So. Wednesday was manic. I was rushing around. I had the kids, a shoot…all sorts. It was mad, but it was sunny… and well everything’s better in the sun. It brings out the booty shorts….and fortunately and like a domino effect…everything’s better in booty shorts.
Have you noticed that when’s the sun’s out…Dudes get all ‘heated.’ I don’t know what happens to them, but their willies perk up and go on a mad ‘chick chase.’
All the chicks, all the chase…all the willies…
I swear, it’s because a bit of sunshine gets them overly excited. Or maybe because we’re all in heels and wearing booty shorts? Can’t decide? I’ll let you figure it out.
COLD SHOWERS FOR EVERYONE! Yipppeee!
Anyway, Pitstop rentals picked up…as I had to dash to get my face done in the nick of time… (I’m really grateful to Pitstop, as he shimmies over a brilliant chauffeuring service and I really appreciated the makeup stop off..but I’ll get to that on my next blog, as I have a lot to say…and not much time to say it in, as I have a wine lunch with ‘Firmonnell’ at noon. And who’s to play with wine and sunshine!)
I arrived at the launch of the new Weaves & Waves hair salon, on Great George Street, Leeds…You should go. It’s amazing. I was really impressed….
I probably got there around 7.30pm? I can’t remember? I needed a cocktail and I weirdly felt anxious? Yet, I love a hair salon opening…So it couldn’t have been better timing.
Cocktails trumps anxiety.
I should be a therapist.
I just remember pulling up to the salon…
…and the pavement was filled with reality tv personalities, (so these were people who had JUST come off shows, are currently on shows, or about to appear on a show…and it’s really important for them to show up everywhere, as let’s be honest…it’s promo. So, if you have a current show…you go to ‘see’ and ‘be seen,’ at exactly the right time. 😉 )
There was what seemed like the entire cast of this seasons ‘Ex On The Beach,’ Marlie from Ibiza Weekender, Emma Woodhams, who spent a summer on that Island of ‘Love,’ chicks from ‘Survival of The Fittest…’ All very fun, all very young…all at the very start of their new careers in entertainment. It made me feel like a veteran. Lol. And weaved between these little lovelies, where the delicious girls of Weaves & Waves and they themselves were the height of glamour.
Everyone seemed really excited. The sun was shining. There were dresses, fire eaters, media boards, paps, giggles, life, tans, winks and well lots of people with really great hair. It was a proper ‘chick fest.’ There was literally…How do I say ‘lots of vagina’politely? Bottom line…It was everywhere…and the ‘vagina fest’ was armed with cocktails.
Me: ‘What am I drinking, it’s good?’
Sophia: ‘I don’t know? I just asked him for three big ones. 😉 ‘
So if you were a guy in Leeds, on Wednesday night and weren’t at the Weaves & Waves salon…you lost out. BIG TIME.
Aaron the Pap, who is my favourite piece of adoration, I’ve just been in Spain with him, and spotted me arrive up, so as soon as I got out…I did my shots with him…He told me off for being a ‘Words Thief‘ and then had to dash, to another job.
I got a drink…a strong one….because I needed to! Then just like ‘magic’ with a hair toss and a pout…I got to ‘knowing everyone,’ a dandy bit better…after a wee, a quick blush down, posing for pictures and a moment of room scanning. (I’m highly social…and really good at the ‘getting to know you,’ without you even knowing. But that’s my job..and nothing is hotter!)
I smoozed, I smized…I picture took…I chattered. I filled my body with mystery cocktails.
Hair Stylist: ‘You’re beautiful. You’re so lovely. So what show were you on then?’
Me: ‘What you drinking?’
Hair Stylist: ‘We’ve got a massive stash of vodka and pink lemonade in the back if you want one…’
Me: ‘I’m there. Let’s go to the back room…I want a pink drink. Mines not pink and it’s upsetting me..’
I knew loads of people there, but I like arriving on my own…because it opens me up to adventure. I’m not scared to be Miss.Sassy pants or Lil’ Miss independant…If you show up with another human…and they don’t get you’re job….You close yourself off to adventure. And I need adventure…and what better place to find it, in Leeds, around glamour, madness, dancing girls, reality stars and the best wigs in the city.
They did a really great job… The staff, the owner….the girls, couldn’t of been more wonderful…and I always tells ya, I’m a ‘service’ and ‘personality’ kinda gal. They were just so easy to get on with…and absolute total glamour pusses…which I ADORE. I can’t wait to stop by for my hair doing!
Weaves & Waves: ‘Thank you so much for coming. You live here don’t you? Like this is your home town. We’re really excited and we really want the salon to work in Leeds, because it’s a place you can come for literally everything. Do you think it looks good?’
Me: ‘Yeah. It’s amazing! It’ll work. There’s such a good vibe about the place. It’s beautiful. It’s in the exact right place…and everything in this city is JUST word of mouth.’
I mean, if you’re gonna open a salon, you might as well have done it the way they did it, with Great Gatsby dancing girls, red carpets, fire eaters in undies,really great music and reality peeps winking at strangers. I loved it. I think they did an amazing job. It was truly very Leeds of them…and Leeds is all about ‘boujiness‘ now. Great spot. Good times.
They even had their own cocktail shaking dude, who was shimming up ‘corner cocktails’ and flipping things in the air…whilst making your drinks on request… for nothing but a wink and a smile….The best kind of currency/ 😉 How divine. Free drinks. We’re all in!
Then ‘the cocktail dude’, who was actually lovely, THEN decided to inform me that the word for a cigarette in Newcastle was a ‘Snout?’
Is that true? I don’t think it’s true? I know, loads of Geordies? No one’s ever gone for a ‘snout.’
It just reminds me of piglets and I have an inner terror of piggy snouts, because I always think pigs are gonna rock up to me, (obviously in the middle of a city, because I’m never on a farm 😉 ) and nuzzle places that they aren’t EVER meant to nuzzle…without getting a bit of ‘vajazzle’ on them.
Awful things are piggy snouts.
Right, I’m rambling…Let’s get this shit out…
So, the most beautiful girl, with the most wonderful ambery coloured hair…grabs my kitten hand and escorts to the pink lemonade/vodka shindig, that was happening in the back room. And it was ace, because I went from sunshine and street cocktails to sneaky little ‘hold my hand’ adventures…
We strutted past photographers, pouted in giant placed mirrors, we walked alongside a red ribbon…through a room full of half naked, Gatsby dancing girls (they were getting changed into their next outfit, there were suitcases lipstick and pink faux furs everywhere.)
We get to a door, she pushes it open…the room is pitch black…but filled with other girls… as soon as I walk in…some sat by the door hands me their phone and says..
‘GIRL. Yes. You. I’m trying to do my shoe up and I need you to hold my phone.’
‘Lol…Do you need light, it’s pretty dark.’
(She was hilarious. I loved her. AND really drunk. There was a nip slip.)
Me: ‘I need a cup.’
And just like magic…a cup arrived..(but the beautiful Amber haired kitten, DID have to go do the entire adventure journey back to get me a cup… with a straw… …)
In the dark….at around 8.30pm…I was poured a ‘back room’ vodka/pink lemonade…. Lol
It was gangsta!
Then I sort of *blinked* and I was back at the party, back in the light, great music filled the room, and pinky tinges of light glowed around everyone…as camera flashes *snapped.*
I walked out of the door….Looked to my left… and who walked out of the loo…at that exact same time…?
I’m in such a good mood because I feel like there’s a *sizzle* in the air, a little peeky of fun, seems to be a swirling around us today. Can you feel it?
(Try again. Close ya eyes. You can feel it now, right?)
The sky is blue. The sun’s meant to be out from this afternoon onwards. And well… in my world, this means that the only thing left to do, is to reach for your booty shorts, hair toss a ‘curly blow‘ and paint your kitten nails red!!!
Yeah! Yeah! Doll Faces!
(I’ve already actually done ALL of the above. I did it as soon as I woke up.. Then I reconsidered my outfit, because It read ‘Vegas,’ not ‘School run.’ I got changed, did a school drop off…and re visited ‘glamour pussing’ as soon as I swung back into my home. I wish I swung in on a chandelier.
No such luck.
Miss. Murphy: ‘Do the boys wear long socks with shorts? I don’t think I have any!!’
Me: ‘Juniors just in trousers today…because I forgot to buy shorts. ;)’
Firmonnell: ‘I need to call you on my lunch. I need to talk to you.’
I think we both cried last night? I’m not sure, if she did? If you don’t know, ‘Firmonnell’ is my best chick friend…and I definitely cried to Hollyoaks yesterday…which I found really awkward. If that happened, I’m certainly sure, that across town, ‘Firmonnell’ was doing the same. We really do get ‘hormonally emotional’, around the same time.
Being a girl rocks.
Anyway, things are really busy in Wunna Land right now. My April is slammed. And like I said, I’m being a shitty ‘be there,’ friend, as one minute i’m here, the next minute i’m there…
It’s a train ride to London, a flight through to Spain, a school run check in, 3 meetings back in Leeds, whilst loving and adoring the kids, yet making an event here, not being late for an event there, learning lines for an audition on Skype, but showing up for an audition in person…sitting through a conference call…emailing back a tv company…and then getting through twenty five shoots…. in two days and a half days.
I wouldn’t have it an other way though. I feel really lucky right now. Not just lucky as in ‘blessed.’ Lucky as in ‘i’m rolling that dice and winning it baby.’
I’m sort of in the very early stages of what I like to call the COMEBACK ‘MAGIC.’ But for the first time….
I can actually FEEL IT…..
AND THAT *MAGIC* IS WHAT I WANT TO PASS ON.
I mean, you might think the above ‘busy’ paragraph is a nightmare. It can be. But to me, it’s perfect. It’s all I ever wanted to do, all I ever loved as a career and the one thing that keeps me balanced.
Keeps me alive. I get an incredible buzz off from it all.
People choose their own paths and I guess, I just didn’t want to be sat on my arse, in an office all day, for hardly any money, doing everything that I HAD to do, behind a pleasant fake smile, yet nothing that I WANTED to do…and as the yeeeeeears pass me bbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Time really does fly. Do not forget that!
To some people the ‘office, years pass me by‘ is their ‘awesome,‘ it’s ‘gangsta,‘ it’s a reason to crack open the champagne. And that’s great, because we all have different stories to celebrate.
