No Dude What’s The Password…?

I have literally sailed through the most blissful and busiest time in Wunnaland. From Thursday to probably about an hour ago, I feel as though i’ve been dashing, dashing, meeting, greeting, smiling, moaning, hand shaking, dressing up, dressing down, travelling, working and cocktailing. IT HAS BEEN NON STOP and so much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin.

So, whilst i’m glamourous sat, moderately hung over, with a Desperado as my company and the random Celtic vs Ranger game on as ‘background’ in The Mallard Doncaster….with my new weave sat next to me, waiting for tomorrow’s debut, where it has the glory of being clipped into my head and some 20 something boys to my right, who I don’t at all know, playing on the bandit…I’ll rewind you to last night…

Last night, Fairytale Blond, Double B, Mel & I, whilst being all glammed up and lost in a hilarious yet glittery swirl of drunken light and life…decided it would A GREAT IDEA to stand outside the GENTS TOILETS at the dark and jazzy Pontefract pub the ‘Tap & Barrel’ (it was packed last night) and NOT LET GENTLEMAN of any type or ages, GO FOR A WEE, UNLESS THEY COULD GUESS ‘THE PASSWORD.’ 🙂 LOL.

WHY ARE WE ACE!

Honestly, we’re the funniest girls alive! I mean, who is as genius as us! We ended up squashed infront of the GENTS, on a bench, due to the *packedness* of the place, by moody candlelight…and instead of being grumbly..and we had been cocktailing ALL NIGHT we took it upon ourselves to utterly enjoy every minute of our *spot* and make our own FUN.

THE BEST TIME EVER!

So, a guy would saunter up to the loo for a *widdle.* As soon as he got to the door, he was ABRUPTLY STOPPED by either Double B, Fairytale Blond Or I…and forced to hold their wee until they guessed the password. 🙂

Once they guessed the password, they were allowed entry.

On the way out, they’d swing open the door and *BAM* Fairytale blond would stick out her arm, leg or body and REFUSE TO LET THEM PASS (lol) unless they reiterated the password.

The password was…

PUSSY ARMPIT.

And we really wouldn’t let them pass unless they were chubby, where in which they were given a ‘WILD CARD’ entry of us aggressively PUSHING THEM into the boy’s loo’s…whilst shouting.,,

GO!GO!GO!GO!

OR…

Double B & Fairytale Blond would connect hands and make a beautiful archway out of their delicate, not at all drunken arms and I would look at the dude and very glamourously state that they had to..

‘ENTER THE LOVE TUNNEL…’

…as the girls danced with their arms in an archway! 🙂

It was the best game ever..the boys were coming out of the loo’s looking terrified OR just going to the loo to play our game.

Fairytale: NO! What’s the password?’

Double B: ‘We don’t fucking care…this is hilarious.’

Mel: What ARE YOU doing?’

Me: ‘Enter the tunnel of loooooooooooove..’

Then we did more gin…See this is why MY VLOG is going to be better than anyone else, simply because my friends and I are naturals at being tools. If we filmed our ‘what’s the password’ moment, it would’ve gone viral this morning. 🙂

But how did this all start…

Let’s take you down a glamourous trip down memory lane…

I’ve worked all day and arrived in from London that morning to hustle through another day. I was shattered, but wanted to embrace a good time. I’m positive and even though things can be shattering, you just have to smash it and know how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have.

Double B has recently moved into her new house and fancied herself a cocktail at The Electric Theatre which is now her local cocktail and tapas bar. Fairytale Blond was in the neighbour visiting friends, since Prince Jonny was out for drinks, after a day of finding very Disney birds nests, so she met up with Double B at The Electric Theatre for a tipple and tapas.

Mel…was out with her other close friends, for her birthday shindig and has chosen The Electric Theatre as he birthday haunt..and I was shattered from my day of traveling, meetings, the blog awards, more meeting, early morning trains, followed by a full day of work hungover…that I just wanted to have a bit of fun. Yes everything I do is glammy and delicious and an absolute blast…but there were good times, bad times, lonely times and happy times over the last 2 days. I wanted some fun, with the girls that I love…and we all need great chick friends…so I decided to head over to The Electric Theatre for about 40 cocktails and bouji table tapas.

The place was filled with life, glammy girls, friendships, a spray of old school yet modern charm, a table of the finest tinker sof tapas, banter, laughter, emotional moments and a glittery spray of the most delicious and multi coloured cocktails in all of the land.

‘Why does my drink look like it has a birds bush in it?’

‘Gimme some of that?’

‘I’ve known Mel for ages..’

‘As if you’ve just made me cry…’

‘Have you had a meatball…they’re spicy…’

‘I once tried to break up with a boy, so i told him that I had cheated on him twice with two dicks, and sucked all the dicks in all the land. It was just dicks, dicks, dicks, everywhere dicks in a line and he STILL DIDN’T LEAVE ME. Lol.’

‘Look at these bad boys..’ (A silver diamante show is raised.)

‘You should definitely give him sex..’

‘Why don’t you dress up for him?’

‘Are you going into town?’

(I definitely answered ‘Fairytale Blonds’ phone when Prince Jonny Called. Technically she did tell me to, so i committed to a ‘Hey Baby Boo’ and maybe offered him willy stuff, whilst pretending to be ‘Fairytale’…‘Chrissie, I know it’s you. Put Fairytale on…’ Now, I’ve talked to nearly all of their boyfriends dirty. Hurrah! 🙂 )

Mel looked so gorgeous and so happy to be in her swirl. I watched her all night and she’s beamed. It was a cocktail infused beam. But she was happy. I’m really close to Mel and once she likes you, you’re IN and she’ll hold you close to her heart.

Fairytale, Double B and I are immature and glamourous drunkards. We went for it and had the single most hilarious time in the world ever. Infact for the first time we got really open with one another…We’re open anyway, yet there are levels to friendships, as there are in love and last night, I cried a little and because I was so proud of how empowering and tough my chick friends are.

We are the warmest, most loving girls, but we are WARRIORS! We’re good time, money making machines! 🙂 We had the best night ever.

