So much has DONE me..

Just good times. I’m working a lot and loving it. Any form of distraction, is getting booted out the window, if it doesn’t enhance my life in any way & I’m really proud of myself for that. I’ve done SO SO much in life. Yet at the same time SO SO much has DONE me. 🙂 (So, to speak…) 

You wouldn’t believe the things my eyes have seen, or my soul has been through. Like many, I’ve had to learn everything the hard way. On the contrary, at the same time, I’ve been unbelievably lucky! I’ve had SO many great times! I’ve had great experiences & achieved great things. But, as positively as I can put this….I guess, we only really LEARN from the bad times. Don’t we? 

Then when we rip that plaster off & give our ‘poorly’ some actual air…that’s when the magic begins. It’s when the healing starts…

If I’m being honest, I can’t believe it’s taken a truck load of shit, a bundle of REAL drama & being 38 (almost 39) to actually pull up a chair, sit down, smile & with every inch of me say ‘I’m right here & really here this time.’ I’m doing me and staying 100% focused!

I feel a magic swirl in the airs of Wunna Land, right now. 

If you didn’t know, I’m someone that has that true Yorkshire, good old, will power! Once I commit to something whole heartedly…that’s it. I can take something on, something that I love & stand tall through the hard times OR give up something that’s bad for me, ‘just like that.’  Cold turkey. No drama. I find it easy.

The career’s going well. It’s going well because this time around…I want it very much!!!! I’m finally excited. I’m working hard. I’m performing well. I’m on the right path. A good track. Finally!!!

Hopefully it ends in absolute, jolly success. However, being lucky enough to just do something that you love kinda ‘ticks’ that box anyhow! I’ll never have to ‘clock in’ or ‘clock out’ of some mundane, grey ‘der-der,’ that I hate. Y’know, a mundane, grey ‘der-der,’ that has no soul or no real connection to my joys, heart or talent. 

I count myself lucky for that. Previous brave decisions, had my back.

Anyway. Back to reality. I’ve had the worse case of the flu. I accessorised such, with what I call, a ‘gammy’ infected left eye. 

Soph: ‘You’re like Lisa ‘left eye’ Lopez, from TLC.’

Me: ‘…but less successful and without her ability to rap.’

My ‘gammy’ eye annoys me because not only does it KILL & throb…But it also CRIES whenever it feels like it…and it makes me look WEAK!!! Lol. I hate that! 

On the school run, Friday…I stood in the playground with one side of my face fine & the other side looking weepy and pathetic. 

It was an utter sight of beauty. ‘Manda,’ (one of the school mums) even offered to take me to a bush and ‘squirt’ something in it, to make the infection disappear? I politely declined the offer…although kind. The ‘squirt’ wouldn’t have bothered me. However, the fact that I’d actually have to WALK to a bush looking WEAK, would’ve killed me. I’m a proud gal. 

Unfortunately for ‘Meli’ (Other school mum & mate) I decided to turn to her and give her really bad advice on men with axes. I do love hearing about other people’s romantic on-goings. It makes my heart flutter. However, why anybody finds comfort in my love life advice is beyond me? My love life track record has been shit? The only thing I have to offer is the fact that I’ve been there. I get it. Still all ended badly though! Lol 

Oh? I’ve got distracted. I had the busiest week last week. It was stressful & manic. I was all over the place. It was like trying to hold 42 bouncy kangaroos, in a wiggling net, whilst sipping tea out of a china teacup…on roller blades. 

I’m not good with animals, my arms don’t work, I only drink wine and well, as you can imagine, I don’t think roller blades are a strength of mine. 

There were times where I felt sorry for myself. But I hustled through with the kids and a smile on my ‘stress’ face. 

I also had a bunch of lines to learn, for different scripts, a monologue to learn- ready to perform on camera & 3 self-tape auditions to complete and send off to casting. 

I liked that bit. That bit calmed by soul. I pretty much spend a good chunk of my time doing (what looks like) ‘talking to myself’ in carparks, bedrooms & in every  quiet spot going …learning lines. I love it. It’s magical. But boy, it was hard work..During a really busy week! It takes or out of you emotionally…because you have to feel soooo much. 

I thought I could’ve dissolved or burst! I couldn’t quite decide? At the same times as feeling excited, I was certainly feeling sorry for myself. 

Then on Friday morning. I read a post by my friend ‘Miss.Murphy.’ We’re quite close. I love spending time with her. She’s a good soul. Her post was heartbreaking & It kinda just put everything into perspective. 

Y’know, in life…anything can happen & sometimes we can ‘fuss and flip’ over the smallest things, that don’t really matter, when there Aww really BIG, life changing moments occurring in other peoples lives that they can’t change. 

I stopped feeling sorry for myself. My heart went out to her…

Saturday morning, 6.30am… I was ready. Filled with the flu. Still with my ‘gammy’ infected eye. I left the babies with Grandma and I made my way into the city of Leeds.

It was freezing. (But it was fine.) I got sprayed down my a killer hose pipe. (I laughed it off.) I missed my mouth and spilt my entire coffee down my front, because I didn’t secure the lid on tight enough. (It didn’t matter.) 

I got there. I made it. And as I walked down Kirkstall Road, Leeds to YAFTA, I read my WhatsApp messages from Meli…

& I beamed!

Life is good. I pushed open the door, shoved a brick in place, with my foot to hold it open & saw Geordie Ben & Kitty sat on a grey sofa…

(T-Bone just messaged… )

Always play with fire…

Tim: ‘Why do you write in pencil?

Me: ‘I just prefer it, why? It feels comfy…a bit of lead on paper…’

I love to write in pencil. I’ve no clue why? It makes my writing feel more like ‘art.’ I like the way the wood rolls on my fingers. I enjoy the raw, natural ‘scratchy’ sound it makes, when I scribble.

 There’s a safety to it. If I don’t like a written piece of my life, I can simply go back & rub it out…like it never even happened…EVER. I like to rub it out myself, rather that hit the ‘delete’button. The elbow workseems to give my actions more purpose and worth. 

All I do then is re-write on-top of it, with better words that describe how I feel. OR with words that only tell the part of the story, that I want you to know.

I can keep the rest secret, that way. Everyone has secrets. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m far from living in a cave. I do also like to type. I’m fresh! I’m alive. Haha.  However, my pink notebook…. (I have one of those little mini laptop things..)is busted, slow and on its last legs. So it’s basically shit. 

I hate typing on my phone, because it doesn’t feel like a piano. It’s disjointed and stabby. It doesn’t flow musically. It feels like I’m typing out a quick shopping list. I hate it. So if I have to phone type, (like I am now,) I’ll write my entire blog out ON PAPER beforehand…to deliver that essential…’flow.’ Lol 

I love how all guys keep sliding into my DMs and offering me their body, drinks or dates…But not anything I need…like a NEW pink mini laptop? I really don’t want your willy. It’s not helpful. 

Me: ‘Why do you still wear that naff shirt?’

Tim: ‘Nothing else is clean.’

Me: ‘What? EVER??’

Tim: ‘It’s my lucky shirt.’

Me: ‘You GET lucky in it, or it BRINGS you actual luck?’

Tim: ‘Neither. Haha.’ 

Me: ‘Haha..Stop being pointless.’

Tim: ‘Have you learnt your monologue?’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’ve got it. I think Melissa’s been called into ITV today for Emmerdale? I saw it on her insta. I also saw that Ezra started following her.’

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4f1R9pnAOM/?igshid=17xxnocu703oz

Tim: ‘Where did Ezra see her?’

Me: She was at the casting workshop with me & she does the YAFTA evening classes. I’ve actually worked with her loads. I love her.’ 

Tim: ‘Aren’t you both the same casting type?’

Me: ‘Haha…yeah.’ 

Tim: ‘Why am I not getting called in on anything!?!?!’ 

