’ down. Lol. I love Lori madly…Especially now that I know she can ice skate backwards!! I love anyone who can ice skate because I think it’s so beautifully impossible!!)

Then she said this…

‘I just wanted to smash that bottle of wine over her head.’

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Her daughter had the most brilliant ‘Greatest Showman’ themed party, and some really forgetful lady, who owned the party venue forgot to show up, open up and let Lori in to set up. (She apparently showed up sometime later…with a bottle of wine. Haha.)

More drinks were poured. More table banter was exchanged. New Mum ‘Alice’ had arrived.  I like Alice because I bumped into her the next day and she was alarmed at how little everyone drank…

Alice: ‘I was planning to get a taxi home and roll in late. But no-one seemed to be drinking, so I just had a gin & tonic?!’

Me: ‘You we’re just sat at the wrong end of the table! 🤣🤣’

(I’m sure I woke up still pissed?)

Anyway, after linguine we get talking about working out…

Lori: ‘You need to do a class..’

Me: ‘I think I need a trainer.’

Miss.Murphy: ‘You need MY trainer. His name is ‘Oral!’

HOLD UP! What!?! As if she has the joy of being stretched out and trained by a burly ‘chunka hunka’ who’s name is pronounced ‘ORAL!’

I want her life! I want ‘ORAL.’ If she doesn’t share him, I’m going to poke her in the eye…She can’t run well with ONE GOOD eye, can she? Then he’ll be ALL MINE!!! (Saying that, she’s raising some kind of sports champion..)

Miss.Murphy: ‘His name’s pronounced *ORAL.* I can walk into work and say *i’ve just had 30 minutes Oral and i’m aching…* They love it!’

Whoever he is! I need him. Does PT-ing work the same here, as it does in LA? 😉🤣 I swear all my guy friends took jobs as personal trainers, when we were young, simply to ‘bone’ as many Beverly Hills Mums, as possible. Now, that I AM a Mum…I’m kinda in!

Then we talked work, PR, Uni, Goldsmiths, Professional Present Wrappers…

Me: ‘Who the fuck can wrap like that!’

Lil’ Miss Childs: ‘I CAN, Chrissie!’

Then we went onto life, partners, money and it came to paying the bill….

So…

USUALLY…we don’t care who’s had what, we’ll just split it, right?

Normal protocol…

But for some reason, it all got really complicated…and I don’t enjoy complications. I’m lazy like that….I like things to be easy….and…I kinda like things to be socially correct. Lol.

I went with it anyway, because I felt too awkward. Haha.

The night ended merrily…

With text messages like..

‘Your carriage awaits..’

Followed by…

‘I’m on my way…’

Everyone ventured home and I stood outside, to have a farewell banter with Miss.Murphy & Lil’Miss.Childs…

Farewell turned into…

‘Let’s have more drinks…’

‘Where?’

’There’s tons of pubs up here…!’

‘COME ON!’

‘No, I’m being sensible..’

‘We’re going for drinks…’

And before you know it, Lil’ Miss.Childs and I were strutting up to the next pub, at around 11pm, talking love…

Miss.Childs: ‘You should be with Pete! I like him. I’ve been with Dylan since I was 15!’

Me: ‘Nooooo… I’m not being with Pete. We just co-parent well! Everyone loves PETE! Haha.’

Just like that, I blinked and found us sat in a cosy village pub, all warm and merry, with giant pink gins as our companions.

We laughed the rest of the night away, loudly, merrily and without a care in the world…WITHOUT censor.

Then i’m sure she tried to convince me that she wanted to be a ‘Wrapper.’ But everytime she said it, she must’ve looked into my mind because she kept pissing herself and saying…

‘I keep saying WRAPPER, but it’s sounding like I mean RAPPER. Lol’

I couldn’t take her seriously after pink gin!

I was literally in stitches because every second she said ‘wrapper’ I imagined her desperately wanting to be a gangsta!

What a great way to end the night!

Me: ‘Should we have another…?’

Lil’Miss.Childs: ‘Chrissie! They’re shut now!!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blending Out Bullies, My Love Life &The Future….