‘I’ve been through so much in my life that nothing can hurt me now.. and not because of anything other than the fact that i choose to be and remember the positive.’

Then as a lady named Tanya was telling me about her fondness of buff gents, I noticed a calm and quiet ‘Carol.’ I LIKED CAROL because she is the kind of lady who will NEVER say a bad word about anyone. She’s humble, she has a great time, but she’s quiet and observes everything, rather than commit to being a showman. (I’m a showman.) When she speaks, you listen because every thign she says is of so much worth.

Mel: Honestly Chrissie, i’ve known her for years…she’ll never say anything and then when she does…she’s ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT. She told me she didn’t like that other guy and she never ever says a bad word about anyone.’

I love Carol because there’s a sexiness about her manner. Infact, I think i need to be less brash and more warm..as I keep meeting all these warm and delightful people..once was a vicar, who told me that it was his ffity year anniversary with his wife and he loves her just as much as he did when he first mether outside Woolworths when he was fifteen

He then told me that he MARRIED HER before they even had sex! 🙂

HAHAHA. I love that a Vicar told me about his sex life! Lol.

Last night was a blast, it was a much needed accidental swirl of magical and glamourous cocktailly, well wishes, bad boy heels, friendships, good times, laughter, new faces, memories, empowerment, tom foolery and…

‘FOURTEEN QUID FOR A FUCKING TAXI?’

Right, I have to dash, as I have a 3pm meeting to get ready for, but Ill tell you all about meeting Jack Parson’s in my next blog, as I travelled down to London for the UK Blog Awards,

I am being hailed as the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw & I’m loving it as if anything I want to make sure that all my work is strong, I’m doing something that i love, i’m making a living out of doing something that I love and that as I’m telling my story, I am empowering and inspiring every person i verbally touch.

Jack is currently being hailed as a ‘Young Richard Branson.’ I know! That’s not a shabby title..

But yeah…i’ll tell you all about my London times later…

 

 

 

 

London Bound..

Busy day today! So, I’m dressed, I’m ready. I’m still a bit tired, but I look like the most perfectly, untired doll of ‘Diva.’ Big hair, a stylish, yet somewhat conservative burnt salmon/coral pencil dress, everything is winky and pouty and i’m packing an overnight bag, as I head off to London.

I’ve worked hard all week and I’ve finally managed to get away from Yorkshire for a moment, to shimmie to ‘The Capital.’ To be fair, I was away for Easter with ‘the swirl.’ Yet more and more, as each day passes and my blog life gets more fruity, I almost pray every day (if praying meant ‘bitchin and moaning‘ 😉 ) to get myself out of a swivel chair and ride deliciously magical carpets through the starry skies of opportunity…because now they are all around me and waiting.

As soon as I get to London, I won’t have time to check into my hotel right away and instead i’m gonna head across town in m Greentomato car (which is like an uber, yet environmentally friendly) and go see Jack Parsons, who is the CEO of Yourfeed UK. He’d asked for me to venture down to his offices, so i’m incredibly excited to meet him. He’s doing so well with his business, that i’m hoping some of his magic rubs off into Wunna land. (Why does that sound rude?)

Straight after that meeting, I’m THEN going to check into my hotel, chill for a bit, get something to eat, have a few drinks and then get ready for the UK Blog Awards which is at the Park Plaza Hotel, Westminster. (Ruby was conceived in the Leeds version of that hotel. 🙂 )

So, I have a big glamorous night of award ceremonies and celebrating the art of blogging with some of the best digital content creators in the nation. There’s 8 people in my category. I won’t win my category, but I should. 🙂 I’ve taken a look through everything and reckon I’d come THIRD.

This now means that i’m going to commit to drinking, as soon as I fly into the venue, with kitten *can can,* laughter and a smile that could warm the coldest winks. The idea is to network and to celebrate how far blogging and vlogging has come, i’m doing it in a green, sequinned mermaid dress. LOL.

I’ll be snapchatting, tweeting and facebooking my time, AS I AM THERE.

I need to hurry up and get myself off…

I’m not wearing the peacock dress simply because I didn’t want to lose in it, crying into a wine, in some lonely Blog Awards corner….DRESSED AS A PEACOCK. :)I’ve been dressed as worse. I mean fuck it, I saved LA guy bestie, Brandon’s LIFE, by climbing onto the roof of his apartment building, when he thought he no longer wished to do life anymore, with two mango margaritas in my hand and a bit of wunna wisdom. We were sat on this roof, under the LA moon, as he contemplated his loneliness, his sexuality and all sorts…with a mango margarita. What a way to go! Lol.

I WAS DRESSED AS A SLUTTY CAVE GIRL. It was Halloween in LA.

 

That night he couldn’t decide it he was gay or bisexual, so wanted me to *kiss* him to find out. Lol. We were kids. I did. He’s gay. He even married and divorced an Italian gu who stole all his money. Lol.

Bottom line…he lived through another evening that night and never got back on that roof again. I swear it was the margaritas!

Double B: ‘AS IF YOU’RE NOT WEARING THE FUCKING PEACOCK DRESS! I LOVE THE PEACOCK DRESS. I WANTED YOU TO WEAR THE FUCKING PEACOCK DRESS AND ACTUALLY WALK A REAL LIFE PEACOCK IN WITH YOU, ON A LEASE. THAT WOULD’VE BEEN SO KANYE OF YOU!’

I have the greatest chick friends. *DYING.*

Wish me luck!

Off to London…

Easy Peasy Peacefulness

JUST A GREAT DAY!

One of those peaceful, productive, all over it, on top of it, perfect days of ‘easy peasy,’ where work wiggled by swimmingly and life was delicately sprinkled over with a gentle ease of calm. We worked smart and not hard and we productively got more done than we have in ages, simply because we ‘faced our frogs’ and did everything with utter support and absolutely no pressure. It worked wonders.

I watched ‘Fairytale Blond; get her *lump* sorted and be excited to gallop home to see her Prince Jonny, in their brand new ‘now living together’ home. She’s turned into a proper ‘wifey’ overnight and prepares tea before early morning starts, as her ‘Prince’ waits for deliveries and magically screws new bar stools together.