Me: ‘You will…’

Y’see, being an actor is great. But being a great actor who doesn’t get called in on stuff, is shit. (That’s his problem.) 

Like with anything, you kinda have to hustle, your way in. If you don’t hustle…you have to be extremely lucky. If you’re not extremely lucky & you don’t hustle…AS IN put yourself in the right place…You’re fucked. 

You can have all the talent in the world, but you’ll be sat in your living room, with all the talent in the world, doing nothing, because no-one can see it. No-one knows about it. 

What I love about Melissa (other than her being a great actress)is that she’s lived. She has a story. She knows mine. I know hers. But away from that she comes from a Marketing/PR background. She’s determined. She knows how to sell herself and how to get herself in that casting room. 

So whilst Tim’s sat here in his shit, unlucky t-shirt, with ALL of his talent and his fingers crossed, hoping that some giant Director (who’s never met him lol) will knock on his door and give him the lead role, in a spangly, brand new movie.

Melissa…who has JUST started evening classes at YAFTA…a couple months ago is already sat at ITV (this minute, as we speak) auditioning for Emmerdale. 

That’s how it works. That’s how any business works. 

Tim: ‘That video…slow motion…black & white… that you posted, of you playing with a sparkler…’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Tim: ‘It’s beautiful….and creepy. Like one of those videos that people replay & remember you by….when you’ve passed away…’

Me: ‘Haha.. Cheers! Thanks!’

Me: ‘Snapchat mate. Slow motion. Black & white. Gets you every time… 😉  I Hope Melissa smashes it!’

Tim: ‘You two are so lucky. She’s reading at fucking ITV. You accidentally end up in a lift with flipping Quentin Tarantino..Honestly, wtf!’

 Me: ‘That was ages ago. Right. I need to go through these scripts for Saturday. I haven’t looked at them yet & my headshots are back from editing. Dropbox won’t even download on my phone, cos my storage is full.’

Last night, Ruby, Junior & I had THE MOSTbeautiful night. It was so beautiful, there are no words to describe how magical our time was! It was so simple. It was perfect. 

We didn’t want to go anywhere crowded filled with people that may bump into..and do the ‘ooooh/aaaarh’ pantomime of Bonfire Night. (The weird thing is…my kids are asking for privacy now.) 

If we go to a restaurant in Leeds,  Ruby will ask to be seated at the most private table, away from everyone. She’s happy. She’s lively. She’s polite. She’s playful. But SHE WILL always ask! I’ve noticed her do it more & more. 

Junior won’t even be alone anymore. He’ll panic. He’ll hold a wee in for hours & hours at school, until he knows someone else is going to the loo also. JUST SO he’s not on his own. It frightens him. Just recently I’ve watched him lock & re-lock his side of the car door, over & over again…just to feel extra safe. 

Last night, we were happy. Last night, we were safe. 🙂 

We just wanted to do life under the night sky, with each other…No-one but us! That’s exactly what we did. The skies occasionally burst into fireworks. The air smelt of that glorious musty smoke. (One of my favourite smells & currently Ruby’s favourite smell.) 

With everything we’re going through these happy moments of celebration and family mean SO much to us. SO much!! We treasure them with all of our heart. 

We’re so thankful to everyone who makes them even more delightful. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4f2uO1Dm6T/?igshid=ljma7yc56r0m

Creating a wonderful life for them, one that’s filled with happy memories, exciting moments & celebration is THE ONLY thing that matters to me. Nothing else….even if it’s something that makes me happy…it doesn’t comes close, to the above. 

Last night, we wanted nothing & had everything we needed. It was beautiful. What we shared was…Well…we…

Words just can’t measure up to how we actually felt! 

Junior conquered a fear and burst into a merry excitement. He felt 10 feet tall!!! 

Ju: ‘I did it!!!! I DID IT, MUMMY!! I DID IT!!! I want to do it again!!’

Before Ruby went to bed, she wrote me a note…(She loves a note. As do I….Y’know, everyday she’s becoming more & more like me…by accident. It fills me with worry, just as much as it does happiness.) 

It read…

‘Thank you for everything Mum! Thank you for everything you do.It was THE BEST bonfire night, we’ve ever had! I will remember it forever.’

Magical Saturday’s

Life’s okay. I’ve been working on my monologue & scripts all morning, on my own, in my bedroom, as a tortoise crawled around my floor, weeing on things. 

I’m lying. Life isn’t JUST okay, it’s actually amazing. I’m feeling great, after having a couple of stressy days. Shit days, where you commit to feeling sorry for yourself. Those days that never seem to flipping end. Haha. They just keeeeep ooooon going. 

Luckily, they did end…and thankfully it all perked up after a meet up with Miss. Murphy by Christmas trees & fairy lights, with WhatsApp messages from Meli & her love life, black ‘because I’m vegan’ tea, diet chats, kids with cake, doing life and then red wine at Rogerthorpe Manor, under the night sky, to close off. 

It just felt really late. But it wasn’t. When I got home my mum was at mine, beaming with smiles…I’m lucky like that. She always catches on when I’m having a shit time…and makes it better, with all sorts of jiggers pokery. (I love that my predictive text tried to make me type ‘pink eye’ instead of ‘pokery.’)

I still haven’t got around to telling you about all the wonderful things that I got up to over half term. But I guess, I’ll just write about them when I’m ready? They’re coming. They are. My mind just isn’t going there right now. It’s playing over here and they’re over there. Lol

Saturday was great! It was SUCH a great day! I checked into YAFTA. I LOVE checking into YAFTA on Saturday. We’re such an ace group of actors. All different. All hard working. All close. But we all get each other. There’s a love. There’s a trust. There’s a magic. We’re smashing it now. We’re working together. 

We’re almost like lunatics who cry, laugh,  and shout at each other in a grey carpeted room… whilst pretending we’re stranded on a raft? Haha. 

But we love it. It’s the best time. Saturday was AMAZING. 

Ben (our tutor) got us to ‘play.’ He’s an amazing actor. He looks like ‘Louis Tomlinson.’ He got us to FEEL. He got us to evoke our imaginations again, without any bit of fear. 

He took us back to the simple ‘basics’ of it all. He got us to REMEMBER WHY we were there. He opened us up. He PLAYED with us. We were helped and guided us to warmer shores. 

That was one of the first times we ALL worked as ‘one’ and created. It was WONDERFUL. 

I love Ben, he’s ace. I mean, anytime you’re stood at the top of a dark stairway, about to make an entrance into a scene at around 4pm…literally PISSING YOURSELF with your tutor, is bliss. 

We were laughing so hard, that we couldn’t even get our words out! It was all in the name of creation, playing, acting and fun! 

It was a moment. A moment that he had created for us all.

Ben: ‘Right…Lol…Play ya Dad….You’ve been lost in the woods FOR DAYS and you have NO CLUE what’s going on? But you’ve ended up on THEIR campsite…..Hahaha. Your objective IS to…Lol….You don’t need an objective. Take a moment, then make your entrance. Lol’ 

The entire top floor of that building was just FILLED with light & life!!!! It swirled around each of us!!! The rest of the world didn’t matter at that time! It was OUR world! 

…it’s always the people that create these moments, that keep everything magical. I love people who have that ability!!! It’s one of the finest abilities, you could ever admire.

I mean, I know tons of people doing jobs they HATE. I’m so happy and so lucky to be around and to be doing the one thing that I LOVE! I always count my blessings…

Like I said…it was a moment! 

We all had SO many of these moments, that Saturday. They’re the kinda moments that get *paused* in time and remembered forever. They’re treasured and gathered aren’t they?

I LOVE remembering.

What a great day! 

Then ‘Bill’ (who’s real name is Michelle) ruined my career by fixing her ‘Goblin’ dance in my head! She’s like an old school, rockstar, ‘back in the day,’ party girl,’ now grown woman, who loves a vape, thinks men are ‘WEAK’ & collects SKULLS for kicks. She’s wonderful. Haha. I swear she ‘heel clicked’ in the air, yet didn’t know her body could do that! 