Afternoon, My Cheeky Little Treats!

This morning, I woke up all stressed and anxious.I don’t even know why. Then little bits of life, that respond to the names ‘Ruby & Junior’ filled my world with giggles…At that point, everything was okay again.

I’m having one of those days. One of those days when you need to crawl back into bed, speak to no one for a second, have a moment, y’know…a ‘word with yourself’ and start it all over again.

SIGHS….

However, life is rooting for me, because after the early school run, I looked down at my phone, as I watched my petrol station Costa coffee, trickle out the machine and waved at one of the Dads I know.

Anyway….I saw this on Glamour Magazines Twitter ‘Moments.’

..and it reminded me that not only did I have a purpose, but doing pretty alright at inspiring and standing up for love, myself and for others, who may not quite yet have the balls to ‘sing out loud.’

I’m really proud of the ‘Blend out Bullying‘ campaign and I’m so glad that I joined Glamour Magazines crusade to wave ‘Cya’ to Cyber bullies.

That made me smile. I skipped away from the gas station…(Sorry! I mean .PETROL station. I still think American, for some reason.) Anyway, I skipped away like the happiest bunny in all of the land, because they reminded me that no matter what, in life, I did something that helped make a difference, to someone, somewhere.

(I’d like to see MORE people ‘Blending out Bullying.’ You’re the STAR of YOUR OWN SHOW. Make a difference. See love, not dollar signs.)

As if my favourite magazine is showing Wunna Land some love…and AS IF, I appear on my favourite tv how in a couple weeks.

I’m having to pinch my kitty self…. (Ooh…Vodka spurted out. 😉 ) 

Anyway…

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote a blog, in the dark, whilst in bed. I’m utterly CRINGING at myself, right now. YET, I promised myself that I would flipping post it, because it’s how I truly felt, at that particular moment…at that precis time…

AND SINCE THAT’S WHAT I’M ABOUT…

*Rolls eyes…*

Here’s what I wrote…

(Rewind to last night…)

 

I’m literally sat up in bed writing this, because I can’t sleep. It’s only early. I guess around 9.30pm? But everything around me seems so still. So quiet, I feel really calm, yet my mind (as always) is fluttering. It’s busy. It’s racing. I’ve poured a wine, which is sat on my bedside table. I’m typing in the dark. I have no clue why, I couldn’t be bothered to switch a light on? I can’t see my keys, so I feel like I’m typing blind. But it weirdly feels amazing. It kinda feels really real. How all my writing should be done.

I can’t stop thinking about my life tonight and I don’t know why? I want to succeed and make all my dreams come true. Y’know, just do really well, because when you do well at the things you love…you glow and no feeling is better than that. That’s not what i’m thinking about though. I don’t even know why I typed that out?

I’m thinking about my love life.

I know! Surprised right?

I’ve just got back from a late night trip to the supermarket…to buy wine. An elderly lady stopped me. I’ve seen her around a lot. I do know her a little bit. But It usually makes her day when she sees me, because i’ll always stop and chat to her. I love making time for her. I love making her day.

Anyway…

She always tells me how much she loves me because ‘it’s good to see a girl BEING a girl…’

Tonight she told me, that I was pretty…’a beautiful girl,’ but then added…

‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’

I smiled, I thanked her. She was so cute and I adored every minute of seeing her.  I love the elderly, because they’re wise. Even the rude ones are wise. I always respect their words and absorb what they have to say. Times and things may have changed, yet how people FEEL haven’t. You can always, always learn a life lesson from an old lady or gent.

However yeah…

‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’

She’s right!!

Don’t get in a tizzy, as i’m never one to really listen to what others think…But she’s left my mind ticking. She must have. I’m sat up in bed, in my bra and glasses, typing the dark because I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about what she said?

Now, i’ve never really felt lonely. I never feel alone because my world, the world I created ‘Wunna Land,’ is filled with love. I’m surrounded by life. I have a close family, who stand by me. Ruby and Junior, my babies…Their hearts are filled with utter joy for Mama. I have some great friends. Good company at times. I have a mini sized audience, and most of all…I have me.