I shared giggly moments with ‘Firmonnell,’ which at times became somewhat inappropriate, yet honestly people shouldn’t inbreed as it really does make you deformed. Find love with people who you aren’t related to and you might magically discover that life serves you a better shot. Yes. That’s what we came up with today. Yes, we are dickheads, but so glamourous with it, that are charm delights the masses, even when the words we deliver are ‘ouchy.’

Firmonnell: ‘You know if I don’t lose weight at my fat club, they make me go to a fat club counselling session as punishment.’

(She’s not fat. She just wants to lose weight so she doesn’t look shit in a bikini, on beaches around apparent skinny people? She ‘maintained’ which isn’t a loss, so she found herself sat amongst others having to explain her reasons for her ‘need to work harder?’ LOL.)

She other than that and smart work, life has been pretty peaceful. It has been swirled over with a calm merriment that you could only wish for during a ‘hustle.’ I’ve learnt that pressure pisses people off. It does the opposite to what it’s meant to do be doing. When you trust people to do the right thing and get on with it…they seem to…and that alone makes us all smile.

So, I’m having a couple drinks at home tonight and spending my evening chilling with Ruby & Junior. (The Wunna Babies.) I’m looking forward to my Friday in London. My meeting with Jack Parson at Yourfeed UK and then my Blog Awards. I’m calm about it all now…I think I got unnecessarily stressed. I’ve been so productive from all angles today that it’s sort of made me feel whole…like i’ve achieved. At the end of the day, to be finalized as one of the BEST creators of Digital Content in the nation, in my category, is totally something special. I’ll take that and i’ll certainly drink lots of prosecco to it too! *Wink here.*

I had one of my best chick friends panic message me today, as she went on a date with a guy who sh’ed be chatting to online. The did dinner, smooched and then he never spoke to her again. Well that’s dramatic. It’s only been four days…Yet, she’s all forlorn and doesn’t know what to do?

Unfortunately, she asked for my help and i’m shit at advice, because I always think that there are no rules to love. YET, even though i’m unconventional, I’m quite traditional and I told her to not chase the guy…as surely, if he wanted to chat to her…she looked down at her phone and there would be a message. That’s what men are made for, ‘the hunting and the gathering.’ Let them BE men. They’ll feel much better for it, in the end. It’s not about refusing to be easy on them and more about letting them take control and embrace their role. It’s sexy. Be sexy.

Double D: ‘Yeah, but I prefer it when a girl chases me…’

Me: ‘Yeah, but you’re soft. You’re like a girl.’

(Double D has just broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted to travel and he wanted to buy a house and settle.)

Double D: ‘Yeah, I do get insecure. But..’

But nothing…I think Men should take the lead when it comes to the art of romance, dating and the initial beckon of love. It’s makes us as women more responsive and when we respond…we respond whole heartedly.

Anyway, i’m of to have a chilled one…I’m relaxing, cooking dinner, having a wine and doing it all in comfies, before BUSY HITS ME BIG over the next couple of days.

Just enjoy where you’re at in life…and do it with love. Embrace all the new chapters, people and situations and where you are in life, right now. I always say it, but pay attention to the things that perk your interest, make you smile…make you happy. Pursue them bravely.

Life’s too short to not go for it….The right things, people, situations and opportunities will come to you when they’re meant to. I really believe that. And even though often people suggest you don’t rely on such nonsense…Something tells me that there’s a force of *magic* that always takes of you if you’re a human that deserve it. *Wink*

 

Let’s Get All Empowery

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘Why are you so quiet? You seem so withdrawn?’

‘I’m fine. I’ve just got a lot…I’m fine. Lol.’

‘You know, if you’re not fine, you can chat to me about it..’

I looked to my right, through the corner of my little oriental eye. And  as I travelled in the front passenger seat of my Mother’s silver Mercedes… I gently smirked, shook my head a little…and just said,

‘Honestly…I’m fine. I just have a lot going on. I need to make some changes, I’m waiting to hear good news and i’m just a bit stressed out because if of it all. I’m okay.’

‘Y’know, this whole blog thing on Friday…’

‘Yeah.’

‘Just incase people forget to tell you how proud they are of you, or how inspired they are by you…I want you to know, that I couldn’t be MORE PROUD of you. You’re on ya way now…’

I smiled, turned my head forward, my eyes filled up a little, but just enough to make me *beam* and not weep. Then I turned up the radio…and we karaoked all the way back to mine… to this…

You see, I’m telling you about that moment… and let me tell you,  moments like that are sometimes hard for me to deliver, as even though i’m sassy and fun, I’m proud girl, I don’t like to come across as weak or negative, or a damsel in distress to anyone EVER..because i’m not. 🙂

Yet, when you’re going through a really BIG time in your life, that key changer…that moment where something means so much to you…and for me, it’s not just the blog awards, as mean win or lose that (and I want to win it) I’ll still be blogging and doing it with that good old Wunna panache. I’m so honoured to be a finalist. However, with all the meetings, all the work, the new chapters, new opportunities.. the waiting to hear good news…the investment….and let’s face it, it’s all come out of nowhere and all come very fast…During that time, you’ll shimmie on a wave like frequency that takes you UP where you’re so juiced, that you’re at your most confident and then DOWN, where nerves kick in and you second guess yourself.

That’s the same with anything you care about passionately. Be it in work, family…or love. Yet, only when it’s out of your control, do you feel anxious. You can’t MAKE someone give you that dream opportunity. You can’t MAKE someone love you. All you can do is give everything your best shot, hope for the best, make yourself of value and with a positive *beam* of life…not worry about the things that you can’t control. (Rum works tooooo.)

It’s a lesson I learn over and over again…all of the time.

When things mean so much to me, I sometimes get terrified. Yet with the right support, love and *pats on the back*…within seconds….I’m back, I feel powerful and utterly positive. That’s why you NEED great people around you.