Geordie Ben: ‘I will admit….that is such a strange *go to* dance.’

Me: ‘The heel/toe has tipped me over the edge. I AM dying! Why am I finding it so funny?’

I was literally crying with laughter. I couldn’t stop. She was SO excited because she’d just bought a creepy puppet for £165, that she had wanted for 3 entire years? (Lord fucking knows? Haha) 

Someone told her to dance. I think it was ‘Really good at dabbing’ Monica? I dunno? But she did. 

‘Bill’ went for it. 

She performed her dance, with her heart on her sleeve, like she was an overly happy, pissed up Goblin, under a dirty, crooked bridge, who had just won the creepy puppet, Goblin lottery. 

I was in tears!! I even had to re-glue my eyelashes back on. 

Then unfortunately for me, the dance planted in my memory forever….right before I was to do a scene with a lovely, 12year old named ‘Joe’…where in which I was to play his ‘mum’ & be devastated because I had given him up for adoption, when he was 2!! 

‘Ffs! All I have is your Goblin dance in my head!!! I can’t stop!’

Saturday was great! 

Then all my trains got cancelled, so I had to drink red wine, out of paper cups for a couple hours in a train station. It was actually lovely. Two ‘Northern Rail’ dudes started doing Ballet, cuddling each other and then asked me what I thought? 

‘Yeah. Yeah. A bit odd. But of course…beeeautiful!’

I think they’d had enough because every human on Earth (BUT I)  was complaining at them. Haha. 

Then life went on…

It’s Coupling Up Season….

Right. So yesterday, before my ‘House Of Solo’ magazine catch up, I was sat writing blog notes, the old fashions way because my phone was on 6% charge. I had a pineapple juice as my only companion. My eyes were red raw and stinging. I don’t know why? Maybe I have a cold? Before you all start…it’s NOT ‘pink eye.’ 

(Everyone always thinks I’m like this over sexed floozy. I’m just drawn this way…I have my moments. I have too much eye liner on. I have had ‘pink eye’ before. But today is not one of those sexy days. I’m simply have the boring ‘almost flu.’) 

Anyway, I got distracted from blog notes, because I was watching a nearby Tinder Date occur before my very eyes. I love watching dates. I hate Tinder. I wouldn’t do Tinder ever. But it does work for some. A friend of mine got married from a ‘Tinder Match.’ If you think you have seen me on Tinder. It isn’t me? I once had a guy spot me and bring me a ‘Baby Powder’ Yankee candle after thinking he had been speaking to me on Tinder for weeks? He let me have the candle anyway! Haha. But obviously be careful.

But yes, watching the awkwardness of others on dates is always delightful! We all love, love. We’re hooked on it. We root for a happy ending…

Sometimes…it’s just shit. 

I’m not being awful, before everyone gets their knickers in a twist! Let’s face it. We all know I’m rubbish at dating. Especially first dates. In my defence (lol) I chose to go on a flipping blind date, on the telly, as millions of humans watched on and therefore watched me make a glorious donkey out of myself, in the name of love and entertainment. I loved it! I’d do it again. 

They only had ME watching. So, basically. I’m saying…they totally had it easy.

So, they’re sat there. It was strange. They had nothing to really say to one another than the awkward pleasantries and they seemed uncomfortable. Both a bit fidgety, yet hopeful. (It was beautiful.) 

They took it in turns to buy each other juice. (I never do juice on a date. I hate juice on a date. I once got given a bottle of water…it was annoying lol.) 

It was all ‘So…yeah….I like music…and….erm….I have a dog…’ weirdness.

It was a fumble of sorts and the girl kept talking about how she wanted to lose weight and start an exercise class. She was certainly curvy. They both were. Yet she wasn’t ready to OWN her body and sass it about. 

They’re insecurities were almost sweet. There was a delicate uncomfortable, oddness. It was awful to watch the distinct lack of confidence displayed by both parties. Lol. 

I wanted to save them…but instead I opted for telling everyone on my Instagram story. 🙂 I needed to tell someone, it was just too much to hold in!! So I told you lot! Be grateful! I was rooting for them!

Anyway, then she pops to the loo. It’s been going downhill. This is why she shouldn’t have had ‘heavy bladder’ juice and instead chose ‘electrify your entire system’ Prosecco. Haha.

He sat alone looking like a lost part. So he picks up his phone…and does that ‘scroll for comfort and no reason’ thing. It seemed to last ages…

It was definitely going shit. His t-shirt was also too small. But that’s fine. It’s life. My egos often too big. I never apologise for it. 😉 

Then when she returns…his eyes light up! My heart flutters!!! He doesn’t know what to say though (Noooooooooo) and goes for ..

‘Look at all these girls messaging me on Tinder right now!!!! Some are weird. But some are alright! I mean look at this one….She’s….’ 

WHAT!!!!!!!!!! 

His date: ‘Oh? You’re on Tinder right now?’

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

Dude: ‘No….erm…no! No….not right now…. I mean…’

His date: ‘I turned my notifications off. Where was it you lived? It’s quite far from

Me isn’t it?’

And just like that he messed up his shot at love!!!

As Dave my acting tutor says…

‘Know how to get out of your own way!!!’ 

Hahaha. 

I properly felt for him. I mean we’ve all fumbled. He just looked like he really wanted love. Why he went with ‘look at all these girls..’ I’ll never know? He definitely didn’t mean to! He didn’t realise what he was doing? He panicked!!  I’ve done shit like that before….and you honestly cringe afterward. 

They didn’t seem to speak for the rest of the date…by then ‘House of Solo’ magazine had walked in and sat down in front of me. 

HOS: ‘What you doing?’

Me: ‘Nothing. Blog notes. How are you?’

And just like that life went on…

But I don’t want to leave it glum! 

Later than evening… I witnessed blushing and cuteness by fresh cream strawberry scones and signing in forms. 

‘She’s on a date tonight?’

…it was with a golf adoring, expensive gin loving potential suitor. 

I LOVE seeing a quiet excitement in people’s eyes, when they’re about to go on a date! It’s magical isn’t it?

Of course, being Yorkshire…if such a gleam is witnessed we immediately have to take the playful piss out of them…lovingly. 

But I liked it…There was all this love and hope a swirling!!!

So, what I’m gonna say is it’s ‘coupling up’ season as the evenings get a little chillier.

Please do enjoy it! 

Ps/ I’ve obviously done a lot over the last few weeks…I’ve been to so many places, met so many people…So all my upcoming blog posts, will be telling you of those adventures. I just needed to general chit chat to get back into the swing of things. Lol

A Door Swing Saved My Life..

My phones on 1% charge….Hang on….

Sometimes, you meet some really great people in life. Y’know, the kinda people who put your faith back in the art of humanity. They sort of *pop* out of nowhere, right when you need them. They hit *pause* on rules, duty, or what ‘paper’ may state is expected of them…and instead see THEMSELVES as human, see YOU as human…and therefore deliver these miraculous actions out of good will, kindness, respect, support, good morals or anything other bits of ‘ooh laa’ you wish to add on in. They step forward with their heart, in a moments notice…because they didn’t realise what was a coming!?! 

I’m lucky enough to actually know so many humans like this! SO MANY! That’s how lucky I am! 

Some I’ve known all my life. Some I’ve encountered for a moment. Some for a season. Some for a reason. Some I didn’t know at all. Some I’ll know for a lifetime. 

Every single one of them I’ll always treasure. 

I also regard myself as one of ‘those kind of’ humans. ( Haha. Ofcourse.) I might not be there ALL the time. (Unless you’re my loin fruit.) However, I tend to pop up out of the blue, with my big hair toss, and sassy eyelashes, right when you need me, yet probably when you didn’t expect me to even care. 