(I’ve always been my own best friend. I’ve always been really comfortable being ME and i’m happy with what I stand for. Yeah. I’ve disappointed myself loads, through the years. But on the whole…I’m more than happy with who I am. Who i’ve become.)

Right now, I don’t feel lonely. But why don’t I? I should, right? But I don’t…(Even the little old lady feels bad for me, now and she shouldn’t! Haha.)

I almost feel like i’m bubbling over with this exotic life force of happy juice?

It doesn’t matter what you do, provided you don’t harm others, or yourself and you are happy with your official life choices, right?

I know that i’m single and i’m aware that i’m knocking on a bit now. I feel young spirited, yet glad to be a 30 something, as I accidentally brought wisdom and dignity along with me, on my little journey.

God knows how???

I CERTAINLY thought, i’d lost BOTH at one point. I was positive I left them in some bar in LA, when I was 24. Yet, they found me. (And whenever I say God, I am always referring to ‘Bacchus’, The God of Wine.)

Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!

I know, I must NOT be scared to be alone…as I still seem quite happy to go through life picking through boys, and walking away from marriages, because they hurt my soul.

They just weren’t right, because I compromised my heart, myself, or I just wasn’t thinking….

I said ‘YES’ to those marriages impulsively, because I’m a hopeless romantic and I fall in love, when I FEEL excited and I do it so madly…so deeply.

But I  haven’t felt like that in ages.

The last guy that made me feel like that was ‘The Swirl.’ (Who i sometimes name ‘T Bone.’

When I don’t feel excited, I find it really easy to ‘shrug’ the moment off, with a ‘he’s just not the right guy.’

But I like that about me. I know how I feel and i know what love and excitement feels like. When it hits me again, I’ll notice. Yet this time i’ll be ready.

I don’t think there’s an age, when you SHOULD find love. I don’t say anything, but I hate it when I hear chicks, say, ‘I need to be married by 30.’ Or, ‘I need to find Mr.Right by the time i’m…’

You really don’t.

Love to me is always about chemistry…

I’ll find it, but this time I want the real deal.

THE REAL DEAL …

and i’ll wait forever, until I find it.

Until I feel it.

The next time I marry, (if I marry, I can’t decide if it’s an old school concept? I might be ‘blah’ about it because i’ve done it so many times and it hasn’t been right?) I’ll marry the most exceptional man. He’ll be a GREAT MAN. An incredible man…and I DO intend to one day find the man of my dreams. I fully intend on doing that…

Yet, if I don’t…I’m fine with that also. I don’t know why? I guess, I’m like this because i’m happy, right now? Maybe, it’ll kick in when i’m 80 and seriously alone, with all my cats and no one to love.

Knowing me, I’ll still feel fine and pour a rum, for everyone else, in the old peoples home, as I wink at Jeff, with the dodgy back.

If i’m being honest, unlike work, where I create my own opportunities, I kinda expect HIM (The man of my dreams)  to find ME. (Lazy, I know. Lol) I find that far more romantic. I’m traditional like that. Old school romance just gets me going…I’m finding i’m both. I love the art of old school romance, mixed with a modern day twist of unconventional, yet unconditional love.

(Mouthful much!)

I might have already crossed paths with him? I might not…Who knows? I’m just not worried about it and if you’re in the same situation as me, you don’t need to be worried about it either.

DON’T WORRY!

So, yeah….

*SLURPS WINE*

Let’s just go with he’ll find me…

Every single part of my kitten soul, says he’ll find me.

He’ll come get me…

But he’s not as pathetic as I am, so he won’t be slurping wine out the bottle, typing in the dark, in a bra and glasses. 😉

He won’t be sat awake typing a ‘Dear Diary….’ post, because a lovely old lady in the supermarket was worried about his well being.

YET…

..he’ll see the beauty in it…and think, SHIT, that’s exactly the kinda girl I both want and NEED.

I like to feel needed….

I’ve noticed that… (I get that from my Mum.)

Cheers! Hurrah! Sadness for everyone! Haha.

But yes..

There’s a single guy, somewhere in the world right now, who is utterly MADE to be my life buddy, my other half, my ‘bestie, bestie’…my soulmate…my  guy.