It is okay to ride ‘the wave’…it’s natural, it’s human. You don’t need to think anything is wrong with you? You just need to know that you’re actually greater than you ever thought. I’m a ‘get on with it’ girl and that worrying about things that you can’t control…helps no one. It makes you less powerful.

I walked to the post office today at around 4.30pm and I watched this random 30 something year old dude, talk to his 20 something year old  girlfriend, like she was he biggest piece of shit, he had ever known. To make it worse…she looked all weak and nervous. She looked like half of version of herself. It got to me, but i walked straight past it, as it was her version of life, not mine. But as I did… and I didn’t look back, I hoped to GOD that she one day found it in herself to grow ten feet tall and become the most powerful and sassy fucker of a lady EVER. One that pisses glitter, dollar bills and *fucks it* all over his sorry, beer bellied ‘your tracksuit was too small for you’ arse. How could she be so blinded, to think that that was love? The man who loves you will cherish you…chase you, respect you, care for you and look after you.

And to anyone who *whops* out their ‘high horse’ for no beneficial reason, you need to learn to be good to people, because YOU DON’T KNOW who or what ANYBODY is going to become! So you might treat someone like absolute SHIT and one day find that they’re doing 4 million times better than you could EVER DO. You might one day need their help and on that day, they’ll kick off their kitten heels, sit back and laugh in your muggly little face.

In a way, seeing that moment empowered me….

So fuck it…on Friday…Let’s go WIN some shit! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peacock Dresses, Trophies & Blog Awards

I have got the busiest and stressiest week ahead of me. Infact, it’s not a week…it’s a couple days. I’m just fitting a week into a couple days. Yipppee! When I say ‘stressy,’ I don’t actually mean stressy. I’m talking shite. As it’s all very exciting and all very BIG. I’m utterly utterly grateful. But i think i’m somewhat nervous.

So, I have work. Lots of it. However, this Friday is the big old UK Blog Awards. It’s a big day for me. I don’t expect to win it. Yet, that night is a huge networking night for anyone in Social Media with a personal brand, as the nations top bloggers, vloggers, influencers, brands and scouts will all be there. If you’re a blogger…YOU’RE SILLY IF YOU DON’T ATTEND THIS EVENT. Buy tickets. I mean, it sometimes makes me laugh, as I hear and get all these messages from people who are wanting to start a blog or have their digital content make a *stomp* in Cyberland…Yet they’re just sat at home twiddling their thumbs and have forgotten to go network at a venue that will be juiced with actual brands and agents wondering around looking for the next digital stars to wave the flag for their companies? Heeeellooo?

But yes, that’s on Friday, but on that Friday I’ll have a morning travel down to London, I’ll check into my hotel, yet I have then scheduled in a meeting with CEO Jack Parson’s at YourfeedUK (who i’m excited to meet) and after that little tinker of a meeting, I’ll be headed back to my hotel to be groomed and ‘dolled’ (I might actually also have to do some filming inbeteeen that time,) before I jump in a cab and head over to Park Plaza in Westminister for the Blog Awards. Well, I think that’s where it’s all going down?

I’ve been styled and they went with the Peacock dress. Yet, it’s so glamourous and so delightful that I’m now thinking,

‘Is that really the dress of a loser? Do I want to lose in that dress? Do I want to draw all this attention to myself and then lose? It’s a winners dress, not a pity party frock.’

So, I might go for something a little less ‘HEY LOOK, I’M A STAR.’ Lol But saying that, we know I probably won’t.

I’m excited. I have a week of work and promo for it. I’m not at all organised, as I haven’t even managed to gain EYE SIGHT for the the event yet! FUCK SAKE. I’ll be dressed like a peacock, without an award and BLIND all at the same time. I haven’t booked anything, or even given my courteousy email to Jack at Yourfeed yet. I have a management meeting, a brand meeting, I need to talk to my videographer…and I really want my nails doing,

The bank holiday has confused me, so I don’t know what day it is? Tuesday right? So, I have two days to sort my shit out and get my pretty oriental self to London on Friday. I need eye sight, that’d be a start.

AND to top it all off, whenever I go down to London, everyone wants me to show up at their joint, hotel, bar, party etc….so I have a pleather of ‘invites’ and saved tables awaiting my arrival, yet honestly, I really won’t have the time. If I did, I’d be there. I also have my Celeb one Snapchat Takeover soon and all my Summer is getting booked up with work that I have some very big decisions to make. Ugh!

I definitely should become a massive alcoholic, as these next couple days are going to ‘thrown down.’

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Easter.

I’ve had the most amazing Easter. The most AMAZING Easter. I hope you’ve delighted in celebrating those extra days off, including the Bank Holiday, also! I actually worked today, so I don’t know what I’m on about? But hey ho, you can’t win’em all. But I hope you’re well. And yeah, I know that the the whole Easter thing, like Crimbo isn’t just about an abundance of choccie eggs and drinking ginny cocktails and more about a story regarding the sassy Good Lord. However, I don’t really know if The Good Lord and I are really that tight…So I’d hate to promo him for no real reason. 😉 However, whatever you’ve chosen to do with these last couple days…as long as it’s brought a smile to your face, then that’s cool with me. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now. You did exactly what you were supposed to do.

This Easter I went to see ‘my swirl, the most amazing man I’ll ever know. So with an,

‘I’m coming to see you today…’

and a reply filled with utter excitement and appropriate emojis..

..Three platforms, two trains, selfies with numerous teenagers and a Polish lady who said I was ‘nice,‘ with messages all the way, back and forth with ‘my swirl’ that were filled with a bubbly excited joy….

There I was, tottering out of the train station doors, in my dress, heels and faux fur, as he drove up to the curb *beaming*…and I hopped it lie the happiest little girl in the world.

And right from that moment, EVERYTHING was so naturally wonderful. I dunno? It just clicked and we were off doing Easter together like we had known each other for decades. From the moment I got into the car, it was filled with *beams,* banter, laughter and a simple ease. That never happens? It never happens? But at 13.02 this Saturday gone, life brought two people together…and we couldn’t have got along better. We spent our Easter together and it was AMAZING.