Yesterday morning, I met a human during a kinda dodgy situation. Really couldn’t have been worse. Lol. It was pretty shit. 

But THEIR path, was to cross with MY path, via a simple early morning, door swing. It’s funny how sometimes nothing is spoken, but so much seems to be being said? Right? 

Long story short. I’ve said, I know loads of wonderful humans. Just recently an awful human came to tamper with my head, my world, my babies and my belief in decency in others. It shook me for a bit. (I’m not shook now. I’m tough. They’re shook.)

What I’m saying is, I needed a reminder….One that winked at me and reminded me that MOST people in the world are good people. 

Yesterday morning, that reminder came. I’m grateful for it. You know who you are. I thank you very much. 🙂 

Them: ‘I tried telling you…But I didn’t know if you caught on? I didn’t know where to put myself!?!’ 

Me: ‘I didn’t catch on at all!! Honestly…thank you so much.’ 

Then like nothing had happened, I did the school run, with my extra length extension and with a smile of relief on my face. 

Ruby: ‘Gosh! Hello, Tuesday!!’ 

Me: ‘One day, everything will just be normal.’

Ru: ‘Maybe it’s not meant to be normal? Maybe it’s a good thing?’

Me: ‘Yeah…maybe…’

…then we unlatched the school’s heavy wooden gate, leading into the playground and started our Tuesday again… Lol! 

Anyway, I worked, I learnt lines, then meetings got cancelled, so I managed to catch up with ‘House of Solo’ magazine. (I had to cancel it earlier, due to drama, but it all worked out in the end.)

HOS: ‘This one **** was a trip! She was all next time you go out to dinner with your friends, invite me. I’d love to go! I was all…Okay cool, come, we’re going out. Then she kicked off because she now DIDN’T want to come, because she had to INVITE HERSELF!! What????? I don’t have time for this!!!!’

Me: ‘Haha!!! I told you months ago that she would be NUTS! Stop working with nuts people!’

Anyway…House of Solo Mag is doing really well. It’s all high fashion deliciousness. You should follow them on Insta etc..because I’m obviously extremely good friends with the lovely CEO. I’ve appeared in the Magazine myself. I think he shot ‘Little Mix’ looking all high fashion…for the cover of the last issue. 

Well…let me just give you a peek into a convo…

HOS: ‘I’m  waiting to hear back. But I guess it’s gonna be Snoop Dogg on the cover.’

Me: ‘Everyone loves Snoop Dogg! He’s like a cool gangsta grandad now.’ 

HOS: ‘Y’know, who’s doing well…Zanetti!’

Me: ‘Yeah…yeah. I know. He’s hustled all that, himself! Plus, everyone loves Zanetti.’

(Tom has already shot the cover.) 

HOS: ‘But he makes it look easy… His life is not easy.’

Me: ‘That’s his job. He has to sell a lifestyle…He’s a good guy. He deserves it. He’s smashing it. Who’s cover sold well?’

HOS: ‘Louis Tomlinson..’

Me: ‘I LOVE Louis. We’re both Doncaster. Like literally from the same part!’

HOS: ‘Good, cos I’m shooting him again and you can do the interview!!!!’

Me: ‘YES!!! I want!!’ 

HOS: ‘Do you know a good PR?’

Right…so I’ve plonked that piece of the conversation in, to show you how our industry and business works. 

It’s literally ALL friendships, work relationships and networking. I say WORK relationships because you don’t want to sell yourself the wrong way, to people that you may end up working with. I see girls sell themselves short…a lot. I see guys in power take advantage of those situations & laugh about it, with friends over drinks. 

Don’t do that. Always trust your talent, over the way you look. 

Bottom line…

People like hiring people they already know. There’s a comfort to it. It’s also easier. People are busy, they want easy. People also like hiring people who they trust will perform. They also ask their friends to recommend other brilliant people. 

Got it? 

Talent + Networking is a dream come true. 

Sorted…

Now I can tell you about the Tinder Date, I ear wigged on….

Clairvoyants, Walks & Packed Lunches

Okay. I wrote this blog yesterday. I didn’t get to publish it because my life swirled by me. I decided to go with it. Enjoy it though! Please, please do! Have a very warm welcome into Wunna Land…

Dear Diary….

Rubes was up at 5.30am this morning, because she was SO excited & utterly delighted to make a packed lunch. (She never ever gets to have a packed lunch for anything really? Therefore the novelty of such a wonder fills her soul with absolute life.) 

Ru: ‘Are you up or asleep?’

Me: ‘Up, but kinda tired and want to be asleep?’

Ru: ‘Good. Let’s make packed lunches!!!’

Haha….She was just so excited, I couldn’t help but go with it. 

And just like that…Wednesday had begun. (It was raining outside. It was dark. Junior wasn’t one bit bothered about MAKING a packed lunch. As long as one was visible & edible at the desired time, he’d be happy.) 

Ru: ‘Aren’t you gonna put your hair in?’

Me: ‘I don’t need a hair extension in to make ham sandwiches at 5am. Haha.  I haven’t even done my face. I haven’t even put my contact lenses in. I’ve literally just woken up..’

Ru: ‘Just thought you’d want too…’

So, as you do…There I was, in a kimono, no face on, barefoot, but with my FULL clip in extension in, cutting sandwiches into triangles, and putting together 2 little pack lunches, at 5.45am. (It was still raining. Still dark outside. Still Wednesday. Lol.) 

I loved it, because I actually never ever get to make the kids packed lunches. They always have lunch at school, or we order a packed lunch FROM school for their trips….or we eat out. In fact, (and this is ridiculous) The Wunna Babies have probably had ROOM SERVICE a ZILLION times MORE, than they have ever… EVER had a packed lunch. 

It was fun. It filled my soul with absolute life. 😉 The simple cuteness of the moment was delightful. We loved it. Ruby smiles at me like her world was utterly complete. It could’ve stayed dark & rained all day and Wednesday would still have been perfect. 

Anyway, today both babies have ‘Founders Day’ at school. (The day their school was ‘founded.’)  No lessons will take place. Junior will be outside ALL day building dens, lighting fires and having a go at pond fishing, in the school’s forest.

Ju: ‘I’m gonna team up with Ray because he’s the best at building dens. He’s the fastest. So if it rains, he’ll build fast and I’ll go in it.’

Me: ‘Yeah, but what do you bring to the table?’

Ju: ‘What table? Is there a table?’

Me: ‘Lol. No. I mean, you can’t just make Ray do all the building. What are you going to do?’

Ju: ‘I’m good at karate kicking & I’ll have to kick angry wolves….’

Ooooookaaaay…….

He then proceeded to show me how great his karate kicks were, so my heart melted and I let him get on with it…

Ru: ‘What about Eoin?’

Ju: ‘Well Ofcourse if I do something, Eoin does & if Eoin does something I do!!’ 

Ru: ‘So poor Ray’s gonna build you BOTH a den?’

Ju: ‘Yeah. But I’m kicking remember!!!!!!’

(He ended up refusing to trade a biscuit with Charlotte, for a Jaffa cake & instead snapped his last Jaffa in half, to share it with Eoin.) 

 Ruby’s on a giant loooong walk today with school. It’s far and rainy. She’ll hate it. (I even felt bad for sending her off today to dedicate her Princess legs to such a task.) 

However, her pride will mean that she’ll just get on with it. Once home, she’ll demand luxury, for comfort. I don’t blame her. It wouldn’t be my favourite game either. (She fell asleep in the car home, had a bath, cried out of tiredness and then went to bed at 6pm!! Haha.) 

She’s in waterproofs (‘Why are they red and not pink Mum?’) She’s also in wellies that (by her own choice) resemble unicorns. (It’s the small things.)

Mrs P: ‘..Ruby your wellies have HORNS & A TAIL on! I want some!!!!’ 

Anyway….