And I completely trust that LIFE (you jolly old thing) will have my back and send him my way, with bells on…but when the timing is exactly right.

He may already know it, or he may not? He may have no clue? He may have never ever heard of Wunna land, or even ever met me yet…?

OR, he may already be in my phone contacts…

Who knows…?

But i’m excited…Are you?

(ps/ I don’t even know if i’m gonna post this, because I usually wake up in the morning and cringe at what i’ve ‘tipper tappered.’ My mind goes wild and my keyboard fingers get all excited!! Yet, no matter how cringe, I feel, I’ll promise myself NOW, that I’ll just post it anyway… I mean **** it. It’s exactly how I felt at 9.30pm, on Nov 14th, 2018, right? And that’s what this story, this diary, my lil’ version of life, is all about.)

I messaged Toby back last night, because he had thanked me for writing the blog about him. He was quite the gentleman about the blog…He’s a utterly real being. He’s not dashed in fakery, from the brief bits I know.

Toby: ‘You’ve captured me pretty well in your blog..’

Me: ‘I’m either a really good judge of character, or just really good at stalking. Lol’ 

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie x

 

pps/ I’ve got a school mums dinner tonight and i’m excited. I’m meant to be at a film premiere…But I opted for the Mamas, over the red carpet. 😉

 

 

The Hustle, Hollywood & I’m Back On Your Telly

Only do the things you love. LIVE. Yet, always stay loyal to the things that you believe are right for YOU.  They’re the things that will always make you happy. Stay true to what you KNOW you love and that way, you’ll succeed. You’ll go far, provided you always stay grounded and remember where you came from.

I promise.

So! My good news phone call…everyone’s been messaging me about it. I feel like I can definitely tell you about it now, as the trailer goes out this Friday and it airs December 3rd, on Channel 4.

I will be telling you everything about it as we go along…so do not fret. I will also be referring you back to the time after I had filmed the episode…to actually bring you into the ‘what happened next.’

J: ‘Yeah! I got the call! We’re finally on!’

(I don’t know what’s up with ‘J’ right now. We were really good friends and now he’s all weird and distant.) 

Me: ‘I know!!! I’m so excited! I can’t wait!!’

Production Team: ‘Chrissie, you literally sound like the most excited person,i’ve ever heard. It’s nice.’

I’m gonna be back on your telly screens after years of getting married, divorced, growing babies etc….I’ve actually waited over a YEAR, for this to air. (I filmed it August 11th of LAST YEAR!!!)

And i really wanted it to air, because I wanted to relive it. I wanted to feel it again. I wanted it to come ‘alive.’ In life, you only so often get the opportunity to add to your glitter bucket of ‘life experience’ and this experience was probably one of THE BEST experiences, I ever had… in my entire life.

I kinda feel really honoured, really grateful and utterly ‘little girl’ excited…and it’s moments like this, that make me beam.

It’s such a great memory, that’s going to get brought to life. But i’m gonna tell you more about it later, as I go along….

Just know, that i’m back on your telly December 3rd, 10pm, on Channel 4.

I have a ‘Favourite show’ and it’s so surreal, because i’m about to appear on it. I’ve filmed a lot of things, yet this is the best thing i’ve ever had the joy of being a part of.

I have LOTS TO TELL YOU, once it airs….and little bits for you to tinker with before you get to enjoy it.

Always do the things that make you happy and you’ll know if they do, because you’ll feel alive. You’ll feel excited. You’ll FEEL a rush, buzzing through your system. You’ll have this smile on your face that you can’t seem to wipe off…

That’s how you know you’re happy, i guess?

Away from that…

I was talking to some of my LA friends this morning and we were reliving our Hollywood days. I remember waking up, going to the gym, doing brunch, smashing audition, after audition, all around the town, hearing a ‘no,’ more than I heard a ‘yes,’ but feeling ALIVE, whenever that ‘YES’ CAME.

I was ready for it.

I wanted you to Google Toby yesterday, because I admired him for his fight. He’s just like I am. I remember being a kid a young 20 something in LA. I had an acting agent. I actually agent 2 weeks, after arriving from Yorkshire, on my own, with nothing but a suitcase in my hand.