To me…it’s DULL. I mean, I’d rather feed goats for 92 hours…and I hate farmyard animals, after once being head butted by a Billy Goat Gruff. Lol. 😉 I remember being so cross because it made me drop my Solero.
Don’t fuck with a Yorkshire Girls Ice Cream!
Anyway, I’m glad the sun’s out because i’m at an event this evening, in Leeds. It’s at the ‘Weaves & Waves‘ hair salon, on George Street, as they catwalk out their new line of wigs.
I love the local city events, in salons, or boutique stores. I think they’re kinda cool, because they’re usually all canapes and prosecco pours… over pleasantries….You’ll scan the room and it will be filled with popular city faces and littered with reality tv personalities, all taking selfies with one another and creating insta stories for kicks.
I love it. 😉
And out of everyone, I have THE BEST job, because I get to show up…do the Reality TV/ Modelly ‘ting’…But at the same time, get to scan, chat and absorb everything going down, for a BLOG.
So i’ll either zone in on one person…or do a little bit of everything. It depends on what happens really? But that’s the exciting part of the job….because you just never know…..until it’s actually happening to you. be It good for bad. Lol
BUT THE SUN IS OUT…WHICH ALWAYS MEANS RECEPTION DRINKS, FLIRTS AND REALLY GOOD TIMES.
No matter what, I’ll have a blast! Well…if my shirt dries. I forgot to wash it, so i’ve had to plonk it in this morning and dry it on a radiator. 🙂 (So glamourous.)
And i’m not going all ‘see through’ dressy. I’m doing a blue & white boobied, pinstripe shirt.. demin booty shorts and heels.
Bit of boob. Bit of leg. Suns totally out.
Knowing Yorkshire, the air’ll probably smell like barbeques. Lol. One bit of sun and everyone rocks down to Morrisons for bargain meat and cans of ale.
I think i’m getting my face done…and then Pitstop Rentals, the best chauffeuring service ever, will be picking me up and driving me to the event!
Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!
Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’
‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.
Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’
But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.
The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…
🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.
Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.
I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)
It took 3 minutes.
It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???)
Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)
But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.
Rebel me this. Rebel me that!
I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)
We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…
Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’
Big A: ‘WTF!’
Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’
Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’
Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’
Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’
Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’
Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’
Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’
He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING?
Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )
Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’
(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )
Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’
I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day. I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.
I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..
‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’
And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….
[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]
Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.
I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.
It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…
‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)
Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’
Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’
I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…
Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’
It tastes like vodka.
Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.)
I’m feeling amazing today! I’m back on work mode and it feels good. It feels ‘OOoh Laaa.’ Yet, because i’m an old bird, I was quite terribly knackered yesterday, after being blessed with a really EARLY work wake up call. So, I just chilled and enjoyed family time, after a bit of picture taking and a rather important meeting. But I couldn’t keep my little kitten eyes open. I kept nodding off, like a granny, then shocking myself up. Lol. Only a Desperado could help me. 😉 (Any excuse, I know.!!! In case you DIDN’T KNOW A Desperado, is my favourite ‘slum it and chill’ go to drink.)
I’m in an updo today, and it’s great because it’s making me look like i’ve had botox.
Chick friend: ‘You’ve properly stepped up your game Wunna! Your holiday pics and this whole Wunna Land blah, blah, is on fucking FIRE! You need a hose down.’
Me: ‘I’m getting there. I’m a long way off yet. But cheers, Baby boo. Hose down? Sounds rude. I think i’ll just have a 9am wine.’
Anyway, last night, I popped into a ‘Go Local’ in Ackworth to grab the Desperado and two ginger beers. (Love it there.) I’m craving ginger beers at the moment. And I just love them because they remind me of my childhood. My dad and I would drink them and dance around to UB40 songs. A moment filled with love. 🙂 I get my drinking habits and my creative talent from my Pops. I don’t think he had a ginger beer though? His moves were too good. 🙂
Walked in. Saw the back of a guy, who looked moderately attractive. I only saw his back and his gym bum. But he had a Essex accent and was bantering out loud to the two middle aged ladies behind the counter. When he left, I slowly walked up an isle with a smile on my face…
Me: ‘Look at the state of you two! You’re beaming! Calm yourselves down! Hahaha!’
Lady: ‘Here you! Lol. Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t see a good thing, when it’s in front of us!’
Me: ‘You look love struck. Lol. I’ve never seen you so happy!’
Lady: ‘He’s moving down here….’
Me: ‘What? With his beautiful wife & kids? Haha.’
Lady: ‘Well SHE (points at the other cashier) definitely knows how to pull’em. She was stood there, chatting to the hottie, eating a bloody Shepherds pie! Hahaha!’
Me: ‘HAHAHAH. You couldn’t even BE any more northern if you tried.’
I mean, what is life without a bit of gravy on ya face, eh!
Anyway, the reason why i wanted to blog about that moment, was simply because it made my heart warm. It was so innocent and flirty and showed me that no matter how old, how young, sassy, quiet, how rich, poor, small or tall….a lady is..? She STILL always has that giggly little ‘playground’ girl inside of her… when it comes to boys.
It was such a cute moment. Glad, I destroyed it with by sick witty banter…and a ginger beer in my hand. 😉
Then I checked through the magazines,and papers, to see who had made all the covers.
Anyway, everything’s great! I’m really busy. The kids are back at school and i’m gonna miss having them around me all the time.
Being a ‘lone parent’ and raising them by myself, and having to work SO hard to give them a great great life, has always meant that I haven’t really ever had the option of just chilling. Y’know, what I mean, I never could just stay at home with them, mummy them, make teas, etc etc…. I never even managed to do that when I was wife…and that was ANY of the times, I was a wife. Lol. My life has just never given me that apple to munch on…However, it’s been wonderful.
I managed it all with happiness and I managed to be a NORMAL mum over their Easter holidays from school…(Well as normal as Wunna Land gets, because I did audition a lot and then fly to Spain and do days and days of pap shots.) Bottom line, I love being with them and the cheeky little ‘Coconuts’ (which is what I call them) love it MADLY.
I sort of fantasize about times like that. I’m gonna miss them heading back to school…for about an hour. 😉 I’ll just swish back into work mode then and probably do it in stilettos.
I’m trying to tell you what’s going on work wise right now, but I because there’s just so so much, going on. I have auditions zooming out my ear holes, a bunch of modeling gigs, i’ve had to turn down another trip to Spain, due to being ‘booked out,’ and turn down a show, because I didn’t think It was the right fit for me. It’s not something that I thought i’d enjoy….and I didn’t think i’d make much impact on a show of that sort. Well…no, i’d make impact, but not benefit from it AND…It involved a lot more of Wunna land than just me.
So I just said no.
But regardless, I’m back on the telly shortly (I again, can’t tell you anything about it yet) and I’m unfortunately eating everything in sight….when i’m meant to be on a Herbalife plan.
I’m blaming it on the ‘You only life once’ line, because I have to blame it on something, right? But if i’m honest, I kinda feel sexy anyway, whether I have a shake OR a burger in my hand…and I think that’s what confidence and VA VOOM IS!
‘Shaking‘ was and IS great because it kinda made me realize that I’m happy anyway…. Plus, I did lose weight for my Spanish snaps, which helped me out tremendously. So, I’ll be back ‘shaking’ shortly. yet because my schedule is about to get tighter and when you’re on the go, it’s absolutely brilliant.
No Faff. Easy Going. Just the way I like things.
I think i might have a wine to celebrate!
I also think, it must nearly be my ‘time of the month’ soon, because I’m going through THAT week, where in which EVERYTHING annoys me. Lol. (You’ll only get it, if you’re a girl.) People are really annoying me right now and i’m being much sharper, much sassier…much more uncensored. 🙂 I seem to have put down my ‘rosie tinteds’ for a decent set of RAGING hormones.
I’m quite ‘tell it how it is‘ ..of course with charm…by nature. If people can’t take a bit of banter or the odd home truth, then they’re not yet comfy in their own skin. Right now, i’m finding everyone quite…….What’s the word??
I keep reading people’s posts and listening to conversations and thinking…
WHY BE SO DULLSVILLE? WAKE UP. ENJOY LIFE.
And the thing about ‘The Dull’ ones, is that they’re ALWAYS the first humans, to get theirslow moving, ‘JUDGEY *never pointed at fun* FINGERS‘ out…. They’re all..
‘I’m too good for this./I’m too good for that./I would never this…I cannot believe that…/I am the most boring, unexciting human in the entire flipping land. Let’s buy tins of magnolia paint and just watch it dry upon already magnolia walls.’
Lighten up. Chill out. You don’t have to be wild. You just have to switch the beige mindset, for a better one that’s swirled in LIFE, COLOUR…OR EVEN JUST RUM?
YOU BORING SODS. (Can you tell i’m hormonal? Lol)
I love being a girl. We’re bonkers. Staying sane, is our official life goal.
My news feed got so frustrating that I started looking at all the ‘festival fever‘ because it’s everywhere, isn’t it. It’s all gone ‘Coachella mad!
Now, Coachella.. at least looks fun. It looks sunny and alive. I just NOT a BRITISH festival kinda girl. I’m not one to want to camp in a tent, wee in a plastic cup and refrain from showering for days… in the name of anything. I’m a glamour puss. And i’m not really bothered about having Unicorn hair, rainbow glitter on my face and adorning my arm with endless wristbands, that aren’t made of diamonds. 🙂
I’m a kitten, who enjoys a ‘cocktail and a wink,‘ and yes I can slum it. I love to chill more than anything. I mean, chilling is my favourite thing. If you have ever dated me, ever…you will know that about me.
I’m too old to ‘festival’ or camp about.
I mean, Glamping in the forest , in my giant mansion of a cabin was about as far as my camping skills go…and even that had to include a massage, a hot tub, room service and the option of an ‘in house’ chef. 😉
My chick friend even once stated that..
‘Camping to Chrissie, is like staying in the worst room in some Five Star Hotel.’