So, the thing about ‘my swirl’ and I is that we’re both really attracted to each other, yet we weirdly already have this friendship where we can just be us and tell each other everything about anything, yet at the same time, learn about the other, understand one another, make fun of each other in play and enjoy each other in moments of lust. It’s like this automatic balance of being able to be really sexy with one another, yet be best friends filled with a relaxed, yet fun banter, it’s an openess. However, at times we almost play ‘husband & wifey,‘ yet it’s all still glistened over with that excitement you get, when something is new. But what i’m getting at, is that it all happened so naturally, without us even having to try. It’s just how we ended up operating. I couldn’t have spent my Easter with a better man. He’s amazing and almost on every level. I learnt a lot about him this weekend….and well he learnt a lot about me.

Everything about our Easter Saturday was chilled and that’s exactly how I like it. I mean, to me, you have to be able to chill with a guy, easily…at the same time as being able to be yourself. We smashed a Nandos, we chilled, he looked after me so well, like he was the perfect gentleman. We got ‘sexy.’ We snuggled on the sofa, we chatted about our lives and then got absorbed with telly watching,

WE WERE GOGGLEBOX. Infact, no…WE ARE GOGGLEBOX. Let’s call casting and make it a deal!

I have never PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING AS MUCH WITH A GUY IN ALL MY LIFE. It was the funniest time. He was hilarious.  Yet he’s actually quite savvy, he’s really smart, really particular, really organised. I’m wild, but sensible. However, I have this respect for him.

But GOD, we watched The Kardashians, a Dinner Date marathon, the Football, Britains Got Talent, Britains Got more Talent, Take Me Out and then cringed at ‘Celeb Juice.’ We ight have referred to someone as an ‘Egg’ and we may have referred to someone as ‘Lurch.’ And we may have taken the piss out of everyone in the history of the world, including ourselves, yet at the same were baboozled by beings who were great.

We’re both chatty, we’re both open..we both think we’re funny. We’re both quite sassy yet well mannered, principled yet gobby. Independent yet stable. We’re ace!

Infact, there was a moment, when we were just sat ‘arm in arm’ on the sofa and I looked at him without him seeing me and we were BOTH in a fit of ‘throw ya head back’ hysterical laughter. And it’s those moments in life that matter. I remember those moments…even if they don’t last forever. You’re life is treasured by those moments.

‘But he had a fucking boat on his head! I’m obsessed!’

‘I’m not choosing what you want to eat!’

‘Surely, she won’t choose the EGG! He’s an egg!’

‘He missed the fucking ball because he was too busy shouting YOOOOUUU RAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAG!’

‘That was so impressive! How have they done that? It must be some kind of contact video thing?’

‘I always need a wee after…’

‘The trick is to not go on the date and stay on the show until the end…’

‘Do you want another water? Or some pineapple?’

‘You are literally SO HOT.’

There’s a swag about you…’

‘It couldn’t have worked out better..’

‘Money is why all marriages break down.’

‘Shall I order the spicy nuts?’

‘I need a 30 minute nap…’

‘We’ve actually been talking for AGES now…’

‘Aww! I take that back. I wish I never said that about him now.’

So after the best, most chilled Easter Saturday, at around 11pm, we both got showered and I got into bed with one of the most amazing guys that my life path has ever managed to cross with. He made me feel lucky. He actually made me feel feminine and I liked that.

But that night, as we both laid tucked up in the sheets, as we had an early start to the next day….we chatted because I don’t think we could believe how easy it was to just be around each other and get along…without any remote awkwardness or weirdness…It was just,….well…..easy….and in life GOD, do you have to cling onto the things that are naturally simple without complication that make you happy. They don’t come to you enough. When they do….I pay attention. This guys is not only incredible, but he’s actually a really great influence on me. He’s really organized and really well planned, but fun and I find that sexy.

That night, after we chatted, we fell asleep holding hands.

I hope I know this guy for forever….But if I don’t…as we all know how lucky I am in the love department….I’ll always remember the time we fell asleep holding hands and the best Easter Saturday ever.

‘I’ve loved having you here with me…’

‘I’ve LOVED being here..’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shooting Blanks…..

Hi, you darling beasts of life! I’ve had an amazing day, just ‘hokey cokeying’ to my own version of life, with a smile on my face and a giddiness in my heart. I haven’t got anything but soul today and boy does it feel good.

‘Double B’ finally got her first house today and ‘Fairytale Blond’ officially moved in with her Prince Jonny. Everyone’s falling in love right before my very eyes…I mean look at Mel and ‘Her Gary.‘ And ‘Firmonnell’ and Lynne with their ‘love at first sight’ marriages.

And then there’s me….

Well i’ll tell you, that my ‘swirl’ has made me feel GREAT. I’m excited to get my little kitty hands on what i will refer to as MINE 🙂 and keep my little kitty heart open. It’s weird because i’m sensual and bubbled over with sexuality by nature, yet soft by heart…so i’m gentle when it comes to the art of romance. I never understand it when people are incapable to just love or express love? I find it odd? As I’m the complete opposite. So, yeah.. I don’t have that problem…YIPPEEE and well my ‘swirl,‘ who makes me *BEAM* (WHAT A MAN) and  zooms me into light years of giddiness…doesn’t either. We can chat about anything, anytime and always. It’s easy. To me, in my life….that’s vital. He just has this remarkable ability to make me feel so happy and excited without trying.

But that’s not what this blog is about…

This blog is about filling in the blanks…You’re all asking me a bunch of questions that I can’t at all get through because they’re coming into my inbox, like little greedy hobbits on happy pills. I’ve been doing blog promo all morning and so I figured that I’d *jiggly* out the answers to all your questions, in one merry *shoot out.*

Let’s go…I’ll fill in the blanks

My favourite thing to snack on…….is always something savory over something super sweet. I’ll munch through a bag of crisps before i’d ever contemplate a choccie bar. But i’m known to enjoy a wasabi pea nibble and I always chew gum. All of the time. 