I knew no one..But I found my way so easily. I went to acting school, I found a place to live. I got a job. I made really great friends. I learnt my craft and that town, until I knew it like the back of my hand. I found a way to put myself in every correct place, at every correct time. I worked hard. I got distracted. I married young. I forgot why I was there…

I’ve seen so much. I’ve seen so much, that your heart would skip 40 beats, per view.

Anyway, when I was a kid, I was going out on auditions…Not as many as I was hoping for. I was hearing about the roles, from friends, but not getting out on the casting.

I could’ve sat and twiddled my thumbs. But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. But I didn’t. What i did, was find out about every single role going…that I was right for. I managed to find a friend, who had all the breakdowns of all the jobs, that they were casting for daily, for tv shows and movies in LA. I paid him, to send me them, every morning, by 8am.

Every morning, I would head to Kinkos with my headshot, resume and a bunch of envelopes and pay to use the internet (I had a home all of the time, I was there. But there was a couple weeks where I lived out of my car.) It’s sounds harsh. But it wasn’t. Lots of struggling actors do, out there.

Every morning I’d head to Kinkos, by 8am, to recieve the breakdowns on my emails…then I’d pick the roles that I was suitable for, put everything in the correct envelopes and use a direct ‘hand to hand’ mail service to take my headshot, straight to casting, before noon, unde r the guise that my agent had done so.

I was already SAG (you have to be, to work professionally, out there. You need your SAG card. They give you an opportunity to work hard for one.) I did that by doing hours of extra work on E.R daily, at Warner Bros, until I received all my vouchers. You needed 3, to become SAG. It’s not easy. But I had buddied up to the guy in charge of the extras and he gave me my vouchers…one at a time, sporadically….after a few months. (Which is good going.)

Long story short…

I got called in to audition, almost every single day for all tv shows, from my ‘magic mail box’ as I called it. For everything. The O.C, Charmed, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Will & Grace..You name it…

Casting would call my agent, because I had made like they had sent the submission. I used to even call casting, pretending to be my agent, saying that I had this girl, called ‘Chrissie’ that they needed to see.

I already knew a few people in casting, as I had enrolled in classes that they taught, that put me right in front of them…Plus, I had already met load of the gay casting producers, whilst out drinking in West Hollywood at The Abbey.

I knew what I was doing and I did it well.

I also got a job, in a gym where all ‘the importants’  worked out and interned at a Talent agent….to make sure I was always in the loop.

My agent would call me to tell me the auditions that I had got called in on….

They had submitted me, but never got a call back. I submitted myself….called casting and got MYSELF straight in.

So, this is what I mean by seeing your goals, taking your life, rolling it up into a ball and directing it the best way you can, to make it go your way.

I was always out on the scene because I needed to network. I did everything by networking. I probably networked more than I honed by craft. That’s why I never made it as an actress out there.

You have to both. You have to everything.

When I found balance…I nailed it.

I was a rubbish actress back then. But i’m a great actress now, but because i’ve lived and learnt.

Anyhow, modelling took over. It was easy money. I didn’t know that it was going to be the thing that plummeted me further up the ladder of ‘look at me.’ But it did.

I then started writing my blog, after DK at the coffee shop MADE ME.

I didn’t have internet at my apartment. I couldn’t afford it. So every day, I would casually saunter into the Apple Store at the Beverly Centre and write my blog, on their display computers, that they had online.

(I’m not sure if they allow you to do that now. But back in the day they did!)

Well…they saw me everyday. I looked like I was checking a display computer out. I was typing my blog, every day, at the exact same time. I mean, they must’ve known, surely? But they just let me get away with it anyway.

I AM SO GRATEFUL.

DK: ‘I used to watch you come into the coffee shop and hang around the self help section and think, god she’s either a really trendy homeless person or a celebrity??’

Do all of the things that make you happy. Always be powered by love. Always find a way to make something work. Find solutions, instead of making problems. Go for it. You can design your own kind of life…

Do not judge others…

LIVE.

Write your story!!