Of course, i forgot my coat, so I’m pretty much wrapped in a giant black and white scarf…FREEZING my tassels off……in the frightful daytime rain. (Yipppeee.) 

Then my car battery drained out, because I left my lights on, whilst en route to buy lace. (Cheers.)

I’m now having to walk, in the cold, with my scarf, avoiding ‘honks’ from trucks, until it’s fixed. However, I am reading WhatsApp messages that go a bit like this….

I’m also answering your questions on Insta ….

My car should be fixed soon. (It didn’t get fixed. It’s still in the garage.) But in a way I’m kinda glad. I didn’t want to head into town, because I’d heard a certain human was there. A human that I really didn’t wish to encounter. 

Nothing is more awkward than having to avoid someone, is it? It’s only awkward because you have to pretend that it’s not remotely awkward. That alone is clumsy and unfulfilling. 

But everything happens for a reason. I’d prefer to wait and walk in the rain. I’m happy. Life is good. There’s no need to venture to town for lace. Who does that anyway? It’s not 1952. ( I went to the library instead. I actually met the most inspiring lady there, who took time out of her life to nurture & direct me. I love that!! You’d think that I’d never go to the  ‘library,’ right? Well you’re wrong. I adore being around knowledge. Even if I don’t choose to read any of it. Haha.) 

Today is shit. Well, it started badly. Maybe it gets better? (Thankfully it did!) 

Right now, I’m  sat having coffee and I’m wanting to unravel my giant scarf & use it as a ‘wrap around’ blanket. Is that acceptable in a public place, or only at ‘The Bennion’s?’ 

If you go over to see Jules (Mrs. B)  for a playdate. (Our children played. Not us. 😉 ) Well, it’s a delight! They should sell tickets.

The hospitality on offer at The Bennion’s is  pretty much first rate. They’ll adore you, relax you and wrap you in beautifully designed ‘bouji’ blanket, as they sit you by a silver, free standing ice bucket, pour a drink of your choice, and gently talk life. 

You’ll watch the sunset over the garden fields, as fresh popcorn kernels, are ‘popped’ in warm warm silver pans, atmospheric music is played and designer Malibu cocktails are created…just for YOU. (Mine even had tiger stripes & tinsel garnish.) 

They enjoy fun, the finer things in life, each other & in most ‘down to earth’ fashion. There’s a bubbly, Yorkshire, ‘rock n roll,’ vibe to them. They also like appearing on my insta story, which is always a bonus. Haha.

It was so great. I officially adore them. I didn’t even know how to thank them? So at the ‘last minute’ I showed my appreciation for them, with a requested concierge service for their trip to Las Vegas. 

Jules: ‘Chrissie, do you know anyone?’

Me: ‘Omg! Please renew your vows!’

I like that people can say, ‘Hey, I’m headed to Vegas and I need adventure brought to me via VIP. Do you know anyone?’ 

I can conjure it up, in a hair flick. So I messaged the guy I know, who owns a great concierge company. He was laid on his sofa in Beverly Hills..chilling. I’ve known him since I was young. 

Me: ‘Are you in Vegas this weekend? I have friends flying over from the U.K. for 4 days, who need hook ups…etc..But they literally fly in 3 days time!?! So they’re gonna need it sorting fast.’ 

Concierge: ‘Hey! Yeah. I’ll absolutely sort it for them. I drive to Vegas Friday…I’m in LA right now. Here’s my work number. They can WhatsApp me.’

He’d be organising the hospitality for Wayne Rooney, Celine Dion and Niall Horan previous. But he managed to also chat to the The Bennion’s and sort them out too. 🙂

Wow! I got really distracted!?! 

Anyway…

What was I on about? Oh yeah. Is it okay for me to sit in a coffee shop, in a blanket, or will people think I’m odd?

I covered this earlier on an insta Q&A. I like attention where it’s due…..

A bit of ‘Oh she’s so wonderful./ What a great talent!/Such a beauty!/ The best…blah, blah, blah.’ 

Yet, I don’t wish to noticeably sit in this coffee shop, wrapped in a giant blanket, in case everyone judges me. lol 

I wonder if my cars gonna get fixed before the school run? (No.) 

It’s 6am Thursday now. I’m laid in bed writing this on my phone, in the dark with my third, right…finger. Haha. 

Today, I watch the children perform in their Harvest Festival. (I’m really excited!!! I love watching their school concerts. Pete’s headed over to watch them both too. That’s Ruby’s dad, in case you didn’t know. We co-parent like a dream!) 

Hopefully my car gets fixed? It’s fine if not. I’ll wait.

But before that, I visit a local Clairvoyant….

Me: ‘Mum. When you booked it, did you give her a fake name? I just want to make sure that she doesn’t go on my blog or Google anything before the reading.’

Mum: ‘I just said for Christina…’

My Arms Work Now & I’m Knackered

Oh my gosh!!! My arms have only just recovered from repeatedly punching the air on Saturday, in the name of learning the Laban technique at YAFTA! (I need to work on my ‘punching.’ I had ‘flicking’ down to a fine art. I’m an actor now. It’s ace!) 

If you don’t know what the Laban technique is, you’re just gonna have to Google it, because I can’t be arsed to type it all out. Lol. But it’s based on physical movement and how it effects us (as humans) emotionally. 

It’s a technique that works wonders for me. It’s crazy how a specific movement can bring on and ignite a certain type of emotion. I used it before my scene and yeah I definitely looked bonkers pressing a wall, 2 minutes before the word  ‘Action’ was shouted. YET, it worked! I felt exactly the way I needed to feel. I was impressed. Lol. 

We also worked on sense memory. I’m emotionally open anyway. So I can find an emotional trigger very easily. I can’t sing though! I certainly proved that! 🙂 But I’m a story teller. I ain’t trying to be Mariah. I don’t wanna deliver a tale via song. 

However, yes…It’s official. I’m 100% old & 99 % unfit.

Hurrah! 

 I can’t even punch the air without pulling what feels like every single muscle in my entire upper body. Haha. It honestly felt like a workout. I couldn’t move the next day. 

I’m definitely sure it’s good for me & certainly sure that my body has never been exerted in such a manner before. I also should’ve worn a sports bra. Every time I punched, my bra straps would gracefully fall down. Under my jumper a whole different ‘technique’ was going on. Haha. 

Y’know, I’ve noticed that my upper body has spent it’s life being massaged, nurtured and photographed. Lol. Up until Saturday at around 11am, it had never properly ‘punched.’ I mean, it’d performed a ‘Yippee’ baby-like punch. But never anything scary, or aggressive. 

I’m wordy. Not ‘punchy.’

Let’s put it this way, fellow actor ‘Geordie Ben,’ made ‘punching’ look hardcore, dangerous and like Eminem HAD actually LOST himself, in his ‘Lose Yourself’ video. 

I looked like ‘H’ from Steps, performing ‘Agadoo.’

Monica: ‘He looked so Eastenders.’

Me: ‘They’d be like, why has a Geordie moved into the square. Lol’

Geordie Ben: ‘…and why is he repeatedly punching and singing Lose Yourself???’ 

(He does a voice like ‘casting,’ but still sounds really Geordie…)

‘…we haven’t even paid him. He’s just shown up and started punching, man.’

Haha. We just spent our breaks in hysterical fits of banter infused laughter. 

‘Where’s James?’

‘I hope I get to be on Downtown Abbey. Even if all I have to do is walk on and say, * Here’s your spoon, Madam.* Haha.’ 

‘Why do guys think Pandora is the answer to everything?’

‘Yeah. I’m that old. You don’t all have to form a semi circle around me and stare..’ 

‘Just so you know, I’m not here next week. I’m graduating. I haven’t left, before you all start.’

‘She’s left.’

‘Marketing need someone to film an interview. You do it. You’d be good at it Chrissie.