I love that! I’m not a dick. I just don’t like things to be a struggle during my down time. I work really hard, even though it may not look that way. I work really REALLY hard. ALL THE TIME. My work ethic is incredible. I’m fun but i’m professional and most successful people are, I reckon? I simply play it like it’s all a jiggle and a winkl…because that’s what my job needs to look like…
I just prefer calm, easy going peace, or quiet luxury…that comes ready made with love..Festivals are a Wunna Land ‘no go.’ None of this waiting in line for a shower… in a tented field, filled with ‘drama’ boys, and girls with Unicorn hair because i’ve paid extra pences and booked ‘Vanity.’
So, yeah, I enjoy fun. But a festival is just not my cuppa…gin.
I don’t have anything else to say….I’m off to meet ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Mag later I think….
I don’t even know what’s happening right now? I’m literally the luckiest little tinker in all of the world. I’m jammy. I’m a shit. But i’m really enjoying my little version of life and mainly because right now, I’m doing everything I love, everything I WANT to do and now no longer HAVING to do.
You’ll already also know, (because I shoved it all over my ‘socials,’ that I found part of my Spanish get away in the foreign press a few days ago…which made me smile. I shot a lot, so to see me headline, a little something, in a different land, made all the picture taking worthwhile.
I like making foreign press, as with the blog being read all over the world, (which i’m grateful for)…I’m gonna be honest, all press or ‘look at me‘ around the globe… is pretty helpful. Having the blog is great for spreading Wunna Land news around the world…as is being a model….You travel a lot.
It honestly helps a great deal. The phone starts ringing so much, you start making up a dance routine to your ring tone….
I had a WUNNAFUL Thursday…Well….I think it was Thursday? Whatever day it was last week….We’re gonna fly with Thursday….
WUNNA LAND WENT MENTAL.
It was sort of good news, after good news, after great news phone calls, after really fucking phenomenal emails. Lol. Everything, I had been worrying about, turned out roses. Everything that I didn’t even know would happen…ended up being presented to me as a lucky opportunity….and being the high strung executive that I am.. ;)….I simply did what any professional would do…and that was…
JUMP UP AND DOWN MADLY ON A STOOL, IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIVING ROOM, SCREAMING WEIRD SHIT LIKE *YIPPPEEE* & *WOO* AS I LET THAT RUSH OF A WUNNA LAND BUZZ RADIATE FROM ME.
I was so giddy I could’ve giggled up martini’s and done *can can* kicks in a conga line..(and I hate conga lines, I always feel that they degrade people. Lol) You lose ALL SWIGEDDY SWAG in a conga line, just so you know. And it’s actually not the fun jiggly part, that makes you look like a lunatic It’s the part where in which the line…. drizzles off, into nothingness and no one knows what to do, other than look lost and act like it never even happened?? It’s a similar awkwardness to that of a dodgy one night stand.
It’s that part that solidifies it’s stamp of utter degradation. 🙂
But yeah, I don’t even know what’s going on? I’m just riding the beginners wave and enjoying it with love, my fingers crossed and excitement! And the reason why i’m so happy about the weird consecutive ‘good news’ thing, is because my life NEVER pans out this way. I USUALLY have TO FIGHT for a ‘good news’ result.
Now, it’s served up to me, with cocktail umbrellas and nipple tassles on. I can’t really believe? It’s weird because in life, I do feel as though i’ve done well. I’ve achieved. And my dreams have come true.
Yet, i kinda set all these other goals and dreams, each time I accomplish a ‘tick box’
Friend: ‘You’re actually going to do it Wunna!!!’
…and right now, it’s crazy, because it feels like i’m doing it again? And because i’ve worked so hard for it…It feels doubley great! You just feel so much more satisfied. I can’t even believe it. My life is changing again!
I feel like the luckiest girl alive…
..in work… 🙂 because we always know that my love life pretty much insists on being disobedient, as it refuses to dance up a happy ending. Well, not the right kind of ‘happy ending.’ 🙂
(Sorry, i’m having a giggle to myself, because the last time someone, well lets say ‘happy endinged‘ on my back, or was it on my bum? I couldn’t see, I don’t know? Lol….The sentence they said, immediately after, as they did the loving tissue ‘wipe up’ was…)
‘HOW YOU DOIN’
Yes…in a ‘Joey‘ from ‘Friends‘ voice. Love it! Hilarious! (You know who you are! Lol) I actually messaged them yesterday to ‘check in‘ and see how Saturday had been to them? I think I annoy this human. But i’m rubbish via text. I always sound like a twat. At least in real life, I can charm the ‘swiney‘ bits away with boobs and eyelash flutters.
I had so much to tell you, but i’ve got completely distracted by ‘Happy endings.’
I’ll skim it.
So…This Wednesday, I’m at an event in Leeds, it’s the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event with Emma from ‘Love Island’ and I can’t wait simply because I love a good hair piece, so I’m excited to see what’s in store.
My best chick friend ‘Firmonnell’ has exceeded herself. I love her. She’s been drinking prosecco in caravans, to step digging with her mum at Motown nights. She’s felt rough, then after 30 minutes, found that she’s completely and utterly fine again..
Firmonnell: ‘What a different a wash and 30 minutes makes!’
Me: ‘Wow, you sound like a scruff bag.’
Her life seems delicious right now and i’m happy that she’s getting a good old swing in her step…Even if it drowns in prosecco pours. You know you have a bestie when they HAVE TO TELL you, how much you they adore you at 2am. That’s true love. I mean when I was in Spain….I recieved a message that read…
Firmonnell: ‘Are you back yet! I don’t like it when you’re out of the country!’
Me: ‘Don’t bother, i’m not in the mood to be missing you right now. I’m headed to the airport. You could’ve come.’
Firmonnell: ‘That’s cool. Swag it out. Oh and CHEERS! Are you a dick? You can’t invite someone to something, WHEN IT’S ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED!’
Hahaha. I love her. I love our mad 2am messages, even though our phones refuse to type ‘fucking’ and always ‘predictive text’ out the word ‘ducking’ instead. It’s sooo annoying!
WE DON’T EVEN LIKE DUCKS! It’s so annoying!!
But it’s not just girls and 2am prosecco messages, It’s the same with boys also….
Get ready for this true fact….
IF A GIRL IS NOT DRUNK TEXTING YOU….YOU’RE DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE MATE. 🙂
AND THAT IS THE HONEST TRUTH! LOL.
Am i going to get away with wearing flip flops today? Cheap ones, with weird pretend flowers on? Lol
I’m hating on my wonky bottom tooth today. I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it is! I’m trying not to be vain. But I am. I hate it. I want it fixed. It’s ruining my banter. You can’t banter with a buck tooth. I want veneers like ‘Big Brother’ Simone….Her teeth were brilliant! Yet, instead i’m probably going to end up ‘influencing’ something that will lead me to straighter teeth.
Right, i’m done for now. I’m having a chill day with my Mum.
Have a great Sunday! Sundays are always my favourite!
(Pete, Ruby’s Dad is here to pick her up now for the day. It’s strange because Pete and I co parent really well. He’s sweet. We get on superbly. Yet, whenever he comes over for pick ups now, I always feel like he tries to linger, or come in the house, or see me…and i’m always in my own world, when I have down time…I like to withdraw from the pleasantries…So just to wind him up, I disappear and let my mum walk her out, or have Ruby greet him by herself. Lol I’m literally nowhere to be found! 🙂 Haha. I’ve even just heard him say ‘Is our mum in? Can I come in?’ Lol.)
So, I was on my flight back. I flew Ryanair on the way home. I’d passed some Spanish football team en route at Alicante airport, one of them accidentally knocked into me, (which didn’t really bother me…I mean…it’s life, worse things can happen. ) Anyway, he decided to apologize repeatedly and sincerely…which was really well mannered. Then chat to me….in Spanish? But by this point… I was knackered…and I’d be watching a family of 4, with a really bossy/strict mum control her entire family for a good 20 minutes, as I had a wine and waited for my flight.
I was done.
But I do want to say that the STAFF at Alicante Airport were DIVINE TO ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! SO SO MUCH! You couldn’t have been more lovelier!
Flight’s home are wonderful, because no one enjoys waiting around, twiddling thumbs…when they’ve run out of Euros, at airports. Nothing could be more boring. And i’m creative! 🙂 Fights…Fights? I mean Flights….Lol. Flights home are MUCH MORE tedious than flights TO places…as you’re literally just shattered, instead of being filled with excitement. You go on ‘GET ME HOME’ mode…
There was a point, where I just looked up at the blond, scrunchied (they always wear scrunchies,) trolley girl, with sorrow in my eyes, the biggest hair ever and…tits…..:) with two handfuls of change and a pink tshirt that read..
‘YOU DO YOU, BOO’
I was too knackered to converse in any jolly fashion, but i tried to smile, which may have looked like a *wince* and I tried to put on my posh girly voice, that may have sounded like CRUELLA DE VILLE. (Don’t care if i’ve spelt that wrong.) My left had was filled with Euro’s…ALL IN COINS and my right hand was filled with British coins….
‘Hi. I just don’t want to break into any of my notes… I need to use up all this change, especially Euros…Can you pick me out stuff, ANY STUFF….that includes wine and crisps….so I can spend it all?’
Trolley Dolly: ‘Yeah, absolutely. If you want I can mix up the the change for you, so you can pay for it all with both currencies, as one whole payment.’
ISN’T SHE JUST BLISS!
‘YES, I love you. Please, do that! Thank you so much. Lol.’
She winked at me…I almost became part of the Mile High Club. Lol
And with a wiggle and a giggle….the poor girl stood there merrily and did a whole bunch of MATHS(my worst absolute subject…Actually what am I on about..‘love life‘ is my worst subject. Makes my maths look Einsteiny.) She stood, on the plane, in her scrunchie, with her name badge, as we flew through the clouds, calculating and adding for me….because I couldn’t be arsed to. That’s service! Lol. She counted change out of my hand and began passing me bits off the trolley.
LOTS OF BITS. More bits that i needed. But I couldn’t be more grateful.
After wine, we were home in a jiffy.Landed. Sorted. The gent next to me, told me to..
‘Watch that old mans head…’
As I almost flung my carry bag about like I was Beyonce, because I couldn’t reach it out of those top units. I love the Leeds flight home…It get’s really REAL and really Yorkshire.
Then as I stepped back into Leeds Bradford airport, did all the queues…shimmied through border control….shattered…but listening to two boys infront of me, rambling on about the chicks they’re apparently about to ‘sex up’ with their really little willies.
