Today we really wanted to win the lottery. We REALLY wanted to win it! Oh, and when I say ‘we.’ I’m meaning ‘Bev’ and I. I’ve worked with Bev for quite a long time and almost instantly we became great friends. We’re similar, we just get on really well. She’s older but sexy… (and most importantly) we share the SAME SENSE OF HUMOUR. There is nothing that Bev does not GET about me. She completely understands me and never ever judges me. She’s not weird, she’s always cool. But today, after swearing and a randy bit of bacon…we wanted to win the lottery. We were leaving the ‘mundane’ to live the fantasy of ‘being a beach bum’ and a ‘glamour puss.’ She felt old. I was on my long work stint, which kinda makes me exhausted. (I need fun inbetween hard work always…or wine.) And today we were sure that life was worth living and FOR living and that we were really lucky to be where we were in life, as we have our perspective of it down, yet GOD, it’d be better if we won the lottery. Today we decided that we wouldn’t work if we won the lottery. (Well I said, i’d just do the things i love, like my beauty line…and Wunna land…as i’m just a being that needs to make my mark and not leave this world not a legend. Lol. Even if i’m only a tiny legend. And when i say ‘legend,’ I mean to MYSELF. I have my own goals ticking over in my head and i am always hardest on MYSELF. Yet i’m not too hard, as i’m naturally soft and slack.)
It was a good day as we were happy. We shared moments. We shared dreams. We talked love, life and boys. And well she said that the best thing about me, away from the ‘ooh laa’ of being Wunna, was just the simple fact that I was weirdly a really good person. Lol. (I enjoy ‘weirdly.’) But y’see, along with being a good person and only a good person will get this…is the simple fact that, at times or most of the time you end up putting others and the world of others, the wishes of others, the happiness of others…before you place yourself as ‘number 1.’
That’s okay, but it’s not neccessarily a good thing, as the bad folk will jump on that, sniff it out and use the hell out of you. (And i’ve had that loads.) However, it has never ever made me quit being generous..as it’s just against my nature. I like to see people happy. I like to make people happy. Hence, why i’m excited by entertainment, good people and making life worth it, for as many people as i can.
But today we really wanted to win the lottery. (Bev wanted to open her own cafe, as we tinkered through ‘dream land’ this afternoon,. However, she said, it’d be rubbish if we both worked in it, as nothing would get done for simple reasons like ‘it’s sunny.’ So even in her daydream..she shut it…turned the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’ LOL…and went with just having millions.)
Lots is happening to me right now. This week has been quite a long one and i’m feeling a little over worked. Yet, i only have six more shifts and ten more days before i’m relaxing and open air hot tubbing in the luxury forest cabin with my babies. I’m really looking forward to normal family life and doing the things i never get to do, like lay in, breathe in fresh air, cook three meals a day for the family, and bubble over with champagne in my private hot tub. I’m feeling positive and looking on the bright side. I have one more day of work and then it is MY WEEKEND OFF TO PLAY! (Even though no one wants to do anything with me. ) *Rolls eyes.*
The lash line is going fantastically right now, as it reaches the hands of glamour pusses around the world, normal chicks, friends, lovers, fighters and women across the lands. They are decorating the eyes of the ‘Geordie Shore’ ladies and sponsoring award ceremonies like ‘The Screen Nations.’ It’s going really well and to the point where I can now release a second line to compliment the first, so I am later this year, where this time my lash styles will be named after my favourite British Boys. (I’ll even be running a competition, where you’ll get to win lots of stuff, to have one of the lash styles named after ‘YOU.’ Meaning boys, or girls who have yummy husbands, or boyfriends, can nominate their bit of boy to become one of my lash styles..and along with prizes, they will get to photoshoot for the line with me and become one of the faces of ‘Chrissie Wunna lashes.’)
It’s actually taking off really well and I can’t believe it at all, but i’ve worked hard and i’ve been lucky, which isn’t a bad combo, when it comes to success. My friend Jane used to always say that i referred to my successes as happening ‘by accident’ which apparently to her was the biggest load of bullshit ever, as to her, i was the hardest working girl she had ever known, you always did it with a smile and a giggle.
I’ll feel under pressure at times, and i’ll hide it. But i know that feeling under pressure doesn’t help anything and that everything always ends up right in the end, if you focus. In fact, putting yourself under pressure can seriously fuck you up. You make bad choices at bad times. Instead of great choices, with a sound mind. ( I mean , look what happened to Keiran when he lost his mind. Only now, 2 years later, he sort of regrets it all and realises what he lost, but in a way knowing that gave me peace in my heart and only because i knew that what i had said years ago was RIGHT. Yes, it’s too late and yes he put me through a lot of stress. But i came out the other end smiling and WITHOUT HIM.)
I mean my 2014 was the worst year i had ever gone through in my life, but i sort of surfed it like a champion, got it down the way i needed it to and got my life sorted. I never felt sooo sorry for myself that i gave in. I knew what i needed to do and did it. I worked almost every hour at a day job, two full times jobs at one point, I moved, I created and started my own business, that i plunged money into, I raised two babies as a single mum, all on my own..and worked hard enough to get the first one into private school…all by myself! And this all happened in ONE YEAR and it happened because i had two options, I could’ve either drank myself into a sniffly mess, or i could just make everything work for me. Ruby and Junior steered my decision making…and before you know it *boom.* I did it. That’s why i’ll hardly ever say but i hate it when people ‘hate’ on me and palm me off as some loser, gold digging, boobied, no substance floozy. I have worked my fucking ARSE OFF. I’ve laughed through it, i’ve cried through it, i’ve not listened to the back chat and focussed on what matters. I’ve been honest. I’ve held my head high. I changed everything and surrounded myself around great people. In my mind…I’m a fucking hero. Lol. So nothing is more annoying to me than the ‘tapper.. with tits,’ if they’re lucky.
But y’know, being some kind of ‘hero’ and being able to be Miss.Independent, hasn’t neccesarily worked in my favour with boys…It either makes them feel threatened, or makes them feel like they can’t take care of me, the way they maybe would wish too and they ‘hit’ panic button, with a great ‘Awooga’ and go running off into the distance, because in their head i’ll obviously dash off with some other ‘more worthy’ human being, which actually would never happen? Odd isn’t it? But such behaviour occurs ALL THE TIME. I mean, whats the point in me working hard and building a future to not even have it celebrated as a couple, right? Yet, you hear about men moaning about having to pay for lazy chicks all the time. Yet maybe they secretly like it, as it subconsciously makes them feel like a man. It makes them feel powerful, gives them a sense of control and sort of stamps their ‘man role’ out in big black ink.
With me, it’s really different..as they saunter blindly into Wunna land and Wunna land is bouji. Yet, a bit of bouji Wunna land is all sorted out by Wunna, who is moi. Don’t get me wrong, I get treated a lot…A LOT and i’m every bit The Princess, that i think all girls should be…yet i’m not someone who doesn’t hold her own and men SHOULD fine that attractive. But in the long run… they don’t, as it changes the dynamic of a normal relationship.
I’m tired, I’m with the babies. I have a late night conference call with America, about my lash line…then i’m having a massive wine. In fact, i’ll have a massive wine whilst doing the conference call. Fuck it, i’m bouji.
I have one more day of work, then i am FINALLY ON MY WEEKEND. I thought i had Friday day off, but i don’t. Yet at five o clock TOMORROW, after a hard days work, i’m FREEEE!
I feel as though i have this awesome future ahead of me and when i feel like this, it makes me feel powerful.