‘Everyone’s sick of me. I talk about it all the time, even without marketing. Lol. Watch me make coffee at YAFTA. Read my YAFTA blog. Hear my YAFTA story. Watch me punch at YAFTA. All about Me. YAFTA! At least they’ll know there’s other people here, if you do it.’

‘I bet James has long hair. SO long that it fell in front of his eyes and he couldn’t find his way to class.

‘Why am I sat here in a giant faux fur? I look like the cast of Dynasty.’

Class was great this Saturday because the ‘pleasantries’ had been thrown out the window. We no longer sat in a room quietly, like we were waiting for hospital results. We’d got to know each other a little better. The first week had already been done and dusted. The tension had lifted. We were all now in film & tv school. The journey had set sail…in Yorkshire. 

Y’know, I HAVE actually done a similar thing when in LA & I can 100% tell you that  the Leeds version is so much better. In LA it was ONLY about the ‘business’ of acting. No-one cared about the craft. Everyone just wanted to be famous, get in front of casting and win. 

At YAFTA, it’s ABOUT the craft, the art, the technique, the talent. You learn ever so much. You work really hard. You make solid friendships. You’re honed, nurtured and refined. This is what makes British actors great! 

At the same time, you’re mentored on the business of it all, as a side line and once ready, you’re placed In front of the ‘decision makers.’ (Casting.) The people who can turn your dreams into real life work, as you’re sent out by the school’s agency.

However, learning the craft and getting great at it, IS the core of it all. You can want something so much, but if you’re not good at what you do, or you don’t TRY to BE good at what you do…someone who IS will always get the role.

(Bare with me. I had late night Wagamamas yesterday. I’m shattered. I think the 4pm coffee I had, whilst discussing life and diets with Miss.Murphy, after glow worm cards & banter, kept me AWAKE! I’m now vegan and she’s now fasting! Lol. What have we become? I love my ‘Murphy Monday’s’ and so do the kids! It’s a treat! I’m actually always excited for them.) 

Luckily, I’ve managed to make it to Tuesday in one piece and I can now freely delight in the fact that my arms are able to move without aching. I bought shoes to celebrate my ‘working arms.’ 

Glitter pumps and platform trainers are the answer to all my life wishes. 

Once November hits, I’m stepping up my style game. Right now, I’m shuffling around like a troll. 

What a year! Thank GOD it’s nearly over! 

There’s lots going on, but I’m chilling. I’m getting out of my own way and just enjoying the good bits!

I don’t know what you’re up too, but whatever it is, be ace at it!!! 

I love you! 

Chrissie x

Life is Cute, Homework & Rainbow Rudolph

Do you have the ‘homework mountain’ with your kids too? It’s not just me? We’re all going through it together, right? Lol

I seem to have a giant MOUNTAIN of ALL the homework, in ALL the world. I’m not kidding. It’s not even a fun mountain that serves whisky sours at the top, over beautiful skyline views. It’s awful!

The ‘homework mountain’ is incredible and mighty. It’s a place you never want to go, but are forced to visit…constantly. It’s modern & stylish, with an old school finish. It’s the never ending uphill struggle of Maths, English, Maths, English, Big writes, Diary Entries, Spellings, History Projects, Times-tables, Reading books, Build a model of….Write a letter to, Learn this song, Tell me about Vikings, Victorians, Egyptians, ‘The Lost Thing.’ I’m exhausted. Haha. 

Brain = Fried

The game is endless. It’s sick. You think you’ve mastered the delicious mighty mountain, then the next day….BOOM! It’s back, glistening and new, in it’s full ‘Do me now & Educate yo’self’ glory. 

‘Well done, Babes! Here’s new work, new books, new subjects, new stories, new spellings, new history, new tests, new projects, new, new, new, new, mountain, mountain…DO IT!’ 

Haha. 

It’s mental. It teases. It pokes.

But if they’re stuck….you’d think I’d just go with ‘Whatever, I need a mojito.’ 

Wrong! I’m actually the opposite and a sucker for sitting with them and going through it all, because I want them to feel inspired to learn. I want them to value it’s importance and I also want them to find homework fun.

It’s Wunna Land. If it’s not fun…then why do we have glitter on our walls? If they’re not inspired, they won’t care to do it, at all.

I hear loads of mums go on about it…

So, here’s my stance on the general homework debate ….Even though I’m having a comedic moan, I’m not the ‘they do enough work at school’ mum. 

I’m the ‘Regardless, you’re gonna get homework, whether you like it or not & you have to do it. So we might as well get on with it & get it out the way. Right?’

It’s A LOT. But that’s life. 

Yet, I do admit that it feels like there’s more homework than ever before?

Maybe because there’s two of them, so there’s double the amount…? Who knows?

PLUS, I have my OWN homework now. (Yay! Being an actor! Yay! Doing a Diploma! Yay! I now have a day left to learn my script.)

So after the joyous, kiddy mountain of homework, I’m then learning my scripts, sides, notes, doing a bit of ‘off screen contact,’ 🙂 writing reviews, building a character, sorting out the online bits, looking through work schedules, booking in headshots, re-learning my lines again, working on emotion, back learning frames…It’s hectic. It’s madness.

But weirdly, we’re loving it!

Well, we’re getting it done. Doing it merrily and because we all want to do well. It’s challenging. But isn’t everything? Once you’re done, you feel much better! 

 OR if you’re Junior, you just want mash potatoes. 

Or if you’re Ruby you argue with me afterwards, in a unicorn nighty, because you utterly believe that Mummy can’t help you with ideas for diary writing, or doesn’t understand homophones??? She doesn’t argue with me during homework, because she’s an ambitious soul. She wants to achieve. She wants to be the best. She wants to win. 

She waits until afterward, when I serve her sushi in a kimono and goes for it…

Ru: ‘You didn’t really help.’

Me: ‘I know the difference between Whether & Weather Ru!!’ 

Ru: ‘You don’t!! You’re testing me wrong. I’ve got this diary thing to do!’ 

Me: ‘When you write a diary entry, you should focus on how the boy FEELS.’

Ru: ‘I KNOW!!!!!! Stop telling me what to DO! I can do it myself.’

Me: ‘I’m helping you because you asked me?’

Ru: ‘Yeah, but what’s an opener? I need to talk about openers for the letter.’

Me: ‘It’s the…’

Ru: ‘I know! I know! Stop! Mum!!!’

Me: ‘Haha. Ruby. I’ve written a DIARY for the last 10 years & written about a zillion letters! I get this…’

Ru: ‘No you haven’t!!! All you do is TALK to yourself.’

Me: ‘I’m not talking to myself. I’m learning my script. Lol.’ 

It’s hilariously insane!

Junior’s far less aggro. Lol. He just smiles sweetly. He enjoys every bit of his work, wants to try his best, thanks me for helping him and then requests buttered mash potatoes.

Bliss!

He’s the kindest boy I’ll ever know.

But we managed it. We managed it ALL and in our comfies!!! 

In fact, we did so well that last night ended up being the cutest. There was just a moment… and our world is created by moments. We try and hold onto them in the form of beautiful memories.

We honestly remember ALL the moments and treasure them like the gold that they’re made of.

Ruby & I have out loud, belly laughs at some of the ‘moments ‘we’ve made. Even the bad ones. 

For example…Obviously because a human has filled our world with anxiety, of recent…Whenever we hear or see a car pull up into our street, or outside our home, we slyly panic and have to triple check to make sure we’re safe.

Junior’s always absolutely terrified. Ruby’s eyes look scared, yet she acts like she’s okay. I definitely feel the fear…and try to direct it appropriately, in a good old, safe fashion, to make sure they feel okay.

But…We’ve done it SO much NOW, that it’s funny. (I’m aware that it’s a sad thing to find funny, if you’re going through the same thing? Yet, if we didn’t…their world would be temporarily misted with fear & I don’t want that. They don’t deserve that. That’s why I turn ‘safeguarding moments’…into beautifully fun hotel nights. So unannounced home visits that may possibly disrupt their ‘happy place’ doesn’t get to harm them emotionally. It doesn’t get near them. Get it?)