One of the Random Boys: ‘You…Where you off? You taking me, cos…?’
Me: ‘As if you’ve been on holiday and not managed to get a tan?’
I love butting in on people’s sentences when they’re trying to be ‘swaggy,’ changing the subject and leading it. 😉 You wanna play ‘swag,’ let’s play?
Boy: ‘I was out partying all night. I partied hard, y’know, I slept through the day, all day… I got businesses and shit… So, where you taking me?’
(He said it to me, like I had never ever seen a nightlife in my entire life. 😉 )
Me: ‘I worked the whole time I was there. I shot. I’m a model. I’ve only been in Spain for 2 days.’
Boy: ‘My ex girlfriend’s a model…and..’
Me: ‘What’s her name?’
Boy: ‘You won’t know her… She done lots…She’s been to London and everything.. What stuff have you done?’
And at that point, I couldn’t be arsed anymore. I just got bored. Plus, there’s a time and a place for the answer to that question…and that’s when i’m at work, a casting, an audition, an interview..or if i’m getting to knoew someone personally, who I hope to be with forever. They’re the only times I EVER have to reel out a verbal CV. Not at BORDER CONTROL, in a ‘You do you, Boo’tshirt. I’D JUST GOT OFF A PLANE FROM WORK. I WAS SHATTERED. I didn’t want to chat ‘my life story.’
Luckily, his friend deliberately distracted him…and I clicked both their phones onto CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 🙂
ALL THE PROMO. Lol. No shame in my game.
When I’m tired, I’m really quiet and I’d rather just have people go to the blog and read up about me, because i’m just really shit, during those times.
Hahahah! Shit! And A SHIT!
When I’m not tired. I’m the exact opposite and you cannot shut me UP! I BUBBLE OVER WITH A CHAMPAGNE GIDDINESS.
Finally got through all the checks and was strutting my way out of Leeds/Bradford (again, the staff there couldn’t have been greater to me. Thank You. Service has been excellent everywhere I’ve been recently?)
I looked down at my phone…
Pitstop Rentals: ‘I’ll be in the carpark in five minutes.’
Then during my plane journey, I’d been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ a lot. Maybe because I was tired and when you are you think of ‘wanting comfort.’ You miss people…
Me: ‘Hope game day went well babe! I’ve just got off the plane in Leeds. x’
The Swirl: ‘How was ur trip? xx’
Me: ‘Good. Just shattered. I just worked. How was footy?x’
Swirl: ‘We got beat…I got sent off. U doing much tonite? x’
Me: ‘Comfies, relaxing and wine. You? Bet you’re shattered?’
Swirl: ‘Yeah, I am. Nice chilled nite for me tonite too.’
Then I strutted up with my luggage on wheels to the ‘pick up’ stop…A few people were about, chatting to me, waiting around for their mums etc… and a Pregnant girl asked me if I had a lighter!!!!!! (We’re definitely back in Leeds.)
I looked to my right and my driver PITSTOP RENTALS (which is THE BEST chauffeuring service, int he world ever,) was edging up to the curb, in the Range Rover…for pick up.
THANK GOD!!! The car rocked up with a vibe. A hero vibe that saved my soul.
Within seconds, my driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed my bags off me, ignored the folk who were glaring, got me in the car and with the biggest smile and the most STYLISH ATTIRE….SWOOPED me out of Leeds/Bradford airport! It took seconds.
Pitstop Driver: ‘How was it? How did your shoots go?’
Me: ‘It was literally amazing. I don’t think i’ve ever worked as hard though. I can’t even believe I was just there for 2 days for work. I’m SHATTERED.’
Pitstop: ‘You’re soooo lucky.’
(He always reminds me that I’m lucky when he drives me. And it’s always the people who pass you safely from one destination to another, that have the quiet moments with you…away from ‘the show’ of it all and they remind you that you’re doing great, doing okay and that you’re super dooper lucky.)
Me: ‘ I look terrible. I look like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards and run over. I’m so tired’
Pitstop: ‘Well I know you’re hungry…You’ve worked hard. If anything you need to feel cared for and pampered right now. You need to be looked after! Hahah. Why don’t we stop off at the big fish & chip restaurant near the airport…and get something to eat and chill or bit.
Me: ‘PERFECT IDEA! LETS GO. I NEED FOOD, WINE AND A CHILL..’
Within minutes, we had swung through the restaurant door. I’m stood there directly off my Spanish flight, with my driver…and for the next hour we just sat (he moved us to a booth, cos our other table was wibbly lol) and we enjoyed a mixture of starters, hearty fish and chip dinners, puddings, wines, coffees and banter.’
We chatted about his life and his work.He kept getting calls from ‘the office’ stating that the Lamborghini had a nail stuck in the wheel. Lol. First World Problems!
I chatted about all that I had done in Spain. He gave me pointers. Stuff, I already knew…but needed to hear. I talked about Simone. For some reason we started talking about ‘One Direction?’ (..because his best friend is Zayn Maliks uncle or something?)
Then after I did a bunch of wine…which sucks if you’re a driver. (He’s also a good friend now.) He drove a very knackered Glamour Puss, back to her digs….on time and with the finest manner.
I STRUTTED UP TO THE DOOR SLOOOOOWLY, CREPT UP THE STAIRS…
AND SURPRISED RUBY AND JUNIOR, (WHO HAD MY FAMILY LOOKING AFTER THEM…)
And with the most excited *SCREECHES,* LAUGHTER, *RUNNING LEAP,* MUMMY CUDDLES and a moment of the most excited madness….Life just made sense again!
Those moments make everything worth it! If you’re a parent…then you get it. You get what i’m saying. I’m working my entire arse off right now and i’m all over the country, all of the time. Yet the most amazing and most fulfilling burst of true love and satisfaction comes, when you walk into the room and their world LIGHTS UP!
Makes my heart BEAM! The moments that matter…I really felt appreciated and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.
Ruby: Mum! Grandma said, a Babarrazi, is it Baba or Papa…was taking pictures of you looking sexy!?!’
Two and a Half hours later, I shimmie onto Spanish soil, feeling sort of relieved, filled with excitement…and maybe a plane wine? I did random selfies at the request of a hen do and a happy ‘flying solo’ dude, who had no clue why they were requesting selfies, but didn’t want to miss out on the action…or boobs?
I met up with a new friend of mine.. Simone. Last year she spent part of her Summer trapped in the flipping ‘Big Brother’house and well she caused a bit of a stinker. (And she farted on the plane journey to Spain, yet pretended to be asleep so no one thought it was her. She couldn’t even TELL me the story without pissing herself.)
To me, she’s ace. She’s one hell of a fun loving, GEORDIE. She’s wild without punctuation and we’ve walked really DIFFERENT life paths…
‘I literally grew up on the roughest estate, Chrissie! My life has been hard! Me Mam’s….***&*(*&$. Me Dad’s *&)(*££”$*** But y’know what, I’m grateful that I’m here…and doing well. But I can’t spell for shit.’
‘I love that. You crack me up. You’re gorgeous. I have Doctor parents, tinkered through private school, grew up in Hollywood, then lived with Paris Hilton, after a modeling career. It’s hilarious.’
Her soul is quite kitten soft. She’s like a child, she’s gentle. She has a heart of gold and I love her for it. BUT SHE’S MAD! MY exterior SEEMS child like, but I’m all grown up on the inside. I’m like the responsible one. Yet, no matter what, life brought us together and weirdly…set us in the exact same place…We ended up in the exact same position…at the exact same time…
WE GET ALONG REALLY REALLY WELL! Teamed up! We are the BEST BALANCE of FUN! It’s like a Northern tornado…But not lame….I’ll just ‘Chanel’ your ass with ‘slay’ wit, if you annoy me and she’ll just be really patient..before she slaps you. Lol.
We got straight to the apartment, which had the most beautiful surrounding views. We were so lucky. Our pad was AMAZING and we were dripped in sunshine. We could see over sandy beaches…from our glossy Spanish heights. It was A DREAM. I couldn’t believe that I’d woken up at 4am in Leeds and hours later blinked myself to Spain.
We kinda couldn’t check in for around 20 minutes though. So in that time, as I looked over views….that let me spy oldies on a NUDIST BEACH. It’s always the oldies that love a skinny dip, innit! 😉
Simone, stripped off STARK NAKED, in the middle of glass walls, got changed, whopped on some tunes, selfied, happy danced, then decided to dance on coffee tables. Lol. She was the Happiest Geordie IN ALL OF THE LAND. Then I moaned because my wifi wasn’t working….I hate no wifi…and i’m a DIVA. 🙂
Me: ‘How the fuck can you post everything and my Snapchat won’t even work!’
Simone: ‘Take a selfie of me in this fucking MINT light!’
(Say the above in your best Geordie accent.)
An hour later and we were both in bikini, poolside, greeting Scottish people and dying for a wine.
Me: ‘I need a drink me…’
Simone: ‘Well i’ve put 20 euro in my bag.’
After messing around by the pool. (We had so much fun. We’re cheeky!) Twin shower blitzing, pool splashing with winks, sun bathing with our sexy bits out, selfie taking, banter, binter…All things ‘GIRLS…’ All things LIFE….Anyway, we then figured we’dhead down to the beach.
We didn’t think to put any clothes on though? (We’re both naturally exhibitionists.) Like I don’t care one bit, if i have a boob out, or a nip slip. I’m immune to it. She’s pretty much the same. She could only have a fig leaf on her crotch and not notice. I love that about her, because it’s awkward for me if others are all ‘ooh, not my body’ this….or ‘oooh, not my body’ that…because i’m so, naturally, ‘Yay, everything nudie.’
We walk down to the beach…in our bikinis. I’m in the cheetah, two piece by Pretty Little Thing. We’re Insta Storying, so people are staring at us, as we pass. We’re not good at doing anything quietly, or away from oncoming traffic. Yet, we’re not deliberately ‘LOOK AT ME’ loud, we’re far too busy being caught up, in our own giant bubble.
A war could’ve started and we wouldn’t have even noticed…We’d still be selfie taking. Is this why I’m not married? Lol.