When I workout, .………I never workout. I hate working out. I should work out. I just don’t have it in me. I’m naturally active anyway and well it seems to burn the cocktails off. 😉 

The funniest piece of lingerie I own……….I adore themed outfits and I LOVE a bit of ‘dress up’ in the bedroom. It’s fun. It’s sexy. Yet, the funniest piece of lingerie I own, is a ribbon stringed, crotchless thong…THAT HAS A BOBBLY BUNNY TAIL SEWN ON IT. Lol. I haven’t worn it yet. But well, who knows when i might need to bunny hop onto a willy in a moment of passion? Why am I a tool???

My favourite type of music…..I love all music. I usually play what’s currently on the radio. I fancy a bit of motown, pop, hip hop…I love a bit of a singalong and a dance off on most occasions.

I definitely love…..DRINKING.

To unwind I………..always want a MASSAGE. GOD! They are my favourite. Give me one…and i’ll adore you. Unless you’re that horrid crazy Chinese woman in Camden who tried to kill me to pan pipe music with a smile on her face and a really boney elbow. You’re a bitch. 🙂 

Party or Chill?………………..CHILL. I love to feel relaxed. Yet I love a cocktail bar….and I’ll stay out and have a blast. But you’d never find me trailing around a club at 7am in the morning, praying for a kebab with my heels in my hand. I’d rather be waking up at that time and being spooned by a Knight in shining armour, who’s telling me to make him a brew.

The worst thing about me…………I can be an ego maniac…but i’m soft.

Best thing about me…….I’m playful. I’m positive. I’m funnier than you think. I love a laugh. 

Favourite Makeup……….Estee Lauder.

I also love……Surprises.

I don’t like.……..Bad manners

I do like.…….Luxury

This year….I’ll smash my career and stilleto stamp my mark in cyberland.

This year……..I hope to fall madly in love and have that other human feel the same way also. 

The most inaccurate statement ever made about me..……..Well…most of it’s true. But i’m a grown up now. Lol.

Ps/ Whatsapp from Mel..

‘You missed a good one for the blog today. I told Dipper that he looked like Mr Bean. He said he always gets called that and he can ALSO DO THE DANCE. LOL!!!!!!!’

 

Back to Business, The Lakers & Life…

TODAY IS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!

Even if you think situations are pretty shitty, still, plain or just too much, too busy, too stressy or emotionally warped..I’m telling ya, your life is more than okay than you think…Maybe ‘things’ have gone SO wrong that you feel like swirling down a glittery plug hole, in a cocktail dripped frenzy of ‘no one loves me, work is shit, i’m lost and can’t figure life out?’ Or maybe ‘things’ have gone SO RIGHT, that you’re dreams are materializing into a reality and you’ve found the love of your LIFE, finally got that good news phone call, been offered that dream job you’ve always wanted. Regardless…It’s all part of life and all part of what makes you an AMAZING HUMAN… with a story.

I chose to TELL my story openly…and yes, it seems to have served me well. And that’s not because i’m currently sat here, in a chilly breeze, as the sun beams down on me, with my Gucci canvas bag and my new Sophia Webster heels as I type. It has nothing to do with that. It’s because, on Thursday April 13th 2017, i’m doing something that I love. Infact all the things that I love. Today is about ONLY DOING the things that I LOVE. And the things that we LOVE, are the things that WE WANT to do and not the things that WE HAVE to do. That’s what i’m doing for the rest of the next few days. So  let me remind you, today… is a GREAT DAY to be alive! (Or maybe just for Me and not so much for you. Hahaha. What? I’m joking. FFS! 😉 )

Okay, yesterday was SO busy and it kinda fucked me off because it felt stressful and I hate things that are stressy. I’m a glamour puss, i’m dynamic and fast. Yet, I’m appreciative, calm and loving when it comes to approaching situations of busy. It’s not that i’m good at keeping my cool. I’m open. I’m just really good at rising above the stress and glowing from a humorous or positive kitty tower , no matter what. I find life easy. I find being happy easy. It’s never ever really been too tough for me at all. So i find *grumps,* people who sweat the small stuff, or people who can’t figure out how to be appreciative…Stupid. REALLY FUCKING STUPID. (Alongside bad manners, crossing busy roads, running out of contact lenses, sausage dogs, knives and Grandad jokes, that seem to last forever.)

Today is BLISS and will be BLISS LIKE all the way through until Monday! Hurrah! *She cracks open the Lambrini.* 🙂

(Sorry, i’ve got distracted. One of my chick besties ‘Double B’ has been going through such emergency drama. I’ve been sat opposite her for the past weeks, watching it all swirl madly with no focus, but with DEADLINES. She’s just send me a Snapchat, with a giant envelope resting on her tanned knees, with words on it in blue biro that have made me SIGH WITH RELIEF! Thank GOD! She’s on her way to her happy ending! ALMOST. There’s two hours spare and i’m keeping my nipple tassels crossed for her. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN in TWO HOURS in Double B’s world! This is like some glamourous Matrix mission. I need gin.) 

What else? I’ve got blog award promo today. I’ve caught up on my Steve Bartlett Vlogs and I’ve just watched last nights Laker’s Game. I grew up in LA, so i’m a MASSIVE LAKERS FAN. But they keep getting thrapped! The ‘old school’ Lakers games, with a bit of Shaq and Kobe, were THE BEST! I remember going to the games and watching them all. Infact boys used to always do the ‘Shall we go to the Lakers game tonight’ as a date tool in LA. And also one night, when i was in some club? Was it Bliss? Anyway, just in West Hollywood.

I was in this tiny yellow dress, with my friends…this was the night that I saw Leonardo Di Carpio with a gaggle of hot blonds at his table sipping vodka mixers and Owen Wilson tootling around like a successful yet ‘lonely soldier’ looking to score exotic chicks only. Lol. (It was an ‘in joke’ in LA.) It was also the evening that a *hip hop* gangsta dwarf asked me out (he was presented to me like a prize) and the night that I was drinking with my friends after a day of auditions, watching a young Jesse McCartney being forced out of the club in a grey hoodie for being too young and I got *summoned* by a being, who walked up to my table…

‘Someone that wants to meet you..’