Anyway, last night, Ruby, Junior & I had all bundled into my bed and they asked me to tell them a bedtime story. 

I’m not gonna lie, I hate doing it. But I do it anyway. The best bedtime story would go like this…

‘Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Now there are hundreds. The end. Go to sleep.’

Haha. I’m terrible. 

But the lights go out, they’re all snuggled in, I begin to tickle Junior’s back and then i take them on a magical adventure to the North Pole, to meet & feed Santa’s reindeer, who are snuggled in cosy warm stables, preparing for their big Christmas Eve flight. (I went for it last night.) 

Ruby usually likes to act out the story with delighted faces and hand gestures of mockery. Junior usually likes to direct the story. 

He likes me to ‘get to the bit where Santa comes in.’ (Every second Santa has to flipping walk in. Even if the story isn’t about Christmas?) 

However, no Tom Foolery occurred last night. They just wanted to listen, relax, enjoy and sleep. 

As if!!!!!!

Yet because they decided to listen, relax, enjoy and sleep…I thought my story telling bored them, so I had to ‘amp’ up the stakes! 

So Rudolph had just been given his ‘magical rainbow reindeer food,’ from a ‘glistening golden safe’ guarded by ginger, dancing elves…

It was cute because the smallest things made them giggle. 

The fact that Rudolph now had a rainbow nose & the elves were panicking because it obviously totally messed up his song. His big Christmas anthem! 

Junior: ‘Oh no!!! It can’t be Rudolph the rainbow nosed reindeer!!!’

Ruby: ‘Why not?’ (….because she has to debate everything.) 

Then we all just *paused* in the dark… with a tortoise in an enclosure nearby…and out loud, GIGGLED.

Everything stopped and we JUST laughed for no reason. We didn’t know why we were laughing? What was so funny? Or what was even going on? We just burst into utter laughter…and it was literally the most amazing feeling ever!!!!!

It was like everything just went back to normal for a while.

Then we were all exhausted, so I told that when they fell asleep, we’d all go on the happiest dream land adventure! Almost as if their bed time story didn’t end there…and the rest of the fun could be had in their dreams.

We’d be sent to the North Pole, where the story had been told and we’d meet at the wooden sweet store, that had two giant candy canes around the front door, in the shape of a love-heart. 

They were so excited! Haha. It was cute.

Junior: ‘What if I can’t find you? I want you to be there.’ 

‘I’ll be there. I’m Mama. I’m always there.’

I told them not to worry, because in dream land they’d have mobile phones in their pockets, so we could face time if they got lost. Haha.

And just like that they fell into the happiest, deepest sleep and woke up this morning filled with delight and adventure….ready to tell me everything!

Life is cute. 

Enjoy it. 

I’m on the Diploma…

I found myself stood in the same carpark, where I’d rehearsed Emmerdale scripts with Israel (@djiz) a couple weeks previous, as Ezra in casting watched over us and directed.

Ezra: ‘That was gooooood, you too!’

Me: ‘You cool?’

Iz: ‘I’m cool.’

*Nod….Nod….Nod….Nod.*

It was 9.30am. Leeds. Fresh as a daisy. Confident. Excited. Early. I still hadn’t brushed through my hair, but that’s the good thing. It didn’t matter. 

I was ready to get going, after a stressful & hazy time. No-one knows what I’ve been through because they haven’t felt it. 

I kinda didn’t want to cut away from my stress, because I was worried. I was worried for the people I cared about very much. But I did it and I did it to try and make something of myself. For my own happiness & my little family. 

It was the first day of my Screen Acting Diploma & I finally got there. Maybe not in the most organised fashion. But I got there.

It felt really good, to have made a decision, (you’re only decision away from a completely different life.) It felt good to have found a way, to have asked for advice, to have made a commitment, to have refrained from getting distracted and to have boxed ALL negative litter UP!! 

The litter got placed in a temporary holding cupboard, to be dealt with AFTER ‘success’ had to decided to glisten upon me. It WILL finally be sprinkled away. However, right now…it’s out of my hands and in that time I’ve chosen to be positive.

This is the part of my life where I didn’t let someone try and take everything from me, because they themselves were broken & had too much time on their hands. This is the part, where I didn’t listen to doubt, didn’t give up and fought for my own piece of ‘Happy.’ 

This is the part where I WON. I won as soon as I galloped into that carpark, at 9.30am, on Saturday morning and made a start.

It was sunny but cold. It felt great. 

I was there….

So…Ofcourse, I had stuff on my mind. You’d never know it. I’m chatty. I’m alive. But that’s how I work. It’s sometimes strange because often (AWAY from that carpark) everyone always thinks they know quite a lot about me. When the reality is, (like with anyone) unless you live their life with them, you actually know nothing at all. 

I love that carpark on Kirkstall road, because you’re a blue coded door away from the best world ever. Away from the ‘Yadda…Yadda.’ 

At YAFTA, none of the ‘yadda…yadda’ matters. Everyone gets it. Everyone gets on with it. Everyone’s filled with support. Everyone’s there to work hard, learn, do well and hopefully make something of themselves. Everyone’s there to share a passion and to develop their skills! We’re all in the same boat, taking the same journey. It’s competitive. But we support. 

I’m happy there. 

Once anyone steps into the car park, they’ve committed to developing themselves, their career, their talent. 

The thing about commitment….

If you commit to something, then you certainly want to do well & you SHOULD take that journey, with your head held high, your heart in the right place and with NO excuses. You have to prioritise. Sacrifice. But in the end it’s worth it…because you got to the finish line. You didn’t give up and I reckon most people don’t make things happen because they give up. 

So yeah, although anything can occur along the way. I’m just focused on getting to the finish line. Yet getting there with a full tank of experience, knowledge, skill and after an absolute outpour of hard work. I’ll learn everything I need to. That good old dedication/determination thing. It gets you far. Fast!

You can kinda have excuses for anything. But everyone has ‘stuff going on.’ That doesn’t make anyone SPECIAL. OR anyone LESS mighty. Everyone’s on the same playing field. Not just in drama school. But in life. 

What you do and how you perform, no matter what….shows people what you’re actually made of.

Right?

Preach over. 

Slide me a pina colada.

Back to the carpark…

Already waiting was a really tall Geordie, who dances, who I later knew as ‘Ben.’ I ended up scene partnering with him, hours later. We were ‘juiced,’ it was fun! 

Instead of my @djiz ‘after scene’ nods of approval, we air ‘fist pumped,’ and had victory grunts….kinda like lads, who kick things & shout ‘YEAH!’ It must be the Geordie way. Haha.) 

He does Ballet. He’s ACE! He wants to do well and will. I’m so short in comparison though. He’s giant tall. I’m 5ft 3. It was like Dave (our tutor) was filming something for CBeebies. Lol. Either i need a fruit box to stand on or he needs to squat. 

The good thing was that it didn’t matter. No matter how tall or short, you can still tell/show someone how you feel. 

Beside him was Thomas (@Mr.Mondas) in cotton trousers. He was kinda posh and lives in a place, in the middle of nowhere. where jockeys are trained? Haha. (Did I get that right? I’m sure someone also said ‘the sea?’) 

Joel: ‘Are those trousers cotton?’

Thomas had been there for a year. So had Joel. 

Me: ‘In a year…we’re still going to be stood here.’

Joel: ‘Yes! Lol. In this exact spot.’ 

Thomas: ‘I graduate in March…I saw you at that workshop.’

Joel: ‘Yeah. I saw you at the workshop too.’

What can I say? I’m obviously THAT memorable. 😉 I actually remember them BOTH from the workshop. They were BOTH great talents. Great actors. In fact, all the YAFTA boys, SHONE on that day. I remember noticing that. It was the Coronation Street Casting workshop. We all wanted to do well. 