When we finally find our sandy little spot. We start talking life, we played in the sea….We basically just chilled and had the most fun EVER. And even though the beach was packed. It felt like there was no one, but us there! We notice anything else. It was blissful. Every single second, we couldn’t stop repeating how lucky we were! It felt like the ‘getaway’ of all ‘getaways.’
We enjoyed the sun. We settled…and then as we laid down towels to sunbathe….out popped Aaron...(Aaron is Britian’s Youngest Pap.) He has shot some of the UK’s biggest celebs via *papping,* for the national press.) We both know him really well, as he’s photographed us BOTH, at some point.. separately. In fact, he *papped* my last night out with Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) in Blackpool and to be honest, he’s actually become a really good friend now.
I have every respect for an 18 year old boy, working his arse off for a buck, a living and to make something for himself, in the future. I find it honourable. He’s doing better than some actual grown ups! Lol.
Anyway, from that point of ‘towel sunbathing,’ which was around 3pm…..on our very first day in Spain…to around 4pm… 2 days later….
…Our ENTIRE SPANISH HOLIDAY WAS *PAPPED.*
The whole thing, from beginning to end. From nine o clock in the morning, to six o clock at night..every day.
And to be honest, we’re natural show offs. We adore Aaron, so it didn’t really bother us one bit. In fact, I felt honoured. They don’t waste their time, if they don’t think they may have a shot that’s worth something? It kinda made me feel a bit special. And everyone loves feeling a bit special, don’t they. It’s the simple things.
But yeah, it was fun. It turned up the holiday heat. It made our time even more exciting. And I love excitement. I love adventure. I love a laugh. It made it that more playful. We were a really great team!
I will say that there WAS a point, where we DID have to LEAVE the beach, because all these crowds had now bundled around us, a guy who did videos for the Spanish press had sauntered up to film us, on his phone and Whitby stag do’s had decided to sit on the wall and cheer at tits. And then an angry Spanish woman started screaming at Aaron and scowling at the fact that Simone had a bit of a boob out!
ARE YOU KIDDING! He properly stood his own though!
Me: ‘Shall we go get a drink?’ (Diffuses the drama.)
Simone: ‘Yeah, lets go…’
So, like the coolest douches in town, knowing that we had caused a commotion, we popped on our ‘sunnies’ and strutted like ‘we gave zero fucks ‘ Lol…to the nearest bar that sold cocktails.
We took Aaron with us for a drink and a chill…I mean, we couldn’t leave him there to get bollocked by the Crazy Spanish Lady. Plus, he needed a chill, he’d worked hard. However, he did state that he wouldn’t mind if inflatables or balls, were accidentally kicked in the Angry Spanish Ladies way…. 🙂 Or was it face? 😉
Simone ordered a Pina Colada…and I ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. Your first drink of the day, has to be as strong as… a bull’s knackers. I do Pina’s when i’m bored or need to sober up. She loves them because they’re girly.
THEN WE BOTH GOT BOLLOCKED AGAIN…LOL.
Everybody just decided to turn on us, because we were in bikinis??
Waitress: ‘Can you wear clothes please??’
Simone: ‘We’re IN CLOTHES..!!!!’
Me: ‘How is us in a bikini ANY DIFFERENT TO THEM IN SWIMMING SHORTS!!!!’
So we had to sit with towels wrapped around us…which in my mind looked more risque. It looked like we’d just had a kinky bath. Simone refused to ‘towel wrap..‘ so she got bollocked again Lol…But this time, by the owner…who had a flipping MOP in his hand. Lol.
( I only find that funny, because he ruined our Spanish dreams. You can’t bollock people holding a mop, because you can’t be taken seriously. We’re meant to be in Spain, bollock us in a like a hardcore Latino. I was once married to a Latin man, he came with a temper, not a whiff of floor cleaner.)
Anyway, I got away with my towel wrap, because I did that ‘swweeeeet little girl voice,‘ thang, that I do. It’s all posh, gentle, apologetic and filled with charm.
Simone did the Geordie…‘Hard as nails’thing. Lol.
The rest of the holiday was great. I can’t really tell you to much about it, but I will as time goes along. We spent loads of time with Aaron, who was nothing but lovely to us….and after dinner that evening, we revisited out cocktail cravings together, by the beach and just told life tales.
It was bliss!
We walked about where life had taken us, dating, men…sex tapes, love, other people on tv shows…all sorts. We talked about how tough we had found relationships at times and how we sometime think that guys don’t like it when they’re partner tries to become or even so, ends up becoming a success, because it makes them feel insecure.
Is that true? I know it’s true with some guys. I know that for sure. I’ve experienced that. Yet, I reckon, no matter where you are in the worl, no matter what walk of life you tinker, your soulmate, your ideal match, with adore you madly, support you sincerely and stand by you through thick and thin, as he protects his wife, family with the heart of a lion.
Simone: ‘Let me sip it! That wine’s strong!’
Me: ‘I like strong. I’m not spending money on a glass of cream with an umbrella jabbed in it.’
Aaron: ‘You girls are hilarious!’
Aaron became a bit of what I called a ‘Colada Expert.‘ He had enjoyed so many, over the evenings, that he ‘connoisseur ed‘ the flavours. He could win ‘blind folded Colada competition’ trophies.
Aaron: ‘I much prefer the Mango. It’s better! Are they real life nuns?’
We actually had a really wonderful evening of banter with Aaron, the evening before I left, by the beach, with wine…..It showed how close friends we’d all become over time.
And i’ll definitely say that even though, that was probably THEMOST PICTURES, THAT I HAVE EVER HAD, TAKEN OF ME IN THE SPACE OF 2 AND A HALF DAYS.…(and I grew up being a model, where my job was having my picture taken…) it was literally THE BEST TIME EVER! And i’m not joking, having your picture taken, pretty much 24/7, for 2 days straight… is not easy, as you think. It’s great. Always great! But without booze treats afterwards, you’d just be knackered. We were knackered.
All three of us enjoyed really peaceful times, sat by the beach, as palm trees swayed over us and day turned to night. That’s what life is about. We deserved it because we’d worked SO SO HARD.
I couldn’t have felt luckier. The air swirling around me, even felt lucky.
Aaron: ‘Let me try and snapchat them nuns.’
It was THE BEST TIME!
Fair enough there were dodgy moments, where you could find Simone in comfies, with me sat next to her…. in this giant double bed, with no face on, a nighty and with multi coloured rollers in my hair.
‘Why do we look like an awkward married couple??? It’s really funny because we both have our own lingo. You’re all Geordie and i’m all Yorkshire…and I don’t know how we understand each other, but we do!’
And there were times, when she kept repeating Spanish… at Spanish people….having no clue what she was saying, whilst being Spanish…which probably wasn’t the best Geordie plan! Lol.
Me: ‘Stop doing that! Cos we’ll get into a fight and then we’re gonna have to turn around land pretend that we’re ten men, when we’re not.’
Simone: Shut up!’
Long Spanish story short, our sneaky getaway, actually turned into immense and thorough, full time, millions of sets….’picture taking.’ But we loved. We felt lucky. I had the best time!
By Saturday April 7th….
….As I got into my taxi, to make my way back to the airport….after a quick sunshine wine.
( Before I left, I spent some time on my own….I always need that. I love that. It reminds me that i’m still independent and that the world is my oyster. It reminds me of what life is about. The decisions we make and how okay it is, to just BE, just LIVE….and not give a shit about what other’s think about you, if they judge.)
Some of us have hard lives. Some of us have easy lives. But what we have in common IS LIFE….and out story is the most important story we’ll ever experience….
Enjoy it! Any way you wish!
But like I was saying, Simone tinkered, back to the airport, as her flight to Newcastle was earlier than mine….(It was actually really sad when she left, because she’s a girl that leaves a giddy atmosphere when she leaves you. She does that on purpose, because she’s a people pleaser…She loves to make you happy and excited.)
I’m playful, honest….but sassy….I leave a diamond mist of warmth and excitement… I like to call it a ‘swag.’ (‘The Swirl’ actually says that there’s a ‘swag’ about me.)
Aaron stayed in Spain, to catch any other people, to maybe *pap* for the press. What a hustler. He works so hard for a 18 year old. I have great respect for him. He has the best job ever for a young boy! I’d do a few more coladas with him.
But like I said, as I stepped into MY taxi to travel back to the airport…As I did….I passed shoulders, with Survival of The Fittest ‘Georgie’ and Ex on the Beach‘Sophia,’ as they stepped out of theirs, to enjoy their own adventure.
Lucky Aaron, eh!
Within an hour, I found myself at Alicante Airport….waiting with a vino, at a wine bar… for my plane to Leeds/Bradford airport. This time I was super early….I wasn’t having the Security shit go down on me again!
I remember everyone being super nice at the airport, or glaring at me, because I looked weird. I was knackered. I’ll tell you that! I was exhausted. I kinda just let my body surrender. Lol.
Straight away my driver (Pitstop rentals) whatsapped me to make sure I knew that he was going to be there for pick up…and to reconfirm my flight times…
I must’ve been moaney because i remember just feeling shattered and stating that I needed 100 wines, food and just to feel pampered…
Half an hour later….I was boarding my flight….
Alicante to Leeds/Bradford Airport… I was shattered but life felt wonderful!
So on April 5th at exactly 4am, my alarm went off, my *wake up* call shimmied and I started getting ready, glamming up, sorting the last bits of packing, wishing that I had a morning mimosa and that was before I kissed the babies, whilst they were still asleep and dashed out the door, with only two pieces of hand luggage ( I always travel light, I’m not a ‘take the pope and the kitchen sink’ kinda gal.) My driver pulled up, greeted me like he was the perkiest, most stylish human ON EARTH to ever do 4am…and with a…
‘It’s lovely to meet you…Let me take your bags…’
I stepped into his ‘RS’ and we travelled to Leeds/Bradford airport, so I could get my pretty arse on that flight to Spain.
(I don’t know why i’m shouting ‘Wooohooo’ because I pretty much had a panic attack and got super nervous, the evening before for no real reason, other than being a girl. Yipppeee.)
So, for my airport runs, I used Pit Stop Rentals.(You can search them on INSTAGRAM.) They’re a prestigious, super car, chauffeuring company, who pretty much make sure you get to your destination stylishly, in good time and whilst catering that time to your needs.