So Me, being Me…off I tottered with a Malibu Pineapple in my hand and curiousity in my eye. This guy walked me to some other table across the club and as I peered around the corner it was Phil Jackson, who owned the Lakers. Now, remember I am a MASSIVE LAKERS FAN. So, this was a big deal…yet I had a ‘nice to meet you’ drink and then tottered back to my friends. He was lovely and sweet…but you know what guys are like…I’m sure in that moment, in that club, he didn’t want to meet me to just say ‘hi’ and I don’t get down like that…

God! That trekked my mind RIGHT BACK. I definitely need a gin now.

BUT YES, REGARDLESS…

Today is a great day to be alive.


 

 

 

 

 

We Made It to Wednesday…..

I had to ‘write off’ Monday. It was hilarious. Let’s just say that Sunday afternoon in Leeds was filled with really sunny afternoon gin and tonics. Doubles. I had a blast as I met up with Lil’ Miss Laura Bartlett, who owns House of Coco Magazine…but i’ll tell you about that later, when i’ve pulled my glitzy self together…as so much fun went on… but yes…I found myself the next morning, feeling ROUGH, sat in a warm roomed meeting, propped up against a door and a wall….trying to strain my eyes open…and every time I closed them DURING the meeting Lol…I’d sort of *SHOCK* myself up and my fave chick ‘Firmonnell’ would be directly in my eye line PISSING HERSELF LAUGHING. (Oh Tuesday, I got my own back, as I watched both Firmonnell & Hustle Barbie do their *yawny* versions of life through the first meeting of the day.)

Double B: ‘Wow! You look like shit. I know whenever you feel rough cos your eyelashes go really tiny…’

Me: ‘Yeh. I’m just gonna have to get through the day… I don’t know how i’m gonna get through the day…?’

But FUCK IT…I DID! I did it! I’m a trooper and i’m not one to let the side down. I picked my sassy little self up, embraced the utter feeling of shitness. I made sure everyone new my state of existence…and without a clue, I muscled through..with a lucozade and really sore eyes. The fact is…I DID IT. Call me Lazy? Call me ‘BOSSING IT’ dolls.

As soon as I got home, I slow motion toppled into a warm bubble bath and went straight to bed, in a happy, naked, mist of bliss.

I’ve needed to rest, hence why I haven’t been able to blog. Yet, I’m feeling much better now. I kinda just need a massage and  bra that doesn’t seem to kill. That’s make me happy. Nothing is worse than a knackered girl, as it takes our ‘glam’ away from us. That’s why rest and recuperation is vital to any glamour pusses schedule. 🙂 I’m still in my pj’s, but i’ve put on a set of  heels anyway, simply to feel feminine again and because flats make you feel awkward. Comfy. But frumpy. Hahah! (I’ll grow up some day. Honest! Can we do Prosecco for breakfast?)

Tuesday…all about work. My chick friends and I have JUST BEEN WORKING. It’s been a head down and hustle, through the bustle. There’s not even ups or downs…just stress and work. Lol. I mean, we didn’t get to banter about much else, but work…Other than the fact that ‘Hustle Barbie’ got called a slut when she was in a black sophisticated trouser suit (lol), after returning from Poland where she trapped herself in a creepy house that she found on the internet with friends, for kicks. It was pitch black…part of the wonderful ‘things you can do here…’ rosta, and she got chased around a scary house, by a guy in a wheelchair, who stood up and ran at her with a chainsaw.

‘Chrissie! I was so scared that I even fell over in the pitch black and ended up having to grab some Polish boys balls to heave myself back up in fear.’

Fuck ‘Hustle Barbie’s’ fear. That Polish boy had the best time ever.

She’s such a slut. 🙂

On the up…Fairytale Blond is moving into her new home, with her new man, with ‘getting the keys and everything‘ on Thursday. Awww! I’m sure Fairytale babies will be made, behind their Fairytale white picket fence and she can’t wait. She has butterflies. Mel and I have instructed her to have sex on every counter and corner of the home. She should probably borrow Firmonnell’s sex step. Saying that…they’re all on diets now, so they’re gonna need all the steps the can get. Mel’s diet is great. She’ll eat anything she wants and then say..

‘What? I’ve brought melon…it’s fine…It counteracts it.’

Double B is also en route to her new home. She is awaiting the go ahead on ‘here’s your keys‘ and when she gets them…she will have a sassy CRY and simply because unlike ‘Fairytales’ her journey has been very stressy….very dramatic…and very Double B’y. Yet their journey to getting the same thing has been UTTERLY DIFFERENT…However, what matters is that the BOTH got to the finish line with the winning result that they wanted. It doesn’t matter how you get there…Just get there. If the roads bumpy..strap in and embrace it. If it’s smooth…*Glide Baby, Glide.*

But then that just leaves me…

I have the biggest rest of April ahead of me, as I head into investment, the beginning of the Vlog and with a final glamourous clatter to the month at the UK Blog Awards, which is on the 21st. I’d say i’m on my promo for that..yet when they’ve already chosen the winner…you don’t really need to promo too much? However, i’m excited and honoured. Can’t wait to be there! I couldn’t be more grateful.

I also have a meeting early in the afternoon on the day of the blog awards with Jack Parsons, who owns Yourfeed UK. I’m looking forward to meeting him, as again, he’s done very well for himself and his company. I’m happy that he requested to see me…and well tottering through his offices seems like it would be a blast.

However, let me tell you I AM IN A SWIRL. GOD! This is the biggest SWIRL I have ever experienced in my ENTIRE time on this little disco Earth ball. This guy is making me feel like i’m on top of  the TOP of the WORLD. Through the busy days, the resting, the work load, the stress, the good times..the everything…he just has this ability to make me *beam* from ear to ear and have my little kitty soul light up with laughter, excitement but a peaceful happiness. He’s my perfect! I can’ t help but adore him. How could I not?

Yet, there’s something about this ‘swirl’ as it’s not just any swirl…it’s a solid swirl. It’s a secure, solid swirl. There’s a stability to it. I feels good. No. It feels great. This guy…and this is after actually us getting to know one another…is my dream man.