Joel: ‘Well done for being accepted in.’

Me: ‘Thank you.’

Thomas: ‘You’re gonna get given tasks!’ 

Me: ‘TASKS!!!! I didn’t sign up for tasks!!! Haha. Oh no!! I’m scared!!!’

Turns out the tasks were great. 

It’s almost like we all began by sitting in a semi-circle quiet as mice. 

Me: ‘This is like a creepy hospital waiting room. Everyone’s so quiet!’ 

By the end of it…we had learnt a mountain of skills, knew each other like besties, acted in, acted out, worked with each other, laughed, critiqued and watched ourselves numerous times on screen, with scripts, without scripts and with Dave as our guide to great acting. 

All our tutors have come from the top British drama schools, or they’re either current industry professionals, agents, casting associates, psychologists or in production. It’s amazing! The entire course is structured to lead you to success. If you do it all, work hard and do it well. You’ll certainly have a better chance at nailing it. 

I mean, who’s lucky enough to be Northern and get all that…in Leeds! Leeds is thriving right now. It’s a great place to be, if you’re in entertainment. 

There’s a great mix of people on my course. Some from down South. People who have driven for 4 hours to get there or stayed in hotels. People who are now living with the ‘Yorkshire’ part of their family. Lol. It’s insane! There have even been people who have flown in before. 

We did have to audition to be there. But that’s better, because everyone earned their place, their seat, their time. They were the actors that YAFTA believed COULD do it. (And they have many a success story. I hope I’m one of them, one day.) 

It’s not easy though. Haha. 

We did it for a whole 8 hours, with a break for lunch! 

Now, I’ve come from the evening classes, (they’re wonderful.) I learnt so much from Dave and the classes actually evoked my passion to take acting seriously as a career. However, the evening classes are only an hour and let me tell you…they’re absolutely worth it, but that hour DOES zoom by. 

So, I get it. This is intense. It’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be great. Our tutors are phenomenal and filled with expertise. However they’re not there to clap at everything we do (Haha) and pat us on the back. 

Dave: ‘Honestly, if you say you liked his performance because he’s hot, you’re out. You’re leaving! Lol’

Me: ‘Well, that was short lived. Haha.’ 

(FYI/ I AM joking. I work really hard. I’m like the hardest working one. 😉 ) 

But yes, our tutors are there to develop our talents, create wonderful actors and make sure the school and all the students involved….succeed. (Which is kinda handy.)

8 hours is loooooong and hard. It’s intense. Yet it’s only one long day. We can still manage our lives and there’s a lot of work we have to do, whilst we’re away from class. 

We were put through our paces…and I loved it. It was difficult, yet fulfilling. It was unbelievable. A great start.

Monica: ‘Do you reckon it gets easier?’ 

Me: ‘I don’t think so? Haha.’ 

I’m excited to be back on Saturday.

Let’s gooooo! 

Dreams, Babies, & Guardian Angels?

You shouldn’t have a strong black coffee at around 4pm because you find yourself awake at 1.31am, after a snooze that you truly believed would sail you through to sunrise. 

It WAS however worth it, because I managed to briefly catch up with Miss. Murphy. I haven’t been able to catch up with her for ages. It feels like soooo long! Therefore almost two whole accidental hours of ‘catch up,’ gracefully divided over two separate Mondays, by Christmas, as our children take their socks off, eat cake & run free….was delightful. 

Murphy: ‘Do you go every week? I need to come. My back needs stretching? Not to court. To pilates.’ 

‘Tuesday morning, kinda when I can. She’s actually a really good pilates teacher. The class is good!’ 

‘Well I can’t go this Tuesday, I’ve got work. I want to go though. But I can’t even touch my toes.’

‘Nat goes…’

‘Does she?’

Anyway….As the tale goes… I share lots with Miss.Murphy, so everything else, you simply can’t know about. Haha. Blame #life

So here’s the diversion…

Weird things happened in my sleep last night! So! This is gonna sound creepy. But it really does happen occasionally. It’s happened twice this month!

I’m all fast asleep in dream land. My eyes’ll open at some silly ‘early morning’ o clock, ie/ 1.31am.

I’ll always hope it’s around 5.45am because I can survive the day if I wake up at that time. But it never is. It’s always silly o clock. One of those awkward early morning times, where you really need more sleep, to at least have a go at a ‘ happy rest of the day.’ However, you can’t seem to get back TO sleep, can you? Well until 30 minutes before your alarm is about to go off. Then you’re eyes fancy a shut.

Anyway, because I want to keep it creepy, when I do wake up, I’ll feel all strange. Y’know, like someone’s there with you in the dark..watching you.

Each time, at my bedroom door is a chick, with short black hair, kinda like Kat, who I did the ITV ‘Hilton’ show with. (If you didn’t know, she took her own life…years ago, after the show. She was my best friend….and I’m definitely sure, as she promised, she comes to see and haunt me, because she knows I’m terrified of stuff like that. It seems like her. It feels like her and it CREEPS me OUT!!!

The first time it happened. I felt terrified. Now, like with anything…I’m kinda used to it, so I’m LESS terrified. I’m not comforted yet. Just less terrified. I get on with it, like I know the score.

Infact, I’ve decided to go with…Guardian angel vibes. It smooths it over doesn’t it. Makes it less…I don’t know? But this DID and DOES happen!

Anyway, she always leaves me with a distinct number to remember. She once left me with 333. It was in my head SO much, I even looked up what it could mean, because I couldn’t shake it off.

This time it was the numbers 8, 9, 1.

I dreamt of them. It was nuts. I wasn’t so caught yo. I knew I was meant to Google. Lol.

It’s almost like I know the drill now, so I straight away googled their meaning. This happens all the time. It’s really creepy. But I’m there. I get it.

This is what I found….

It’s just so weird…because I’m not into numerology at all. It just happens and I find myself having to Google it at 2am, on occasion. It’s iinda Ann inconvenience. Does this happen to other people?

FYI/ I know this is sounding bonkers. But it DOES happen. Just go with it.

Plus, looking things up is not my favourite, in case it’s not what I want to see, read or hear. I hate it, but of course do it anyway.

BUT……

This must definitely mean wonderful times are to come, right? Surely? Right? It says good things, so I kinda wanna cling into it!

I slept then…like a baby and didn’t wake up until 5.51am. I had the best sleep ever.

What was that all about? Why does that happen to me?! Who leaves me with numbers and not wine? Honestly. It’s weird.

But away from that, I had the best time with the babies before bed. I laid with them as they watched the ‘Norris Nuts’ on Youtube. It’s our favourite. Junior gets really into it all.

He even wanted to play the ‘Heads or tails’ game.

Ju: ‘Heads you have to cuddle me. Tails you have to kiss me and tell me you love me Mummy!’

He’s so cute! It’s great odds. Haha.

But it was just good to see him so happy again. Watching his little face. Bless him. He was free.

Little Ruby had spilt a peppermint tea on her hand, and it burnt her and blistered. Poor thing. She cried. But received lots of ‘make it better love.’ (Sometimes that’s all you need, right?) This morning she tottered in with an ‘I’ve burnt my hand’ note. It made her feel extra special and face her something to talk about.

Ruby: ‘Don’t tell anyone, I have this blister!!!’

Me: ‘Why? I mean, they should know, that way no-one accidentally knocks it or whatever…’

She goes through the school gates, she tells everyone immediately and all the girls rush and fuss around her, within seconds. She was still telling the tale, as I left. Haha. She even smiled at me!!! Lol (Little Miss, ‘I don’t want anyone to know.’)

Anyway. We can’t wait for Halloween and for the half term break. The kids are so excited because this time their break, their holiday is filled with delight. No stress. No drama. Just love. Just Mama. Just family. Just Wunna Land. Happiness. Fun!! They’re counting down the days! Even I’m excited!!!

Happy Tuesday.

Thank you for following my life x