I’m a service girl. You all know that from this blog. You can be 2 Star or 5 Star brand, if the service is poor….I’ll never use that company again…and I guess, it’s is scary territory for some, as they’re very aware that I write a blog. 🙂 But always great for me, because I mostly get treated deliciously. Lol
We chatted all the way to the airport, as the dawn turned to day. Clear roads. Easy run. Not traffic. Just bliss. I love travelling at that time. We laughed, We joked. He asked me about my career. Why I was headed to Spain? He gave me really good life tips! And it was great because he settled my nerves and not only made me feel really comfy, yet also kinda made me feel extra confident and somewhat powerful. I needed that.
So, i’ll give them MEGA POINTS for service. It was literally like an airport run with ya best friend AND therapy IN ONE…and you know what I’m like, I’ll chat to anyone, about anything….He did great to put up with my ‘extremely glammy’ 😉 shit.
As soon as we pulled up…my driver then let me take a gzillion selfies, and let me Snapchat and Insta story my entire journey t….as he turned up the tunes and enjoyed the show! Lol
Driver: ‘Make sure you get chair in! Aw! As if you accidentally deleted the best one.’
Me: ‘I know, I hit the wrong thing.. Are you going in it?’
Driver: ‘Nooo. I don’t have my sunglasses. I’ve been up since 4am.’
Me: ‘Yeah, but you don’t look like shit. You’re hot!’
By this time, everyone in the car park was glaring at us, so I made the executive decision to quit being a twat and just get myself into the airport. 🙂 There’s no shame in my game. I’m a ‘You only live once, so make your story worth it’piece of chicken. If you want to watch…WATCH. It’s only when you scowl and watch that makes me think you’re ‘judgey.’
Now, when i’m chatting service…My Pitstop Rentals Driver, not only grabbed my bags out the boot for me, BUT also carried them all the way into the airport, through the airport, (I had already ‘checked in online‘ with my Jet2.com app,) he helped me avoid the queues, by chatting to the Jet2 representatives for me, and then sat me down, in a cafe, (because I was super early for my fight ,) and BOUGHT ME a large coffee and a muffin! Lol.
Is that like the best service on EARTH or what???
Then we started just chatting in general about life. He aske me about my world, my love life, my job.
‘You’re the luckiest girl in the world. I would love to have woken up this moment, and be jetting off on a Spanish getaway for a couple days for… And to have had a career young, where you just casually moved to Hollywood to be a model… Lol.’
I asked HIM about his life and found out that he enjoys all things ‘bouji’ and that he DOESN’T TRAVEL LIGHT.
Me: ‘I always travel light, because I have non working arms and if I need to get away fast, I can. Lol’
Driver: ‘That’s a good idea… I don’t know why i’m agreeing, I DON’T actually ever travel light ever. I’m like a chick. I had a 2 night stay in a hotel, took everything in the world, filled a car, took 4 changes of shoes, my slippers, dressing gown, 2 tracksuits, 4 shirts… 3 pairs of jeans….Two wedding outfits….Lol’
It was like the GQ version of ‘The Hungry Caterpillar,’ the part where he just stuffs everything in his belly.
Yet, I enjoyed that could say the word ‘bouji’ and he totally got what I meant, without question, as sometimes people look at me like i’m speaking a whole different language. And I know when people are just pretending to understand what I’m saying to them. 😉 He wasn’t.
Time flew…and before you know it, we headed to Security, to get through the the Boarding gates. Just so I didn’t have to wait…he paid for me to FAST TRACK through , because the lines looked so horrific…and
OH MY GOD! IT WAS A GOO JOB HE THOUGHT OF THAT!
(At that point he left me to my own devices….as I scheduled in my return pick up…)
‘Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything. I’m back on Saturday at 7pm.’
‘It’s been a pleasure thank you. See you then!’
So, I fast track through to security…and from that point it all goes *TITS UP.*
I get to the security, plonk all my stuff in the trays…that goes through to be examined…
There’s things in my luggage that i’m not allowed to take on the plane, so that get’s put to one side, to be opened up and looked through.
I BLEEP at the ‘walk through,’ so I then have to wait to be patted down and mini searched.
By this time, it is now BUSY AS HELL! There’s what feels like a gzillon people, trying to rush through security.
It takes so so, because it’s so busy, that as my flight is boarding…I’m still at security WAITING FOR MY BAG TO BE OPENED UP AND LOOKED THROUGH.
I was there so long, that my gate was now no longer boarding, BUT CLOSING!!!
By this time, I’d won the support of the crowd, who were all rooting for me to get on this plane…and offering me all kinds of help…and letting me push in.
But no pushing in is allowed…as the have to do everything in order…
So, I did what any ‘Diva’ would do…I asked nicely….I asked nicely again, in the most politest manner.
‘I am so so sorry, as I know it’s not your fault, because it’s really busy and just you having to go through everything…But my gate is flashing *closing* and my bag hasn’t been checked through…’
There was nothing he could do…and to be honest, I got that…But I ‘Glamour Pussed’ him in the eye and he gave me a look like he wanted to help and needed to help…but wasn’t allowed to.
An middle aged couple almost ‘begged’ him to let my bag be searched ahead of their bad. But then the big grumpy boss came over and reiterated that ‘NO SPECIAL TREATMENT‘ was allowed…(which is true Lol…But if I can work it, I will.)
Grumpy but right Boss: ‘Do, not let her put her hands in her suitcase!!! It’s not allowed.’
So after I realized that….I did what any little ‘DIVA’ from the Orient would do (because I wasn’t gonna miss that flight and I wasn’t getting my own way.. )
I KICKED THE FUCK OFF! 🙂 HURRAH!
‘I have been WAITING HERE FOR HOURS! My gate had boarded and almost CLOSED IN THAT TIME. I’M GONNA MISS MY FLIGHT AND i KNOW YOU DON’T CARE, BUT THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!’
I kinda said it shouty…
And weirdly, it was my turn for my bag to be checked through…It got opened, sent back through the tunnel, came out the other end and then security even HELPED ME repack it as fast as he could….
I thanked everyone….and then
DASHED LIKE CRAZY TO MY CLOSING GATE.
I was in diamante heels and all the Duty Free lot where trying to spritz me with their latest scents as I flew by. Lol
‘I’ve godda go. I’m late for my flight.’
I finally get to Gate….Everyone has boarded. I smash through, out of breath, looking all sorry for myself…
He laughs, checks my boarding pass and passport…
‘Please just tell me i’ve made it..’
‘OOooooooh CLOSE!!! Get on love. You’re fine. You’re off to Spain!’
‘AH! I love you! Thank God for that!’
Last one on. The Jet2 staff couldn’t have been lovelier to me!
Happy Wednesday, my gorgeous whips of lick festival! That’s it. I’m on holiday mode. I’m feeling the chicas and shaking the maracas and booty grinding to my mirror image, to any ‘holiday memory’ song that will have me.
I’ve worked so so hard this year and in fact all of last year…I’ve worked so hard… I could die. I’ve jiggled and juggled and mummied and selfied. I’ve wiggled and waddled and written every piece of my life out for my own settle of mind and for your own delicious entertainment. There’s been great times, hard times…jollies and stress…Right now, I don’t care….Get me to Spain. I fly tomorrow morning.
I AM NOT IN PANTS. SAFETY LAST!
In fact, if i’m being honest, i’m currently sat up in bed blogging and feeling ridiculously IMPRESSED, with how WELL my tan has developed from last night. Yes, I know I’m Asian and already tanned. Yet, before a bit of ‘bikini’ and because i’m a bit of a Glamour Puss…
*Flashback* Guy: ‘Everyone wants a shot at the glamour puss.’
…I do like a quick fake over, to make my tan McJuicy. I used the Model Co, ‘One Hour Tan Mousse’…
and I’m always really skeptical about fake tans, because I always figure they’re just gonna wash completely off and not be dark enough for me. But i’ve woken up impressed. So GET ME TO SPAIN NOW.
I couldn’t sleep all night. I don’t know why? I’ve flown a lot, but I don’t like flying and airports stress me out. I was up at 4am stroking ‘Rocco’ my kitten (that sounds rude..it wasn’t that fun….that ‘stroke’ was yesterday 😉 ) and did what I normally do, when I can’t sleep and that is..
GOOGLE EVERYTHING. (Apart from myself. I hate doing that because all the pictures are really old and cringe.)
So, on my Google agenda at 4am, was every celebrity…’on the beach.’ Lol. (Yes, I am that sad. Some people Google ‘World Peace,’ I Google ‘beach bodies‘ and I’m okay with that.)
I went with ‘The Kardashians’ obviously, as they calm my soul in bikinis at 4am, when i’m stressed. I even watched an Oprah interview with them all.
Then I don’t know how I got onto it….(I Googled it 😉)….But I ended up with ‘Cristiano Ronaldo on the beach’ shots. Lol. AGAIN, what a good find at 4am in the morning….It was SO good that I may have become moderately obsessed with his beach shots. I found myself rating his ‘old school’look, against his ‘new school’ look.
HAHAHAHA. Why am I a tool?
This is why I need to sleep. This is why I need to grow up. This is why my 7 year old daughter Ruby says,
‘Why does everyone else at school have a normal Mum and I have one that’s like a teenager. You’re like a child.’
The most hilarious part of this Google search was that I ended up at this…
The Cristiano Ronaldo beach towel on ebay. Lol. It could be yours for the bargain price of 30 quid. So I did what any normal girl would do…(no, I didn’t buy it…which reminds me I haven’t packed a towel for my holiday yet,) Instead, I *screenshot* it and Snapchatted it to my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ who I was messaging last night, with a caption that read…
‘Nothing makes me happier than this towel… Happy Morning!’
The good thing about ‘Firmonnell’ is that she knows I’m an absolute plank, and will just go with it anyway. (Probs because I can get us free cocktails.) And she replied this morning with simple ‘laughy face’ emojis….meaning..
I MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. (And that like any other normal human being, she can’t be arsed to type before 7am.)
I’m an early bird, so even if I CAN sleep, i’m still up at the crack of dawn. I like to get the most out of my day. Like, I honestly don’t know how people ‘sleep in‘ until noon and slob about eating bacon sarnies, whilst trumping, wondering where life has gone.