Right now…I feel like a very lucky girl…

 

 

 

 

But where will it land? ;)

Friday was AWESOME. I had the busiest week of business work this, business work that…There were make ups, break ups, good news, the end of struggles, winners, losers and re *pop ins* by our favourite ‘Gingerbell.’ I actually began Friday by sending ‘my swirl’  a morning message, which produced a reply that made my eyes smile…(HE IS AMAZING)…then as I was wondering around with a glammy skip in my step and a glint in my eye, I sort of bounced into  ‘Double D’ doing a cry, because his girlfriend whopped out the..

‘…we’re just going in different directions’ line. 🙁

I hugged him…and then made him make everyone a brew. Lol. (I’m shit like that. 🙂 )

Me: ‘Have you texted her and talked to her about it all? She could change her mind?’

Firmonnell: ‘Don’t text her. It’s good that you leave it, so she has chance to miss you.’

Yet away from that..it was really great to see the end of Friday approaching and simply *WHACK* on the radio, sing a long to some old school tunes and indulge in Wunna Land GIRL BANTER, with my favourite chick sidekicks, in all of the land.

I always tell you, that we’re all glamourous, all sassy, all DIFFERENT, all ages, yet we all seem to have the same DISTURBING sense of humour. I love a laugh. I am a laugh and when it all turns inappropriate with a…

‘You’re not gonna let him actually CUM IN you, are ya!!!’

We all armed up, got our giggle heels on and WENT FOR IT…and when we go for it…WE ARE AWFUL…because only WE FIND IT FUNNY…

(If you’re about to head to Church…I apologize for the rest of this blog…’)

Me: ‘Boys just don’t CUM IN YOU, you idiot. They’re more cautious these days…They don’t do it, unless they want to make a baby…’

‘They might assume you’re on something when you’re not and just go for it.’

(Dipper randomly walks down and finds himself thrown into our conversation….and with a…

‘The banter down here is AMAZING. I might need to drill a hole through my floor to see and hear you all! But yeah, it’s really hard to not CUM in a girl when you’re in the moment.’

Me: ‘Drill a hole in your floor. HAHAHA! That’s the perviest thing ever! As IF you want a perv cam, so you an just hear about us talk about sex…’

Gingerbell: ‘So what’s going on with you Chrissie? You’ve always got news…I’ve been really boring and sensible…I went to the Doctors and he asked if I was pregnant. Lol. A FUCKING CHANCE WOULD BE A FINE THING…lol.’

Dipper: ‘Yeah, I wanna hear it…I’m married I never get any…Lol.’

Fairytale Blond, *BLUSH/BLUSH/BLUSH*

Double B: ‘I DID TELL HIM THAT I WILL SUCK A DICK IF HE GETS ME MY…’

Firmonnell: ‘Ooh i’m excited! I have date night tonight! AND every week now I come onto Big D…’

(I love Firmonnell for that, as Big D…who is her husbands… expressed how it’d be nice for HER to ‘sass’ on up to HIM once in a while, instead of him coming on to her…She listened…she smiled…and every week she now hits forwardly on her man, without him initiating the ‘ooh’ and they get busy…the good old fashioned way. 😉  THAT IS HOT!)

Fairytale Blond then read a not so expressive text…and simply replied with an ..

‘ok.’

Hahahaha!

Then and because it was FRIDAY we took it upon ourselves to play a game. Previous games we’ve played have been called, ‘Bitch or Booked?’

Friday’s game was called…

‘Where will it LAND?’

Oh my LORD, the funniest time we have had in ages…We were literally crying in stitches, as we all decided to place bets on where any cum will land on a being who was about to have sex! DYING.

Me: Tits! £3 on Tits.

Gingerbell: £3 on tummy

Fairytale Blond *BLUSH*

Double B: Belly button There’s nothing like a belly button cum shot.’

People even WHATSAPPED IN with bets, as banter got that stupid! Lol

Mel: ‘FACE’

Prince Jonny: ‘Hair.’

Double D: My life savings on ALL IN.

Me: You don’t have any life savings????’

I mean who needs the fucking Grand National! Where will it land? A much better wager. Lol.

Then Gingerbell, who i’ve missed goes out of her way to mention that she would probably DO ANYTHING for £25,000, if it wasn’t Illegal. So we obviously got distracted and started giving her options…(Gingers are saucy.)

‘Would yooooooou….Take two…………..’

‘Would yooooooou……’

(Ill let you fill in the blanks. 🙂 We were far too disturbing on all sorts levels. It got so bad, we had to stop playing.But on the up, we obviously have very vivid imaginations. Hahah! It’s a plus. Honest!)

Double B, then decided to inform me that there’s some middle aged lady who can’t stop orgasming ALL OF THE TIME, because it’s an illness.

‘No, like literally…just can’t stop orgasming. I don’t mean needs sex all the time. I mean, she’ll be at the shop and just randomly start orgasming. Lol’

Then I enlightened the bunch by sharing my ‘no cum in mouth’ blowjob technique.

Double B: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

‘Me: ‘It’s the anticipation that terrifies me…I’m gonna cum….i’m gonna cum….i’m gonnna…*&$*”*’

Gingerbell: ‘It’s at the point where you just need to gulp! Don’t think. Just gulp.’

Me: Lol. Don’t be silly. I do that sly wanky off/ sucky thing, when they’ve ‘merried’ in our mouth, yet you sneakily let it run out the side of your mouth, without them noticing and pretend you’ve swallowed it. LOL.

That was Friday.

Today…I have lunch and cocktails.

I have THE BEST CHICK FRIENDS EVER. I mean, sometimes you just need a giggle, a banter, a bit of free chat in the name of utter humour, in order to keep you all ALIVE. It keeps you from going stale. Keeps the air around you juicy. AND makes you feel like you’re living instead of simply JUST existing.

The best thing about that banter…wasn’t the fact that we were being mucky for kicks…it was the LAUGHTER, the happiness, the magic, the atmosphere, the energy, the hilarity and the smiles on our faces as we threw our heads back in absolute fits of GIGGLES.

I have GREAT CHICK FRIENDS.