Am I in Spain yet? No? Okay cool…
Right, technically, I should take this moment and I do want to take this moment to…
THANK EVERY SINGLE HUMAN AND OR COMPANY…
..That has send me a treat for my holidays. I have been inundated with gifts, products, services and from brands all over the land…and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. I really, truly appreciate it and I can’t believe how lucky I am. You’ve made me feel really special and in return, I’ll blog, picture and snap the ‘jollies’ out of your products, whilst I’m away. Thank you ever so much. Honestly…I will make sure that they are all over my ‘socials’ throughout my time in Spain.
Here are a couple of my treats from companies Mirror Image Style(mirrorimagestyle.co.uk) and @Mishmashfashionuk (mishmashfashion.co.uk)
Thank you so much. I’ve tried them all on and they are divine. In total I have 22 bikinis….and you’ll all be rocking this blog and my socials shortly. I’m gonna look ‘Queen’ because of you.
I’ve literally spent the last entire week in bikini fitting, after bikini fitting. Followed by hair piece fitting, after hair piece fitting….It’s been crackers. Yet, I appreciate it all. I feel so lucky. (It makes an old bird smile. 😉 )
I also want to thank ‘Pitstop Rentals, Leeds’(they’re actually everywhere, all over the North, not just in Leeds) which is a LUXURY/PRESTIGE super car rental and chauffeuring service. I love them so madly and well they will ‘new whipping’ my arse to the airport.
But you’ll all see pictures of everything…as I’ll be placing them everywhere. Make sure you’re following my ‘social’s and stories.’
The diets been going well…I’m still Herbalifing and i’m on Week 4. My body’s changed quite a lot and i’m enjoying feeling a little bit more in shape…and at 37 with two babies…who flipping doesn’t. It’s given me a new lease of life. It made me feel really great! So, i’m certainly doing better for it. I did have someone ‘hate’ on me for doing it, yet mainly because they wanted to indirectly promote their own fitness/nutrition brand all over my wall….
I’ll tell you now. The best way to promote something, is not to ‘hate’ on something or someone else, and place it all over a seemingly popular persons wall to gain audience. As soon as you do. I’m not interested. And I understand that it wasn’t the brand itself, it was someone trying to promote the brand…Yet, they properly went about it, the absolute wrong way. I mean, they even ‘hated’ on the person or people who introduced me to such….and you don’t even know who that was?
I’m a glamour puss. We’re not rude around here. We’re real…in diamonds. Let’s play bouji.
Bottom line, the reason why I decided to initially Herbalife was simply because I saw a body transformation selfie on the Insta profile of a really good friend of mine. He looked amazing. In fact really great. I was personally really impressed….I was SO impressed that it INSPIRED me to want to get back into shape and start feeling extra great.
I spoke to that person…and they helped point me in the right direction…that’s how I ended up here.
Life works via word of mouth, or by the way you choose to cultivate a rapport, with someone. They didn’t ‘hate’ on my wall to promote something because they didn’t have to. They’re classier than that. Instead they showed their own result…which celebrates an achievement..which ended up with ME *tapping* on their door with a ‘help me.’ By all means, mention someone and be lovely about them…Everyone adores that….Yet, just do things correctly….It’s classy and sassy baby boo.
It’s funny because I always say, that everything in life, is all about how something makes you FEEL. Nothing more… nothing less.
We react to how the littlest or even biggest things MAKE US FEEL and the only things that can truly make us FEEL, are other things that can FEEL also.
A bit of a preach there for you. 😉 I’m not saying lets all be kind to one another and wear party hats, whilst we sway to boyband love songs. That’s not human nature. We’re all different.
What I AM saying, is let’s be flipping REAL here, instead of dickheads.. Bottom line, don’t hate on another brand on my wall, simply to promote your own. 😉 It is definitely bad manners.
Hahah. I’m over it now. Life was better when I was Googling Ronaldo beach towels at 4am.
I love life. I adore experience. To me, it’s what life is about. And yeah I’ve done some really outrageous things, during my existence so far, that have placed me in really sticky situations. (But I definitely blame the boogie and Hollywood for them. A tremendously surreal place to grow into an adult.) I’ve always been a ballsy one, a life liver, a wild one, who is never afraid to ‘DO ME.’ And yes, i’ve definitely mellowed out at 37, when it comes to the wild antics, yet not when it comes to TRUE SPIRIT. I’ll always do what i love and what I want. And I never feel like I want or need to explain or justify them…as I’m living my own version of life.
When life dishes out crazy bad/exciting times, and you get caught up with the fine art of mistake making… (I did this a lot in my 20’s and I am proud to say that I haven’t mistake made in YEARS now..) to me it’s all about the LESSONS YOU LEARN. And if a real lesson HAS been learnt, than I am pretty fine with having that experience. I don’t worry about how I got here. I concentrate on where i’m at now….
Everything happens the way it’s supposed to…and we always find out why in the end…
GET ME TO SPAIN!
Here’s a tune to put you in my Holiday mood. (I did all my fittings to this yesterday, as the children made Zebra’s, which Junior still thinks is a Giraffe out of random Wunna Land. Arts & Crafts bits.)
I might not have chance to blog before I land on Spanish soil tomorrow afternoon…So please do follow my ‘Socials’ and Stories.
Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers, as in pants on right?’
Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on. We’ve all got pants on…She hasn’t though…(Points at girl.) I mean, we’re old. They’re young and don’t where pants. But there was a young girl, who I was fitting, who clearly said she had spanx on.’
Rocker Lily: ‘I’ve got pants on.’
ALL GOOD! SAFETY FIRST!
Now, before I get into all that, as you ALL know that I was at the Boodee Boutique, ‘Influencers Brunch’ on Sunday, at ‘Cuckoo’ in Leeds. My ‘socials’ and inboxes are going CRAZY CRACKERS over it.
I’ve never ever been to ‘Cuckoo’ in my life and I’m known for socialiting cocktail bars like a champion. It’s absolutely new, a tremendous find and it drips with a chilled out, bouji swirl of swag. It’s… COOL. It’s alive. It’s stylish, glamourous, yet not remotely pretentious and you get a free flipping pizza with your drink!
Bartender: ‘Are you wanting the free pizza..?’
Me: ‘Noo, course not. I’m fine. Lol.
Bartender: ‘I didn’t think so, somehow. 😉 ‘
There’s just a vibe in that place… and ‘old school/new school’ vibe and if you were a child of the 80’s/90’s you will find the music deliciously swag. I ‘Pon De Replayed’it…. like I WAS….. RIHANNA. (Don’t hate. You could’ve *swiggled it* too. In fact, Hit *play* to feel like you were there with me. See! Aren’t I nice to you! 😉 )
But let me take you back…The train into Leeds, was the busiest ‘Bank Holiday’ train of madness ever. It was filled with young gaggles of party boys, older couples, girls and a group of posh Geordies. (I’ve decided that Geordies are everywhere.)
I had begun the day feeling like a bit of a plonker, as it was early Sunday morning and I was strutting around life, petrol stations, Xscape, wine bars and Platform 2’s in a GIANT fluffy PINK faux fur, diamante heels, necklace and head to toe in PINK & WHITE.
I knew, I either looked marvellous or ridiculous because everyone was staring at me…constantly….and so much to the point that I’d started to feel moderately insecure. Lol. That’s why I had a wine, in the nearest bar, which was The Winter Seam, before my train. The problem with me is that I’ll feel ‘all the eyes.’ which it will make me very aware of my existence…It’ll then make me feel a bit ‘wibbly.’ but you would NEVER EVER know because I will strut into a place, IN MY GIANT PINK FAUX FUR, like i’m P.Diddy. (In fact, if Paris Hilton, Ru Paul, P.Diddy had a threesome, and did it whilst eating a bag of prawn crackers…THAT’S what I looked like. 🙂 )
Luckily, I looked less like a dickhead 3 minutes afterwards, because guys in budget ‘Stag Do’ Hawaiian shirts began drizzling in…and then even they were *trumped* by the casual floral dress ‘rocker’ lady with the bright blue hair. Then another Geordie appeared out of nowhere, said I was ‘stunning‘ and asked me where I was headed? (Told you, they’re everywhere. They’ve infiltrated Yorkshire. They’ve infiltrated Leeds.)
Me: ‘I’m off to a brunch in Leeds. I’m not just dressed like this for a fry up. Honest…’
He then asked me for my number, after he smirked at my obviously wonderful banter. 😉 So, I did that ‘Chrissie Wunna’ charm face, where I just smile, shrug, slide off my bar stool and laugh it off, like it hasn’t been said, as I giggle out the door.
Next minute I was in Leeds city centre. It was filled with bustle and I didn’t feel as strange anymore as EVERYONE was dolled up to the heavens and back.
I diamante strutted down the side of the train station, to Call Lane, through busy city streets, car parks, alley ways, puddles, gave a homeless person a light and past a ton of young 20 somethings who were galloping around with excitement….I kinda felt like The Queen of all Leeds, at that point. Then I walked past ‘Mission’ which reminded me that Zanetti was doing better than Me.
37, Call Lane. I was at ‘Cuckoo.’ The street seemed so quiet, so I carefully tinkered through the door and..
It looked like the most marvellous place on Earth. Literally a Glamour Pusses DREAM. Firstly, it was filled to the brim with the most ‘dolled up‘ beautiful young girls, you will have ever seen in your life…and secondly, as I told you early, the most glamourously ‘cool’ buzz *fast swirled* through that entire place, like wildfire. (And I was only downstairs at first.)
A huge floral wall by ‘Orla Flora’ greeted you….(they’re really IN right now, aren’t they and taking the place of the ‘Media Board’ for a while.) If you have no clue, what I’m on about…. it’s basically a huge wall made up of flowers, that you picture by, at events…Any event…Weddings, Parties…Whatever….and I LOVE THEM. (I didn’t have my picture taken by the floral wall, whist I was there, because I was too busy drinking and being on the phone to my friend, but I did notice how strikingly beautiful it was.)
GIANT PINK bespoke printed balloons (by Instagram @balloonroomx) filled the room, as young influencers and hopeful future influencers selfied, pictured and pouted by them for content..
The balloons were actually really cute, because they were giant and pink, with the words,
‘YOU DO YOU BOO’
..printed upon them.
It was just ace…
So, let me just fill you in. I appeared at the BOODEE BOUTIQUE, ‘Influencers Brunch,’ which is a glamourous afternoon networking event, for all those who are wanting to be ‘Insta Famous,’ an Influencer, a Blogger, Vlogger, those who want to start building their own business or empire, or those who already have….Well, it was a brunch for chicas of that sort…as they could all meet each other, network and at the same time go around the stalls set up by companies & brands (who are currently looking for influencers to promote their lines) and go make themselves known. Pretty much all the brands where looking for ‘the new face of…’so they were scouting and casting through the crowds of girls. It was dripped in cocktail magic and the dress code was ‘pink & white.’ (And everything about this business, or any business is about MEETING PEOPLE. It is networking.)
Cece: ‘Hi, have you been upstairs yet? I saw you walk in. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Here’s a card for House Of Lily. I was just seeing if you wanted to come upstairs and try some of our clothes for pictures….We’re casting for the new face…’
I’m like stood in my pink faux fur, guzzling wine and texting…But there was just something about ‘Cece’ that I loved. It was the fun in her eyes…So I took the card and she disappeared into the crowds.
Then little Baby Doll ‘Charlie C’(instagram @charliecaitlyn) caught eyes with me and dashed up, with hugs and smiles…(She is as cute as a button and kinda hot as hell.) She pretty much thanked me for coming and within seconds has *whizzed* me upstairs to go and meet everyone….
Charlie C: ‘I need you to meet Lisa…’
Me: ‘OH! HI! IT’S GREAT TO MEET YOU..’
Charlie C: ‘No…That’s not Lisa…That’s…’
Me: ‘Oh sorry. Hahaha. Nice to meet you anyway…
(We were literally hand in hand, rushing through the crowds of girls….)
Charlie C: ‘Chrissie. Wait here. I need to grab you a candle. It’s a bloggers candle…and you have a gift bag…Here! Take that!….Oh! That’s Lisa…’
Me: ‘Have I just met her downstairs?’
‘Charlie C’ was one of the girls running the event. She’s young, beautiful, Leeds and bubbly and was dashing about like some kind of stunning ‘headless’ chica of ‘ooh laa.’ She did REALLY WELL, as that event was DIVINE. To the point where I even stopped her at the end…to see if she’d throw me an event..
That girl is so young, but so good at what she does..She is the future Queen of Party Leeds.
Anyway, I felt like a glamourous Veteran at the Boodee event, as everyone around me was so young, I’d say from 18 upwards…There were SO MANY GIRLS, all done up and brimming with hopefulness and it was made me realise how many young people in this actual day and age want to be ‘Influencers.’ It’s the new dream job. I can’t believe how competitive it was, well IS and the girls were every INCH stunning.
They were immaculate.
I agree, that they’re all under really great pressure and I can see the pressure on their faces and I agree that it’s such a hard time for them to grow up in, with everything seeming so ‘social media’ perfect. Their stars and inspirations are the popular bloggers, vloggers and Instagrammers of today. And I feel like, they feel as though, they have a lot to try and accomplish, to get to where they want to be. I’m sure it makes them feel insecure, yet it’s the CONFIDENT ONES that smash through the barriers.
(And I can pick those girls right out of a crowd.)
Yet, the thing that made me smile was the fact that RIGHT NOW, INT HIS TIME, being a BLOGGER/Influencer is such a THING.’ When I started my blog 10 years ago in Hollywood...NOT A SINGLESOUL was blogging, or giving any shits about blogging…People were making FUN OF for writing an online diary….
NOW! It’s one of the MOST LUCRATIVE CAREERS you can have! (IN YOUR FACE!) So firstly, I’m lucky because I accidentally built by blog up over 10 years, so didn’t really have to start from scratch..I did it all the way through my modeling & tv career…Secondly, I’m old….and so to be smashing it about ‘socially’ at 37 is huge, because you just wouldn’t have thought it could happen. But it has.
Anyway, whenever I go to an event, I do the room scan, I chat to everyone I want, I try to meet everyone and then whilst drinking all the cocktails, in all the land, I’ll then just do what I want. 🙂
Me: ‘I kinda just wanna get pissed now..’
I found Lisa, the owner of ‘House Of Lily.’ She was casting for the new faces of her brand. They had a shoot set organised for the girls, who were choosing something to try on, being fitted into it and then being photographed.
I loved watching the girls, because it reminded me of being young at model casting days. It was far less glam though and I never heard this:
House of Lily: ‘Make sure the girls are tucking their tops in properly…I don’t want any boobs out…’
I looked through all of ‘House Of Lily’s’ pieces and they were absolutely beautiful. She’s so talented. I mean, tweed fitted jackets, stunning long sequin dresses, patterned jump suits, see through lace Pussy bow blouses….Each piece was so special and so unique…I was in love! There is so much that is just SO ME from that brand. I’m gonna meet up with Lisa again and take a look through everything properly with her personally, because her line is remarkable and at an event, it’s really difficult after prosecco.
From that point….my afternoon changed. I don’t know what happened, but I kinda brought the *jiggy* (like I do, I mean lets face it, i’m a chip off the ‘Hilton’ brand, I’ve been raised to ‘party’ and do it fucking well.
Me: ‘I need to drink my body weight in wine..’
Rocker Lils: ‘Shall we get sambuca shots.’
Cece: Chrissie, get in an outfit and picture with it please.’
Me: ‘I honestly can’t be bothered to take ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF at 37, to put them all back on again right now.’
Then fresh wine was poured and our beautiful cup caked, lily vased, booth…turned into a party. 🙂
So, I basically ‘lowered the tone…’ glamourously of course! Lol.
Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers or pants on right?’
Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on.
I ‘d already decided to ‘get comfy,’ at this point, because I loved the girls. I started drinking, and dancing in the booth, and multi tasked it with selfie and videoing taking for my insta/facebook.snapchat stories. ‘PR Lauren’ sat pissing herself at me, in awe. (I went with ‘awe,’ but she was again either staring at me like I was amazing or nuts? You decide.) We might have had a ‘pose off’ also for selfies.
Cece: ‘Look at you. Please tell me it’s real! You have some life. I want it. I want you meet my daughter.’
(She has the most eye catching mixed raced daughter, who floors it in the beauty stakes. I saw a picture of her on her phone and I was blown away.)
Cece: So, you’ve done Playboy….Have you been to mansion and met Hefner?’
Me: ‘Yeah course. Gosh. I wasn’t a *girlfriend,* I modelled for the brand, which is really different…As the *girlfriends* had to pump him. Lol. I think it was something like *3 pumps* and then the next one?
Cece: ‘Hahaha. There’s me thinking he was some kind of Don, when he could only manage 3 pumps and you’re off.’
Me: ‘Well he’s old int’ he and he has to have them ALL pump him, one at a time and watch…I’m sure they were fine with it, it’s only 3 pumps and a weekly allowance. Hahahaha! It was like a grand a week or something.’
Cece: ‘Y’see, I don’t hate on them at ALL for that. A girl’ll do what a girl will do. I’d 3 pump him for that.
Me: ‘Lol. Me too. I just didn’t have the opportunity too. ‘
Cece: ‘Would you?’
Rocker Lils: ‘Noooo, I couldn’t.’
PR Lauren: *BLUSHES*…I don’t know if…’
Rocker Lils: ‘Actually, now I think about it, I might… I’d do more than 3 pumps though. I’m gonna with yeah…
Me: ‘You’d end up bloody married to him!’
And that was the tone of the rest of the evening. It was THE BEST…WE WERE IN FITS OF LAUGHTER and we’re all Yorkshire, so we’re properly down to Earth, don’t care, say whatever we want kinda gals and it’s amazing!
House of Lily: ‘We might have found the girl/girls for the brand….There was one girl that I can’t find…Go find her Cece…’
Cece: ‘Go find her! You go find her. I don’t know what she looks like or where she’s chuffing gone. It’s packed in here. Lol.’
I just LOVE northern bits of tinker…because if I was in LA I would’ve heard…
‘Honey, can you go get me that gurl already.’
If I was in London… They would’ve have been ‘darling darling’posh.
In Yorkshire, they’re like..
‘For chuffs sake…’
…and I love it.
Literally the most amazing afternoon brunch of wild girly madness….swirled in a fantasy red lighting, with unicorn balloons and giant carousel decor surrounding me.
All the girls that day looked amazing and the all did so fantastically. Well, I hope they did. I hoped they networked well.
I WILL SAY HOWEVER, that I did notice that even though the girls were immaculately beautiful, a lot of the girls did look ‘samey.’ (I actually got told off for saying that out loud. Lol)
Me: They all look the same. I’m trying to scan through the crowd for something different or someone who tries to POP OUT.’ They look the same, but they’re all different girls? And they’re wearing the same…
Cece: ‘It’s a bloody themed dress code you idiot.’
I’m a personality girl and yes, the glam thing always works, it’s part of the job. I do it at 37 and i’ve done it all the way through my teens until now. And being in LA at the time, we took it to the next level. Yet, through that crowd of girls, there needed to be a ballsy, sassy, ‘stand out’ girl, who strutted in, didn’t care what anyone thought, looked amazing, was of great character and someone who was just unforgettable. Someone who oozed so much confidence that she OWNED THAT ENTIRE ROOM…Someone who you spoke to and was completely and utterly taken by!
A STAR! (‘Types’ SMASH IT.)
I did actually see one, but I can’t tell you who… (No, it wasn’t me, you twats…Lol.)
Great night. Ended up going to Gino’s for a quick wine, which was filled with Italian waiters and a suited party of gents who were all talking about boring things like football and how much they reckoned Rugby players got paid. (I watched them and ate pink wafers out my goody bag.)
Got the train home. Slept through my stop. Absolutely fucking nightmare. (A little lovely Geordie lady nudged me away with a ‘Petal’ and I shocked up with a ‘OH SHIT!!!’ She just smiled and like a Guardian Angel solved all my life problems…Told you, they’re everywhere.)
I ended up having to walk for ages, in my giant pink faux fur and as soon as I got home, I collapsed in a heap on my bed.
Hope you had a phenomenal Easter! Thank you for following my life. Thank you for following my ‘socials.’